I don't know what to do with this empty feeling

[tutters]

A week ago tomorrow, my 16 year old Jake had to be put to sleep. I've been back at work since last Thursday. My younger dog, Kiri, and I are getting along ok, I guess, but I just am left with that awful empty feeling now. I put up a memorial at Rainbows Bridge and posted to this list, but now there's just emptiness. And second-guessing. I get angry at work over nothing, but try to contain it. I don't know what to do.
The vet called this morning to tell me Jake's ashes are ready to be picked up. I can't get there until Saturday, and I'm afraid my heart is going to break again then.

[rubymoon2072]

You have to try and wrap your mind around you did the right thing. He is at peace and he would not want you in so much pain. I'm so sorry I wish we could make it better with words....but only time will really help your heal some......

[horsnaround]

It is so hard but time does help. Sending hugs

[kjc]

I'm so sorry... been through it recently myself. Even if things had been done differently, that's no guarantee that the outcome wouldn't be the same. It was his time, and your decision to help him to the Bridge was the kindest, most caring, loving choice that can ever be made for an aging, ill pup. Accept that he is in a truly better Place, and he is now your very own little Angel watching over you and Kiri, always. He'll be there waiting for you both when the time comes, and you'll spend Eternity together again, forever. Hugs, Kathy

[Yorkiemom1]

Originally Posted by kjc

I'm so sorry... been through it recently myself. Even if things had been done differently, that's no guarantee that the outcome wouldn't be the same. It was his time, and your decision to help him to the Bridge was the kindest, most caring, loving choice that can ever be made for an aging, ill pup. Accept that he is in a truly better Place, and he is now your very own little Angel watching over you and Kiri, always. He'll be there waiting for you both when the time comes, and you'll spend Eternity together again, forever. Hugs, Kathy

It is such a heartache, such a void, such a pain....and it is impossible to imagine tht all this misery you are experiencing right now, will ever get better....but it will....the memory of precious little Jake will never go away, but the raw jagged edges of this pain you are feeling will soften and become less brutal....less breath taking.....hang in there, we are all sending strength and courage and the power of prayer to you.....

[107barney]

Sandy, as my dogs age and approach 14, I think about this a lot and how much pain I will undoubtedly feel when they are gone. I don't have any magic words for you. It's so clear that Jake was very loved and you'll miss him forever. Hugs.

[lynzy420]

I'm so sorry, and things take awhile, its a long period. You will wake up one day and things will seem different...and the empty space will be replaced with happy memories. Don't second guess yourself, your pup had a beautiful life and you did everything in the world you could for your pup...you did a beautiful job...

[dawn27]

I am so sorry for your loss and I completely understand that empty feeling. It helps to know that there is no more pain an suffering that your baby is at peace now. Just that alone helps mask the pain that you are feeling right now. I can tell you that with time it does get better. With each passing day the heartache subsides and the joyful memories replace the sad ones, which still bring on the tears but instead of sad crying they are those of missing your baby boy and remembering the good ones.

[yorkiefan_]

I wish I could say that empty feeling would just go away soon, but it won't. It's going to take time. It still makes me feel sick that I had to do the same with Minnie when her kidney failure was killing her, because she was the most important thing in the world to me. The sadness will probably always be there a bit, but over time the happiness my pup brought me tends to mostly dominate the sadness of losing her. I eventually moved on and got Cookie, who is the apple of my eye and brings me so much happiness. But I keep Minnie's picture there in my avatar so I can still see her every day.

[tutters]

Thanks to all. Your posts and thoughts and support help so much. A week ago this morning was when Jake went to Rainbows Bridge. We were just getting ready to get in the car. I can't get the vivid pictures out of my mind. It was about 10:15 that the doctor euthanized him. I want to be with him.

[Susan78]

Oh how I understand what you are going through.That empty feeling is the worse thing to go through.Try to think of the happy times you had with your baby.I just lost my eclectus parrot of 27 years on March 5 and I get mad at myself with the what if I did this.The hard part was the vet did not listen to my concerns and I think he held her too tight.She died right there but I try to think of the happy days I had with her.Hope you feel better and hugs to you take a day at a time.Susan

[yorkietalkjilly]

I know it won't help you for right now but what you are feeling is normal and eventually subsides. Nothing really helps grief but the passing of time. Sadly, there are no short cuts or quick fixes to healing other than the things you are already doing - talking about what happened as much as you feel the need, expressing your emotions and pain and taking some steps to properly memorialize our loved one and returning to your routine activities, as hard as that is at first. Some people even go to psychologists or support groups to talk their grief out and seek human understanding of what is happening. But your intense feelings will grow less painful and in time, good memories will begin to flood out the bad things that are pretty constant now. After a while, somehow our bodies and minds cannot tolerate the sadness and pain anymore and begin to push us into a better frame of mind, more activity and you want to feel better again and hope returns. It's a survival technique we've been born with and it's how people keep on going and moving forward despite all the tragedies we cope with in our lives throughout the generations. It's not much help now, but it slowly gets better and your desire to smile will come back one day.

[tutters]

It breaks my heart to read about the sadness others have been through. Susan, I'm so sorry about your parrot. I think the vet made a mistake with Jake the day before he died, but it was in good faith and making anything out of it beyond my calling and discussing it last night won't do any good.
And now my best friend tells me she is having spotting, so I have to wait until she gets a doctor appointment, goes and then gets results. I am so terrified I am going to lose her too. There is just no happiness now, no let up. I wish I were with my Jake and out of all this.

[yorkiefan_]

Originally Posted by tutters

It breaks my heart to read about the sadness others have been through. Susan, I'm so sorry about your parrot. I think the vet made a mistake with Jake the day before he died, but it was in good faith and making anything out of it beyond my calling and discussing it last night won't do any good.
And now my best friend tells me she is having spotting, so I have to wait until she gets a doctor appointment, goes and then gets results. I am so terrified I am going to lose her too. There is just no happiness now, no let up. I wish I were with my Jake and out of all this.

Sandy, I can understand the hurt; I mean I was just shattered when Minnie died. And then a few weeks later I came an inch from losing an aunt I love very much way too young**.

But every one of us is born with a death sentence. As scary as it is to see someone I love making that journey, as scary as it is that I will too one day, I always think of it this way: I will die because I'm one of the lucky ones, and the same for everyone I have ever loved. The sheer improbability of any of us ever even being born is just staggering. I mean millions of sperm cells and somehow the one that was me is the single one of those millions that survived the night I was conceived. It makes me feel like the biggest winner no matter what is happening in my life, good or bad. So much better than any winning lottery ticket could ever be. So as much as life can really kick you when you're down, I always have to think about the big picture.

Chris



** (she ended up making the most miraculous recovery I have ever seen, against the worst odds I have ever heard a doctor give)

[Susan78]

Originally Posted by tutters

It breaks my heart to read about the sadness others have been through. Susan, I'm so sorry about your parrot. I think the vet made a mistake with Jake the day before he died, but it was in good faith and making anything out of it beyond my calling and discussing it last night won't do any good.
And now my best friend tells me she is having spotting, so I have to wait until she gets a doctor appointment, goes and then gets results. I am so terrified I am going to lose her too. There is just no happiness now, no let up. I wish I were with my Jake and out of all this.

Sandy the hardest thing for me is bringing my parrot Lulu home in a box which her ashes are in.I feel so bad we are down south now heading back to Minnesota.Her cage is in the back seat of the truck which is hard to look at.I know I can get through this.When I lost my dear Keally my other yorkie I felt like dying.I met a wonderful lady Deb Sillers and bought another yorkie.Her name is Kinder and she is an angel from God.There is a light on the end of the tunnel and I know one day we will be reunited with our loved ones.It takes a long time to heal our hearts but we will always have wonderful memories.Remember Jake wants you to be happy again and he knew you were very good to him.Hope things get better each day and sending you a hug from me and Kinder.Susan