delimma - kids and teacups..?

[Harrysmum]

Originally Posted by Miababy1

Thanks! These are great suggestions I take miss mia with me everywhere I go including to work with me when I can. I cannot believe how much I love this little girl. I am going to replace my bedroom door with one that I can lock/unlock with a key so that I can leave her safe in her crate where my step son cannot have access to her... point blank. That will keep me worry free from him moving her crate around even if he can't get her out (not sure that he would but he's been known to do some weird stuff).

I called him "the kid" because he has been giving me greif lately (the past 4.5 years)when it comes to minding. I do love him and wish I could figure something out to help our relationship (trust me, I've tried) but he sure is the most difficult child I've been around. He is not my husbands son biologically but he knows no other dad. Therefore, disciplining is something I do, but then my husband and I fight about it. I don't have this problem with our other 3 children (2 are his and 1 is mine, they are all teenagers). I talked it over with my hsuband about how fragile this puppy would be if we got her and that I needed him to help keep her safe and he seemed on board, so I didn't think this would be the issue that it is now ;( Kids are kids and they need correction, but I think my hsuband feels sorry for the youngest because he is so difficult. Not sure, but I feel like he is making matters worse. We've discussed the childs behavior numerous times but it always ends in a deffensive argument (my husband always has to be right..ugh). But not this time, not when it comes to my baby girls safety!!! Thank you everyone for the suggestions!

Oh my goodness, you poor lady And the little boy isn't even your husband's biological son? He sounds like a good man in that respect but, as you're well aware, everyone needs to be singing from the same hymn-sheet here.

To tell you the truth, I think personally the dynamics of your family is the worst case scenario to bring a tiny baby into. Please don't hate me for saying this, but it seems the only unconditional love that you're receiving is from baby Mia - and that's not fair on anybody. Good luck. Sally + Harry x

[imdll]

You have such a difficult situation, I certainly don't envy you. Raising kids, raising dogs being married. . . none of it is easy. You certainly do seem to have your hands full and a pretty realistic and honest view of what you are dealing with. I haven't been on YorkieTalk for terribly long but from what I can see there are a lot of good people here and if nothing else there are some listening ears and lots of experience to glean from. I wish you well.

[gracielove]

The child is not going to respect you or your authority because his "father" does not respect you. The child is well aware that his dad is not supporting you. Kids know very well how to play one adult against another. It sounds like this child is troubled and it will only get worse as he gets older. While the child seems to be the problem here it is actually the lack of unity that is the issue. A husband and wife should be a untied front making and enforcing the rules. You do not have that. This is an issue that you need to address with or without the dog.
If you cannot get your husband to go to counseling with you maybe you should go on your own. Sometimes talking to someone who has no personal interest can help you sound out the things that are going on in your life and make you see things more clearly. A husband needs to support his wife in the decisions being made in the household. If you two cannot come to some understanding about issues concerning the child matters are only going to get worse. I hope you two can find someone that you both respect to sit down with discuss these things in a calm and rational, respectful manner.

[Rhetts_mama]

Wow. There's money for doggie day care, but not for counseling to improve the life of your entire family? Does this strike anyone else as being slightly odd?

I'm reading a whole lot of resentment on your part for the presence of "the kid". If I can read it just in your posts, there is no doubt that he feels it by living in that home day in and day out. What a sad situation to be in. I just find it incredibly heartbreaking that you bring a tiny, vulnerable dog into a volatile situation and then blame the child for the dangerous behavior.

[concretegurl]

I don't believe $ was ever part of the issue in getting therapy: I beleive it was based on belief or lack of belief in therapy supposedly by her husband.

[mscat]

I would rehome this tiny yorkie , I think bringing home a very small puppy into a family that has problems, is a very bad idea. This puts the dog in danger . Referring to a child as "The Kid" tells how bad the situation is . It could be years until the child is mature enough to handle a small dog , and obey the family rules. Your husband is not helpful , which places the burden on you. I would put all my energy and time into straighting out your son . Sometimes it is not the right time to add a new dog into the family especially a tiny one who has "special needs" It only makes the family problems worse. the stress you must feel everyday about this little dogs safety must be difficult If you could give the puppy back to the breeder it would be the best thing to do. I think it is best for the dog because your not going to be always with the pup 24/7. If your son accidently dropped her while playiny "airplane" it could kill her, then how will that be? Their are too many risks having a tiny dog in this family as much as you love her, do what is best for this dog and focus your energy on your son.

[Rhetts_mama]

Originally Posted by concretegurl

I don't believe $ was ever part of the issue in getting therapy: I beleive it was based on belief or lack of belief in therapy supposedly by her husband.

You could be right. I took "out of the question" to mean due to finances, sorry if I was incorrect in that assumption.

The rest of my statement stands though. This is a problem that existed long before this small dog entered the picture and neither the child nor the dog are to blame.

[FlDebra]

Everyone seems to be assuming your child is your stepson but you said in one post that your husband is not "this child's" biological father, but he knows no other. ("I called him "the kid" because he has been giving me greif lately (the past 4.5 years)when it comes to minding. I do love him and wish I could figure something out to help our relationship (trust me, I've tried) but he sure is the most difficult child I've been around. He is not my husbands son biologically but he knows no other dad.") So, it is sounding to me like he is YOUR BIOLOGICAL SON and your husband's stepson.

I am feeling no bonding with your son at all. You do not use any terms of endearment or even hint that you love this child. The way you talk about him is that you have already placed the dog above your child! That is just not right. I love my animals but they are still animals and as such will never take precedence over children, my own, others or grandchildren.

I agree that you should NOT bring a tiny pet into a home with a child who does not mind you. That is something you need to be taking care of before you add another stressor to the situation. Not only did you pick an inappropriate breed, you found an undersized puppy to boot. It is like you are asking for a tragedy where you can blame your son, your flesh and blood, your pride and joy (not "the kid").

Since Shannon was already brave enough to broach the subject, I will build on it. Please find another home for this puppy and then get some help with parenting. I would reach out to your church if you go, or to social services counseling as another choice. You need to get the mother- child bond built quickly before it is too late. Ask yourself if your child really goes to bed each night feeling loved and cared for? Does he feel you love him more than this new puppy? What things do you do to make HIM feel special? These are just questions for you to ask and answer yourself. You are not accountable to me or this forum. But you bared a problem and people are going to tell you what they think. I feel like it is a social obligation that I owe this child I have never met. Love him first and fully before even thinking of adding a pet. Then add pet the whole family can enjoy! I did not have yorkies when my boys were young. They minded VERY well but accidents happen and I felt we were safer with a little larger dogs. You don't have to go huge, just more of a sturdy breed. This is just my opinion. Your situation might be different than you are giving the impression. I hope that is the case. I would love to be wrong! But everytime I have seen someone refer to their child the way you do -- there is a big problem! Time to self reflect!

Ask yourself why almost all of the replies thought this child was your stepson? They were feeling no bond, no compassion, no motherly love! I do wish you well and will pray that you can bring your family together as it should be.

[Nancy1999]

Originally Posted by FlDebra

Everyone seems to be assuming your child is your stepson but you said in one post that your husband is not "this child's" biological father, but he knows no other. ("I called him "the kid" because he has been giving me greif lately (the past 4.5 years)when it comes to minding. I do love him and wish I could figure something out to help our relationship (trust me, I've tried) but he sure is the most difficult child I've been around. He is not my husbands son biologically but he knows no other dad.") So, it is sounding to me like he is YOUR BIOLOGICAL SON and your husband's stepson.

I am feeling no bonding with your son at all. You do not use any terms of endearment or even hint that you love this child. The way you talk about him is that you have already placed the dog above your child! That is just not right. I love my animals but they are still animals and as such will never take precedence over children, my own, others or grandchildren.

I agree that you should NOT bring a tiny pet into a home with a child who does not mind you. That is something you need to be taking care of before you add another stressor to the situation. Not only did you pick an inappropriate breed, you found an undersized puppy to boot. It is like you are asking for a tragedy where you can blame your son, your flesh and blood, your pride and joy (not "the kid").

Since Shannon was already brave enough to broach the subject, I will build on it. Please find another home for this puppy and then get some help with parenting. I would reach out to your church if you go, or to social services counseling as another choice. You need to get the mother- child bond built quickly before it is too late. Ask yourself if your child really goes to bed each night feeling loved and cared for? Does he feel you love him more than this new puppy? What things do you do to make HIM feel special? These are just questions for you to ask and answer yourself. You are not accountable to me or this forum. But you bared a problem and people are going to tell you what they think. I feel like it is a social obligation that I owe this child I have never met. Love him first and fully before even thinking of adding a pet. Then add pet the whole family can enjoy! I did not have yorkies when my boys were young. They minded VERY well but accidents happen and I felt we were safer with a little larger dogs. You don't have to go huge, just more of a sturdy breed. This is just my opinion. Your situation might be different than you are giving the impression. I hope that is the case. I would love to be wrong! But everytime I have seen someone refer to their child the way you do -- there is a big problem! Time to self reflect!

Ask yourself why almost all of the replies thought this child was your stepson? They were feeling no bond, no compassion, no motherly love! I do wish you well and will pray that you can bring your family together as it should be.

I assumed that the her husband had been married before, and the child is his stepson from that relationship, but he is the only father the boy has ever known. The OP is married to the stepfather I guess making her the step mother. It's not clear if this is the only home the child has? This boy will be an adult in a few years, and what the family does now will make such a huge difference on how he turns out. I do agree with your post though.

[Lil Ladies]

I didnt bother reading the other posts, but Id say its one or the other, and that your puppy will never be safe there. Wait until the little boy is older, and your husband is trained or the puppy will probably die. Sounds extreme, but its true. And it will probably be your husband's fault, even if the little boy is the one that hurts the puppy. Could you ever forgive either of them? Its sad that you can only trust your husband as much as your 4.5 year old.

[imdll]

Misty:
- step mother to the 6 year old
- history of 4.5 years of difficulty getting 6 year old to mind
- has attempted discussing child issues and dog issues with husband but receives no support
- expected to be the disciplinarian but then husband fights with her about it
- has tried numerous things to improve relationship with 6 year old but nothing has worked
- believes they do need counselling but husband says “out of the question”
- states that stepson” is obviously out of my control”

Child in question:
- 6 years old
- Step son of Miababy1 yet her husband is not the child’s biological father but the only father the child has known
- been an issue with minding for about 4.5 years
- has been witnessed doing dangerous activities with the dog
- “rough and careless”
- "constantly trying to get away with all that he can"
- “the most difficult child I have been around”
- “he’s been known to do some weird stuff”
- “gets jealous of Mia, but he gets jealous of everyone
- “gets more attention than any of our other children”

Husband in question:
- defended the 6 year old after behaving in a dangerous manner with the puppy
- not the biological father of the 6 year old
- does not show support for childrearing issues nor dog issues
- expects Misty to discipline the 6 year old but then fights with her about it
- “has to always be right”
- Says counselling is out of the question
- Will not take part in things and tells Misty she should “try harder”


Misty,

Earlier I had not wanted to be judgemental or come across harsh. Sometimes family life can be terribly frustrating and so being able to talk to others is a good way to let off some steam and see things a bit more clearly. After reading through your posts several times there is simply no denying that there are very valid reasons people have been suggesting counselling and placing Mia in a different home.

While your husband may not want to participate in counselling that does not prevent you from seeking help. If your husband does not want to willing get some help now as a preventative measure, if things with the 6 year old continue on the current path your husband may find himself forced into court appointed counselling instead. The six year old will be out in society and going to school and spending more time around other people’s children. The odds are something is eventually going to happen only it won’t be with a dog it will be somebody’s child and then the issue will be out of your hands and out of your husband’s hands.

When there are two parents in a home it takes both of them on the same page to affect change with a child showing these sorts of tendencies. It is time your husband realized that he is this boy’s parent whether through biology or choice and it’s time he did some parenting. That means teaching and discipline as well as the fun stuff. If things in your home are as you have described, your family would be characterized as being in crisis. Please get some help and support for yourself and for the 6 year old before he escalates and does something that could label him for life.

With regard to Mia’s safety. You say that you love Mia a great deal. If the situation in your home is as you have described then Mia is in very much in danger and would be in danger whether she was a small breed or not and she will continue to be in danger even after she has grown into adulthood. Your husband is not on side with the discipline of the youngest child, nor the rules you have attempted to set for handling Mia. You cannot possibly provide enough supervision to protect her from a child who refuses to respect rules and guidance and has already handled Mia in a fashion that could have resulted in permanent injury or death. Mia may also develop unhealthy behaviours like fear biting etc. if she has too many negative experiences at the hands of the six year old. If you truly love Mia, please find her a safe home and get some help for your family. What is going on in your home is not something that will simply improve in time. Please get some help and support.

I hope that I am not coming off as some sort of know it all. I do have substantial life experience behind me though. My Father used to work in a facility for emotionally disturbed boys, when I was growing up my parents had several emotionally disturbed children as foster children, I have raised 4 of my own kids (one who was difficult as a child and even more difficult as a teenager), ran a day home for over 15 years with children from a variety of backgrounds and temperaments. I'm not a professional but I've been around the block a few times.

[Ringo1]

Originally Posted by Miababy1

Hello all!

My name is Misty and I just recently got my sweet little yorkie pup, Mia. She is 3 months old and very energetic (just perfect)! I'm struggling with my family right now because I've set some rules for everyone to help follow with our new baby. Example, never leave her unattended outside, do not allow her to walk around the house without constant supervision as she is potty training and things need to stay consistant, she is not allowed to be upstairs at all, and the youngest (who is 6 and very rough and careless) is not to carry her around the house, but he can hold her sitting down and play with her as much as he would like. She is only 1 pound and 8 ounces and I'm terrified if he drops her on my hardwood, or the rock patio it could cause real injury or even death. I never saw this coming but, my husband lets him go against this rule anytime I am not around. I had a long talk with my husband and this kid and explained why I have this rule and I need him to follow it always...but he (the kid) is constantly trying to get away with all that he can. Just the other day after I had this long talk with him, I witnessed him lift her over his head with one hand (like she was an airplane) and landed her on my patio table, where he then released her. My husband was standing right beside him with his back turned. I rushed outside, picked her up and told him he was not to hold her the rest of the night and "again" explained why!!! My husband defended him with some stupid excuse, but I know this kid knows exactly what he is doing. The very next night, he started off doing well and minding, but as the night went on, he did the same airplane move again while sitting down over my hardwoods. What do I do about this? I have anxiety when I am forced to leave her there with him. I know that I will relax as she gets bigger, but right now she is just so fragile.

I must be confused. Am I to understand that 'this kid' is your son?

Your post concerns me greatly. One slip while venting can be understood but I believe you just referred to your son as 'this kid' at least three times.

I was a single mother with a little boy. When our little Maltese died of old age - I waited at least 5 years before adding another dog to the family.

Because I knew my son needed me more than I needed a puppy.

Your posts sound like you are more concerned about your little yorkie than 'the kid'.

Please, get your priorities straight. Your son - especially if having behavior problems - needs you now. His needs come before your need to have a dog ~ or the dog's needs. Focus your energy and attention where it is most needed. There will be time for a little yorkie later.

Since this is a Yorkie forum after all = I am going to agree with those who advised a rehome.

I hope I don't sound too harsh; but my boy is/was the light of my life. It takes hard work to be a good parent ~ to bring a child into adulthood. Time, effort, money and focus. I can't understand the purchase of a 1.8 lb puppy at this time; I just can't.

[Miababy1]

I don't know how this posting works when replying to one person... but in response to tegmom1. My kids have a golden and a cat. Mia is a puppy I have wanted for a long time but never got for certain safety reasons (my cat) I never thought it would be my stepson as I thought my husband would help me out with her safety, which he is doing better at now. She was a birthday gift from him believe it or not. And as difficult as it is, I am a home body but when I'm not at home I'm at work or she is with me. Thanks for your response and your advice.

[Miababy1]

FIDebra: The child I am talking about is not my biological son. He is not my husbands biological son, but he is our son because we raise him as ours. He is the biological child of my husbands ex wife and the half brother to my husbands other children and now my daughters stepbrother. Yes, I am left out of the picture a lot because of my husband or maybe his ex's wishes?? I really don't know, but that doesn't mean I don't still try to parent when I can. I DO love them all. No offense but I didn't even bother reading the whole thing, along with some of the other's going on about how this is "my biological" son that I haven't bonded with. It really seems like my original post was taken completely out of context the more people were replying. Almost as if, they weren't even reading the original but only the false assumptions of what others were posting.

Everyone: I think communication by writing never comes out the way it is intended. I do love all my kids, but the youngest is by far the most challenging. YES, I do have issues with my husband backing me up at times and HE (my husband) is the one who does not want to attend counceling. Therefore, the counceling has nothing to do with money. We have joint custody of the kids, which means they are not here everyday. We have no legal rights to the youngest bc again, he is not biologically my husbands and there was never an adoption that took place.

The breeders who gave us Mia, were wonderful people who even prayed over her before administering her 2nd set of shots and blessing her into our home. Several people on here have admitted to having small dogs and small children. That is just something everyone will disagree on. Again, I did not know that my stepson was going to be a problem with the puppy because I discussed the details to my husband and he seemed on board to help keep Mia safe.

I spoke with my husband a few nights ago about wether or not this relationship is even working anymore. He is now trying to help keep my rules and wishes with mia at this point. Believe it or not, I AM with her every minute unless at work and the kids are at school. She goes everywhere with me when I go anywhere, but we are home a lot so she can play and run and just be a happy puppy. When my stepson is here, I allow him to help with her but never to be alone with her AND never to pick her up. He seems to be acknowledging that this is just the way it is or he will not be allowed to play with her at all! So far, so good!

The kids have 2 other animals, a golden retriever and a cat, so they are not deprived of having animals that they can play with that are not as fragile as Mia. My golden is an angel with Mia and although Mia just loves our kitty, Bo could care less about her.

Mia is adjusting very well. She loves the kids, but I can tell when she is ready for relax time too and I tell the kids to let her rest and they can play again later. She seems very happy. I have had her less than 4 weeks and she is already going to the door when she needs outside...we rarely... RARELY have accidents!!! That is how close I watch this puppy. My children get plenty of attention from me, I am always here for any of them and they know that. They all love Mia and with the acception of the youngest, they all respect my rules. But my husband and my stepson are getting better over this past week. Please pray it stays this way.

I will continue to struggle with my stepson as he is very challenging but so far I am still here trying. How long I stay depends on my husband at this point. Maybe things will get better, if not, then I will take Mia and my daughter and leave. It's really out of my hands if I'm the only one trying. It does take 2!!!

I am greatful for the advice, it is very helpful. I'm sorry to those of you who missunderstood what I was trying to communicate and I will look past the harsh comments that some people made out of concern for the child or the yorkie. I realize this is a forum where people are able to place there own comments and I respect that.

Now... I also hope that I have not offended anyone. Although I am greatful for the advice, I'm starting to realize that I should have kept my question to myself because it has spun in to something more than what I was even asking. Thanks again for all your thoughts, posts, concerns, advice and opinions (well maybe not all your opinions, lol).

[concretegurl]

Originally Posted by Miababy1

I know that he gets jealous of Mia, but he gets jealous of everyone. This child gets more attention than any of our other children as well as his cousins when they are around. It's because he is the youngest. I have tried taking him on ice cream or movie dates in the past for one on one time but his behavior does not change. I've tried time outs, sticker boards, extra attention, no attention, hugs and snuggles, but NOTHING works. I feel like something would work if my husband would take part in any of this but he just tells me I should try harder.

I think you purposely worded your story a certain way.
You came to get the reaction, you got one.
Hope you, Mia, & 'the kid' have a nice life.

I'm not believing any of this at it's value anymore:
I find it interesting she is trying parenting her husband's step son who is his ex-wife's also the youngest child between her & her husband's...and her and her husband have children together...older ones...it makes no sense well perhaps in the genre of certain talk shows (Dr. Phil is a great idea but no not who I was thinking of).