should i tell her he's cheating?

[Sherry Lynn]

Originally Posted by cheryl000

They both lost rank and she lost her school and now instead of being a "nurse" in the navy now she chips paint.

Haha!!! But what about him? Latrine duty, I hope?

[cheryl000]

Originally Posted by Sherry Lynn

Haha!!! But what about him? Latrine duty, I hope?

Well, he already had a job on the ship and he was on his way out of the Navy anyways, so she got the worse punishment. Sometimes they sent people out to the fleet as undesignated, before they go to their schools to learn their job. If the person screws up, like she did they can lose their school and work the jobs no one wants to do. Now she will have to work VERY hard to earn a school back. They took away their liberty so when they pulled into the nice ports, they had to stay onboard. She is still married to her husband so I guess they worked stuff out.

[cheryl000]

Originally Posted by jesscruz

okay guys this is what happened today, this morning my husband asked me not to talk to "her" about it because he knew how mad i was. and he didn't want me to go wack o on her, so he said that he will have a talk with "him". well he did, my husband told him about what happened yesterday when the girl touched her belly. well my husband told him that it really upset me and that this wasn't the only time that "she" upset me with her actions towards the little girl. so my husband told me that the dad didn't know what to say, he said that "he" was upset and that he said that he is going to have a talk with his wife and his daughter, he also told my husband that he is sending the girl to her real mom's for the summer. i really hope and pray that this girl tells her mom how "she" has been treating her, that way the mom can try to get full custody of her. i am actually glad that my husband talked to him instead of me talking to her guys, because as mad as i was i might have said some really harsh things to her and she is pregnant, and i do not want to cause her any serious problems with her pregnancy. i do have a heart, but we will see how it goes tomorrow when she drops them off. i am glad that now she will be aware that the little girl does talk to me and that i will find out if she is being mean to her so hope fully she will stop, especially now that the dad knows. now if this dad does not do something about this then idk what i will do

I am glad your husband spoke to him about everything. The worst thing that can happen is the step-mother pulling the daughter out of the daycare so then you will never know what's going on in her life. Encourage the little girl to express her feelings about it to her father and her biological mother. I would look her over carefully for any marks or bruises as well in case the mother gets mad at her.

[jesscruz]

Originally Posted by cheryl000

I am glad your husband spoke to him about everything. The worst thing that can happen is the step-mother pulling the daughter out of the daycare so then you will never know what's going on in her life. Encourage the little girl to express her feelings about it to her father and her biological mother. I would look her over carefully for any marks or bruises as well in case the mother gets mad at her.

isn't it sad how much infedelity happens in the military? so sad..

[Sherry Lynn]

Originally Posted by jesscruz

isn't it sad how much infedelity happens in the military? so sad..

I don't know if it's just the military.... We have a few in our office, and it's a joke because they think they're hiding it from everyone. We have one gal in particular who has really made the rounds. The whole company talks about her and jokes about it, and she just acts as innocent as can be. No respect for themselves or others....

[cheryl000]

Originally Posted by jesscruz

isn't it sad how much infedelity happens in the military? so sad..

yup and it does give us a bad name. Esspecially the wives. All of it happening around me gave my husband and I a hard time. A deployment is hard enough and then hearing other people say "EVERYONE does it." I would get mad if my husband went drinking at ports when I was home everynight taking care of the baby. I told him there are bars anywhere and to go sight seeing and he better come home with pictures. But then all of the guys wanted to go out drinking. My husband told me that he saw one of his friends cheating on his wife. (I knew him and his wife too, she had a daughter and I think was pregnant) My husband was like, "What the hell are you doing man?" and the guy was like "Just having fun and don't tell."
But the wives do it too. Once on a pier we were watching the ship leave for it's 6 month deployment. I overheard some other wives on the pier say, "So, are you coming with me to go clubbing and find some hotties?" I didn't say anything, but the ship wasn't even out of view yet!

[jesscruz]

Originally Posted by cheryl000

yup and it does give us a bad name. Esspecially the wives. All of it happening around me gave my husband and I a hard time. A deployment is hard enough and then hearing other people say "EVERYONE does it." I would get mad if my husband went drinking at ports when I was home everynight taking care of the baby. I told him there are bars anywhere and to go sight seeing and he better come home with pictures. But then all of the guys wanted to go out drinking. My husband told me that he saw one of his friends cheating on his wife. (I knew him and his wife too, she had a daughter and I think was pregnant) My husband was like, "What the hell are you doing man?" and the guy was like "Just having fun and don't tell."
But the wives do it too. Once on a pier we were watching the ship leave for it's 6 month deployment. I overheard some other wives on the pier say, "So, are you coming with me to go clubbing and find some hotties?" I didn't say anything, but the ship wasn't even out of view yet!

i always wonder, why get married int he first place

[cheryl000]

Originally Posted by jesscruz

i always wonder, why get married int he first place

Alot of people in the military do it for the extra pay. If you get married you get a dependent. Then you can get off of the ship and earn BAH and can live out in the town. People who aren't high ranking enough do this alot, because it can mean an extra thousand dollars in some places. I knew a person who made a deal with a girl and married her in vegas, she got paid $400 a month from him. People can get into big trouble for it, but again it's hard to prove.

[txshopper73]

Originally Posted by jesscruz

now if this dad does not do something about this then idk what i will do

If he does nothing, I would contact CPS. Like I told you, it does not have to be physical abuse to be reported.

[centralnewyorki]

Originally Posted by Sherry Lynn

I don't know if it's just the military.... We have a few in our office, and it's a joke because they think they're hiding it from everyone. We have one gal in particular who has really made the rounds. The whole company talks about her and jokes about it, and she just acts as innocent as can be. No respect for themselves or others....

My bf's office is like that too! The guys are a lot of fun, but definitely not what you would call moral. One of Jason's good friends at the office has a girl friend, (totally messed-up situation in itself, but that's a whole other story!) a girl from work on the side, and he went out to a bar the other week to be with another gir! His (married) boss cheated with another co-worker's wife, and I just heard one of his other coworkers cheated on his wife with a girl in the office (who is also married.) At one of their recent office parties, one of the girls drank way to much and devulged way too much office gossip (and was later fired!)- that's just way too risky, IMO. Perhaps it's the fact that I have a conscience, but I just couldn't do it!

I'm glad things are getting taken care of with the little girl, Jess! Thank goodness she has you in her life!

[Francie]

Originally Posted by jesscruz

okay guys here i go, i have this couple that i am babysitting for, "he" is my husbands friend, and i do not really like "her", the reason that i do not like her is because she really mistreats her stepdaughter(it's his daughter from a prvious marriage that he has custody of) and she is just soooo snobby. anyways i heard from my hubby and a couple of other friends that he has been messing around with 2 airforce girls. how do i know this is true welllll, my husband is on a volleyball team, "he" has been telling "her" that he is going to practice for thiss volleyball team, but my husband told me that he is not apart of this team, and that he uses that as an exscuse to go see these girls so idk what to do! i see "her" everymorning when she drops off the kids, oh ya and she is 5 months pregnant and i just think to myself how could you not know, i have droped hints that he is not on the volleyball team so many times that even a 3 yr old would figure it out! i even asked "him" in front of her, "so how was your volleyball practice" and he wouldn't answer me. i feel like i should stay out of it, because it is none of my buisness and plus i do not like her AT ALL. see let me explain why i don't like this woman, her son is 5(this boy is "their" son) i taught him how to stop wetting his bed, how to brush his teeth, how to fold clothes, how to tie his shoes, and not once has she EVER said thank you she makes her stepdaughter clean the 5 yr olds bedroom, she grounds the stepdaughter for every little thing, the step daughter who is 8 told me that the last time "she" has ever gave her a kiss was when she was 3 and i believe her because when she drops them off in the morning, she gives her 5 yr old son kisses and hugs galore, but when the stepdaughter tries to hug her she just pats her back doesn't even trie to hug her back how mean and cruel is that! then the stepdaughter tells me that "she" grounded her because the new puppy chewed "her" laptop cord!!!!! well hello how is that the girls fault! ahhhhhh, i swear guys i just can't stand stepparents like that, soooo what should i do? should i tell her or not?

Hmmm...this is a really tough situation...my first instinct would be to just "keep your distance" from the whole situation...but sexually transmitted diseases being what they are today....I'd be very concerned that this selfish husband of hers might be exposing the developing fetus with something very deadly. So..if it were me...I'd say to hell with the feelings of either the wife or husband...and tell her what is going on. If she wants to turn a blind eye after that...so be it. If she wants to "kill the messenger"?...so be it.

As for the daughter...I would tell the husband exactly what the girl has told you...and that you fear for her emotional stability if it continues...not to mention the health of his yet unborn child....OH..and by the way...I told your wife about your philandering....have a great day!

JMHO


Francie

[lily's mom]

Just my humble opinion, I wouldn't worry about their relationship and would stay as close to them as possible because it sounds like you are a miracle mother figure for this poor little girl. I wouldn't want her to get cut off from seeing you. She must be comfortable and confides in you at least a little bit and she needs that very bad. What a bad situation.

[Francie]

Originally Posted by txshopper73

Another thing, get in contact with her school and talk to the counselor about the situation. Maybe they can get her into some counseling sessions. Don't know what the laws are where you are at but here, we don't have to have consent for counseling sessions. This little girl needs help and she may open up if given the chance.

I could not imagine...even from a child's standpoint...living a life where there was no love. They are so vulnerable and needy at this age. Rejection is the last thing she needs and her dad needs a kick in the ass for not seeing or doing anything about it!

I agree...it takes a Village...

Francie

[Francie]

Originally Posted by cheryl000

Okay... Here are my thoughts. Being prior military (navy) myself I have seen alot of cases of infidelity. Adultry isn't specifically covered in the UCMJ. BUT it does fall under the catch-all article 134. Adultry is VERY hard to prove and if it is, it basically is something that had a negitive impact on the command.

http://usmilitary.about.com/od/justi...a/adultery.htm
During a deployment on my husband's ship a guy made a video of himself and a married woman having sex in engineering on the ship on a bet. Rumors of the video went around and reached the upper chain of command. His first class told him to open his locker and there was the video. His first class had to watch it with the chief, which was very awkward. Anyways, they both went to mast where she FINALLY found out about the video. They made her call her husband (they have 2 kids at home) and tell him about what happened. They both lost rank and she lost her school and now instead of being a "nurse" in the navy now she chips paint.
Infidelity happens A LOT in the Navy. Most people don't trust each other. Some even have an agreement about what happens underway stays underway. I guess they can be considered swingers. They probably know about it and she's doing the same thing.
I had the same thing happen to me. My husband had a couple of friends who I really hated, but I dealt with them for him. I HATE the man because I tried to call my husband to tell him I was pregnant and the guy lied and said that my husband was out clubbing and hung up on me. That entire night I was crying because I couldn't get a hold of my husband. I will NEVER forget that. Anyways, the guy cheated on his wife religiously. It was horrible. He would bring the women over to my house and they would watch tv. It made me sick. The first time he made a motion on his ring finger and shook his head which was telling me "don't mention I'm married." Then when I was 8 months pregnant we went to McDonalds because we were waiting for my husband to get off of work. Then he told me that he doesn't like being seen with me because the hot girls will think that he's the father of the baby! I was like "YOU ARE MARRIED! You shouldn't be worried about ME messing up your game!"
Anyways, I wasn't that crazy about his wife either. But she came over after they had gotten divorced about a year later, they kept accusing each other of cheating, and she said that she knew he was. She straight up asked me if I knew anything. So I sung like a bird and it felt so good to get that off of my chest. I told her that I would have told her a LONG time ago but I didn't want to get involved. She was pretty cool about it and she was happy to at least hear how much of an A$$ he was so she made the right choice. Anyways, unless you're approached I wouldn't say anything. I know it's hard not to. Just be glad you're not in a relationship like that

Disgusting Pig......


Francie

[eensor]

Originally Posted by red98vett

If I were in your shoes - I'd sit the MAN down and tell him what you think about how his daughter is being treated - maybe HE can talk to her ...and you could always let on that you know what he's doing at his Volleyball "practices"...

maybe since you have something on him - he'll listen ?

That is what I'd do as well. This child needs someone to intervene. I'd also tell the husband that his affair is no longer a big secret and that he needs to end it or tell his wife about it. It is way to hurtful to find out from a third party if you are the betrayed spouse. Also, she deserves to know because of all the STD's that are out there.

How anyone can be mean to children or animals is beyond me!