should i tell her he's cheating?

[jesscruz]

Originally Posted by txshopper73

Hmmmmm....I know that extra marital affairs use to be frowned upon by the military and serious consequences could occur if the wronged spouse found out and reported it.

yup, my husband said that he can deranked. i think my hubby is really upset from what he saw yesterday, and knowing him, i betcha that he will have a talk with the dad, idk, we'll see how it goes and i will update you guys. thank you to everyone for your advise

[bchgirl]

I agree as someone already posted....the wife knows whether she acknowledges it or not.

As a personal witness to a similar situation with children...later on, the one they resent MORE is the natural parent who did nothing about it.

[bkessler]

Originally Posted by browniesmom622

stay out of it hes cheating cause shes a snob

Way to say it Lenora! Great response!!

[Rockster's Mom]

That poor girl!!!!! I would for sure have a talk with the with father about how his wife treats her. About the cheating thing, stay out of that. He will get caught, plus if he is miltary he is in for some trouble. MY BF said when he was in the Marines, one of his buddies got caught cheating on his wife who was pregnant at time. Well she found out and filed for divorice. Lets, just say the Marines punished him for cheating on his wife and made sure her and the baby very well taken care off. The Marines frown up on men cheating on there wifes. Anyways if this guy's buddies all know he is cheating, they are going to get fed up with covering for him. I would sit back and watch this guy crash and burn all on his own. But protecting that little girl from her evil stepmom is totally your business if you take care of her and she comes and talks to you about out. Good Luck!!!!

[cchu]

oh goodness, I hate hearing stories like this. I agree that you should stay out of it but I think I would confront her about the way she treats her step-daughter. That is horrilble. I hate to say this but maybe she deserves the infidelity.

[Sherry Lynn]

Originally Posted by txshopper73

That woman is evil. Please see if you can do something to save this little child. The rejection that she feels from this stepmonster will scar her the rest of her life.

Right now there are a lot of stories about child abuse in the NYC news. We've had some pretty horrible things happen here lately involving step parents.

I don't think you should get involved in the marriage, because I don't think you can help there, but I pray you can help this poor child!

[centralnewyorki]

As someone who has a total b!*ch for a step-mother, I truly feel for this little girl. Jess, I think you need to take the husband aside and tell him that while he may be too busy with "other things" to notice, his daughter is being mistreated by his wife. That poor little girl. I agree with what others have said- I think the wife either knows about the cheating or resents that he had a life before her and is taking it out on the little girl. It's such a shame when there are millions of families out there wanting so badly to have children and can't, and this family can just take this little girl for granted.

[Tiggerwit]

Oh sorry you've got to deal with this, it's a tough one. I don't think it's your place to tell this woman since she's not your friend. However, you are right, military frowns very heavily on this. He can lose rank and pay if his commander finds out, possibly even court martial. I don't know how good of a friend he is to your husband but if it's good, then your husband needs to let the guy know that he has put you into an uncomfortable situation and that you guys want no part of it. Although you don't care for this woman, you do care for his kids. I also agree with talking to him about his daughter and the treatment by the step mom. To be honest I would probably mention something to the step mom the next time I witnessed it.

Although, telling her may get her out of the step daughter's life...

Good luck.

[Mydogkelsey]

Originally Posted by jesscruz

okay guys here i go, i have this couple that i am babysitting for, "he" is my husbands friend, and i do not really like "her", the reason that i do not like her is because she really mistreats her stepdaughter(it's his daughter from a prvious marriage that he has custody of) and she is just soooo snobby. anyways i heard from my hubby and a couple of other friends that he has been messing around with 2 airforce girls. how do i know this is true welllll, my husband is on a volleyball team, "he" has been telling "her" that he is going to practice for thiss volleyball team, but my husband told me that he is not apart of this team, and that he uses that as an exscuse to go see these girls so idk what to do! i see "her" everymorning when she drops off the kids, oh ya and she is 5 months pregnant and i just think to myself how could you not know, i have droped hints that he is not on the volleyball team so many times that even a 3 yr old would figure it out! i even asked "him" in front of her, "so how was your volleyball practice" and he wouldn't answer me. i feel like i should stay out of it, because it is none of my buisness and plus i do not like her AT ALL. see let me explain why i don't like this woman, her son is 5(this boy is "their" son) i taught him how to stop wetting his bed, how to brush his teeth, how to fold clothes, how to tie his shoes, and not once has she EVER said thank you she makes her stepdaughter clean the 5 yr olds bedroom, she grounds the stepdaughter for every little thing, the step daughter who is 8 told me that the last time "she" has ever gave her a kiss was when she was 3 and i believe her because when she drops them off in the morning, she gives her 5 yr old son kisses and hugs galore, but when the stepdaughter tries to hug her she just pats her back doesn't even trie to hug her back how mean and cruel is that! then the stepdaughter tells me that "she" grounded her because the new puppy chewed "her" laptop cord!!!!! well hello how is that the girls fault! ahhhhhh, i swear guys i just can't stand stepparents like that, soooo what should i do? should i tell her or not?

Just b/c you dont like her doesnt mean you shouldn't tell her. I think this is something that is ruining their marriage and she deserves to know. I would tell her If i was you....just for the sake of it being wrong and maybe she'll "thank you" and respect you for telling her. I feel like there is a lot this couple needs to work out on their own, but for starters I think the wife should know, especially if kids are involved. Good luck.

[cheryl000]

Okay... Here are my thoughts. Being prior military (navy) myself I have seen alot of cases of infidelity. Adultry isn't specifically covered in the UCMJ. BUT it does fall under the catch-all article 134. Adultry is VERY hard to prove and if it is, it basically is something that had a negitive impact on the command.

http://usmilitary.about.com/od/justi...a/adultery.htm
During a deployment on my husband's ship a guy made a video of himself and a married woman having sex in engineering on the ship on a bet. Rumors of the video went around and reached the upper chain of command. His first class told him to open his locker and there was the video. His first class had to watch it with the chief, which was very awkward. Anyways, they both went to mast where she FINALLY found out about the video. They made her call her husband (they have 2 kids at home) and tell him about what happened. They both lost rank and she lost her school and now instead of being a "nurse" in the navy now she chips paint.
Infidelity happens A LOT in the Navy. Most people don't trust each other. Some even have an agreement about what happens underway stays underway. I guess they can be considered swingers. They probably know about it and she's doing the same thing.
I had the same thing happen to me. My husband had a couple of friends who I really hated, but I dealt with them for him. I HATE the man because I tried to call my husband to tell him I was pregnant and the guy lied and said that my husband was out clubbing and hung up on me. That entire night I was crying because I couldn't get a hold of my husband. I will NEVER forget that. Anyways, the guy cheated on his wife religiously. It was horrible. He would bring the women over to my house and they would watch tv. It made me sick. The first time he made a motion on his ring finger and shook his head which was telling me "don't mention I'm married." Then when I was 8 months pregnant we went to McDonalds because we were waiting for my husband to get off of work. Then he told me that he doesn't like being seen with me because the hot girls will think that he's the father of the baby! I was like "YOU ARE MARRIED! You shouldn't be worried about ME messing up your game!"
Anyways, I wasn't that crazy about his wife either. But she came over after they had gotten divorced about a year later, they kept accusing each other of cheating, and she said that she knew he was. She straight up asked me if I knew anything. So I sung like a bird and it felt so good to get that off of my chest. I told her that I would have told her a LONG time ago but I didn't want to get involved. She was pretty cool about it and she was happy to at least hear how much of an A$$ he was so she made the right choice. Anyways, unless you're approached I wouldn't say anything. I know it's hard not to. Just be glad you're not in a relationship like that

[PlatinumYorkies]

Bottom line, I think she knows in her own little way! Anywho what goes around comes around. Karma is SOMETHING!!! You treat others the way you want to be treated. Meaning, you can't mis-treat someones child and not get yours in return. The truth about his cheating will come out, and he will get is also, especially for letting her emotionally abuse his CHILD!!

Originally Posted by jesscruz

okay guys here i go, i have this couple that i am babysitting for, "he" is my husbands friend, and i do not really like "her", the reason that i do not like her is because she really mistreats her stepdaughter(it's his daughter from a prvious marriage that he has custody of) and she is just soooo snobby. anyways i heard from my hubby and a couple of other friends that he has been messing around with 2 airforce girls. how do i know this is true welllll, my husband is on a volleyball team, "he" has been telling "her" that he is going to practice for thiss volleyball team, but my husband told me that he is not apart of this team, and that he uses that as an exscuse to go see these girls so idk what to do! i see "her" everymorning when she drops off the kids, oh ya and she is 5 months pregnant and i just think to myself how could you not know, i have droped hints that he is not on the volleyball team so many times that even a 3 yr old would figure it out! i even asked "him" in front of her, "so how was your volleyball practice" and he wouldn't answer me. i feel like i should stay out of it, because it is none of my buisness and plus i do not like her AT ALL. see let me explain why i don't like this woman, her son is 5(this boy is "their" son) i taught him how to stop wetting his bed, how to brush his teeth, how to fold clothes, how to tie his shoes, and not once has she EVER said thank you she makes her stepdaughter clean the 5 yr olds bedroom, she grounds the stepdaughter for every little thing, the step daughter who is 8 told me that the last time "she" has ever gave her a kiss was when she was 3 and i believe her because when she drops them off in the morning, she gives her 5 yr old son kisses and hugs galore, but when the stepdaughter tries to hug her she just pats her back doesn't even trie to hug her back how mean and cruel is that! then the stepdaughter tells me that "she" grounded her because the new puppy chewed "her" laptop cord!!!!! well hello how is that the girls fault! ahhhhhh, i swear guys i just can't stand stepparents like that, soooo what should i do? should i tell her or not?

[cheryl000]

Originally Posted by PlatinumYorkies

Bottom line, I think she knows in her own little way! Anywho what goes around comes around. Karma is SOMETHING!!! You treat others the way you want to be treated. Meaning, you can't mis-treat someones child and not get yours in return. The truth about his cheating will come out, and he will get is also, especially for letting her emotionally abuse his CHILD!!

I agree! They say Karma is a b*TCH! And they will both get their's. But If I were you, you and your husband should sit down with the guy and talk to him about his daughter. Since he knows that you know he's a cheater... I would let him know that you aren't willing to lie for him if he gets caught since you don't want to be in the middle of things.

[txshopper73]

Originally Posted by cheryl000

Okay... Here are my thoughts. Being prior military (navy) myself I have seen alot of cases of infidelity. Adultry isn't specifically covered in the UCMJ. BUT it does fall under the catch-all article 134. Adultry is VERY hard to prove and if it is, it basically is something that had a negitive impact on the command.

http://usmilitary.about.com/od/justi...a/adultery.htm
During a deployment on my husband's ship a guy made a video of himself and a married woman having sex in engineering on the ship on a bet. Rumors of the video went around and reached the upper chain of command. His first class told him to open his locker and there was the video. His first class had to watch it with the chief, which was very awkward. Anyways, they both went to mast where she FINALLY found out about the video. They made her call her husband (they have 2 kids at home) and tell him about what happened. They both lost rank and she lost her school and now instead of being a "nurse" in the navy now she chips paint.
Infidelity happens A LOT in the Navy. Most people don't trust each other. Some even have an agreement about what happens underway stays underway. I guess they can be considered swingers. They probably know about it and she's doing the same thing.
I had the same thing happen to me. My husband had a couple of friends who I really hated, but I dealt with them for him. I HATE the man because I tried to call my husband to tell him I was pregnant and the guy lied and said that my husband was out clubbing and hung up on me. That entire night I was crying because I couldn't get a hold of my husband. I will NEVER forget that. Anyways, the guy cheated on his wife religiously. It was horrible. He would bring the women over to my house and they would watch tv. It made me sick. The first time he made a motion on his ring finger and shook his head which was telling me "don't mention I'm married." Then when I was 8 months pregnant we went to McDonalds because we were waiting for my husband to get off of work. Then he told me that he doesn't like being seen with me because the hot girls will think that he's the father of the baby! I was like "YOU ARE MARRIED! You shouldn't be worried about ME messing up your game!"
Anyways, I wasn't that crazy about his wife either. But she came over after they had gotten divorced about a year later, they kept accusing each other of cheating, and she said that she knew he was. She straight up asked me if I knew anything. So I sung like a bird and it felt so good to get that off of my chest. I told her that I would have told her a LONG time ago but I didn't want to get involved. She was pretty cool about it and she was happy to at least hear how much of an A$$ he was so she made the right choice. Anyways, unless you're approached I wouldn't say anything. I know it's hard not to. Just be glad you're not in a relationship like that

HOLY MOSES! What an A$$HOLE!!!!!

[txshopper73]

Jess, do we have an update???

[jesscruz]

okay guys this is what happened today, this morning my husband asked me not to talk to "her" about it because he knew how mad i was. and he didn't want me to go wack o on her, so he said that he will have a talk with "him". well he did, my husband told him about what happened yesterday when the girl touched her belly. well my husband told him that it really upset me and that this wasn't the only time that "she" upset me with her actions towards the little girl. so my husband told me that the dad didn't know what to say, he said that "he" was upset and that he said that he is going to have a talk with his wife and his daughter, he also told my husband that he is sending the girl to her real mom's for the summer. i really hope and pray that this girl tells her mom how "she" has been treating her, that way the mom can try to get full custody of her. i am actually glad that my husband talked to him instead of me talking to her guys, because as mad as i was i might have said some really harsh things to her and she is pregnant, and i do not want to cause her any serious problems with her pregnancy. i do have a heart, but we will see how it goes tomorrow when she drops them off. i am glad that now she will be aware that the little girl does talk to me and that i will find out if she is being mean to her so hope fully she will stop, especially now that the dad knows. now if this dad does not do something about this then idk what i will do