Friends wedding

[Roxy 87]

My friend is getting married in July, it was a short notice 10 week notice. She was going to get married a year or two ago, but canceled it. She's no longer with her ex, she is marrying a different guy. They're in love, which is awesome. I wish her nothing but the best. I have been friends with her for many, many years. We met when we were kids. I was a bridesmaid for her last wedding that didn't happen. I have a 300 dollar dress sitting in my closet, which I'll never wear. They were custom made and the kicker, it doesn't even fit! Way too big and the shrug too small. When she asked me to be in this one, I agreed of course. She's my friend and I'm here for her. My dress cost is like 300 again. I'm fine with paying for my dress, but she's asked if we could help her pay for other things to help with the wedding. The extra is not for anything to do with being a bridesmaid, it's actual cost to help pay for their wedding. I don't know how to talk to her and tell her that while I'm fine with paying for my dress and flowers and extra costs for my hair and what not, I can't afford to help pay anything extra. Is that wrong of me? Is it normal to help pay for some costs of a friend's wedding? Maybe as a gift offering to pay for something. I'm just ack, don't know what to do. The other girl's in the wedding party have agreed to help pay, but I have bills to pay, a car to pay, etc. It doesn't leave me with a whole lot extra when I get paid. I don't know if I should just suck it up and pay or talk to her about how I feel. I'm scared she may get mad or upset.

[Sandysbabies]

I know she is your friend and I hope you don't think I am out of line by saying this, but, to have to pay for your dress, shoes, hair, accessories is enough. I think it is in really bad taste to ask anyone and espically your bridesmaids, maid of honor, whoever to help pay for your wedding. What about cutting back on some cost??? I am with you. When you have bills etc. I just think it is wrong for her to expect that. What about her parents?

[Mom to Hot Rod]

I'm sorry, but I would have been upset with the first cancelled wedding. She should have at least offered to help pay for the dress that you bought then or at least offer to pay for this dress.

That being said, you should most definitely have a chat with her about not being able to spend extra money on her wedding. She needs a reality check and rethink having a wedding if she can't afford it. It's her/their wedding and therefore her/their expense.

I think it's very poor taste on her part to ask people other than her parents or fiance (if they are still alive) to help pay for the wedding. JMO

[My Sophia]

I personally think it's very inappropriate, even kinda tacky, for her to ask friends to help pay for her wedding. If it's going to cost so much that they can't afford it, they need to scale it back. That said, if you feel that you just have to help out in some way, and if it's a decent dress, sell the dress and shrug from the first/cancelled wedding on craigslist and give her the money from that. Tell her you'd be happy to donate time to help organize, set up, run errands, etc. instead of giving her cash. Above all, be honest with her. She's your friend and she should understand that not everyone is in a position where they've got extra cash to spend on someone else's wedding.

[celstu1]

Wow!
When I was engaged, I let my girls pick their dresses and they were NO WHERE near $300. I would NEVER ask someone to pay that much for 1 dress! Crazy!!! My wedding was cancelled and my girls would not let me reimburse them for their dresses. Luckily, the dresses were 2 piece and they were all able to wear the tops (which was the more expensive piece).
If I were to get married for real, I would only have 1 attendant and do a wedding I could afford, I would NEVER have a wedding if I couldn't pay for it myself. I think your friend is ridiculous to even ask or expect anyone to contribute to the expenses of the wedding!!!

[ArmaniMan]

Umm, NO! I would not help pay for a friends wedding, sorry. I expect to go and to give a nice gift, but that is it.

[cally930]

I can never understand this. When my daughter got married, she had 3 bridesmaids and a flower girl. I felt that this is my daughter's wedding and I want it to be the best it can be and by that I paid for the girls dresses, their hair and makeup, flowers and everything else that went along with making this a special day for my daughter. Why should someone have to pay for a dress - like you said - probably never wear again and then be obligated to give a gift - just to be in a bridal party?!? That was their gift for accepting the invitation to be in my daughter's bridal party (although my daughter wanted to give them something too) - but that was it. Everyone is different in their views of this - but I feel that if the bride is to pick everything out - then the bride (or her family) should pay for it.

[JeanieK]

Hmmmmmm. Perhaps your friend should plan a wedding that she can afford.

[linz06]

Wow! I agree with everyone else, that is really tacky. Either plan a cheaper wedding, or wait a little longer to get married and save up the money! When I was my best friend's MOH a couple of years ago, we all went together to pick our own dresses, and we all expected to buy our dresses but she actually bought them for us, as a thank-you for being a part of her wedding! I had never seen that done before but it was really nice. Those dresses were just $160. $300 is crazy, and it is enough that she is expecting you to buy another expensive dress after not using the first, and on top of that asking for extra money!

[Roxy 87]

That's my thinking as well. I agree if they can't afford it right now it should be postponed, or scaled down in size and what they want. I'm going to try and talk to her today, I'm willing to help with little time I have to help decorate and etc. But, I don't want to have to pay anymore than I am. Thanks everyone. Dress is expensive this time around again because it had to be a rush order and extra cost for a little shrug to be made.

[Sandysbabies]

I was telling my husband about this today because I had NEVER, EVER, heard of anyone doing something like this. He said she sounds like a user not a friend. Let them go to a Justice of the Peace. lol!!!! Males point of view. ha

[YorkichonBella]

Your friend is just not being thoughtful at all. I would not feel bad for letting her know that it is not something you can afford to do. Wow It's so hard to believe she would ask her friends to do this on top of the cost of being in her wedding.

[KazzyK810]

Originally Posted by cally930

I can never understand this. When my daughter got married, she had 3 bridesmaids and a flower girl. I felt that this is my daughter's wedding and I want it to be the best it can be and by that I paid for the girls dresses, their hair and makeup, flowers and everything else that went along with making this a special day for my daughter. Why should someone have to pay for a dress - like you said - probably never wear again and then be obligated to give a gift - just to be in a bridal party?!? That was their gift for accepting the invitation to be in my daughter's bridal party (although my daughter wanted to give them something too) - but that was it. Everyone is different in their views of this - but I feel that if the bride is to pick everything out - then the bride (or her family) should pay for it.

This has always been my understanding too!

Asking someone to do you a service and then expecting them to pay for it is rude. Asking for additional funds on top of that.....I'd be looking for a new friend.

[Ashley V]

I agree with everyone else. She should be paying for this wedding... not YOU or anyone else. I planned my wedding in 3 weeks and we were flat broke so we scaled it down to a minimum. We got my tiara, veil, and decorations at AC Moore, we got our flowers from a local Vocational School from a flower arranging class, we made the food for the reception ourselves. There are ways for her to cut costs in a quickie wedding. Ask her what she needs help financially buying, then try to come up with ideas that may be cheaper for her. I like the idea someone gave about selling your old dress and maybe giving her the money from the sale. In my opinion, you already shelled out a large chunk of change for the first wedding that did not happen... you especially should not be responsible for paying for anything more than necessary. It's her wedding that her or her family needs to pay for.

[hnybun128]

I think this "friend" has a lot of nerve asking anyone to pay for anything, especially after you spent $300 on the dress for her cancelled wedding. If she can't even afford the wedding, why on earth are her bridesmaids wearing $300 dresses?? And then to ask you to pay for the wedding itself? This is the epitome of selfishness. IMO, her actions aren't just rude, but reveal a very self-centered or at least a very immature person. People just never cease to amaze me...