Tongue Piercing-Advice Please

[jvwheeler]

Originally Posted by Suzy

I got my BB pierced on my 18th birthday, and though my family didn't like it, I was 18, and it was my choice. I still have it today at 25. I like the way it looks-it's for ME, no one else. And, it's covered up unless I'm at the beach or in my own backyard.

I agree with the poster who said that it's still in a conceled place-it is. I have a few friends that have/had their tongues pierced, and I didn't notice they had them in. After it first heals, it's pretty much unnoticeable unless they do that annoying clicking thing.

If I were you, I wouldn't let on that I knew about it when I got home. I'd wait for HER to show you or tell you. That way, she can explain herself to YOU-which is actually much harder for her than if you just came home and brought it up to her. You're coming home-that's the most important thing. I'm sure she really misses you. She may even freak out and take the bar out before you even get home if she knows it's that important to you.

Once she DOES come to you with this, I think you should have a talk about it: Why she wants it-there's got to be a bigger reason than just that it's "cool". Where she had it done-you need to check this out too, and make sure it was clean. If not, she needs to see a doctor and get a blood test to rule out any illness that she may have contracted. You need to find out HOW she got this done at age 15. If the place where she had it done allowed a 15 year old to get a piercing w/o parental consent, you need to file a complaint. Or, did someone else sign as her guardian? Who? Or, does she have a fake ID at age 15? I'd say you have BIGGER problems if someone else you trust signed for her, or if she's already got a fake ID.

A day out together might spark this kind of conversation, and I urge you to go into that day with an open mind, stay calm, and talk through this with your daughter. You might also ask her what she thinks her punishment should be for doing this knowing that you disapproved. You may find she's harder on herself than you would be. It's then up to the two of you to work things out and decide on whether or not she gets to keep the piercing.

Good luck!

I agree with the poster that said you must have a great relationship with your parents.

Bottom line, my daughter and I need to talk. F2F. I don't know what the decision about the piercing will be, but there will be consequences for disobeying.

Thank you one and all for your thoughts. The first day, I wanted to send her to her father's, yesterday I was much calmer and today? Well I am still worried about her disobeying, but I was young once too. And we don't want to talk about what I was doing at that age. No piercings or tats but. . .Course, I use the logic that I was too smart to let any of that behavior affet the rest of my life, but all teenagers lie to themselves about that.

Thanks guys, I feel soooo much better!

[pea496]

Originally Posted by BubblPopElectrc

I say you make her take it out. I'm all for self-expression BUT you did ask/tell her not to do it, so she shouldn't have.

I know a few people in the past who had tongue piercings, and I'd say a good half of them chipped a tooth.

I'd also mention her how a lot (not all) jobs shun upon visible piercings. They really could effect her chances getting a job- especially in certain areas. IMO, they are really trashy looking, and I hate going to a restaurant or some place like that and the worker has a tongue ring. Yuck.

I work in the Human Resources Department of a Hospital and we do not allow tongue rings. I personally think that people do not speak correctly with a tongue ring. It is always muffled. I can never understand the cashier at Dunkin Donuts (who has a tongue ring).

[medusa512]

Originally Posted by pea496

I work in the Human Resources Department of a Hospital and we do not allow tongue rings. I personally think that people do not speak correctly with a tongue ring. It is always muffled. I can never understand the cashier at Dunkin Donuts (who has a tongue ring).

if she wants to be in a hospital type profession, they frown on most tatts and piercings due to tranmittable disease, i agree. i also know there is a waiting period between a piercing and a tatt before you can donate blood.

and your DD cashier probably has a tongue ring that is too long oR too heavy. my husband had a short barbell once but larger balls (geez, i'm laughing here) and it made his speech somewhat odd.

[littlewhip]

I to would like to know where she got it done at? at 15, here you have to be 18 or have a parent with you for signing, i let my daughter get a belly percing at age 16 for her b-day, hubby was peeed to say the least, she is not interested in any other, I told her straight up no more untill you are 18, a few of her friends have them and she says they all had infections from them

[jvwheeler]

LuvnmyYorkieOk, I see that most of you are mothers and are completely appalled by piercings. But let me tell you, be happy it is only a piercing!!



I know, I am happy it is just a piercing. It is the disobeying that needs to be addressed. What I have learned from all you wonderful people is the size and material may be very important as well as her hygiene. She isn't pregnant, and she isn't stealing money from my purse to support a drug habit...She is still an honor student with plans for college. My big fear was the original pain and the healing time. And I can't stand it when people play with them. But she isn't a person who you see the inside of their mouth alot. She has had braces for two years and people still don't realize it.

Thanks again!

[Suzy]

Originally Posted by jvwheeler

I agree with the poster that said you must have a great relationship with your parents.

Bottom line, my daughter and I need to talk. F2F. I don't know what the decision about the piercing will be, but there will be consequences for disobeying.

Thank you one and all for your thoughts. The first day, I wanted to send her to her father's, yesterday I was much calmer and today? Well I am still worried about her disobeying, but I was young once too. And we don't want to talk about what I was doing at that age. No piercings or tats but. . .Course, I use the logic that I was too smart to let any of that behavior affet the rest of my life, but all teenagers lie to themselves about that.

Thanks guys, I feel soooo much better!

I agree. Bottom line, you DO need to talk.

Funny that you both said that I must have a great relationship with my parents...My father left when I was a small child, and I have not seen him since I was about 5. For a number of reasons I will not go into, I was unable to have a relationship with him, and was very hurt and angry for a number of years. My mom raised me on her own, and we were very close. She passed away when I was 17, and I've been on my own since. (I have no siblings.)

I remember being a rebellious teenager, but I also remember how much I knew she would be disappointed in me if I made bad choices. That disappointment was much worse for me than any grounding or other punishment. My mom took the stance that she was the parent, and she was in charge, but that I did get "votes". And with those votes came privileges, but also big responsibilities. The worst thing I could do was to make her lose confidence and trust in me. I've taken what I learned from my own relationship with my mother, and I can only hope that I too can be the same type of mother to my children when that time comes.

Beginning to make our own decisions is part of being a teen and growing up, and it's hard to know when to treat your child as a a child, and when you treat your child as an adult. I think in this instance, you should treat her as an adult, since she chose to make an adult decision-to get the piercing. Finding out WHY she did it, WHERE she did it, and HOW she did it will build trust between the two of you, and ultimately should bring you closer together. I also think that if you discuss this in a very calm, adult manner, you will have a more productive conversation. I'm not saying that there shouldn't be consequences for disobeying you, but I feel there's probably more to the story, and finding out what's in the bigger picture would do good things for both of you. You can also take this time to discuss with her why you didn't want her to have this piercing (the way it looks, the idea of it, the medical/physical risks, age, whatever your feelings are on the issue). Once she sees things from your eyes, she may think differently about it. Probably not, because she's 15, but someday she'll appreciate it. I promise.

The more I think about it, I think that if possible, you should allow her to come to you with it-how could she have a chance to even lie about it? The minute she faces you, she'll HAVE to tell you because you'll see it. Now, if she does take it out ahead of time, then I definitely think you should approach her with the issue-but at the right place and time. You don't want to spoil your joyful homecoming with this one small issue. You have been apart for some time, and you both probably have your own feelings and things you need to work through-individually and together-about the time you've been gone. You have many things to catch up on together, and this 1" of metal shouldn't be the focus.

[GORJESS]

I'm 18 now and I started getting piercings at 14. My first piercing (besides my ear piercings) was my belly button. I didn't tell my mother I was even considering it, I just went and got it done. I had for about 3 months when my mom noticed it through one of my shirts. She was obviously mad but let me keep it. If she would've told me to take it off, I probably would have just got it done again.

Then I decided I wanted my tongue pierced at 15. I told my mom I was going to do it. She said no, I got it done anyways. It was impossible to hide. I couldn't talk right for a week. Every time I talked or laughed you could see it. And I was always washing my tongue. My mom was pissed and told me to take it off, I didn't. It took like 8 months for mine to completely heal. I eventually got sick of it and took it off.

Then I got my nose pierced and she didn't like the idea of a piercing on my face but she said ok, because she knew I would get it done either way. That was the best thing she could have done because she went with me and made sure everything was ok. She asked questions I would have never asked, and made sure everything went smoothly.

After that I got my lip, eyebrow, septum, and nipples pierced. Now I only have my belly ring and earrings in. You just grow up and get over it. The good thing about piercings is that they can close.

If my son ever decides he wants a piercing or something I will just say ok and go with him. That's because I know he will do it anyways and I rather make sure he's safe and everything goes right, instead of him letting a friend do it or something.

[medusa512]

so, what's the update? i'm thinking you are home now? HOORAY!

[cain]

The thing I cant stand is when people hold the end ball between their lips like they are showing it off,usually people with newly peirced tongues do this after the swelling goes down.I got mine done in 1998,I was in Nursing school with a girl whos was peirced and liked how it looked.It didnt really hurt to have it pierced but the swelling was tremendous I couldnt talk and the teeth prints on the sides of my tongue were gross,after I had it done for about 5-6 weeks I took it out for less than 2 hours, in that time it had started to heal over to where I couldnt get the barbell back in it,so I went back and had it stuck back in,that hurt more than the original peircing.Now I wear a short barbell with a small end ball people usually dont even notice.I have no trouble speaking or eating.Sometimes I leave it out for months at a time.I did notice after I first got it done and coworkers saw it they would ask "How many tattoos do you have?"I'm to much of a chicken to get one of those.I do think there is a stereotype that goes with it!I would check out where it was done though.I dont agree with her doing it behind your back but if this is the worst she does growing up then shes had some great parenting and role models Good Luck! Glad you are coming home!

[jvwheeler]

I am home now and it is great to be here!

Turns out, when she asked permission, she had already done it. When I was so very much against it, she removed it, so as not to upset me. Lots of issues with the whole thing, but we are fine. Many of you asked where did she get it done? Ready for a shiver? she did it herself. Scares me just to think about it. She is pretty stubborn though. And then she took it out before it was healed and could have gotten a huge infection. But it appears to be okay. It has been a month and I have looked at it thoroughly.

Thank you one and all for your support/advice!

[camly]

Originally Posted by jvwheeler

I am home now and it is great to be here!

Turns out, when she asked permission, she had already done it. When I was so very much against it, she removed it, so as not to upset me. Lots of issues with the whole thing, but we are fine. Many of you asked where did she get it done? Ready for a shiver? she did it herself. Scares me just to think about it. She is pretty stubborn though. And then she took it out before it was healed and could have gotten a huge infection. But it appears to be okay. It has been a month and I have looked at it thoroughly.

Thank you one and all for your support/advice!

oh my god! she is so lucky nothing happened .. but i'm glad things are much better!!!


welcome home!!!!

[Suzy]

Welcome home! Thanks for posting and letting us know you're back and how it went. So glad to hear it worked out for the two of you. I'm glad to hear that she removed it out of respect for you. You have a good kid!

[Tiggerwit]

I don't get the whole tongue piercing thing. I just don't find the attraction to it. I just found out my 18 year old did it last Friday and I am so disappointed. In my opinion down the road it could affect her getting a good job, etc. I've always been under the impression that the reason to get them was mostly sexual. ??? I don't know... i'm very disappointed. She wants to be an Elementary School teacher but I think she just affected that. Teachers have an appearance they need to uphold in my opinion and I'd think twice if my child's teacher had a tongue piercing.

I know I'm sort of ranting right now but my feelings and emotions are all over the place right now. She's keep talking about being an adult now and making all these adult decisions and I just wanna knock her through a wall.

My friend says if she wants to act adult treat her adult. (she's still a senior in high school). He say stop letting her use my car, make her fend for herself, etc.

I'm torn.

[medusa512]

i got my navel pierced when i was 18. mom had a fit. then my tongue at 19. she didn't like that either. i have had other piercings, including my septum (like a bull) and my nostril. i got my eyebrow done and still have a tiny scar that is not noticable most of the time. it was mostly a phase.

i grew out of it. i got tired of people staring and i lost alot of jewelry. i am in a professional position now and 30 years old. i quit wearing most of my jewelry around age 23. i still have my navel and the 2 under my bra.

i didn't get the tongue done for sexy type activity. i got it done b/c i thought it was pretty cool. no one really noticed. i don't know if i'd approve of a teacher having one (my son is 8). but if she did and you couldn't really tell, i don't think i'd think of her poorly!!

don't be too hard on her. she'll do what's right when the time is right to begin her career.

[purpledaffodil]

Originally Posted by jvwheeler

I am home now and it is great to be here!

Turns out, when she asked permission, she had already done it. When I was so very much against it, she removed it, so as not to upset me. Lots of issues with the whole thing, but we are fine. Many of you asked where did she get it done? Ready for a shiver? she did it herself. Scares me just to think about it. She is pretty stubborn though. And then she took it out before it was healed and could have gotten a huge infection. But it appears to be okay. It has been a month and I have looked at it thoroughly.

Thank you one and all for your support/advice!

next time she goes to the dentist have him talk to her about it, scared my sister right out of wanting one. with all the cracked teeth , no enamel, to me my teeth and smile are worth more than any silly ring in my mouth