[imdll]

Misty:
- step mother to the 6 year old
- history of 4.5 years of difficulty getting 6 year old to mind
- has attempted discussing child issues and dog issues with husband but receives no support
- expected to be the disciplinarian but then husband fights with her about it
- has tried numerous things to improve relationship with 6 year old but nothing has worked
- believes they do need counselling but husband says “out of the question”
- states that stepson” is obviously out of my control”

Child in question:
- 6 years old
- Step son of Miababy1 yet her husband is not the child’s biological father but the only father the child has known
- been an issue with minding for about 4.5 years
- has been witnessed doing dangerous activities with the dog
- “rough and careless”
- "constantly trying to get away with all that he can"
- “the most difficult child I have been around”
- “he’s been known to do some weird stuff”
- “gets jealous of Mia, but he gets jealous of everyone
- “gets more attention than any of our other children”

Husband in question:
- defended the 6 year old after behaving in a dangerous manner with the puppy
- not the biological father of the 6 year old
- does not show support for childrearing issues nor dog issues
- expects Misty to discipline the 6 year old but then fights with her about it
- “has to always be right”
- Says counselling is out of the question
- Will not take part in things and tells Misty she should “try harder”


Misty,

Earlier I had not wanted to be judgemental or come across harsh. Sometimes family life can be terribly frustrating and so being able to talk to others is a good way to let off some steam and see things a bit more clearly. After reading through your posts several times there is simply no denying that there are very valid reasons people have been suggesting counselling and placing Mia in a different home.

While your husband may not want to participate in counselling that does not prevent you from seeking help. If your husband does not want to willing get some help now as a preventative measure, if things with the 6 year old continue on the current path your husband may find himself forced into court appointed counselling instead. The six year old will be out in society and going to school and spending more time around other people’s children. The odds are something is eventually going to happen only it won’t be with a dog it will be somebody’s child and then the issue will be out of your hands and out of your husband’s hands.

When there are two parents in a home it takes both of them on the same page to affect change with a child showing these sorts of tendencies. It is time your husband realized that he is this boy’s parent whether through biology or choice and it’s time he did some parenting. That means teaching and discipline as well as the fun stuff. If things in your home are as you have described, your family would be characterized as being in crisis. Please get some help and support for yourself and for the 6 year old before he escalates and does something that could label him for life.

With regard to Mia’s safety. You say that you love Mia a great deal. If the situation in your home is as you have described then Mia is in very much in danger and would be in danger whether she was a small breed or not and she will continue to be in danger even after she has grown into adulthood. Your husband is not on side with the discipline of the youngest child, nor the rules you have attempted to set for handling Mia. You cannot possibly provide enough supervision to protect her from a child who refuses to respect rules and guidance and has already handled Mia in a fashion that could have resulted in permanent injury or death. Mia may also develop unhealthy behaviours like fear biting etc. if she has too many negative experiences at the hands of the six year old. If you truly love Mia, please find her a safe home and get some help for your family. What is going on in your home is not something that will simply improve in time. Please get some help and support.

I hope that I am not coming off as some sort of know it all. I do have substantial life experience behind me though. My Father used to work in a facility for emotionally disturbed boys, when I was growing up my parents had several emotionally disturbed children as foster children, I have raised 4 of my own kids (one who was difficult as a child and even more difficult as a teenager), ran a day home for over 15 years with children from a variety of backgrounds and temperaments. I'm not a professional but I've been around the block a few times.