I Want To Divorce Him

[veguroev]

I really feel like I want to divorce my husband. I thought I could really talk about it, but I can't. It has taken me sometime to get to this point, but even thought it hurts I didn't get married to be unhappy and I'm starting to feel that way for quite sometime. He doesn't want to talk about it, he wants to think that everything is ok althought he knows that not everything is ok. Sorry, I can't talk anymore, I just feel like my heart is falling apart. I love him, but I dont think he does love as much as I do, or he doesn't show it.

[Rae Rae]

Maybe try marriage counseling? I wish I had words of encouragment of advice, but unfortuantly I don't. Alls I can say is you don't want to be unhappy, and maybe if you do you would be happier in the long run. How does your hubby feel about divorce? I hope you to are able to work it out though. Remember, you always got us here on YT to talk to!

[Stella's mom]

Do you think he would go to counseling, have you mentioned it to him? Maybe that would make him see you are unhappy and seriously considering making a life change. How long have you been married? I wish you the best whatever your decision may be.

[TootiesMom]

I dont have much advice but to give it as much as you have... I thought it quite a few times over the years, and 24 years later... we always seem to work it out... good luck to you...

[SugarMama]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I won't try to offer any advice because I don't know you or any of the circumstances. Please just take care of yourself and know that you can always turn to YT members to get you through a rough time. Hugs!

[daisy mae06]

oh hun I know what you are talking about I went though the same thing you are and guess what. that was 10 years ago and we are still together. I did leave him and then when he realised how important I was he came after me and begged for me to come home. If you need to talk I am here for you..

(((((((((BIG HUG))))))))

[cheryl000]

I found this excerpt that helped my sister when she was going through a divorce. I hope this helps you somehow too.

It is a testimony to the fact that "this too shall pass..".


excerpts from "Leave Strong"
by: Kristin Armstrong
"O" Magazine Feb. 2007

" When I was in the midst of my divorce from Lance and in no mood for inspirational tales, someone told me one anyway about a woman who was hiking along a cliff .... She falls - but after tumbling and scraping down the hill, she manages to grab on to a branch. Dusk turns into night, and all the while she clings to this branch with everything she has. After hours of pressing her body into the rock face, cramping to keep meager toeholds, her strength begins to fail and her arms begin to shake. Fearing that she doesn't have much longer, she begins to pray: God's response is 'Let go.' Feeling low on faith and high on frustration, she ignores the command and cries and aches until the first rays of dawn. And then, astonishing though it may seem, she looks down and sees the ground....about 12 inches below her feet.

Yes, she was an idiot. And truth be told, I have been the same idiot on countless occasions, holding on to pain and wearing myself out when relief is less than a foot away. Sometimes greater tenacity and steadiness of nerve is required to release than to retain. And never is this more true than when the thing you're clinging to is a relationship that's ended........there is no denying that there are times in life when we need to lighten our load in order to move forward. If we carry our emotional pain too long or too far, we risk being stunted. Like the roots of a plant in desperate need of repotting, we can become so tightly tangled that we remain bound in the shape of our former container, even after we transplant our lives.

When a relationship ends..we may recognize the loss intellectually, but it takes longer to get the message to our hearts. Maybe our inherently hopeful nature is a protective mechanism allowing us to endure grief in bite-size morsels ....rather than swallowing it whole. It's all denial of some sort. WE postpone the finality of hearbreak by clinging to hope. Though this may be acceptable during early or transitional stages of grief, ultimately it is no way to live. We need both hands free to embrace life and accept love, and that's impossible if one hand has a death grip on the past.

Only by learning to let go do we learn how to hold on to what matters. It's as though the shadows created by loss illuminate what remains; the contrast helps us see with great clarity and appreciation the things we were meant to do, the people who are still with us, and those we love deeply who also love us back."

[Shadow]

Thanks for sharing that !

[veguroev]

Originally Posted by Stella's mom

Do you think he would go to counseling, have you mentioned it to him? Maybe that would make him see you are unhappy and seriously considering making a life change. How long have you been married? I wish you the best whatever your decision may be.

I don't think he would go to counseling to be honest with you. He's has diferent point of view when it comes to things like that, but i will mention that to him if this situation doesn't get better.
We've been married 5 years and 4 months. I hope, I really hope that it works out b/c I love him with all my heart.

[IluvLucy]

God bless you. Please take your time in making this decision. I divorced my first husband after 8 years of marriage. It took me 3 years to decide to leave.

If there's any chance of working it out, take it. Marriages go thru lots of stages and outside circumstances also interfere. But if you love him, and he loves you try to work it out. You know in your heart whether or not he still loves you, but if he's being physically or emotionally abusive you should find the nearest exit.

[veguroev]

Originally Posted by cheryl000

I found this excerpt that helped my sister when she was going through a divorce. I hope this helps you somehow too.

It is a testimony to the fact that "this too shall pass..".


excerpts from "Leave Strong"
by: Kristin Armstrong
"O" Magazine Feb. 2007

" When I was in the midst of my divorce from Lance and in no mood for inspirational tales, someone told me one anyway about a woman who was hiking along a cliff .... She falls - but after tumbling and scraping down the hill, she manages to grab on to a branch. Dusk turns into night, and all the while she clings to this branch with everything she has. After hours of pressing her body into the rock face, cramping to keep meager toeholds, her strength begins to fail and her arms begin to shake. Fearing that she doesn't have much longer, she begins to pray: God's response is 'Let go.' Feeling low on faith and high on frustration, she ignores the command and cries and aches until the first rays of dawn. And then, astonishing though it may seem, she looks down and sees the ground....about 12 inches below her feet.

Yes, she was an idiot. And truth be told, I have been the same idiot on countless occasions, holding on to pain and wearing myself out when relief is less than a foot away. Sometimes greater tenacity and steadiness of nerve is required to release than to retain. And never is this more true than when the thing you're clinging to is a relationship that's ended........there is no denying that there are times in life when we need to lighten our load in order to move forward. If we carry our emotional pain too long or too far, we risk being stunted. Like the roots of a plant in desperate need of repotting, we can become so tightly tangled that we remain bound in the shape of our former container, even after we transplant our lives.

When a relationship ends..we may recognize the loss intellectually, but it takes longer to get the message to our hearts. Maybe our inherently hopeful nature is a protective mechanism allowing us to endure grief in bite-size morsels ....rather than swallowing it whole. It's all denial of some sort. WE postpone the finality of hearbreak by clinging to hope. Though this may be acceptable during early or transitional stages of grief, ultimately it is no way to live. We need both hands free to embrace life and accept love, and that's impossible if one hand has a death grip on the past.

Only by learning to let go do we learn how to hold on to what matters. It's as though the shadows created by loss illuminate what remains; the contrast helps us see with great clarity and appreciation the things we were meant to do, the people who are still with us, and those we love deeply who also love us back."

Thank you Shadow for that. It is so true.

[veguroev]

Originally Posted by IluvLucy

God bless you. Please take your time in making this decision. I divorced my first husband after 8 years of marriage. It took me 3 years to decide to leave.

If there's any chance of working it out, take it. Marriages go thru lots of stages and outside circumstances also interfere. But if you love him, and he loves you try to work it out. You know in your heart whether or not he still loves you, but if he's being physically or emotionally abusive you should find the nearest exit.

I'm fortunate to say that he is not abusive in any way.
I'm going to talk to him, but I'm going to wait until I feel ready to do so. Right now I'm not ready, my feelings are still hurt.

[veguroev]

I really appreciate all you advice and nice words ladies. That is why I love YT, because of people like you all. You all have been so kind to me in this difficult moments.
Thank you so much.

[patty58]

Hey sweetie, if you really love him, just give it time. I have been married 38 years and there have been several times when I thought divorce was the only answer. Every marriage has its ups and downs. My husband would never consider counseling either. There were several times that I had to have "talks" with him. Now after retirement (which is hard at first) we are closer than ever. Try every option first. good luck, Patty

[zoeybear]

All relationships go through stages. A new relationship is exciting and fun. After being together for awhile, people become more comfortable and less attentive. Paying less attention to the small details can be a sign of familiarity. It leads to people being more relaxed and feeling less like they need to be on their best behavior. It is not necessarily that they love you less. They just take it for granted that you know and can feel it without being told. Although moving on to a new relationship could be exciting. It too would eventually mellow into more of a "partnership." Sometimes we long for the days in the beginning when he gave us "butterflies" in our stomachs, but for the long term it just isnt as important as being married to a true friend. It is an important decision with lifelong effects. I hope you feel better. If your husband doesn't want to go to counseling, you could go alone. That can be helpful too. Good luck!