need advice

[lovespandp]

Hi guys. Well i was talking to dh last night about how we should train pnut.. and he told me that he doesnt want anything to do with it and he was kinda given mean attitude.. i asked what his problem was. He told me that he has no say in pnuts life, that he doesnt feel like i let him make any desicions for pnut. He said i always decide everything for him, food, hair, etc..

He said thats y he doesnt help me with pnut bc he doesnt feel like he is a part of his life!! I really couldnt believe he was saying this to me.. i told him that i will be more than happy to share the repsponibltes and descions with him.. then he said there is no reason you cant get his food at petsmart.. i said well ya there is petsmart doent carry acana haha.. then he rant and raved on y does he need to be on that food blah blah. i told him that is one thing i will not agree on, i researched. a million types of foods and he didnt..


uggggh i dont know what his problem is.. am i wrong here. how do we meet in the middle with everything.... like for example i like pnut with long hair he likes short.. i like him on acana he wants me to buy something at petsmart.. i like to lock him up when we r gone he doesnt... how do i fix this how do we meet in the middle???

Sorry for typos im on my phone

[lovespandp]

Anyone??

[jltwigg10]

I am not the best to answer this because my husband "lets" me do all the taking care of for our dogs. We have 4. But one is his on Paper. He takes her to the vet, feeds her and watches over her. I buy dresses and vest and shirts for mine but I do not buy anything for her because he does not like the idea of putting clothes on a dog.

It really justs sounds like he is a litle jealous. Mine is too but now that he has Trinity he is much better. He still says that if there was reincarnation he would want to come back as a puppy or dog in our home.

Be as patient as you can with him without compromising what you think is best for Pnut. Maybe show him some of your research as to why you made the decision you did about the dog food.

Hope I helped some.

[peachesmom1sc]

sorry wish i could help but when i got porscha i told hubby he could not have anything to do with her because every dog we have ever had loved him more i wanted porscha to be mine all mine well that did not last long
but it all worked out she does love me more but she loved to go off with him just the 2 on them he takes her out first thing in the morning and the last thing before bedtime they go sit on the porch for about 20 minutes
sorry i was no help

Pat

[Rhetts_mama]

That's a tough one. It sounds as if he's feeling pushed out of pnut's life or as if his input is being disregarded. It's really easy for the one who's doing most of the care to default to making most of the decisions (be it with pets or kids). That in turn makes the other partner pull back more and give even less care.

I'd say sit down and talk with him about it. On the food matter, for instance, you could go over why you've chosen the food you have- the health benefits, the actual cost per feeding versus a cheaper food, etc. Ask him to do some research on different brands of food and see what he comes up with. Then here is the important part- be willing to give it a try. Everyone wants to feel like their contribution matters, so over ruling him out of hand is bound to cause resentment.

As for the training, tell him why you want him to be involved. Ask for his help finding a trainer you are both comfortable with.

Let him know that you want him to take a more active role in Pnut's life. Then back up and let him do it. Is he going to do things differently than you would? Of course, but that doesn't make it wrong. Who knows, he may actually come up with something that works out better.

Good luck.

[lovespandp]

Originally Posted by jltwigg10

I am not the best to answer this because my husband "lets" me do all the taking care of for our dogs. We have 4. But one is his on Paper. He takes her to the vet, feeds her and watches over her. I buy dresses and vest and shirts for mine but I do not buy anything for her because he does not like the idea of putting clothes on a dog.

It really justs sounds like he is a litle jealous. Mine is too but now that he has Trinity he is much better. He still says that if there was reincarnation he would want to come back as a puppy or dog in our home.

Be as patient as you can with him without compromising what you think is best for Pnut. Maybe show him some of your research as to why you made the decision you did about the dog food.

Hope I helped some.

Thanks, thats what i am going to do. It makes me mad bc i did the research on food, i spent hours and hours! Mayde he is jealous.. i want him to be part of his life and help me i just dont ubderstand what the big deal is.. i never heard of a guy acting like this

[dexterandalana]

You may have to compromise on some things...if it were me, I would focus on what I thought was really important and compromise on other things.

If you are really sold on the food you are feeding him (I have never heard of it, but it sounds like you did research) then maybe print out information for him on WHY it is a better food and also why other foods could be harmful. (that what I did when I first started researching raw diets...when hubby saw how harmful kibble could be, he was ok with paying a little bit more for the good health of the puppy)

If he agrees to the food, maybe you could agree to keep his hair short, since this is only aesthetic and will not compromise his health.

As for leaving the dog out or crating when you are away...you husband must know that a dog does need to be properly trained to be happy and healthy to be kept un crated. why not agree that if he helps with training, you will watch the pups progress and when he is ready (small tests at a time) you will consider keeping him un-crated?

also, just a side note, if you really do not want to buy your food at petsmart, you could also show your husband the attached video... Petsmart Animal Cruelty
just let him know that you would prefer to support stores that do not sell pets and actually care about the well being of animals.

[lovespandp]

Originally Posted by Rhetts_mama

That's a tough one. It sounds as if he's feeling pushed out of pnut's life or as if his input is being disregarded. It's really easy for the one who's doing most of the care to default to making most of the decisions (be it with pets or kids). That in turn makes the other partner pull back more and give even less care.

I'd say sit down and talk with him about it. On the food matter, for instance, you could go over why you've chosen the food you have- the health benefits, the actual cost per feeding versus a cheaper food, etc. Ask him to do some research on different brands of food and see what he comes up with. Then here is the important part- be willing to give it a try. Everyone wants to feel like their contribution matters, so over ruling him out of hand is bound to cause resentment.

As for the training, tell him why you want him to be involved. Ask for his help finding a trainer you are both comfortable with.

Let him know that you want him to take a more active role in Pnut's life. Then back up and let him do it. Is he going to do things differently than you would? Of course, but that doesn't make it wrong. Who knows, he may actually come up with something that works out better.

Good luck.

Thats really good advice. thank you. I guess i should be happy that he loves pnut as muchas i do. I would hate it if he didnt want to be part of his life. Im going to sit down with him tonight and talk to him. I will let you know how it turns out. hehe

[yorkielady06]

I started to post to you a couple of times but just did not as mine would not help. Rhetts momma has the adult way to fix the problem I believe. Mine would have been more childish I guess.
I can tell you I have been there done that own the tshirt...
Good luck with your hubby...

[lovespandp]

Originally Posted by dexterandalana

You may have to compromise on some things...if it were me, I would focus on what I thought was really important and compromise on other things.

If you are really sold on the food you are feeding him (I have never heard of it, but it sounds like you did research) then maybe print out information for him on WHY it is a better food and also why other foods could be harmful. (that what I did when I first started researching raw diets...when hubby saw how harmful kibble could be, he was ok with paying a little bit more for the good health of the puppy)

If he agrees to the food, maybe you could agree to keep his hair short, since this is only aesthetic and will not compromise his health.

As for leaving the dog out or crating when you are away...you husband must know that a dog does need to be properly trained to be happy and healthy to be kept un crated. why not agree that if he helps with training, you will watch the pups progress and when he is ready (small tests at a time) you will consider keeping him un-crated?

also, just a side note, if you really do not want to buy your food at petsmart, you could also show your husband the attached video... Petsmart Animal Cruelty
just let him know that you would prefer to support stores that do not sell pets and actually care about the well being of animals.

Well said thank you. I will def show him that video!! He hates to see that kind of stuff.

[lovespandp]

Originally Posted by yorkielady06

I started to post to you a couple of times but just did not as mine would not help. Rhetts momma has the adult way to fix the problem I believe. Mine would have been more childish I guess.
I can tell you I have been there done that own the tshirt...
Good luck with your hubby...

Lol well i want to hear what you have to say childness or not esp if u have been there!!

[katienme2002]

Well I wish I could help you on this one..lol...But I dont have this issue because my husband is a cat person, and I am a dog person. We comprimsed by him getting a cat, and me getting a dog..lol...So Roxie is all mine and she knows it, he could care less what she does..lol..Now with that in mind, he did say last night that he thinks she looks better with long hair, and I am going to let it grow, but not because he wants it long, only because Winter is right around the corner..hahaha..

[tkking17]

I wish my bf was that interested in pets!

but to address your real issue, maybe you can let him make the decisions about the dog when he is the one doing the activity. (i.e. he takes him to the groomer, he can decide on his cut, etc). I agree with you about the food thing though, because that's a health issue. and, I agree with the other posts about having to compromise.

On a different track though, I know sometimes people will go off about something, but may be concerned or upset about something else or a deeper issue. (I watch Dr. Phil sometimes and he says sometimes people fight about the "symptom" and not the "issue") idk...this is only my observation though...

[lovespandp]

Originally Posted by katienme2002

Well I wish I could help you on this one..lol...But I dont have this issue because my husband is a cat person, and I am a dog person. We comprimsed by him getting a cat, and me getting a dog..lol...So Roxie is all mine and she knows it, he could care less what she does..lol..Now with that in mind, he did say last night that he thinks she looks better with long hair, and I am going to let it grow, but not because he wants it long, only because Winter is right around the corner..hahaha..

Lol that is funny!!

[Cha Cha]

I don't know what to offer for help. I can complain about my DH about a lot of things, but when it comes to "my" animals he is very accomodating and lets me do just about anything without complaint. I suppose that's because I told him before we ever got married that I come with baggage in the form of live animals.