To tell you the truth - It sounds like you weren't ready for kids -
I don't want to sound mean - but you could and SHOULD take a parenting course - he is a BABY...18 months a great fun age - but also the busiest times for a baby - they are curious about
everything.
For him to be well adjusted - slapping his legs and yelling is the
opposite of what you need to do. When he is getting into things - PUT THEM UP....if you feel you're losing patience - WALK AWAY and take deep breaths. If you're just repeating the word 'NO' to him constantly - he will tune you out.
You need to take the time to work with him and distract him from what you don't want him doing. Find constructive things for him to play with - take him outside....interact with him - PRAISE HIM when he does well - A child that is constantly getting yelled at will just act out because that's ALL they know.
Also - he needs to be in his OWN bed. My kids slept with me alot - but I never experienced the feelings you are - they did because I LOVED having them with me...not out of fear of them falling or getting hurt. Kids do really well on schedules - and if he's running the show - you will just have a wild kid on your hands.....
You sound young.... but having a baby is a FULL TIME JOB and not one you can pick and choose because of how you feel. IF I were you - I would talk to someone and see if you can get a sitter - take some time away for yourself - or get him in a good day care program where he can be with other little kids.....There is ALOT you can do - but what you just said isn't the best way to be raising a baby - SORRY !! I don't want you to be offended ....but you sound like you're on your way to really becoming frustrated and resentful - and that can lead to child abuse.
I would seriously think about trying to work harder at parenting or finding someone who can offer you some advice on how to cope a little better. By buying the books - you sound like you DO know this and that's a great start - just use what you learn and take it a step at a time......
I can so remember my kids at that age - EVERYTHING was a joy.
I am one of those moms that thinks every age is a great age - but you should be treasuring your baby - not resenting him. I wish you all the best - I hope you find some happiness in your son - he won't be a baby forever - and one day you'll miss this !!