I really need some answers

[ytsirk27]

I have a delicate situation: My dad and husband do not get along. My husband tries and tries and hes never good enough for my dad. my dad makes really rude comments to him when i am not around i guess and just realy hateful. Well about 2 weeks ago my dad tried to bribe me to divorce Jeff with $500.00 and lawyers fees. My dad hjas been out of state for about a year working so this was over the phone by the way . I have some really bad resentment built up. Jeffs alwyas been there for me thru thick and thin. I grew up with my dad and mostly was his caretaker...I mean he bought me cooking utensles for christmas when i was 8...... What would yuou all do in this situation. He only comes around when he needs something done. Just doesnt come to visit. I love Jeff very much and it really offended me. I told jeff what had happened and he doesnt want my dad on this property at all. What would you all do in this situation. I dont want to lose a relationship with my dad ..hes back for two weeks and than hell leave again but i have my marriage to consider also. my dad actually isnt my dad..he adopted me...He does NOT know i know though... when my mom just up and left me he took care of me..( use the term lighly)..he was never there..i basically raised myself. I feel I owe him for taking care of me when nobody else would or being put into the system.... HELP!!! Am i wron g to be mad and upset.....

[Ponyup]

You do owe your father respect & love. However, you are a grown woman & have chosen your husband to love & cherish. Your husband doesn't seem to be a bad man or abusive so your father has no right to tell you to leave him.

I would inform your father that you love him & want to spend time with him. Maybe you can work it out that just you & your dad do things together & don't include your husband. Your father may be jealous of having to share your attention with your husband.

My dad isn't real happy with my husband either. I come from a very hard working, perfectionist family. And my husband is very laid back & believes there are more important things than work & that's why I love him. I get lucky because my dad doesn't speak to hardly anyone so he doesn't say not nice things to my husband, but I have heard how he feels. But I made a decision the day I married him that I would take my husbands side no matter what. Even if it's against my own family. I chose to love my husband & nothing my family says will change that.

[JeanieK]

It sounds like your Dad is jealous.

Explain to your Dad that you are happy in your marriage, and tell him how much it hurts you that he won't at least try to be civil to your husband.

Beyond that there isn't much yfou can do. You can't control another person, you can only control how you react to what that person does.

It is not fair for your father to try to make you choose between the two. His doing that is an attempt to control you. My guess is he has always been a control freak

I hope it all works out for you.

[JCarlson2004]

Originally Posted by JeanieK

It sounds like your Dad is jealous.

Explain to your Dad that you are happy in your marriage, and tell him how much it hurts you that he won't at least try to be civil to your husband.

Beyond that there isn't much yfou can do. You can't control another person, you can only control how you react to what that person does.

It is not fair for your father to try to make you choose between the two. His doing that is an attempt to control you. My guess is he has always been a control freak

I hope it all works out for you.

This is exactly what I was thinking. I wish you all the best and I hope this situation can be resolved. Best of luck.

[ytsirk27]

Originally Posted by JeanieK

It sounds like your Dad is jealous.

Explain to your Dad that you are happy in your marriage, and tell him how much it hurts you that he won't at least try to be civil to your husband.

Beyond that there isn't much yfou can do. You can't control another person, you can only control how you react to what that person does.

It is not fair for your father to try to make you choose between the two. His doing that is an attempt to control you. My guess is he has always been a control freak

I hope it all works out for you.

yes and it really ticks me off because he never was there when i was younger. Like i said I raised myslef basically. He just wants somebody to take care of him. thats all. I have talked to him about this and it desnt matter, We went a year without talking because he was a big giant baby....

[pixiepooh]

This is such a delicate situation... I don't know what to say

Sending warm thoughts to you...

[ChestersMom]

I hope this doesn't offend you, but, here goes...

The bible says that when you marry, you leave your parents and become one with your mate. Yes, he is your father (technically speaking), but when you married, your status in the family changed.

The previous suggestion that you spend time with your father, away from your husband, sounds like the only reasonable alternative. I would, however, be prepared to stand up for your marriage to your father as it appears the subject will be brought up.

Good luck to you.

[yorkiepip]

I know how your husband feels as this is how my mother in law treated me for 13 years....then after all that time she has now decided she likes me and for the past 3 years has been lovely to me. I have no advice thou as i think each situation is different, good luck

[rachelsyorkie]

You are married now. So your husband comes first. I probably wouldnt have told him about the bribe, the more hurtful words said between them the less likely they will ever like eachother. Your dad almost sounds like one of those mothers who dont want to let their baby boy go,except its dad & baby girl, lol. Do you all live w/him or something? Your dad needs some space & time to except that you have grown up. When you feel its right I would write him a letter or tell him that you appreciate all he's sacrificed for you & that you love him but you are a grown woman now & you want to have your own family & keep it together & you'd love him to be apart of your family & are willing to give him sometime to adjust but you want your marriage to work & you hope he'll be happy for you. I hope your husband loves you & is a good supporter in every way. Take care of him & dont let yourself be torn. You shouldnt have to choose but once you're married you've chose your husband.

[Tiggerwit]

I agree. You need to tell your dad that you love him but his comments hurt your feelings. That you love your husband and have no intention of leaving him. Spend time with your dad away from your husband when he is in town. If he continues with the behavior, well then, you'll have a choice to make. I'm sorry. Big hugs.

[rachelsyorkie]

In laws-Same here & now that she's nice to me I just keep trying to practice my "I'm sad look for her funeral" I know its terrible but she made me miserable for so many years, I shouldnt have let her...but its hard when you think you're getting a nice christian extended family, but the wolf wheres sheep clothing. I'm kinda the opposite I'm a sheep in wolf clothing

[ytsirk27]

no, we dont live with him. Hes been an ass to jeff evr since they have known eachother. when i was preggo with my first child he got drunk came over to my hounse and we were outside and jumped out of his truck and tried to kill jedss. He was going to strangle him. My problem is he NEVER was there whrn i needed him.. im sorry but he would go up to the bar when i was 7 at night when i was asleep and id wake up and he wouldnt be thre. He NEVER was home and now i found somebody and now he gets all sentimental..... Jeff has always been nice to him even with the rude remarks he says. We got him ea lab puppy. My husband built a dog box for him.....hes helped him out on alot of things and all he does is critisize. As for the shouldnt have told me husband......I NEEDED to tell him. We promised from now on well tell eachother everything. It was also kinda hard to hide the fact that he was here when he called and could tell osmething was very wrong after i hung up! We spend time together without Jeff all the time...and all he does is bad mouth him. Im not yelling at any of you im just aggravated and im fixing to break ties....I am also fixin to tell him i know hes not my real dad and i would appreciate the truth..im 29 yrs old and just found out 1 yr ago.....thats F&*^$% up I dont care who you are!!

[LunasMomma]

I know I don't know you or your "Dad" or your husband. But my first impression of this situation is that your Dad has a problem with your marriage because you are no longer taking care of HIM. Does that make any sense?

Does he have any other kids/relatives/close friends?

[rachelsyorkie]

Being honest is great, but if someone said your friend is fat & stupid & you like both people, if you tell them what they said you will be pretty much just doing it & hurting their feelings & then what does it say about you if you continue to hang around that person. It will just never work, cause you cant take it back once its said. So I deal like this, I will say thats my friend, husband, sister... And no one is perfect, they have some wonderful qualities, try to see the good in people & I wouldnt let them talk bad about you either cause i'm a good friend. You would need different words but its kinda the same senerio. I take up for everyone & I keep the hurtful things secret to protect those I love, I know it makes me a liar but telling the truth never got me anywhere anyways.lol.And think hard about telling your dad that secret because it will become very real once you tell him & just like the other you cant take it back once its out. Once you know. he knows you know it is going to be a whole nother ball game.

[sweetr72]

You don't "owe" anyone anything!! You deserve respect as it sounds like you give plenty to him..maybe more than he deserves!! You have every right to stand up for your husband and his feelings. If my father made that offer to me to leave Phil...that would be our last conversation. Would you allow a friend to treat you like this? I doubt you would..most wouldnt..so your dad shouldnt be allowed to treat you any different than any other human being should treat you. Again..let me say...YOU DONT OWE HIM FOR ANYTHING...life isnt getting something and paying someone back. He chose to raise you and for that you dont have to repay him by being treated unkindly...its not fair and its not right!! I noticed in one of your posts that your dad came over drunk? Does he have a drinking problem at all? If so..have you ever considered Alanon..PM if you have any questions about that program...it truely saved my life and still does. Huge hugs...and dont carry this burden around with you...demand respect!!!

Dawn