Need advice for moms of teens or post teens - Page 2 - YorkieTalk.com Forums

Rockster's Mom · 03-31-2006, 12:12 PM

I have a 4yr old step-daughter and I am dreading the teenage years. If I did that stuff when I was you daughter's age, my parents would have taken ALL my previleges away. I would have no car, no money, no tv/VCR/stereo, and would not be able to leave the house. I probably would only have a bed and clothes in my room. Heck, I would have not put past my mom to go to all my class with me.

mustangbee · 03-31-2006, 12:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rockster's Mom

I have a 4yr old step-daughter and I am dreading the teenage years. If I did that stuff when I was you daughter's age, my parents would have taken ALL my previleges away. I would have no car, no money, no tv/VCR/stereo, and would not be able to leave the house. I probably would only have a bed and clothes in my room. Heck, I would have not put past my mom to go to all my class with me.

LOL

I told my kids if they ever ditched school I would be right there with them.
My Niece was always out of class, my Brother-in-Law had no idea what to do.
I told him I'd take care of it. Well she didn't want to go to school. I told her School was her job, if she didn't go then her parents would not do their jobs, so cell phones had to go, no money of cabel and so on. The next day I picked her up, took her to the school office, and informed the school I was going to need a desk in all her classes, as I was going to stay. After one day, she wanted to go to school. She never ditched again. I guess lesson was learned.

teri88 · 03-31-2006, 01:15 PM

Sometimes it's just so exaughsting to be a mom, isn't it? I've been blessed with two really good kids. No cutting school here. But when Megan's grades started to slip we talked about what had changed. She realized she was staying up too late on the computer. (2 or 3 am!) She also realized that she couldn't get good grades if she did that, so she decided to cut back on her own. Our church has a saying "Teach correct principles and let them guide themselves" My kids know what is expected of them and MOST of the time they do it. When they don't we talk....and we take away priviledges and we try to find a solution together. (No, this is not the Brady Bunch, plenty of yelling and door slamming goes on in the process). My son has a couple of friends I absolutly can not stand. They are brothers, and they are trouble from the get go. When he got into some trouble with them he was told he had lost the priviledge of hanging out with them. But it couldn't stop there, we couldn't just tell him not to hang with them, we had to fill his time with other stuff. He had wanted to join a gym, so we signed him up. He started going there and it helped to meet other people. Every teen is different and they all HATE their parents at times. Kevin just today said "I hate this family" when he did I said "Well, we aren't too thrilled with you either right now" Just keep in mind that someday they will have kids of their own and you get the last laugh. My mother certainly did!

Rockster's Mom · 03-31-2006, 01:22 PM

Even though I am starting motherhood with a 4yr step-daughter, I am starting to understand the "Mother's Curse". My mom would always say to me when I was in trouble "Just wait, you kids are going to pull the same stuff on you as you are trying to with me and I did with my mom." I a firm believer that parents pretty much know what kids are doing at all times and the kids have to realized the the moms and dads and been there and done that. Of course I did not figure any of that out until I moved on on my own and realize WOW Mom and Dad were right about alot of stuff.

Madvelazquez · 03-31-2006, 01:40 PM

It is very tough being a parent to teenage kids. I have two kids, one 18 (the boy) and the other 19 (the girl). My daughter was and still is a blessing. Never had any sort of problems with her. No lying, no missing school, no attitudes, no hanging out etc.. She is college as we speak and she still calls me to ask if she can go places. Now my SON, oh boy! You name it, he did it. Even now at 18 he is still giving me headaches. He is getting better at it. I think its a stage they go through, but you have to put your foot down and be stern with her. Just be careful on how you handle the situation because they are in a rebellious stage right now and sometimes it makes matters worst. I wish you the best of luck! It will get better!

Claire · 03-31-2006, 01:41 PM

Just remember that you are doing the best that you can do with raising your children and that this phase will eventually end.

mypet · 03-31-2006, 01:58 PM

I have two teens one 17 the other 13 so I hope I can give good advice. Go to school and activities with her. She will be so embarrassed that you will never have this problem again. It sounds like the boyfriend is bad news, but don't get between them. It will only push her closer. I have a feeling the boyfriend will give her a hard time when he realizes she will have to live by your rules or be the laughing stock at school then she will see that he is a jerk. People ask me all the time how I have raised such good children. I tell them it is the love of God and the fear of Mom! I'm meaner than they are and I have alot more tricks up my sleeze then they can even imagine! She will appreciate you for this later.
Good Luck!

Baby Blessing · 03-31-2006, 02:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bchgirl

Soft approach nothing....lock her in the dang closet

Not really, but if she were mine, her privileges would be history. You earn privileges, they are not rights. If the behavior warrants that a child can not be trusted...they are the cause of lost privileges not YOU. If I had to call school every day, so be it. If I have to call to determine where she was because I don't trust her, so be that too.

Good luck and as the mother of a 13 year old...I ain't looking forward to her getting any older

I agree totally with bchgirl here. Bchgirl, after reading your post here, you will do fine there with your 13 year old as she is getting older. We wiish we could relive the years our 2 daughters and son were home, we sure enjoyed those years they were home. Patti

Tiggerwit · 03-31-2006, 04:15 PM

Thanks for all the advice, I appreciate it. It's been hard, I have my girls most of the time so sometimes I just get over stressed about it. As rude as this sounds, I would just love a few days to myself.

Dad is taking her this weekend so maybe that will help. She's normally a good kid, just made some bad choices these past few weeks. We've talked but she didn't say much. I agree with bchgirl about earning privledges and this is something I tell both girls all the time. Therefore, I took her phone, internet, and driving privledges until her grades come back up. I've also limited the boyfriend time. He's a good kid too for the most part. This is my daughter's first "true love" she thinks. And txshopper73, no birth control although I've asked a few times if it's necessary and to be sure to let me know. Lord help me but I'm guessing it will be soon.

Ponyup you remind me of my youngest. She struggles with her identity a alot and the friend thing is something I have an issue with too. She's got just a handful of friend and some are bad eggs in my opinion and I won't let her go over to their house. She is one of a kind I'll tell you. Makes me proud though at her beliefs. She's got some pretty strong convictions and doesn't stereotype much. She absolutely refuses to clean her room. She says it's because I'm always asking if it's done or whatnot. She says that if I stop asking her to clean it she will, only reason she doesn't is because I won't leave her alone about it.

Mustangbee: "When my kids do something I don't like, I always ask them what would you do if your kids did that." They say, we wouldn't care.

As for the boyfriend, well to them he's just a really good friend, my best friend. They both like him ok, he's been around for almost 5 years. We really only do the boyfriend/girlfriend thing when the kids aren't around to be honest. As weird as it is, it's working for us for now.

Recently though I told him to piss or get off the pot because I wasn't doing this for very much longer. (that's another story though.)

But thanks everyone for listening and advising. I just needed folks to talk to and I don't have many around here that I can.

chuse

Tashasmom · 03-31-2006, 05:16 PM

These are the hardest times as a mom. I know. I have a son that turns 18 in june..two teen daughters 15 and 13 and a 3 year old son.
The way I have ran my house is i am not THEIR FRIEND but i am their MOM. They have plenty of friends but only one mom. You can't guide a teen while trying to be their friend. You can be there you can listen and you can help them with their problems but the minute you get on the friend level you've lost the game. I would take away all of her privelages..she may hate you now but later will thank you. It's hard but it's in their best interest. I allow my kids their space to a certain degree. If the boyfriend is a problem and you feel he is a bad influence then don't allow her to go out with him. It's our job to make decisions for our kids. My son went out with a girl that was allowed to do what she wanted..next thing I know my son wanted to do what he wanted. He no longer was allowed to see her. He hated me for a long time for that. NOw he thanks me cause he met a girl that likes what he likes and he's happy with her. I come down hard when they do things they aren't allowed. I am strict..but we have to be to guide them right. NOw he's almost 18 and we are friends now. He isn't raised all the way but he's getting ready to move out on his own and we have a good relationship. He survived me being strict and I survived him. But i know i did what was best for him. I think too much freedom is bad for kids. But I also think being too strict is as well..good luck..

yorkiemom1970 · 03-31-2006, 05:34 PM

I did the same things your daughter is doing when i was a teen myself. I skipped school a couple times and told some lies to my parents about where I was...oh man! i'll tell ya what really works...take the CAR and or the car privilidges ! teens should be allowed to have relationships with whom they choose as long as they are healthy relationships. most teens are gonna skip class, practice , whatever. i wouldn't blame it on the boyfriend, i would blame it on her, because she makes her own decisions to do these things she's doing. take my advice, TAKE THE CAR for a while! they HATE that! (if she has a phone, i'd take that too for a little while) when grades start improving, and she is being honest with you about things, gradually give back privlidges. worked for me!! i wish you the best, and please know i have an upcoming pre-teen daughter myself and i'm ready and waiting for anything she may pull on me!

yougetthesmiles · 03-31-2006, 07:05 PM

UGH! This is not sounding good, mom! What was her reason for skipping school?
I have a 15 yr old daughter who will be turning 16 in July and knock on wood, so far she has not given me any trouble, sure she is moody and likes boys, but I have set the ground rules and she knows I will kick her fanny if they are broken, but I'm scared to death about the up coming years, and to make it worst I have 2 more daughters to deal with! DOUBLE UGH!!!!

Jeniferlee · 03-31-2006, 08:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JeanieK

As for blaming the boyfriend. Your children have their own brain and it is up to them to use it to make wise decisions. His mother might be blaming your daughter.

That could be, I can't suggest much because we told my 17 step daughter to dump the boyfriend, and instead she dumped US! She left a month ago, a 3. student went getting an F and maybe not able to graduate in less than 2 months! It is sad, she will not listen, we tried the be nice, the we tired the harsh no bs stuff and that got us NO WHERE...... All I can say is if I had it to do over again, I guess I would just listen and try not to open my mouth to much......Just be there for her when she falls....
Until she turned 16 1/2 she was an angel, the best kid a parent could have ever asked for!!!!
So good luck!!!! And keep a smile on because it gets rough before it gets better......

Tashasmom · 03-31-2006, 09:33 PM

I read my post and i sounded so harsh...lol..i guess what i was saying was mom first friend second..

friesianlady · 04-01-2006, 05:04 AM

I can tell you its hard raising children today, I have 5 children, 3 girls and 2 boys. You have to pick your battles, the more we say don't, they do. Its one step at a time. School is so important, that was one thing I did stress upon. Unfortunately there is no magic book on raising children, each one is different and what works on one does not work on the other. Just hang in there.

03-31-2006, 01:15 PM	#18
teri88 Donating YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: NJ Posts: 4,021	Sometimes it's just so exaughsting to be a mom, isn't it? I've been blessed with two really good kids. No cutting school here. But when Megan's grades started to slip we talked about what had changed. She realized she was staying up too late on the computer. (2 or 3 am!) She also realized that she couldn't get good grades if she did that, so she decided to cut back on her own. Our church has a saying "Teach correct principles and let them guide themselves" My kids know what is expected of them and MOST of the time they do it. When they don't we talk....and we take away priviledges and we try to find a solution together. (No, this is not the Brady Bunch, plenty of yelling and door slamming goes on in the process). My son has a couple of friends I absolutly can not stand. They are brothers, and they are trouble from the get go. When he got into some trouble with them he was told he had lost the priviledge of hanging out with them. But it couldn't stop there, we couldn't just tell him not to hang with them, we had to fill his time with other stuff. He had wanted to join a gym, so we signed him up. He started going there and it helped to meet other people. Every teen is different and they all HATE their parents at times. Kevin just today said "I hate this family" when he did I said "Well, we aren't too thrilled with you either right now" Just keep in mind that someday they will have kids of their own and you get the last laugh. My mother certainly did! __________________ Teri Owned by and completely devoted to Tucker... Maddie, we will always love you *Bandit, you are always in my heart* Proud Member SSLS

03-31-2006, 01:41 PM	#21
Claire YT Addict Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Louisiana Posts: 484	Just remember that you are doing the best that you can do with raising your children and that this phase will eventually end. __________________

03-31-2006, 04:15 PM	#24
Tiggerwit Just me 'n my boys Donating Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Murphy, TX Posts: 4,596	Thanks for all the advice, I appreciate it. It's been hard, I have my girls most of the time so sometimes I just get over stressed about it. As rude as this sounds, I would just love a few days to myself. Dad is taking her this weekend so maybe that will help. She's normally a good kid, just made some bad choices these past few weeks. We've talked but she didn't say much. I agree with bchgirl about earning privledges and this is something I tell both girls all the time. Therefore, I took her phone, internet, and driving privledges until her grades come back up. I've also limited the boyfriend time. He's a good kid too for the most part. This is my daughter's first "true love" she thinks. And txshopper73, no birth control although I've asked a few times if it's necessary and to be sure to let me know. Lord help me but I'm guessing it will be soon. Ponyup you remind me of my youngest. She struggles with her identity a alot and the friend thing is something I have an issue with too. She's got just a handful of friend and some are bad eggs in my opinion and I won't let her go over to their house. She is one of a kind I'll tell you. Makes me proud though at her beliefs. She's got some pretty strong convictions and doesn't stereotype much. She absolutely refuses to clean her room. She says it's because I'm always asking if it's done or whatnot. She says that if I stop asking her to clean it she will, only reason she doesn't is because I won't leave her alone about it. Mustangbee: "When my kids do something I don't like, I always ask them what would you do if your kids did that." They say, we wouldn't care. As for the boyfriend, well to them he's just a really good friend, my best friend. They both like him ok, he's been around for almost 5 years. We really only do the boyfriend/girlfriend thing when the kids aren't around to be honest. As weird as it is, it's working for us for now. Recently though I told him to piss or get off the pot because I wasn't doing this for very much longer. (that's another story though.) But thanks everyone for listening and advising. I just needed folks to talk to and I don't have many around here that I can. chuse __________________ "Be kinder than necessary, for everyone is fighting some kind of battle." Alphy 's Roxy

03-31-2006, 05:16 PM	#25
Tashasmom YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Indiana Posts: 950	These are the hardest times as a mom. I know. I have a son that turns 18 in june..two teen daughters 15 and 13 and a 3 year old son. The way I have ran my house is i am not THEIR FRIEND but i am their MOM. They have plenty of friends but only one mom. You can't guide a teen while trying to be their friend. You can be there you can listen and you can help them with their problems but the minute you get on the friend level you've lost the game. I would take away all of her privelages..she may hate you now but later will thank you. It's hard but it's in their best interest. I allow my kids their space to a certain degree. If the boyfriend is a problem and you feel he is a bad influence then don't allow her to go out with him. It's our job to make decisions for our kids. My son went out with a girl that was allowed to do what she wanted..next thing I know my son wanted to do what he wanted. He no longer was allowed to see her. He hated me for a long time for that. NOw he thanks me cause he met a girl that likes what he likes and he's happy with her. I come down hard when they do things they aren't allowed. I am strict..but we have to be to guide them right. NOw he's almost 18 and we are friends now. He isn't raised all the way but he's getting ready to move out on his own and we have a good relationship. He survived me being strict and I survived him. But i know i did what was best for him. I think too much freedom is bad for kids. But I also think being too strict is as well..good luck.. __________________ LOVE MEANS MORE THAN JUST HUGS & KISSES!!

03-31-2006, 09:33 PM	#29
Tashasmom YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Indiana Posts: 950	I read my post and i sounded so harsh...lol..i guess what i was saying was mom first friend second.. __________________ LOVE MEANS MORE THAN JUST HUGS & KISSES!!

03-31-2006, 12:12 PM	#16
Rockster's Mom Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Fort Worth, Texas Posts: 1,279	I have a 4yr old step-daughter and I am dreading the teenage years. If I did that stuff when I was you daughter's age, my parents would have taken ALL my previleges away. I would have no car, no money, no tv/VCR/stereo, and would not be able to leave the house. I probably would only have a bed and clothes in my room. Heck, I would have not put past my mom to go to all my class with me.

03-31-2006, 01:22 PM	#19
Rockster's Mom Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Fort Worth, Texas Posts: 1,279	Even though I am starting motherhood with a 4yr step-daughter, I am starting to understand the "Mother's Curse". My mom would always say to me when I was in trouble "Just wait, you kids are going to pull the same stuff on you as you are trying to with me and I did with my mom." I a firm believer that parents pretty much know what kids are doing at all times and the kids have to realized the the moms and dads and been there and done that. Of course I did not figure any of that out until I moved on on my own and realize WOW Mom and Dad were right about alot of stuff.

03-31-2006, 01:40 PM	#20
Madvelazquez Donating YT Addict Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: New Jersey Posts: 520	It is very tough being a parent to teenage kids. I have two kids, one 18 (the boy) and the other 19 (the girl). My daughter was and still is a blessing. Never had any sort of problems with her. No lying, no missing school, no attitudes, no hanging out etc.. She is college as we speak and she still calls me to ask if she can go places. Now my SON, oh boy! You name it, he did it. Even now at 18 he is still giving me headaches. He is getting better at it. I think its a stage they go through, but you have to put your foot down and be stern with her. Just be careful on how you handle the situation because they are in a rebellious stage right now and sometimes it makes matters worst. I wish you the best of luck! It will get better!

03-31-2006, 01:58 PM	#22
mypet YorkieTalk Newbie! Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: reform Posts: 5	I have two teens one 17 the other 13 so I hope I can give good advice. Go to school and activities with her. She will be so embarrassed that you will never have this problem again. It sounds like the boyfriend is bad news, but don't get between them. It will only push her closer. I have a feeling the boyfriend will give her a hard time when he realizes she will have to live by your rules or be the laughing stock at school then she will see that he is a jerk. People ask me all the time how I have raised such good children. I tell them it is the love of God and the fear of Mom! I'm meaner than they are and I have alot more tricks up my sleeze then they can even imagine! She will appreciate you for this later. Good Luck!

03-31-2006, 05:34 PM	#26
yorkiemom1970 No Longer a Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: North Carolina Posts: 1,947	I did the same things your daughter is doing when i was a teen myself. I skipped school a couple times and told some lies to my parents about where I was...oh man! i'll tell ya what really works...take the CAR and or the car privilidges ! teens should be allowed to have relationships with whom they choose as long as they are healthy relationships. most teens are gonna skip class, practice , whatever. i wouldn't blame it on the boyfriend, i would blame it on her, because she makes her own decisions to do these things she's doing. take my advice, TAKE THE CAR for a while! they HATE that! (if she has a phone, i'd take that too for a little while) when grades start improving, and she is being honest with you about things, gradually give back privlidges. worked for me!! i wish you the best, and please know i have an upcoming pre-teen daughter myself and i'm ready and waiting for anything she may pull on me!

03-31-2006, 07:05 PM	#27
yougetthesmiles BANNED FOR NOT MAILING PRODUCTS PURCHASED Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Indiana Posts: 9,295 Blog Entries: 3	UGH! This is not sounding good, mom! What was her reason for skipping school? I have a 15 yr old daughter who will be turning 16 in July and knock on wood, so far she has not given me any trouble, sure she is moody and likes boys, but I have set the ground rules and she knows I will kick her fanny if they are broken, but I'm scared to death about the up coming years, and to make it worst I have 2 more daughters to deal with! DOUBLE UGH!!!!

04-01-2006, 05:04 AM	#30
friesianlady Donating YT Addict Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: NEW HAMPSHIRE Posts: 426	I can tell you its hard raising children today, I have 5 children, 3 girls and 2 boys. You have to pick your battles, the more we say don't, they do. Its one step at a time. School is so important, that was one thing I did stress upon. Unfortunately there is no magic book on raising children, each one is different and what works on one does not work on the other. Just hang in there.