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01-24-2006, 06:40 AM | #1 |
Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Queens, NY
Posts: 944
| She's Driving me Crazy! The past month or so hasn't been the best on me emotionally. I've been so stressed out that even my plans/goals for healthy eating has gone down the drain. Lately I've just been feeling so emotionally drained. Okay, let's back up to how all this came about. My boyfriend of 6 years officially proposed to me this past November 19th, 2005. I've never been happier. I was so happy when I told my parents. And started to actively plan out my wedding details. One day my mother came up to me and asked if I was inviting my father to my wedding. (They got a divorce about 5 years ago) And of course I'm going to invite him, he's my father after all. And it's not like he's passed away, and he lives 5mins away from me. My mom proceeded to tell me that she's not going to be attending my wedding if I'm inviting my father. Therefore I have to choose who I's rather have ay my wedding. OMG! Are you frickin serious lady?! I said, "No. I'm not choosing. You are both my parents and I want you BOTH there. I'll seat you guys on different sides of the reception hall. You don't even have to look at each other." But that wasn't enough for her. She proceeded to tell me that I was selfish and not taking her feelings into consideration. And she said I obviously love my father more b/c I'm inviting him. Despite that when I was younger he was a bad father to me. *sigh* I'm so sick and tired of this. I still live with my mom so she asks me almost every day when I see her about the wedding. And comments about how "I've chosen already who I want to be at the wedding. And how she won't be there." She says she'll probably take a vacation to Vegas or something since she's not needed etc,. I try to tell her that I DO want her there. She is my mom & I do love her. But I can't believe she's doing this to me. So here's the reason I haven't been actively post on the boards, or hopping to with my healthy liefstyle weightloss plan. I've just been so drained. I just wanna crawl into a hole & sleep all day. My only joys are my furbabies who know that I'm not feeling well and come snuggle me and urge me to play. And seeing my fiance on the weekends.
__________________ Sango , Vash http://www.dogster.com/?180653 Sango's Dogster |
Welcome Guest! | |
01-24-2006, 06:46 AM | #2 |
Proud of my Sully! Donating Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: beautiful CHARLESTON, S.C.
Posts: 5,454
| First of all, CONGRATULATIONS on your engagement!!!! That's really wonderful and I'm very excited for you! About your mom....well, that sucks that she's being that way. She is the one being selfish for trying to demand that of you, for sure! But, give her time. I think the closer to your wedding day it gets, the more she'll come around. My friends have had this problem before (parents and ex'es etc) and so don't let yourself get too worked up about it. You have too much to get excited about to let her ruin it for ya! (Of course my mom was going thru "the change" during the time I planned my wedding and refused to be a part of it! She said me getting married at 22 was way too young and she wouldn't have anything to do with it. BUT...by my wedding day she showed up and smiled like everything was fine. Argh. Family can be so frustrating at times, especially mothers!)
__________________ - - - - - - - - - - - - I love my Sully (the Wonderdog!) |
01-24-2006, 06:51 AM | #3 |
Yorkie Kisses are the Best! Donating Member | I'm so sorry you're going thru that ! I would never do that to my sons.... IF I were in your shoes - just plan your wedding and hope for the best - it will be your MOMS loss if she doesn't show up - I really hate to say this about someones mother....but shes being very immature if she doesn't go.....that's the kind of thing we should grow out of when we have kids...THEY COME FIRST .....and she needs to suck up and go no matter who you invite. Sorry - but I think some moms put their own feelings before their kids and really don't know how hurtful it is for them. If she's stressing you out on your planning - just do your OWN thing and let her come to you...I would think she'd wake up and realize that your happiness is what this is about This is an exciting time for you - don't let her get you down !! |
01-24-2006, 07:03 AM | #4 |
Yorkie Kisses are the Best! Donating Member | Okay....now that I said all THAT above I do want to say GOOD LUCK and congratulations..... maybe you could gently remind your mom that this is YOUR day - a wedding is ALL ABOUT The Bride and Groom... and not a day for personal differences - ... she can set her feelings aside for this occasion. Your wedding day is not called MOTHERS DAY - it's YOUR Special Day and she should want to share it with you. I wouldn't have missed my sons wedding for all the money in the world....Your mom will regret her decision if she doesnt attend. |
01-24-2006, 07:07 AM | #5 |
Donating YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Ohio
Posts: 7,946
| It was sad to read this and Mothers can be a problem and Weddings in itself are always but always stressful for a family. I think if you just sit down with her and let her know how great she was all those years while your Dad was a jerk, she will come around, she is just feeling like you don't remember all she had done during those days ( of course that is no way to act ) but see if that might work. I wish you the best with your plans and admire you for inviting them both.
__________________ |
01-24-2006, 07:15 AM | #6 |
Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Fredonia, KS
Posts: 755
| Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!! Remind your mother that coming to the wedding is her choice. If she wishes to not put aside her feelings for one special day then that is her decision. Anytime she brings it up I would remind her again that "it's her choice". Don't let her make you feel bad about inviting your father. I couldn't imagine not being at my children's wedding and I think that your mother is being unfair to you. Stick to your decision. Whenever she brings it up again let her know "it's her choice". I think that after a while she'll get tired of bringing it up. Just my opinion. Hope this helps and I'll say a prayer for understanding on your mother's part and for peace and calmness for you during this exciting time in your life!!
__________________ Diana and Reuger Take time to laugh. It is the music of the soul. |
01-24-2006, 07:17 AM | #7 |
Donating Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Gilbert, Arizona
Posts: 1,610
| Wow...your Mom sounds so much like mine that it's scary! For instance when I moved out of state my Mom wouldn't speak to me for 6 months. Mind you we didn't move because we wanted to we left because my husband had lost his job. Your Mom is using a very damaging weapon called guilt in order to get her way. I am sure she is a hard person to talk to and the only way I could release my emotions during my move thing was to sit down and write my Mom in regard to how her actions were affecting me emotionally. I would explain to her that this was suppose to be a happy time in your life and due to her behavior and refusal to attend it has now become a very unhappy time in your life. You didn't choose your father she did! Now that they are on the outs it should not affect you. Both should be there equally when it comes to supporting your future and your happiness should be their only focus. I don't know any Mother in this world that would miss her daughters wedding for something so petty.My thoughts are with you...
__________________ Shelly, Teddy, Toby,Hanne & Indigo |
01-24-2006, 07:39 AM | #8 |
Donating YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: South Carolina
Posts: 2,419
| Congratulations on your engagement! I agree with what rnnw62 said about writing your Mom. Or if she has a close friend, maybe you could ask them to talk to her for you. I hope that she will come around and see that what she is doing is wrong, but if she doesn't, I think you should continue on with your plans. This day is about you and your fiance ONLY..it is not about anyone else. I know it is hard, but don't let your Mom's actions ruin the day for you. |
01-24-2006, 10:11 AM | #9 | |
Donating YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: New Jersey
Posts: 3,437
| Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials!! Quote:
__________________ Sherry Lynn Dublin and Widget | |
01-24-2006, 11:11 AM | #10 |
Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Queens, NY
Posts: 944
| Thank you all for your kind responses. I wish there was a way of getting through to my mom. But she just wont hear it. I told her how she's being selfish on something that's supposed to be a special day for me. And she still says that I'm not taking her feelings into consideration. (sheesh...) And I hate her constant badgering at me over who I love more, blah blah blah.... Good Lord, I'm 27 not 5! And you shouldn't make your kids choose anyhow. I mean how can they? I'm trying my best to stay on track. I try to avoid her all the time b/c that's all she talks about & all she brings up. Thank goodness I'm going to be moving out soon. She's driving me to drink.
__________________ Sango , Vash http://www.dogster.com/?180653 Sango's Dogster |
01-24-2006, 11:19 AM | #11 |
Donating YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: new york
Posts: 3,168
| Congradulations on your wedding engagment And Iam so happy for you that your doing the right thing in saying you wont choose, I coming from a divorced family know this is such a painful thing and I applaud you for loving both your parents .Your mom is just feeling fearful .stick to your discissions and know your love will see you all through.
__________________ Deb and Miss Mini |
01-24-2006, 11:25 AM | #12 |
Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Fort Worth, Texas
Posts: 1,279
| Congratulations on your engagement!!!!! I am so sorry that you mom is being so selfish and stubburn. I hope she will comes to her senses and puts her feelings towards your dad aside and join you on your special day. Hang in there and good luck!!!!!!!! |
01-24-2006, 11:35 AM | #13 |
Princess Poop A Lot Donating Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Colorado
Posts: 6,728
| Susie, I just sent you a PM but stick to your guns and I am glad to read you are moving out so you are not under this pressure. Keep smiling and moving forward.
__________________ Cindy & The Rescued Gang Puppies Are Not Products! |
01-24-2006, 01:30 PM | #14 |
and Tucker's too! Donating Yorkie Yakker Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 2,134
| First of all Congratulations!! I am engaged too & am planning an October wedding & believe me - I know how frustrating parents can be! I ready to throw my future mother-in-law out the window! As for your parents - you should just invite both. If you mother really decides not to go then shame on her. I'm sure she will regret it & that's sad. Best wishes & I really hope things work out. Try not to let it ruin what it's really all about - you and your fiance...
__________________ Jessica, Biddy, Tucker & Gertie |
01-24-2006, 01:45 PM | #15 |
YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Orlando, Fl.
Posts: 1,133
| Aww happy news congrats! Unfortunatley, I dont agree with your mother. I think SHE'S the one being selfish. She shouldn't be the one deciding who should go to your wedding..it's your day to shine and you can invite whoever you want. If she is being that way she doesnt deserve to go. I know that sounds harsh but she can't make you choose like that..that's ridiculous. Do whatever your heart tells you is right...
__________________ R.I.P. Amy girl 01/06/06 |
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