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02-10-2011, 08:30 AM | #1 |
Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 10,534
| Advice needed on a tricky situation! My brother moved out to New Mexico about 4 years ago. He is ready to move back here to New England. He came out last weekend for 2 job interviews and stayed with me. It was nice to have him but if you know my brother he's very overwhelming. He is the squeaky wheel that always got the oil. On the other hand, he is helpful, successful, hard working and driven to be the best. He is also not very supportive and now has a family with a wife, 1 baby and another one on the way. He also has 2 large dogs. I live about 30 mins North of where he is looking for a job. My grandparents live where he is looking. We both have full apartments in our basement. My brother wants to move into my grandparents basement. However wherever he lives he wants rent free and he'll pay 1/2 the utilities and his own food and necessities. Then he said he wanted to stay for up to a year. I told him he was welcome into our basement apartment for awhile until he gets back up on his feet, a job, a house, etc... But he wants my grandparents basement. My grandparents are understandably nervous about him and his whole family living in their house. On one hand they could use the financial help that he'll provide (although all their bills will double and he'll cover that) and he can help out with yard work, heavy housework, etc... But my grandmother has Alzheimer's and my grandfather is her caretaker and he has CHF (Congestive heart failure). They are comfortable in their little lives with their little house and are nervous about my brother's family moving in their home. My grandfather is anal about cleaning, bugs, the septic system and my mom and I think my brother is crazy for thinking he can live there with 2 babies and 2 dogs. My brother is now soooooo ticked off that our family is so non supportive and no one helps anyone, they only help the ones that are screwed up (alcoholic aunt, druggie cousin, etc....) but not the ones who are hard working, give a lot and are good clean decent people. I get where he is coming from because it does seem true. However i don't get why he can't be inconvenienced with a 1/2 hour commute (I commute an hour each way every day) to live somewhere (with me) that him & his family will be welcomed and the help would be welcomed also. Now he's mad and saying he might not move home. I don't believe that but he is saying he will never help anyone in the family again and that the family sucks. I said that I offered, what about me? and he said I am part of the sucky family. What the heck did I do???? He does not seem to understand that moving his whole family into someone's home and taking up their lives for up to a year, RENT FREE no less is A LOT to ask of people. Like a REAL LOT! I feel like he's a spoiled brat. If he wants to move back I would think he would make sure he had a job, a place to live (apt) and some money saved up to start looking at houses, but he thinks that he'll just move back and let the family pick up his mess by giving him a place to live, cheap with his family and dogs while he gets back on his feet. I think that is bizarre... but he does not see it!
__________________ “Petting, scratching, and cuddling a dog could be as soothing to the mind and heart as deep meditation and almost as good for the soul as prayer.” ― Dean Koontz |
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02-10-2011, 08:59 AM | #2 |
Action Jackson ♥ Donating Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Maryland
Posts: 17,814
| Wow! That IS a really tough situation. I am all for helping out family members. I, myself, am still living at home but I am 20yrs old and still in college. But I know some parents don't even allow their kids to stay that long so I am very thankful. At the same time, I think it's kind of rude to basically "invite yourself" to live with someone (meaning he sounds like he basically invited himself to live with the grandparents). I know, for me, I like my privacy and I think a whole family moving into my peaceful house would bother me. That's a shame that he is taking things on you when you willingly offered to give him and his family a place to live. I deal with issues similar to that in my family. My uncle used to be a major league baseball player so he has quite a bit of money. There are some members of our family who believe they are entitled to it for some reason or the other and I think they often forget how much he's really done for ALL of us financially at one point or another. One person will get jealous if he pays for another to do something, etc, it's neverending. I know it's a little different but it's the same principle. I don't really have any advice for you, but I want to wish you luck. I hope your brother starts thinking straight.
__________________ ~ Brit & Lights! Camera! Jackson! CGC ETD TKP ~ Follow Jackson on Instagram: https://instagram.com/jacksontheterrier |
02-10-2011, 09:05 AM | #3 |
Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: E. Falmouth, Mass
Posts: 2,102
| Sounds like your brother is being very selfish. I would not allow him to move into your grandparents house. This would be a major upheaval for them to adjust to. Older people are not real good with change and I think this would be very overwhelming for them. I would definitely leave your grandparents apartment off the table. However, you are being very accommodating to allow him to move into your apartment. If he is not grateful for this, than he is old enough to find his own place. Good Luck.
__________________ Rosemarie, Levi and Lily "The purity of a person's heart can be quickly measured by how they regard animals" ~ Anonymous |
02-10-2011, 09:55 AM | #4 |
Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: South Florida
Posts: 8,008
| wow that is a lot of stress for you. Family, you can't live with them and can't live without them. Let him cool off, offer your apartment again. He is hurt and being a little bratty right now but I am sure if he is the hardworking decent person he claims to be he will see the "light". If he doen't that that just shows what he is. I wish you luck...
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02-10-2011, 10:06 AM | #5 | |
Crazy about Kacee! Donating Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: Kansas
Posts: 21,173
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__________________ Karen Kacee Muffin 1991-2005 Rest in Peace My Little Angel | |
02-10-2011, 10:32 AM | #6 |
Donating YT 5000 Club Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: MD
Posts: 10,908
| sounds to me like he looking for a situation where he can "take over". Should anything happen to either one of your grandparents, it sounds as though he hoping to slide into having a house at his disposal. I think that he's asking a lot to just invite himself into someone's home and then set the rules about it. JMO.
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02-10-2011, 11:58 AM | #7 |
Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 10,534
| I think so too. My mom (his mom) does too. We are BOTH telling him that it is HIM with the problem, not my grandparents. He is asking for A LOT. He has done a lot for me over the years and I've always tried best as I could to accommodate him and repay the favors. I offer him my home, basement apartment to live in for a time and he tells me its too far away from where he intends to work (but does not have a job yet). I feel like he really IS being spoiled and unfair. I want to call him and be like "I want to move to new Mexico but i have no place to live and no job so I need to stay with you for a year rent free and I'm going to bring my 2 dogs, my bunny, my kitten, the 2 kids part time and my bf & I, ok?" Because that is what he is asking of everyone else.
__________________ “Petting, scratching, and cuddling a dog could be as soothing to the mind and heart as deep meditation and almost as good for the soul as prayer.” ― Dean Koontz |
02-10-2011, 01:59 PM | #8 | |
My hairy-legged girls Donating Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: lompoc, ca.
Posts: 12,228
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__________________ AZRAEL RAZAEL JILLI ANN | |
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