Family Thief

[KELLY353]

What would you do if a family member stole from you?

My mom went to Walmart the other day and ran into her sister-in-law there. Mom noticed a pretty pair of earring's my aunt had on....she thought hmmmmm those sure do look like mine. My mom told her she had a pair just like them and asked where she got them? She told her they were Avon. So my mom called me on the way home from Walmart and told me that my Aunt had a pair of earrings on that sure looked like hers and she was on her way home to check. The earrings were from James Avery....some of you might know where that is from. My mom has several pieces of jewelry from there. That is usually where we get each others Christmas presents from.

OK well this sister-in-law is a soon to be X-sister in-law. My uncle and her have been married for 20 yrs and she has seizures and has not worked for the last 15 yrs she has been on disability. Well through the years she has went down hill....stop taking care of herself and started getting addicted to pain medication. She lays around all day and makes her kids do everything for her plus the 16 yr old has to cook dinner every night. Only time she gets up is when she gets off her butt is when she goes the Doctor or when she wants to spend money. Well my grandma passed away 2 yrs ago and she supported them allot, due to the the kids, they have 3 girls. That was her best interest at heart was the children. She bought them a home, a car.......and you name it....well my uncle moved out approx 4 months ago...he could not take it anymore....he said she was not a life long partner and he could not do it anymore. Well come to find out he has a girlfriend and moved to Texas with her. My aunt cannot drive due to her seizures so we have been taking them everywhere and been there for her because of the children.
Well mom went home and not only were the earrings gone , but several pieces of jewelry were gone..we just felt sick....so she went over to her house and told her she needed to use the restroom and there sat my moms ring in a dish on the bathroom sink. My mom wanted to cry because that was a ring her mother had given her that was her aunt Freida's years ago. So we decided that mom needed to confront her about it. Needless to say my Aunt stole all of the jewelry on Thanksgiving day! Yes after my mother had her and the children over for a wonderful family dinner. So I went over to my Aunts house with my mom and we confronted her...we told her we know she has it and to give it back or we will call the police. She said she did not have it my mom said lets go through your jewelry box see.....oh you guys there was more stuff she took of my moms than we knew. My mom got all if it back, but a necklace and a pair earrings.....she had tons of it. Mom asked her why she did it she said she thought it was pretty.....so we left.....and mom told her, that her life is in jeopardy due to the fact she is going through a divorce, and she needs to be thinking about her children.
What would you guys do? We will miss the girls dearly, we cant just walk away from them....there dad did.....I am like there big sister....Oh this is just a mess....and this had to happen right before Christmas. We are all in shock....sorry this was such a long story that probably did not much sense but I needed to vent! Let me know if you have any advice......

[Bizzymammabee]

That really is a miserable thing. I would say to continue to be there for the girls but be wary of her during any family function. Jeeze. How low can you go to steal from the very family that helps you and looks out for you.

[KELLY353]

Originally Posted by Bizzymammabee

That really is a miserable thing. I would say to continue to be there for the girls but be wary of her during any family function. Jeeze. How low can you go to steal from the very family that helps you and looks out for you.

I know we are her only means of transportation.....plus she is living in my mom's rental house and hasnot paid rent for 3 months....mom just cant kick her out...the girls will have no where to go....had my mom has to pay the mortgage payment.....she she is living rent free......thye have have no family here.....besides us.....

[Ladylavender]

I hate to say it but both you and your mother are enabling your aunt. Even though your uncle left he is still emotionally and financial responsible for his daughters. Some one needs to contact him (if you know how) and let him know what is going on and that his soon to be ex is living rent free for 3 months. Unless he offers some financial support to provide his daughters with a place to live, your mother will have no choice but to evict her.

You will need to follow thru on the eviction process too. Another thing, since your aunt is on disability and unable to drive, she needs to get with the appropriate government entity and find out about low cost transportation service or free transportation service. There are ways to get around if you don't have a car and she needs to get busy and find out what her options are for herself and her girls.

I know this seems harsh, but honestly, you and your mother are just not responsible for her. She is responsible for herself and her and her ex-husband are responsible for the girls. Any thing you do to encourage her behavior by offering to help her in anyway, is to enable her, simple as that. I think that you can be there for the girls, without helping your aunt out of her responsibilities.

I feel for your mother and you. You sound like good people and I know this is hard for both of you. You both have good hearts and that is to be commended.

[Marcellacml]

Originally Posted by Ladylavender

I hate to say it but both you and your mother are enabling your aunt. Even though your uncle left he is still emotionally and financial responsible for his daughters. Some one needs to contact him (if you know how) and let him know what is going on and that his soon to be ex is living rent free for 3 months. Unless he offers some financial support to provide his daughters with a place to live, your mother will have no choice but to evict her.

You will need to follow thru on the eviction process too. Another thing, since your aunt is on disability and unable to drive, she needs to get with the appropriate government entity and find out about low cost transportation service or free transportation service. There are ways to get around if you don't have a car and she needs to get busy and find out what her options are for herself and her girls.

I know this seems harsh, but honestly, you and your mother are just not responsible for her. She is responsible for herself and her and her ex-husband are responsible for the girls. Any thing you do to encourage her behavior by offering to help her in anyway, is to enable her, simple as that. I think that you can be there for the girls, without helping your aunt out of her responsibilities.

I feel for your mother and you. You sound like good people and I know this is hard for both of you. You both have good hearts and that is to be commended.

not to sound rude or anything but what if you and your mom were in another state? she needs to be more independant

[Dragonfly]

Originally Posted by Ladylavender

I hate to say it but both you and your mother are enabling your aunt. Even though your uncle left he is still emotionally and financial responsible for his daughters. Some one needs to contact him (if you know how) and let him know what is going on and that his soon to be ex is living rent free for 3 months. Unless he offers some financial support to provide his daughters with a place to live, your mother will have no choice but to evict her.

You will need to follow thru on the eviction process too. Another thing, since your aunt is on disability and unable to drive, she needs to get with the appropriate government entity and find out about low cost transportation service or free transportation service. There are ways to get around if you don't have a car and she needs to get busy and find out what her options are for herself and her girls.

I know this seems harsh, but honestly, you and your mother are just not responsible for her. She is responsible for herself and her and her ex-husband are responsible for the girls. Any thing you do to encourage her behavior by offering to help her in anyway, is to enable her, simple as that. I think that you can be there for the girls, without helping your aunt out of her responsibilities.

I feel for your mother and you. You sound like good people and I know this is hard for both of you. You both have good hearts and that is to be commended.

[Tiggerwit]

I somewhat agree. If you guys are doing everything for her she'll never learn to do for herself and that's not going to help the girls. If she is unable to do these things, then maybe she shouldn't have the girls? I hate to say that, but if you can't take care of yourself and you are stealing from family and stuff.... Maybe you guys need to take the girls until your aunt gets it together. Your mom can't keep paying the mortgage/ rent for them either. I'm sure there is a limit to her funds, just guessing. I'd be afraid to have her in my home again.

I'm sorry. I hope you guys find a solution. Best wishes.

[KELLY353]

yes I agree with both of you! I told my mother the same thing. But I can only say so much. She does get assistance from the state and my unlce does send her $1000.00 every 2 weeks.....but I know that does not fix things. Monday night was when we went a confronted her and got the jewelry back, and have only spoken to her once. She called to ask me if she had taken anything from my house,,,,,,she said says now she does not remember taking the stuff....she is just trying any way to dig herself out of it.....she is on a waiting list for goverment housing and should know something with in the next week. It's just a sad sad sitiuation and its much more difficult than what it appears....my mother is the sweetest person on this earth and when it comes to those kids its hard for us to walk away. We dont want to not have contact with them....because with us in there lives they have support and a sense of security.....

[hle_625]

I think you did the right thing by confronting her. I have an aunt just exactly the way you have described. Its awful but she is really a bad person. She is on drugs so bad, doesnt work, gets everything paid for and has 4 kids that are miserable. When we have family gatherings we all hide EVERYTHING before she gets there. Its very sad but its what we have to do.

[Tiggerwit]

I had a bingo customer like that once. (Yes I said Bingo ) Anyway, she would steal things from the deli like daubers and stuff. She was a Klepto. We called her on it one day and she was like I just do it, I can't help myself. I need to.

Now, wanna hear about the pp lady????

[red98vett]

Wow that's really low - to steal from your own family - there's just no excuse for that and she could have been arrested if you guys were not the great people you are.

I agree she's got it too good ....

I have no help for you but want to say all the best. IF I were you - and if she ever has to be in your house again - I would make sure she didn't leave the living room & has someone by her side at all times- that's just plain cold what she did.

I have James Avery and it's very distinctive - good thing she was wearing them that day or you may never have known - she must have felt SO busted and she should have.

[KELLY353]

Originally Posted by Tiggerwit

I somewhat agree. If you guys are doing everything for her she'll never learn to do for herself and that's not going to help the girls. If she is unable to do these things, then maybe she shouldn't have the girls? I hate to say that, but if you can't take care of yourself and you are stealing from family and stuff.... Maybe you guys need to take the girls until your aunt gets it together. Your mom can't keep paying the mortgage/ rent for them either. I'm sure there is a limit to her funds, just guessing. I'd be afraid to have her in my home again.

I'm sorry. I hope you guys find a solution. Best wishes.

yes we thought about taking the girls if she lets us.....we cant legally do that......I would love to have them.....but what the heck would be do with her.....those girls love there mom...she has gotten so brain washed and they feel sorry for her.....its like a game....I think if she is able to get into the goverment housing things will be better....but no she is not allowed at my house anymore, I am not sure about my mom's. My hubby is a law enforcement officer and there is no way now. She knows that too, I clearly told her when she called the other day......

[red98vett]

Originally Posted by KELLY353

yes we thought about taking the girls if she lets us.....we cant legally do that......I would love to have them.....but what the heck would be do with her.....those girls love there mom...she has gotten so brain washed and they feel sorry for her.....its like a game....I think if she is able to get into the goverment housing things will be better....but no she is not allowed at my house anymore, I am not sure about my mom's. My hubby is a law enforcement officer and there is no way now. She knows that too, I clearly told her when she called the other day......

GOOD FOR YOU - tell her the same applies to your moms house and maybe she'll never even consider it again. It doesn't change the fact that she cannot ever be trusted but you have the law in your family - she should be pretty grateful you handled this internally.

[KELLY353]

Originally Posted by red98vett

Wow that's really low - to steal from your own family - there's just no excuse for that and she could have been arrested if you guys were not the great people you are.

I agree she's got it too good ....

I have no help for you but want to say all the best. IF I were you - and if she ever has to be in your house again - I would make sure she didn't leave the living room & has someone by her side at all times- that's just plain cold what she did.

I have James Avery and it's very distinctive - good thing she was wearing them that day or you may never have known - she must have felt SO busted and she should have.

yes she does have it good and she knows it she is an expert at abusing the system.....I think its the way she was raised she knows when to say the rights things and how to say them....those poor girls.....oh and yes there dad is no king! He is reliable too,,,,,,but there is not much we can do......
Yes I know, its so much to absorb right now.....its like ok what do we do now! I think she would have stole from me but I have an open floor plan so its kind of hard...but you know theifs are pretty sneaky.....
dont you just love James Avery??? I DO! yep I think it was meant for my mom to run into her at wally world.....thanks for your support....this is just so crappy it had to happen during the holidays! I woulod of had her arrested but my mom did not want to due to the hoildays and the girls,,,,its just so crazy...

[KELLY353]

Originally Posted by red98vett

GOOD FOR YOU - tell her the same applies to your moms house and maybe she'll never even consider it again. It doesn't change the fact that she cannot ever be trusted but you have the law in your family - she should be pretty grateful you handled this internally.

yes I could tell her that about moms house too....and apparently she did not care....she did on Thanksgiving and the LAW was in the same house when she did.....she must have some balls...