need advice

[misslissa]

well short of gettng him a puppy i think you have to sit down and tell him why you make the choices you do im sure when you do he will understand especially if he loves p nut if he dose not want to compromise do it sneaky stop putting hiim in his crate when you leave and start putting him in the bathroom (if that's safe) he dose not want his hair long cut it mid length not a puppy cut but not on the floor and tell him that is short
however i say not to budge on the food if thats the best food then stick with it but make sure petsmart wont order it for you because my petsmart carries a lot of the better holistic foods

[yorkielady06]

Ok well long story but here it goes...
My EX hubby (get that lol) was quite jealous of my dogs. If any were attached to me he would complain about this or that. I tried talking to him, reasoning, allowing him full decisions, joint decisions that we both had to agree on, etc. Nothing worked. He had the same attitude and response each time and it was not just with the furkids. According to him, I always made the decisions so I could continue to do so and he would take the "not gonna be part at all" attitude.
Now I would research, attempt to involve him but golf, car racing, etc were on and his attention would wander or who knows. He would make comments like:
They are just dogs, give them dog chow does it really matter? or
A vet is a vet just go to the one 1 mile from the house... and on and on.
So I let him have his way and went to that vet. Nightmare is all I will say. However, I let him go with one of ours there the next time, and lo and behold he came back cussing. I of course and a smart butt and say..so how did it go? blah blah and complain about that vet was what I got. So that went on and on with each of his decisions. I would then sit and do the no decisions unless we both agree. Well that went no where most of the time. He thought that dog food was dog food and no amount of reading fixed that. So I met him half way and switched to Iams. The dogs all were vomiting and had diarrhea, 2 ended up on IVs, and the cleaning was aweful. Well I let him take over poop picking up duty from potty pads and that bag of Iams went in the trash 3 days later...lol
That was how it went each time. Our issues with the skin kids was the same.
Then he started with "You love the dogs more than me" He didn't like them on the furniture, they had to eat just in one area and not take a piece and bring it to the living room where we are, potty mistakes infuriated him, and the list went on and on.
I finally one day "picked" a fight with him when he was sulking and when he gave me the "you love them more than me" I told him "You know you are right I do"
So, I wish you luck and hope your hubby is not as mine was. He was a military man and wanted it all his way. He would not meet me half way and when I gave him his way it still did not work. So I chose the dogs and the kids over him. I divorced in March of this year after 21 years and have not regretted it in the least. He now is dogless and kidless and moved to Florida in a retirement community... I have a beautiful home (that he had to pay off) and have no debt and get a check every month for the rest of my life...oh and the dogs get to get on the furniture and even sleep in my bed now...I wanna add nany nany boo boo to it too but will hold my
Told ya it was childish...

[Nico29]

On a different track though, I know sometimes people will go off about something, but may be concerned or upset about something else or a deeper issue. (I watch Dr. Phil sometimes and he says sometimes people fight about the "symptom" and not the "issue") idk...this is only my observation though...[/QUOTE]

I think that this post might be worth thinking about. Maybe he's stressed about something at work and he is projecting. I suggest that you make him feel like he's making the decisions by giving him two choices. (Both that you would be happy with.) Let him "choose" which he thinks is the best. Acknowledge his feelings and tell him that you value his opinion. Tell him that from now on you want to make the decisions together. Men like to think they are in charge. HA!! But at least you can make him think he is. Hope this helps.

[katienme2002]

Originally Posted by yorkielady06

Ok well long story but here it goes...
My EX hubby (get that lol) was quite jealous of my dogs. If any were attached to me he would complain about this or that. I tried talking to him, reasoning, allowing him full decisions, joint decisions that we both had to agree on, etc. Nothing worked. He had the same attitude and response each time and it was not just with the furkids. According to him, I always made the decisions so I could continue to do so and he would take the "not gonna be part at all" attitude.
Now I would research, attempt to involve him but golf, car racing, etc were on and his attention would wander or who knows. He would make comments like:
They are just dogs, give them dog chow does it really matter? or
A vet is a vet just go to the one 1 mile from the house... and on and on.
So I let him have his way and went to that vet. Nightmare is all I will say. However, I let him go with one of ours there the next time, and lo and behold he came back cussing. I of course and a smart butt and say..so how did it go? blah blah and complain about that vet was what I got. So that went on and on with each of his decisions. I would then sit and do the no decisions unless we both agree. Well that went no where most of the time. He thought that dog food was dog food and no amount of reading fixed that. So I met him half way and switched to Iams. The dogs all were vomiting and had diarrhea, 2 ended up on IVs, and the cleaning was aweful. Well I let him take over poop picking up duty from potty pads and that bag of Iams went in the trash 3 days later...lol
That was how it went each time. Our issues with the skin kids was the same.
Then he started with "You love the dogs more than me" He didn't like them on the furniture, they had to eat just in one area and not take a piece and bring it to the living room where we are, potty mistakes infuriated him, and the list went on and on.
I finally one day "picked" a fight with him when he was sulking and when he gave me the "you love them more than me" I told him "You know you are right I do"
So, I wish you luck and hope your hubby is not as mine was. He was a military man and wanted it all his way. He would not meet me half way and when I gave him his way it still did not work. So I chose the dogs and the kids over him. I divorced in March of this year after 21 years and have not regretted it in the least. He now is dogless and kidless and moved to Florida in a retirement community... I have a beautiful home (that he had to pay off) and have no debt and get a check every month for the rest of my life...oh and the dogs get to get on the furniture and even sleep in my bed now...I wanna add nany nany boo boo to it too but will hold my
Told ya it was childish...

LOL>..I LOVE it!

[lovespandp]

Originally Posted by yorkielady06

Ok well long story but here it goes...
My EX hubby (get that lol) was quite jealous of my dogs. If any were attached to me he would complain about this or that. I tried talking to him, reasoning, allowing him full decisions, joint decisions that we both had to agree on, etc. Nothing worked. He had the same attitude and response each time and it was not just with the furkids. According to him, I always made the decisions so I could continue to do so and he would take the "not gonna be part at all" attitude.
Now I would research, attempt to involve him but golf, car racing, etc were on and his attention would wander or who knows. He would make comments like:
They are just dogs, give them dog chow does it really matter? or
A vet is a vet just go to the one 1 mile from the house... and on and on.
So I let him have his way and went to that vet. Nightmare is all I will say. However, I let him go with one of ours there the next time, and lo and behold he came back cussing. I of course and a smart butt and say..so how did it go? blah blah and complain about that vet was what I got. So that went on and on with each of his decisions. I would then sit and do the no decisions unless we both agree. Well that went no where most of the time. He thought that dog food was dog food and no amount of reading fixed that. So I met him half way and switched to Iams. The dogs all were vomiting and had diarrhea, 2 ended up on IVs, and the cleaning was aweful. Well I let him take over poop picking up duty from potty pads and that bag of Iams went in the trash 3 days later...lol
That was how it went each time. Our issues with the skin kids was the same.
Then he started with "You love the dogs more than me" He didn't like them on the furniture, they had to eat just in one area and not take a piece and bring it to the living room where we are, potty mistakes infuriated him, and the list went on and on.
I finally one day "picked" a fight with him when he was sulking and when he gave me the "you love them more than me" I told him "You know you are right I do"
So, I wish you luck and hope your hubby is not as mine was. He was a military man and wanted it all his way. He would not meet me half way and when I gave him his way it still did not work. So I chose the dogs and the kids over him. I divorced in March of this year after 21 years and have not regretted it in the least. He now is dogless and kidless and moved to Florida in a retirement community... I have a beautiful home (that he had to pay off) and have no debt and get a check every month for the rest of my life...oh and the dogs get to get on the furniture and even sleep in my bed now...I wanna add nany nany boo boo to it too but will hold my
Told ya it was childish...

Haha wow that was a great story!! Thats funny that you turned the tables on him. Then he saw what you were talking about and why you did the things you did.!! I am glad you are happy and do not have to put up with that!! My dh is nothing like like... thank god!! I think he just feels left out he is a sensitve dh!!

[lovespandp]

Well let me start off saying thank you all for your comments and most of all support!! I am a women that hates to fight. I knew I was going to come home after work and talk to DH about all of this. Dh likes pnut shaved ( i like him with long hair) so I took him to the groomers. Its in the middle and its short but his legs are kinda hairy.. I knew I would butter him up with a shaved Pnut, As soon as I picked pnut up i texted him a pic with "surprise daddy" HAHA HE LOVED IT.

So we got home and he was giving pnut loving and I said sit down we need to talk. I told him I will meet him halfway with anything, grooming, training.. whatever, but the food is a touchy subect for me bc I did the research, I tried alllll the food at Petsmart I saw the outcome. I know pnut doesnt do well on chicken, or beef. Long story short I told him my concerns and he AGREED!! He said that he doesnt have a leg to stand on bc he hasnt done any research.

I told him go ahead and try to find some information, I can tell you what you are going to find, you are going to find out that its best to stay away corn,wheat and bi products.. I told him I am not saying a dog can not eat that, but I do not want a dog that is sick, Peanut is my all and if I have to drive 20 mins and pay extra to get a good food than thats what I will do.

So he started to look online, LOL the first website he pulled up said " stay away from corn, bi products and wheat" hahaha oh man it was pretty good. He looked at me and said, well I think this one time you are right!! I told him that that means a lot to me, I really worked hard on finding a good food that works for pnut and it was unfair how it just came at me with no research!

So the food stays how it is!! Yeay We will decide on the training together and we meet in the middle on his grooming!! Yeay I rock!

[tkking17]

that is great news!!! Congratulations, I'm so happy it turned out well for you all

[lovespandp]

Originally Posted by tkking17

that is great news!!! Congratulations, I'm so happy it turned out well for you all

Thanks!!!

[MellyBelly Mom]

I was gonna tell you to compromise just like that. DH and I had similar issues, he would make similar comments about the food AND her hair, he likes it short too. Actually, in the beginning he didn't like the idea of having a dog at all, one day maybe 3 days after she was home and hell broke lose with pee all over the place he even told me to take her to a shelter, but that is really past, now today he is a big daddy all about his little friend is just beautiful and it tears me to see them together, we are even waiting for our new addition and BOTH super excited about it...
But going back to the point... I did not compromise on the food neither, I feed Melanie Wellness, but I do keep her hair short (not shaved) and do not dress her up as he also does not like it, but I put some bows from time to time, which she does not like either and he will remove and used o trow them out, then I told him that I actually pay for the bows and they are $6 each so he does not trow them away anymore...
I wanted her on the bed with us, he doesn't wanna that, it's also his bed right? So I have a chair that is the same high as my bed, so I have it real close to my my side of the bed with her pillows and blankets so that the chair is like an extension of our bed, he calls it cheating but in a funny joyful way.
The vet is another thing, my pup got ringworm, earmites and pink eye (I'm a good mom! I have no idea how that happened) all almost at the same time I first took her to a vet out of yelp. Just spent hundreds and still had ringworm for quite some time, this bad vet put her on so many meds you wouldn't believe it. Then I took her to a referral, so much more expensive, but so much more professional, tidy and this time I checked the vets qualifications etc. He complained a bit (normal) about the vet bills, so I took him to both, the old vet and the new one, the old one he did not even wanted to go in, he got the picture from outside.
You will also learn a lot, I didn't know anything even wasted money on stupid things just because I thought the more expensive the best, which is not the case, and then the DHs are always good to help us not to do that.
You know your husband, and you need to pick your battles and make sure Pnut is there to make you both happy and better as a couple not to create arguments, believe me he would hate to know that the two people he loves the most in the world are fighting over his food or haircut, if he could chose he would rather not eat and have no hair...

[katienme2002]

That is awesome, I am so glad that you guys came to a "meet in the middle point". You did good!

[yorkielady06]

Originally Posted by lovespandp

Well let me start off saying thank you all for your comments and most of all support!! I am a women that hates to fight. I knew I was going to come home after work and talk to DH about all of this. Dh likes pnut shaved ( i like him with long hair) so I took him to the groomers. Its in the middle and its short but his legs are kinda hairy.. I knew I would butter him up with a shaved Pnut, As soon as I picked pnut up i texted him a pic with "surprise daddy" HAHA HE LOVED IT.

So we got home and he was giving pnut loving and I said sit down we need to talk. I told him I will meet him halfway with anything, grooming, training.. whatever, but the food is a touchy subect for me bc I did the research, I tried alllll the food at Petsmart I saw the outcome. I know pnut doesnt do well on chicken, or beef. Long story short I told him my concerns and he AGREED!! He said that he doesnt have a leg to stand on bc he hasnt done any research.

I told him go ahead and try to find some information, I can tell you what you are going to find, you are going to find out that its best to stay away corn,wheat and bi products.. I told him I am not saying a dog can not eat that, but I do not want a dog that is sick, Peanut is my all and if I have to drive 20 mins and pay extra to get a good food than thats what I will do.

So he started to look online, LOL the first website he pulled up said " stay away from corn, bi products and wheat" hahaha oh man it was pretty good. He looked at me and said, well I think this one time you are right!! I told him that that means a lot to me, I really worked hard on finding a good food that works for pnut and it was unfair how it just came at me with no research!

So the food stays how it is!! Yeay We will decide on the training together and we meet in the middle on his grooming!! Yeay I rock!

Now that is great and might I add its the adult way to fix it..
Way to go!

[lovespandp]

Originally Posted by MellyBelly Mom

I was gonna tell you to compromise just like that. DH and I had similar issues, he would make similar comments about the food AND her hair, he likes it short too. Actually, in the beginning he didn't like the idea of having a dog at all, one day maybe 3 days after she was home and hell broke lose with pee all over the place he even told me to take her to a shelter, but that is really past, now today he is a big daddy all about his little friend is just beautiful and it tears me to see them together, we are even waiting for our new addition and BOTH super excited about it...
But going back to the point... I did not compromise on the food neither, I feed Melanie Wellness, but I do keep her hair short (not shaved) and do not dress her up as he also does not like it, but I put some bows from time to time, which she does not like either and he will remove and used o trow them out, then I told him that I actually pay for the bows and they are $6 each so he does not trow them away anymore...
I wanted her on the bed with us, he doesn't wanna that, it's also his bed right? So I have a chair that is the same high as my bed, so I have it real close to my my side of the bed with her pillows and blankets so that the chair is like an extension of our bed, he calls it cheating but in a funny joyful way.
The vet is another thing, my pup got ringworm, earmites and pink eye (I'm a good mom! I have no idea how that happened) all almost at the same time I first took her to a vet out of yelp. Just spent hundreds and still had ringworm for quite some time, this bad vet put her on so many meds you wouldn't believe it. Then I took her to a referral, so much more expensive, but so much more professional, tidy and this time I checked the vets qualifications etc. He complained a bit (normal) about the vet bills, so I took him to both, the old vet and the new one, the old one he did not even wanted to go in, he got the picture from outside.
You will also learn a lot, I didn't know anything even wasted money on stupid things just because I thought the more expensive the best, which is not the case, and then the DHs are always good to help us not to do that.
You know your husband, and you need to pick your battles and make sure Pnut is there to make you both happy and better as a couple not to create arguments, believe me he would hate to know that the two people he loves the most in the world are fighting over his food or haircut, if he could chose he would rather not eat and have no hair...

Thats good for you too! I dont know why the guys like short hair, he says when pnuts hair is long he looks like fabio. Lol i think i made the right choice.. pnut is his baby too and thays how it should be. Dh just left the food issue alone bc he knows i am right in this one, i told him when it comes to his health i know more bc i research