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Old 10-04-2012, 09:42 AM   #1
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Cry I don't think my pup likes me....a confession

Sigh...

Rigby is my second yorkie and we brought him home on 9/9 (12wks old). We lost our Gizmo back in August and my husband and I were heart broken. We knew pretty much right away that our home was not complete without a dog and we brought Rigby into our home.

Now I know that every dog is different but this is breaking my heart. Gizmo was my buddy. He loved both my husband and I but I think he preferred me just a little. When I sat on the couch, Giz was glued to my side or sat wrapped around my neck. He knew when I was sick from chemo (I have cancer) and loved on me all the time. He would sit outside the shower on my clothes waiting for me to get out. My husband and I doted on him and he had a happy, loving home and a wonderful life.

This puppy barely notices that I exist. From the day we came home from the breeder, he has been at my husband's side only. DH and I share in all the puppy upbringing. We both feed him, give him treats, work on obedience and potty training and we all three take walks together. Dog only has eyes for my husband.

For example, my husband just left for a doctor's appointment. Rigby whined after he left. I tried engaging him play or sitting with me but he wouldn't have it. He is right now in the family room which has the garage entrance and is cuddled up on a pair of DH's shoes.

Gizmo would never have done this. He would have happily hung out with me or napped until DH came home.

Am I doing something wrong? Will it always be this way? I am going to have to get another dog? I hate feeling this way...
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Old 10-04-2012, 09:56 AM   #2
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I don't have any advice but just wanted to give you a big hug.
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Old 10-04-2012, 10:08 AM   #3
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I'm so sorry you are going thru cancer, first of all. And, I'm sorry for the loss of your Gizmo. I had a baby (Jasmine), who always made it appear that her world revolved around me. She died 6 years ago and my heart still aches.

Mandie has been a daddy's girl since we got her. She has her moments, like at night...she will sleep between my legs or in the crook of my legs. Then, she got stung and she has slept at daddy's side ever since.
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Old 10-04-2012, 10:16 AM   #4
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Awww, no fair I'm sorry that you are going through the chemo AND your new baby bonding more with your hubby.

We got Luna after our Starr died and she immediately chose my husband as her favorite. She will still hang out with me if he's not here, but when he's home, I don't exist. We got Izzy a couple of months later and I thought OKAY this one will be MINE. Uh, nope LOL she loves Daddy more than me too.

I feel for you. Getting another dog might work, might not. There's no guarantee on who they will bond with more strongly. Hope someone that knows more than me will come along with some good advice, but in the meantime my only suggestions is to take over the majority of his care and training and maybe just maybe that would help.
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Old 10-04-2012, 10:23 AM   #5
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I really, really hate to ask this - but was Gizmo always your buddy? When you first brought him home...? Was he more 'yours' than your husband's?

I think every single one of us have had a 'heart dog' - one that's known all our ins and outs and ups and downs - and it's actually quite a shock when the love is transferred to 'the partner'....what have I done wrong/I'm doing nothing different/how can I make our pup love me more....it's natural!

Time, lots of time and patience....loads of love and hugs and kisses - it'll be ok! And never compare - good luck! Sally + Harry x
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Old 10-04-2012, 10:23 AM   #6
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I had a similar problem when I brought Couver home. I got him for me (DH didn't want a dog) and he bonded with my husband! My husband was unemployed so he spent the majority of the time with him. I found that he liked sitting on the couch that my dh would always sit on, so I made him switch seats with me I also made sure that only I fed him, took him for walks, gave him treats etc. He then switched over to loving me more He still loves his daddy, but I am his #1.

Good luck... I know how it feels. I was pretty upset when Couv chose my husband, but I figured out how to change that.
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Old 10-04-2012, 10:38 AM   #7
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I was concerned when I first brought Buster home that he would bond more with Jack my roommate than me. Jack is one of those people that animals and small children just love. It's not that I did not want Buster to love Jack I just wanted to be the one he bonded with more. He was my first dog and I wanted to make sure I was doing the right things in training so I hired an animal behaviorist/trainer. Jack was not involved with the lesson so I asked the trainer for advice on bonding. He told me to spit in Buster's food as my saliva would indicate to Buster that I was the alpha food provider, like a mother bird feeding it's baby. I was a little uncomfortable at first with the spitting idea but it did seem to work in my case. He loves us both but I am just a little more special. I am sorry about the loss of your sweet Gizmo and of your battle with cancer.
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Old 10-04-2012, 12:08 PM   #8
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I don't have any answers either but I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for the loss of your beloved Gizmo and for the health issues you are facing right now. I do understand. I was diagnosed with early stage breast cancer earlier this year and just lost my 6 year old yorkie, Barkley the end of August. Just like Gizmo, Barkley was my little shadow. We will be getting two yorkie pups in about 4 weeks. I'll be their main caregiver but you never know, they could bond with my husband. I do hope little Rigby comes around and shares some of that puppy love with you. Maybe your hubby could back off a little and let you do more of the care giving? That is if you're feeling up to it. I hope your treatments are successful and you are healthy and feeling well soon so you can enjoy your new little guy.
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Old 10-04-2012, 12:23 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Buster Brown View Post
I was concerned when I first brought Buster home that he would bond more with Jack my roommate than me. Jack is one of those people that animals and small children just love. It's not that I did not want Buster to love Jack I just wanted to be the one he bonded with more. He was my first dog and I wanted to make sure I was doing the right things in training so I hired an animal behaviorist/trainer. Jack was not involved with the lesson so I asked the trainer for advice on bonding. He told me to spit in Buster's food as my saliva would indicate to Buster that I was the alpha food provider, like a mother bird feeding it's baby. I was a little uncomfortable at first with the spitting idea but it did seem to work in my case. He loves us both but I am just a little more special. I am sorry about the loss of your sweet Gizmo and of your battle with cancer.
Hugs and Best wishes.
Do you know, in 40+ years of 'owning' (!!!) dogs - I've never, ever heard of spitting in their food (as a mother bird, of course, would)....and yet in reality it should make perfect sense....

I'm gobsmacked that I've never heard or thought of it before........does it work for everyone? Sally + Harry x
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Old 10-04-2012, 12:28 PM   #10
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I am so sorry for all you are experiencing at this time....and the disappointment/hurt feelings that this baby boy is gravitating more towards his daddy.....I had sold a little female to a couple and the lady was absoluty giddy over the new baby....but then the little girl started to bond with daddy. Momma became so upset and disappointed, she came back to me and bought another puppy, a male. I told her the little girls are notorious for bonding with daddy, and those little boys bond with momma....he was already bonding with me, so I thought this would be a great transition. Within a couple of months, BOTH dogs seemed to be bonding with daddy. The bottom line is, as much as we adore these babies, they are dogs!!! They follow the food!!!! You do what Buster Brown said to do!!! YOU become the primary caregiver, YOU are the one that feeds EVERY meal....you spit in his food and then YOU feed him....he will soon realize YOU are alpha and YOU provide the food and he will become a little turncoat and go with YOU!!!! Little boys will adore their mommys.....but YOU be the "provider of all that is good as well as THE FOOD, and he will be in your pocket in no time!!!! (He will probably gravitate toward you after a while anyway....they love their mommas!....but to speed it up, FEED HIM!! THE WAY TO A MANS HEART IS THROUGH HIS STOMACH!!!!! TRUE in all species!!!
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Old 10-04-2012, 12:47 PM   #11
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Lord bless you and keep you safe and healthy.

I'm so sorry about your loss.

I kind of had the same situation with one of my girls when we first got her bonding with my husband, so I just made sure to pay her lots of attention, feed her and spend time with her... (I did cry alot because I sort of felt rejected by her )

Be very patient, she may sense you are sad and may be confused... you know they are so intelligent and intuitive... eventually she bonded with me but she still, at times, goes to my husband.

Regardless you have a little ray of sunshine in your life
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Old 10-04-2012, 02:01 PM   #12
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First, I'd like to say I hope you make a full recovery. My previous dog was my "soul mate", a golden retriever. He loved both me and my husband, but he favored me. When he died, My heart broke in a million pieces. A year later, when I got Columbo, my husband and sons wanted nothing to do with him because they thought he was a "sissy" dog. Well, sure enough, now he's Daddy's best buddy and I'm just the maid. I feed him, bathe him, walk him, give him haircuts, and generally tend to his every need. I'm with him most of the day, Daddy only evenings and weekends. If I bring him to sit by me or on my lap, he wants to get down. As soon as my husband sits down on the couch, Columbo wants to sit with him. Don't get me wrong, he loves me and we have lots of fun together, but Daddy is the king....
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Old 10-04-2012, 03:40 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Harrysmum View Post
Do you know, in 40+ years of 'owning' (!!!) dogs - I've never, ever heard of spitting in their food (as a mother bird, of course, would)....and yet in reality it should make perfect sense....

I'm gobsmacked that I've never heard or thought of it before........does it work for everyone? Sally + Harry x
I don't know.
Here is their website. Los Angeles Dog Trainer - Dog Behavior Specialist in Los Angeles
I originally sought him out because when I first got Buster he had Kennel cough so bad it became pneumonia and we almost lost him. He stayed at a hospital for four days. He had always been so sweet but he was very aggressive when he came back so I looked for someone to help me get back my sweet boy (I also never took him back to that hospital as I was not sure if he was mistreated in some way to change his disposition) David was great and really helped me understand Buster better.
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Old 10-04-2012, 04:16 PM   #14
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Prayers for your health. I aggree if you want to bond with your Yorkie food is important. Try hand feeding. Play time is super important too. Invent a game only you play with him, it may include a special toy. Grooming time is also a bonding time.
Play Time

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Play is a form of bonding. Why does my dog always try to get me to play ? Because you give in. You must start and end together play time. She can play all she wants by herself but, she should not whine or guilt, you into playing with her. You must teach her a new cue word, like Enough, ( or what ever you want to use.) Promise yourself, now and forever when I say Enough it means No, Stop it right now, I am busy, entertain your self, forget it, maybe later and I am the Mommy and I mean it. etc... Enough is Enough. Start today, do not give in. Give the cue word Enough. If she is too annoying with her demands, take the toy and put it out of reach and out of sight. If you give in one time, you have to start all over with the retraining again. Even if you want to play with her. Don't let her start the game. Say the cue word Enough. Now go to the kitchen, bathroom or yawn etc. Make sure there is at least a 30 second delay. You start play time with a clap and say the cue for play time, we use, dogs name and cue PlayTime in a happy voice. When you are done playing praise your dog. Like Good Girl give her a pet. Cue with a happy, That's Enough. Have a routine that you do that says play time is over. Put the toy in her toy box or up some where and end the game on a happy note. If your dog always has to ask for play time, please set aside a special routine time to play, even if it is only 5 minuets. All adult animals instigate play. It is a form of bonding. You should play with your dog every day. Playing together should be when you can enjoy it, not because she is bugging you.
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Last edited by Teresa Ford; 10-04-2012 at 04:18 PM.
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Old 10-04-2012, 05:35 PM   #15
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A new puppy will sometimes bond very strongly to just one person in the home at first - usually with the person they feel safest or most comfortable with. I always call the favored one a puppy's "first love". Who knows why some pups do this but some do. If you want him to really bond to you, you start to do everything for him from now on. You water, feed, take him outside, walk, groom, train and play with him. Train him to lie on your lap by treating him when he does & offer a little praise. Train him to come to you when called and treat/praise genuinely & look him in the eyes when you do praise, down on his level. Training him to learn basic obedience is a good way to bond with him, even at this young age. Just 2 - 3 minutes x2 daily - short little "sit" or "stay" lessons kept short & fun. Really, sincerely praise him when he gets it. Play tugowar and fun games with him. Talk to him all the time.

Another way to a puppy heart is to drop a treat for him when you walk by; when he comes wandering over near you, hand a treat to him; when he's lying at your feet or by your side, a treat dropped between his paws every so often will warm his puppy heart toward the nice new mommie. If he follows you when you walk to the door or to the kitchen, drop a treat. You can feed him his dinner this way, dropping a piece of his kibble as a treat as he enters your space or stays near you throughout the day & evening. He'll soon associate you with gooooood things and times in his life and want to be near you a lot!

After a couple of weeks of all this intense wooing, stop it all except of course the feeding, taking outside to potty - the necessities but stop all the rest. Just stop it and allow him to work out now he needs to approach you. And when he does, stay a little aloof until he keeps nudging at you, works a little for your attention - then give in and pet, love on him. After a bit of the withholding of the wooing, begin it again for a few days, treatdropping and all. Then stop it again, let him approach, woo you. Keeps a dog like that interested until they fully accept you as an equal with their "first love" in the family.

Some dogs bond to a male or female more easily than the other sex and often the other gender living in the house has to show the new pup in a lot of little ways that they are just as special as puppy's "first love" in the home. Perhaps its your husband's relaxed manner, lower voice or he uses his hands less, doesn't get up & down as much, seems less nervous, is more settled or is seen as more the pack leader in the home - who knows? Or maybe you are too low key & husband's activities & ways excite him, interest & involve him. Perhaps inwardly the puppy senses you see he's not your Gizmo and are having a little inward struggle accepting him - perhaps not. Sometimes we never know why a particular dog doesn't accept all family members the same at first. But you can buddy him up by doing everything with and for him, talking to him, connecting to him every chance you get; and the habit of treatdropping frequently when he's doing nothing but being around or near you will further allow him to see you with new eyes. And then, let him woo you a bit.

Your puppy is still such a baby that you can easily mold him using some of these type methods and he'll soon be looking to mommie as someone awfully special to him and every bit as cool and interesting and loving as daddy.
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