Is it just me or is this a little crazy!

[Emmsmom]

Some of you may remember me talking about my grandmother and how she is set in her ways... Well.. The other day a friend of her husband had a family member pass away. This friends lives about 2 or 3 blocks away from them. Instead of them both walking down to see the friend they took turns because they didn't want to leave the dog at home alone. They were only gone for about an hour! There have been events that I woud have liked for her to come to but I never ask her becuase she won't leave the dog at home. She takes him EVERYWHERE! If she has to go grocery shopping they both go and he will sit outside while she goes in and gets what she wants. Then she will come out and sit while her husband goes in and gets what he wants. Mind you the store is only about 7 blocks away. She was never this way with her last dog. She would take him all over BUT when she had things to do he stayed at home. I just can't understand this kind of thing. Doesn't make much sense to me to be honest. I love Diesel to death but when I have things to do then he needs to wait at home...

Anyway is it jsut me or does this seem a bit much?

[FlDebra]

Everyone needs a purpose. Perhaps with careers retired, children all raised, they have decided their pet is their purpose. Sure, maybe they are carrying it overboard. But they feel they are needed, they love the dog, the dog probably loves all the extra attention and who is it really hurting? Inconveniencing yes, but hurting? No.

[Emmsmom]

Thats just it.. It is hurting people around her to a point. Well in a round about way. There are events that some would love her to come to(my daughter ,her great grandchild) but she won't becuase she won't leave the dog at home or even with her vet. I can understand that it gives her a purpose but in the meantime she is missing out too. My daughter is a competitve cheerlader. There have many competitions that she has missed becuase she can't bring the dog. We also can't go out to eat becuause she won't leave him at home. I know I will never get her to change and I don't intend on trying... Just kinda upsets me that she misses so much.

[chattiesmom]

Here are my thoughts:

People who are older and have had a lot of thier friends and family (including furfriends and furfamily) die before them sometimes become fearful of "losing" those they love. Our subsconscious mind works in strange ways -- it could be that their subsconscious mind is telling them that if they leave their little guy that they will lose him.

[chattiesmom]

Originally Posted by Emmsmom

Thats just it.. It is hurting people around her to a point. Well in a round about way. There are events that some would love her to come to(my daughter ,her great grandchild) but she won't becuase she won't leave the dog at home or even with her vet. I can understand that it gives her a purpose but in the meantime she is missing out too. My daughter is a competitve cheerlader. There have many competitions that she has missed becuase she can't bring the dog. We also can't go out to eat becuause she won't leave him at home. I know I will never get her to change and I don't intend on trying... Just kinda upsets me that she misses so much.

It sounds like you are really hurting -- for that I am very sorry. I was never close to any of my grandparents -- oh how I would have loved to have had them part of my life. But... perhaps she is happy where she is in life, doing what she is doing, living how she is living. Try to include her by taking videos of your daughter and sharing them with her and visiting her often. Invite her to go with you when the furkid can go too... maybe just maybe in time you can ease her into going other places too.

[JESSY_RN2B]

Originally Posted by chattiesmom

Here are my thoughts:

People who are older and have had a lot of thier friends and family (including furfriends and furfamily) die before them sometimes become fearful of "losing" those they love. Our subsconscious mind works in strange ways -- it could be that their subsconscious mind is telling them that if they leave their little guy that they will lose him.

I agree with chattiesmom

I read that in my Life Span and Development class too. It's in one of Freud's stages

[winnismom]

I can see how frustrated you are with this situation...and I don't blame you. You can't force her to come to anything. She's made her choice to stay home with the dog for whatever reason. You'll probably never know the reason. Just resign yourself to the fact that it won't happen. I would continue to ask her because you're doing the right thing by trying to include her. Try not to shut her out even though it must be frustrating. You might even be surprised..one day she might even take you up on your offer to do something..but until then keep asking and try to have patience. Sending you all my left over patience because I have so much of it!! LOL!

[teffiemoore]

I can relate very well to what you are saying. My Mother has had a chihahua for 6 years, and this was during the time my kids were teen-agers. They are all grown and gone now. However my Mother missed many many of the events of their lives, baseball games, graduations ect. She didn't want to leave her dog for anything. I have come to the acceptance that this fills something in her life that obviously none of us can fill. Continue to try and invite her and keep her updated on what is going on in your lives, she still cares, but this is her security right now for some reason. Its not easy, I know.

[Emmsmom]

We always send lot of pictures. I would show her the videos but we live about 3 hours away and she doesn't have anything to play them on even if we mailed them. She is 78 sooo I guess this isn't really that shocking.I guess it bothers me more because she was more like my mother than my own mother.

I can certainly understand everything that you all have mentioned and suggested. It makes perfect sense. Just doesn't mean i have to like it. I certainly don't intend on even trying to get her to change her mind. At her age I just let it go. Thanks for understanding.

[pepe mint]

Originally Posted by FlDebra

Everyone needs a purpose. Perhaps with careers retired, children all raised, they have decided their pet is their purpose. Sure, maybe they are carrying it overboard. But they feel they are needed, they love the dog, the dog probably loves all the extra attention and who is it really hurting? Inconveniencing yes, but hurting? No.

I have to agree with this. very well said!

[pepe mint]

Originally Posted by chattiesmom

Here are my thoughts:

People who are older and have had a lot of thier friends and family (including furfriends and furfamily) die before them sometimes become fearful of "losing" those they love. Our subsconscious mind works in strange ways -- it could be that their subsconscious mind is telling them that if they leave their little guy that they will lose him.

again..I agree

[Nancy1999]

"Is it just me or is this a little crazy!"

One of the great things about growing older is that you are not crazy when you do something, merely eccentric. When I was younger, I would never have even chosen a Yorkshire Terrier because of their needs. At this point, I now have the time to devote to Joey's grooming, exercise, training, and attention needs. He's a family member and probably the last pet, I will ever have. I don't have to worry about how he will turn out. If he will be a good and productive member of society, if he will find a good mate, if he will be a good parent, if he will find a job he enjoys, and if he'll be happy. There are so many worries when raising a child that sometimes you are looking at the future results more than enjoying today. With Joey it's different. I only think about today, tomorrow doesn't matter; I want to be with him as much as possible.

By the way, I think your mother is setting a fine example for you. There has to be a point in everyone's life that says, I don't care what you think, I'm gonna do what I want!

Nancy

[Emmsmom]

Originally Posted by Nancy1999

"Is it just me or is this a little crazy!"

One of the great things about growing older is that you are not crazy when you do something, merely eccentric. When I was younger, I would never have even chosen a Yorkshire Terrier because of their needs. At this point, I now have the time to devote to Joey's grooming, exercise, training, and attention needs. He's a family member and probably the last pet, I will ever have. I don't have to worry about how he will turn out. If he will be a good and productive member of society, if he will find a good mate, if he will be a good parent, if he will find a job he enjoys, and if he'll be happy. There are so many worries when raising a child that sometimes you are looking at the future results more than enjoying today. With Joey it's different. I only think about today, tomorrow doesn't matter; I want to be with him as much as possible.

By the way, I think your mother is setting a fine example for you. There has to be a point in everyone's life that says, I don't care what you think, I'm gonna do what I want!

Nancy

That is all fine and dandy but there comes a time when it is way to much. My grandmother has always been this way. She doesn't care what others think.. Never has. I don't agree that this is setting a good example by any means. Explain to a 9 year old child how missing events in her life is setting a good example. I love my grandmother dearly and I understand her age has a lot to do with it. For this reason I alone I let it go and don't push the issue.

[teffiemoore]

Originally Posted by Emmsmom

That is all fine and dandy but there comes a time when it is way to much. My grandmother has always been this way. She doesn't care what others think.. Never has. I don't agree that this is setting a good example by any means. Explain to a 9 year old child how missing events in her life is setting a good example. I love my grandmother dearly and I understand her age has a lot to do with it. For this reason I alone I let it go and don't push the issue.

My Mother too has this personality of not caring what others think, even HER Grandchildren. My kids could not comprehend either why she would choose sitting at home with the dog verses coming to see an event that they were so proud of, and just to see them period. I don't think this is a good example either and it hurt my children alot. To this day they don't have a relationship with her, and its due to her not being concerned about having one with them at the years one should develop. We did invite her to everything! Sent pictures, newspaper clippings ect. I know these fur companions are to be cherished, I have two and they are very important to me, but I know when the time comes for me to have Grandchildren, my Grandchildrens hopes, dreams and needs will come first, even if it means I need to leave my furkids at home or in the care of someone else.I am sorry for what you are going through. Its hurt and disappointment more than anything. We want our parents and grandparents to love and cherish our children, because its a way of loving us too. Sometimes our expectations and needs are crushed by the very ppl we love the most.

[Nancy1999]

I'm sorry your mothers' have neglected your children, but this probably would have happened even if they didn't have a dog.

Nancy