The world is about to end

[genie]

Originally Posted by Graleyne

It just makes me so mad that she can't do anything she is supposed to do until I get mad and start yelling. Then she manages to accomplish everything she is supposed to do and more.

That is because she is testing you, and they will push you as far as they can. I would give her a list of things to do everyday until the dance and tell her if she does them she can go to the dance, and I would also give her a list of things to do everyday on regular days after the dance and tell her if you let her go to the dance she will have to do those things too, but if she does not do everything on the list and do them %100 and without complaining she will not. My daughter is 18 and I know what you are going through. That is why I think that the "daily list" is a good idea too, because it teaches them responsibility. After my daughter started doing some housework on a daily basis she started complaining about my husband and I throwing our stuff around, it was so funny. I would definetly let her go to the dance if it means that much to her, because if that boy breaks up with her and breaks her heart, she will blame you and then living with her will definetly be a challenge. Good luck.

[Mom2BabyNatalie]

Just a little food for thought as far as letting her "sweat it out"..... I see all the pro's and con's of the dilemma and - (as a mother of FIVE who's so far survived three teenagers - 2 of them girls - and still working on a 12 year old girl and 10 year old boy) - I would have to say.... "KEEP YOUR FOOT DOWN!!" - - trust that you'll be kicking yourself with it later if you don't!!
It's hard to enforce your word if they know they can weaken you even once!! haha!!
BUT - - in the event you do decide to "let her slide" - (and not knowing her personality, she very well may be the type of kiddo that only needs a good scare to straighten her up... this could have been it!) - and you do let her go to the dance..... the "sweat it out" thing could come back and "bite you in the bum" so to speak....
If she truly thinks she's messed up and isn't going to be able to go.... she'll of course, cry to the boyfriend... who likely will in turn, ask someone else as soon as he can!! Then you'll tell your daughter she can go.... and she'll "hate" you regardless because now she'll be going solo!!! haha..... (I don't mean to laugh... but I have SO been there!!!)
Poor thing.... I feel for you!!! Know that the hatred rarely lasts through to the next allowance due to them!!!

<big hugs> Good luck!!

~ Dena & Natalie ~

[sweetr72]

Dont worry Mom we get our revenge when our little "angels" have kids of their own..its hard to get them at this age to do anything..they are just experimenting with things in life for the first time..and their minds are just so preoccupied with high school..trying to become popular or liked...remember those days???? A first dance with a boy...remember that?? I do think you should let her hang though!! But..then let her go...hehe

Dawn

[Patti]

I would tell her since she has done a lot of chores you will let her go this time, but next time you will stick to your guns.

[MyFairLacy]

If she's been doing so well tonight I'd tell her tonight before she goes to bed that as long as she keeps up like she's been doing tonight she'll be allowed to go to the dance. But if she slips up once she's not going.

[For My Coby]

Originally Posted by Graleyne

I didn't MEAN to tell her no dance. I was mad and that is what came flying out of my mouth.

I am definitely going to make her sweat. She in there reading a bedtime story to her 4 year old sister and everything out of her mouth the last few hours has been "yes ma'am". I am going to milk this for all its worth. I feel a little guilty about making her do all of this knowing I am going to let her go anyway, but not guilty enough not to at least get the house good and clean out of the deal. lol

I think you are doing a great job. It's how I would handle it. That is, AFTER I made the mistake of threatening the dance.

I just always tried never to threaten anything I didn't have the heart for, never giving them any reason to doubt me. But I understand how things come flying out before you have time to edit them. I'd do just what you're doing. .......Well, actually, I HAVE DONE what you are doing!

[Suzy]

I think you should sit down with her and tell her that you've thought about it, and since she has shaped up, and this is her first dance, you've had a change of heart: she can earn her dance back. Make a bargain with her-if she can keep up with her chores as you've asked this week (and go ahead and make her a list), and promises to be better and no more lies, tell her she can go on Friday. You will let her know on Friday morning if she can go or not...that will keep her in good behavior, but you won't be playing the "make her sweat" game-it's best, in my opinion, to be open and honest about your expectations with your children.

This way, she knows what is expected of her, and if she performs, she can go. If she makes the choice not to do her chores, then no dance. Simple as that.

[sweetr72]

Originally Posted by Suzy

I think you should sit down with her and tell her that you've thought about it, and since she has shaped up, and this is her first dance, you've had a change of heart: she can earn her dance back. Make a bargain with her-if she can keep up with her chores as you've asked this week (and go ahead and make her a list), and promises to be better and no more lies, tell her she can go on Friday. You will let her know on Friday morning if she can go or not...that will keep her in good behavior, but you won't be playing the "make her sweat" game-it's best, in my opinion, to be open and honest about your expectations with your children.

This way, she knows what is expected of her, and if she performs, she can go. If she makes the choice not to do her chores, then no dance. Simple as that.

Perfect solution!!

Dawn

[cheryl000]

Well you have some great advice here so far. Let me give you some advice from a "bad kid who never does chores" well, at least according to my mom I was!

Let me start off by saying that I feel like I was punished WAY TOO harshly for not doing my chores. My mother decided not to take me on a trip to the Philippines while my 2 sisters went. My sisters got to meet my brother, my grandmother, my Uncle etc. I didn't get to go because I didn't do some chores. 10 years later my grandmother and uncle have passed away and I still have never met my half-brother. A punishment should fit the crime and I feel like I'm still being punished. My mother regrets all of this by the way.

Looking back the reason why I didn't do so many of the chores was that my mom always criticized every chore I did, she always went behind me and corrected it. I remember when I was 5 and I asked her if I could help fold clothes, then she said that I didn't fold them straight and that I wasn't fast enough. What is interesting is that when we were older I was the one that always wanted to surprise my parents with the house clean or with dinner, but only if they were gone so that I can clean in peace.

Anyways, the best thing to do is to keep encouraging kids to do their chores. Tell them that you appreciate what they do when they do it. Let them know why the chores need to be done and how much of a big help they are. Let them know that they need to learn how to do their own laundry because mommy isn't always going to be around.

I think that a good idea is to make the punishment fit the crime better. Make it something that will happen in real life. Have her start doing her own laundry. If she doesn't do it, then she doesn't get clean clothes! This is a REAL consequence to her actions.

Oh.. and please give her a hug and tell her thanks for being good today. Ask her what she thinks she can do so that you two have better days like today.

[s13silviagirl]

Well, my mom would have let me go through all of that, and then still not let me go to the dance! haha.

[Yorkiekids]

I'd let her go, but I'd let her know how disappointed I was in her, and trade that punishment off for another. Like no phone for a week, or no computer. It would be an equal punishment as she couldn't communicate with the love of her life. You'd still be the mean mom, but you'd get your point across.

[crystalsmom]

Originally Posted by Graleyne

I didn't MEAN to tell her no dance. I was mad and that is what came flying out of my mouth.

I am definitely going to make her sweat. She in there reading a bedtime story to her 4 year old sister and everything out of her mouth the last few hours has been "yes ma'am". I am going to milk this for all its worth. I feel a little guilty about making her do all of this knowing I am going to let her go anyway, but not guilty enough not to at least get the house good and clean out of the deal. lol

I think she learned her lesson and I think she should go to her 1st dance. Now if this continues (of course there will be slip ups) then those 3rd and 4th dances should be re-thought or cancelled. I remember my daughter coming in from her dates sitting on my bed telling me about the entire night...they grow up so fast and they need direction at this time and you have made your point in a big way and at just the right time and I think that will be remembered for a very long time. Hope she has a good time.

[crystalsmom]

Originally Posted by cheryl000

Well you have some great advice here so far. Let me give you some advice from a "bad kid who never does chores" well, at least according to my mom I was!

Let me start off by saying that I feel like I was punished WAY TOO harshly for not doing my chores. My mother decided not to take me on a trip to the Philippines while my 2 sisters went. My sisters got to meet my brother, my grandmother, my Uncle etc. I didn't get to go because I didn't do some chores. 10 years later my grandmother and uncle have passed away and I still have never met my half-brother. A punishment should fit the crime and I feel like I'm still being punished. My mother regrets all of this by the way.

Looking back the reason why I didn't do so many of the chores was that my mom always criticized every chore I did, she always went behind me and corrected it. I remember when I was 5 and I asked her if I could help fold clothes, then she said that I didn't fold them straight and that I wasn't fast enough. What is interesting is that when we were older I was the one that always wanted to surprise my parents with the house clean or with dinner, but only if they were gone so that I can clean in peace.

Anyways, the best thing to do is to keep encouraging kids to do their chores. Tell them that you appreciate what they do when they do it. Let them know why the chores need to be done and how much of a big help they are. Let them know that they need to learn how to do their own laundry because mommy isn't always going to be around.

I think that a good idea is to make the punishment fit the crime better. Make it something that will happen in real life. Have her start doing her own laundry. If she doesn't do it, then she doesn't get clean clothes! This is a REAL consequence to her actions.

Oh.. and please give her a hug and tell her thanks for being good today. Ask her what she thinks she can do so that you two have better days like today.

I don't know how old you are but you are very wise, in my eyes anyway.

[celstu1]

Originally Posted by SladesMommy

you sound like a good mom.'

Is this a really imp. school dance, like homecoming or something? If so maybe I would let her sweat it out awhile then let her go, but make sure she knows that next time she might not be so lucky.

That sounds like a good answer! Make sure she knows you are doing it but you are not always going to be a softy!

remember being that age? There was NO worse feeling in the WORLD than to be the ONLY ONE of your friends not going to the dance!

[YORKIEMOM2B2006]

I would let her go but like someone else said, trade the punishment to something else, give your daughter the choice which punishment she wants and stick with it....like say its either no dance or ( be in earlier than normalfor a week ) or ( no phone or computer for a week) etc let her pick it. and stick to it.

2 years ago my daughter had to go to summer school, not because she isnt smart, but she is so unorganized and forgets to take her homeowrk in on time or doesnt bring it home and things like that, she went to summer school, i told her this is the last time this will happen, do what you got to do in school because there wont be any more summer school, you can flunk 1st lol
well last year she needed to go to summer school for science ( would not flunk if she didnt, just had to make it up this year) i did not pay for her to go.....that taught her a huge lesson, this year, the home work comes home, and gets handed in!!!! she is in 11th grade now and no way does she wanna stay back, and she knows there wont be any summer school!
ha ha tough love good luck with your daughter