ok...lots of, off topic discussions tonight

[tammy8833]

hello
i have another question, its about parenting
i have a boy that is 18 months old, my husband is gone all week and it is just me and jayson. I am having a hard time putting him on a schedule, because we never did it before. He sleeps in our bed, im scared to put him in his bed, im scared he will fall and get hurt very seriously, but my biggest problem is patience!! i have none!! i dont know what to do. I am so mean!! it upsets me but he never, ever listens to me!! i will say no half a dozen times and he wont even look my way....then i will either put him in time out or smack his legs. but when i put him in time out he wont stay. He repeatedly messes with the sames things i tell him not too, every single day!!! i get so mad at him!!! he whines all the time instead of trying to talk, he whines for no reason sometimes, i guess it is the terrible twos...i really feel like i love my yorkies better sometimes, which is wrong but they behave some much better, my mom just teases me about it saything that pay back is hell. i know my husband has no clue how bad i can get, im a yeller...i feel so bad but in the same token i an warn out on saying "no"!! and when my husband does come home, if i want to run do the store i am expected to take our son, it doesnt matter if i am going two minutes up the street.
one of the things that grates on my nerves, is jayson (son) pulling books off the book shelve and throwing them around the house, he is doing that right now, also getting in to the dogs food and water and making huge messes. i love him so much but i dont know what to do and i dont want him to grow up and be a juvey!! i want a polite, sweet boy!!! i know i need to spend more time working with him and im trying i bought a bunch of books today and we are working on communicating but it is so hard with the male species and even harder when they cant tell you what they need too!!!!
Help!! feel like beating my head on the desk right now!!
Sorry this was soooooooooooo long
Please any suggestions would be greatly appreciated

[red98vett]

To tell you the truth - It sounds like you weren't ready for kids -

I don't want to sound mean - but you could and SHOULD take a parenting course - he is a BABY...18 months a great fun age - but also the busiest times for a baby - they are curious about everything.

For him to be well adjusted - slapping his legs and yelling is the opposite of what you need to do. When he is getting into things - PUT THEM UP....if you feel you're losing patience - WALK AWAY and take deep breaths. If you're just repeating the word 'NO' to him constantly - he will tune you out.

You need to take the time to work with him and distract him from what you don't want him doing. Find constructive things for him to play with - take him outside....interact with him - PRAISE HIM when he does well - A child that is constantly getting yelled at will just act out because that's ALL they know.

Also - he needs to be in his OWN bed. My kids slept with me alot - but I never experienced the feelings you are - they did because I LOVED having them with me...not out of fear of them falling or getting hurt. Kids do really well on schedules - and if he's running the show - you will just have a wild kid on your hands.....

You sound young.... but having a baby is a FULL TIME JOB and not one you can pick and choose because of how you feel. IF I were you - I would talk to someone and see if you can get a sitter - take some time away for yourself - or get him in a good day care program where he can be with other little kids.....There is ALOT you can do - but what you just said isn't the best way to be raising a baby - SORRY !! I don't want you to be offended ....but you sound like you're on your way to really becoming frustrated and resentful - and that can lead to child abuse.

I would seriously think about trying to work harder at parenting or finding someone who can offer you some advice on how to cope a little better. By buying the books - you sound like you DO know this and that's a great start - just use what you learn and take it a step at a time......

I can so remember my kids at that age - EVERYTHING was a joy. I am one of those moms that thinks every age is a great age - but you should be treasuring your baby - not resenting him. I wish you all the best - I hope you find some happiness in your son - he won't be a baby forever - and one day you'll miss this !!

[GeorgiesMomma]

I agree with Villette but also wanted to add that I am sure it doesn't help that your husband isn't there and when he is he doesn't allow you a break. I know it has to be tough but remember (and please don't take offense) but your son didn't ask to be here that was a decision you and your husband made. One last thing I think that children are a reflection of you and if you are frustrated they will be as well, and like I always tell my niece (who I raise) no one responds well to yelling both parties just stop listening to each other. Okay I have one more thing back on the husband topic he needs to know that you need his help, men don't always see things like we do. Explain to him that you need a break on weekends when he comes home go to the spa, get your hair done something to help you exhale.

[tammy8833]

hi
i wasnt ready for kids, i will def. admit that i was engaged an on birth control, but i guess accidents, happen, and dont get me wrng i love my baby, he is also a very sweet loving attentive baby, but i do get tired, i guess it is because i am by my self the majority of the time. i also liek him sleeping with me too, but i know he needs his own bed...he is such a cuddler..lol..my mom has been saying to take him to the old babysitter twice a week, which i need to, to socialize him, i am also signing us up for baby gym in july. we go to the park, and out to lunch, today when went to different pet shops to look at bunnies, birds, cats, fish, turtles, etc...maybe i made it sound a little worse then it is...i in no way smack his legs hard enough to hurt him, just get his attention...i went around a few minutes ago changing things in the house, taking reachable things and putting them away, i a looking for the screw driver to but the saftey stuff on the cabinets, we are also working on the ABC's and 123..i guess being all day every day it gets the better of me, every once in awhile..i would never harm my baby for so many reason, one is he is so little he was born so early im scared of him getting hurt easily.. time out is working a little bit, after my initial posting i cooled down and was able to take it one step at a time. i am young but my husband is older and that helps balance things when he is gone, i am also not used to my husband being gone for weeks at a time, this is so new to me. i love my family..please dont think that im a terrible mother..
also love the things he does, i always say that i hope he stays cute and cuddley forever, he hugs and blow kisses, rubs my back..i love please dont think any different and i do not resent him in any way...he my little man..

[red98vett]

Tammy - what you just said is great - and a good step ...I agree it can be very frustrating raising kids - and you do sound like you want to feel better about things - I bet you get all sorts of good advice here ....and all the best to you and your son. I'd LOVE to have mine back to little babies I miss it so much !!

[GeorgiesMomma]

I think it's a great idea to putting him in a camp or a daycare a couple of days a week, even if it's for half the day just to give you some time to breath. It will all work out I believe God doesn't give you anything you can't handle.

[tammy8833]

i believe the same thing that god doesnt give you more than you can handle

[Baileys_Momma]

Tammy, thank you so much for posting this and asking for help. I myself was and am a young mother of 5 children (I am 30) and had my youngest at 22 which I was not ready for. Being a SAHM of an 18 mo. old is a tough job and I too have no patience for it. Just a few suggestions:

1: when he starts acting up have you tried re-directing his attention to something more useful? Just like we do our Yorkies when they are chewing on something they aren't suppose to, give them a bully stick and send them on their way. You can do the same for your son, put him in his high chair and give him a coloring book and non-toxic crayons. This way he is out of harms way and you can watch him while doing other things.

2. Make time for one on one time with him. This was very hard for me because I too have no patience and no desire then to spend time ooing and ahhhing over my child. Set aside 2-3 30 min. breaks for just you and him. Sit and talk to him, hold him, read to him, sing to him, take a bath or a walk with him. This will give you two some bonding time and again he will be out of trouble because you will be right there.

3. Have you thought about a part time job? I am sure you don't want to put him in daycare, I didn't either but you need your sanity too to be a good mom. You need adult human contact not goo goo gah gah all day. Allowing you to have a life outside of your home is not only good for you but for your son and husband. I know this helped me tremendously when my daughter was younger. Although I worked just enough to pay for her daycare it was worth it because I got out of the house and had ME time on a daily basis.

I hope this helps, if even a little. Please know I am here and you can PM me anytime. I am no expert at raising children but I do have lots of experience as all 5 of my children are little (under the age of 9). I'd be happy to help, or just lend an ear for you to vent any time.

[kristalk2006]

Hi Tammy,

I read your initial post and I could tell by reading it that you were writting it when you were over whelmed...believe me I do feel like that some days, and any parent who says they have never had those days are lying. I have a son who is 3 and a daughter who is 2.
I love my kids, but I also need my space sometimes. Villette is absouletly right when she says he needs to be in his OWN bed. He does, and every night you allow him to sleep in your bed you are making the problem worse. My kids both come into my room in the morning when they wake up and cuddle with me and on weekends sleep with me for an hour or so, but they know where there bed is and that is where they go every night. Sometimes just that hour or two at night when they are sleeping helps a ton as well.

Also, please discuss this with your husband.

All the best!

[tammy8833]

Bailys Mama: Thank you so much, you were right on the mark and the advice you gave made since, i was actually in tears that some one understood exactly how i felt!!!
it has been really hard with my husbands job excallating, i never see him and he is very businessy, great husband, father, son in law, provider etc.....But i miss him and he is so great with jayson
Thanks again for understanding and god bless you with 5 of them..lol


Kristalk: thank you, jayson Does need to be in his own bed, my parents & family never leave me alone about it and i pester my husband about it, and i know that I have to do this, i do have him taking naps in his bed, just not "night time naps"

i appreciate everyone input, thanks!!!

[Baileys_Momma]

Originally Posted by tammy8833

Bailys Mama: Thank you so much, you were right on the mark and the advice you gave made since, i was actually in tears that some one understood exactly how i felt!!!
it has been really hard with my husbands job excallating, i never see him and he is very businessy, great husband, father, son in law, provider etc.....But i miss him and he is so great with jayson
Thanks again for understanding and god bless you with 5 of them..lol


Kristalk: thank you, jayson Does need to be in his own bed, my parents & family never leave me alone about it and i pester my husband about it, and i know that I have to do this, i do have him taking naps in his bed, just not "night time naps"

i appreciate everyone input, thanks!!!

I'm glad I could help. Please know I am here if you ever want to talk!!

[tammy8833]

kristalk: i was overwhelmed thank you for noticing that, it gets hard but i know its all worth it!!

[bettyeanne]

Tammy ... I totally understand where you are and sounds like you are working very hard to find solutions. A lot of years ago, I had a young mother in my employ and her little one was without a doubt the most unruly, distructive child I have ever seen!! Many, many times she would come to work in tears! I couldn't count the times that she would talk about his ignoring her and we had lots of conversations about her guilt when she would hit him! The solution for her was so simple and totally turned their lives around ... Mark wasn't listening because he couldn't hear her!! Her doctor just didn't catch it ... after surgery on those little ears he was the sweetest little boy and so eager to learn. The guilt of this mother almost destroyed her, both before and after! He grew up to be the smartest young man ... straight A student in school and an absolute joy! We will be thinking of you and your little one and keeping you all in our prayers!

[tammy8833]

thank you!

[red98vett]

Originally Posted by bettyeanne

Tammy ... I totally understand where you are and sounds like you are working very hard to find solutions. A lot of years ago, I had a young mother in my employ and her little one was without a doubt the most unruly, distructive child I have ever seen!! Many, many times she would come to work in tears! I couldn't count the times that she would talk about his ignoring her and we had lots of conversations about her guilt when she would hit him! The solution for her was so simple and totally turned their lives around ... Mark wasn't listening because he couldn't hear her!! Her doctor just didn't catch it ... after surgery on those little ears he was the sweetest little boy and so eager to learn. The guilt of this mother almost destroyed her, both before and after! He grew up to be the smartest young man ... straight A student in school and an absolute joy! We will be thinking of you and your little one and keeping you all in our prayers!

wow - that goes to show that we just never know do we ? Amazing story and thanks for sharing that......I need to ask my youngest how HIS hearing is lol