Just need to talk

[lmperez]

Originally Posted by lillymae

They may but probably not. It also helps to take out your frustrations. Picture yourself throwing it all, really hard & really far. It's even better then a scream and it makes you feel alive & satisfied, almost better then sex

Thank you this made me laugh!!! I haven't even smiled at all today!!!

[lillymae]

Originally Posted by lmperez

FLdebra and Maddiesmommy thank you for the kind words.

I will try the fridge drain and see if that helps, cause the darn thing works well. I have had a physical but maybe things have changed. I do have thyroid issues and I am on meds for it but maybe it needs to be changed. That is probably a good idea.

Oh wow, I just read this part and it will deff make you feel the way you are feeling. You might want to get this checked ASAP

[FlDebra]

Originally Posted by brendarash

I am so sorry you are feeling down and alone. First, if you are feeling depressed you need to make a visit to your doctor to see about getting help for depression. Blood work is a good thing to get done.It can take a few weeks before it gets to a theraputic level. As far as you family not helping you, you need to firmly tell them next weekend (or what ever day is best) WE are going to get this house cleaned up. Do not give them a choice. It sounds like you are to nice,and they know they can run all over you. Let them know ,if your things are still in this house and not taken care of it is going to the dump. Maybe you need to take time for yourself, go to lunch with a friend or with your husband for a change. I know how it is to have many fur babies.I have 6 pups and 4 cats. All indoor cats.I have a husband that is very sick with liver failure, I am his only caretaker, I take care of everything 100%. with no help at all. not to mention,I have a very bad back on top of that,but I love to spend as much time with Mike while I still have him because They do not know how long he has. Good luck, If you need to talk pm me. I will be here to listen.

Brenda -- How kind of you to offer yourself to listen and help another with all you are going through. Sometimes it's amazing the people who are shouldering the largest loads are the most willing to take on an additional burden. I was my husband's sole care provider until the last couple of days when Hospice sent a nurse to be with us. My husband had cancer for a while but we only knew the diagnosis about his last 11 months. Those were some very difficult months for him. So I fully understand what you are going through. I am glad you are able to be there with him all the time. I am very thankful to have been able to have done that as well. Every minute is precious. I'd like to offer in turn to be here for you too. PM me or call, I'll PM the number. Sometimes an ear to listen is all we need, no matter what challenge we are facing. I will add you to my prayers and please, I would like to be here for you. It sounds like you are handling this fine on your own, but I remember talking with another YT member a year or more ago. I didn't realize how much I needed to share some things until we talked. It was good to talk with someone who truly understood what I had been going through. I am thankful to her for the talks and PMs we shared. Just let me know if I can help.

[MaddiesMommie]

Originally Posted by lillymae

They may but probably not. It also helps to take out your frustrations. Picture yourself throwing it all, really hard & really far. It's even better then a scream and it makes you feel alive & satisfied, almost better then sex

Towandaaaa!

[lillymae]

Originally Posted by MaddiesMommie

Towandaaaa!

That's What I'm Talkin'bout
Hmmm, Makes me want to go throw something rite now, Lol

[nana911]

FlDebra always gives the best advice. Definitely get your thyroid meds checked, your dosage may need changing. The age of your kids suggest you may be perimenopausel and that will definitely throw your hormones out of whack. Hormones are ugly buggers.

If you want to talk to a professional but don't have the funds, you can check with your county health department, they sometimes have psychologists that work on a sliding scale, according to your income.

When my kids were at home, if they didn't clean up, I'd give fair warning and then their crap was fair game. I'd trash it. Literally. I'd get out the lawn and leaf bags and fill 'em up. What they didn't clean up was put out on the curb in trash bags and gone forever. They eventually learned. I'd do it while they were at school and they never knew when I was gonna strike. They just came home one day to a clean room and anguish. ADD just means they should forgive you quicker...LOL

Learn how to put yourself first. Letting DH leave large items in the living room is gonna lead to an episode of Hoarders. You deserve better for yourself.

[lmperez]

Originally Posted by Beamers Mom

have you ever checked out Fly Lady???

FlyLady.net: Your personal online coach to help you gain control of your house and home

I used to follow her religiously and it worked.

How old are your children???

Just joined the Fly Lady!!!!!

[lmperez]

Hi All
Just wanted to say thanks to all of you that took the time to read my post last night. Thanks for your kind words of encourageament and suggestions. I woke up today ready to tackle the world:

I joined the fly lady in hopes of becoming more organized 1 day at a time. I placed a couple of ads on craigslist to get rid of some things.
Hubby finally fixed the dreaded drain.
Fridge will be looked into more closely this week.
Going shopping for a new vaccum today.
And I am off of work for the week to get more done.

Thanks again,
Laura

[Cares4Dogs]

Imperez I'm so sorry. I understand what your feeling though. I work full time, have been a full time student myself, with a son in college too, a younger teen and a younger one in elementary school. It can get very overwhelming when nobody will help.

You've gotta tuff love the ones who can and wont do anything. My 9-y/o is so used to me doing everything for him that the boy cannot even tie his own shoes. He wont stir his own chocolate milk, wont attempt to pour his own drinks, etc. This is where it gets worse.....If I fix him a plate of food, he will sit there. Half hour goes by and I ask him why he hasnt touched his food, he'll tell me I havent gotten him a fork yet!!! I've recently had a talk with him and told him acting helpless all of the time is hurting him in the longrun and I will not do the little things for him anymore!!!! He did good for few days but then one night I had to chase him into the bathroom to get a bath. I ran his water for him and left the room. Half hour later he is screaming for me to get his underwear, towel & something to wear. I told him "too bad, your not helpless". He froze his behind off for 30 seconds while he had to get his own towel, but thats life. He hasnt forgotten since. I explained to him that nobody gets me a towel, why should it be any different for him?

Its too easy for mom's to get taken advantage of and that in itself can start to wear you down. If someone leaves something out, hide it from them for X amount of time. If they wont clean up, you stop cooking yummie hot meals and toss them a frozen dinner. Hitting an older child in the wallet seems to help with this too.....cut off the gravy train until they can respect the home they are living in.

Take some time for yourself!!! Even to watch a movie. Lock the door so nobody can come in. I dont get to do that often, but when I do I'm in hog heaven.

[FlDebra]

Originally Posted by lmperez

Hi All
Just wanted to say thanks to all of you that took the time to read my post last night. Thanks for your kind words of encourageament and suggestions. I woke up today ready to tackle the world:

I joined the fly lady in hopes of becoming more organized 1 day at a time. I placed a couple of ads on craigslist to get rid of some things.
Hubby finally fixed the dreaded drain.
Fridge will be looked into more closely this week.
Going shopping for a new vaccum today.
And I am off of work for the week to get more done.

Thanks again,
Laura

Laura -- It is great that you are already seeing the world through more positive eyes. Hang in there! Have a wonderful Thaksgiving week and don't forget to call fo ra doctor's appointment. Can't hurt to get those levels checked.

[celstu1]

Originally Posted by lmperez

I use to volunteer for a yorkie rescue but that got to be too much since I have quite a few of my own fur family an dthen I statrted to worry about them getting sick and they were gettingto stressed with a constant change that would occur. I really have thought about volunteering to educate people on responsible pet ownership. But to make ends meet I really need to make some money. Times are really tough and I have been looking for work for a while but I really want something that is gratifying,,, Nothing like asking for everything.

I have tried the baking soda and vinegar and it did clean the drains but I think is further down the drain. My dad just bought a electrical snake extra long so I am going to try that tomorrow and pray that it works.

My house is a mess partially because my family refuses to put things away where they belong. I need my husbands help becuase he and my son put not needed furniture in my living room and I can not move it myself. They use my living room to to store large items until they find a use for it. It is very frustrating. The other is I have cats that shed and becuase I have lost ctas to coyotes I no longer allow them to go outside and people always bring their kittens to me to bottle feed and take care of but since the economy went belly up I was unable to place these babies and ended up keeping them.

Fridge needs to be replaced evenually and I have been looking at vaccums, just not sure which one to buy...

I have started to go green but any info you would like to share would be welcomed.

Thanks.

One more thing I wanted to add, I know this sounds awful, but DEMAND help... don't just ask and when it's not received feel defeated. Give each member a chore and make sure they do it. I know sometimes it seems easier to just do it yourself than to have to follow up with another person, but you have to do that.
I have my 2 boyfriend's kids, boys and they are total slobby teenagers, but I put my foot down and give them chores to do and I follow up to make sure they are done right. Its a struggle but in 2 years they've come a good ways (still got a ways to go) and I started throwing away their things (or hiding the important stuff until they are looking like crazy for it) when they leave them hanging out. This has taught them to put their stuff in their room and not clutter up every surface in the kitchen and computer desk.

Good Luck! Having a house full of kids and pets IS overwhelming for sure!!! You need to get your hubby on your side also, talk to him to help you with getting the kids to help out and even himself to help out.

[nana911]

Originally Posted by Cares4Dogs

Imperez I'm so sorry. I understand what your feeling though. I work full time, have been a full time student myself, with a son in college too, a younger teen and a younger one in elementary school. It can get very overwhelming when nobody will help.

You've gotta tuff love the ones who can and wont do anything. My 9-y/o is so used to me doing everything for him that the boy cannot even tie his own shoes. He wont stir his own chocolate milk, wont attempt to pour his own drinks, etc. This is where it gets worse.....If I fix him a plate of food, he will sit there. Half hour goes by and I ask him why he hasnt touched his food, he'll tell me I havent gotten him a fork yet!!! I've recently had a talk with him and told him acting helpless all of the time is hurting him in the longrun and I will not do the little things for him anymore!!!! He did good for few days but then one night I had to chase him into the bathroom to get a bath. I ran his water for him and left the room. Half hour later he is screaming for me to get his underwear, towel & something to wear. I told him "too bad, your not helpless". He froze his behind off for 30 seconds while he had to get his own towel, but thats life. He hasnt forgotten since. I explained to him that nobody gets me a towel, why should it be any different for him?

Its too easy for mom's to get taken advantage of and that in itself can start to wear you down. If someone leaves something out, hide it from them for X amount of time. If they wont clean up, you stop cooking yummie hot meals and toss them a frozen dinner. Hitting an older child in the wallet seems to help with this too.....cut off the gravy train until they can respect the home they are living in.

Take some time for yourself!!! Even to watch a movie. Lock the door so nobody can come in. I dont get to do that often, but when I do I'm in hog heaven.

Sounds like you are starting to get a handle on this problem. I gotta tell you and everyone else. It doesn't get any better unless you get it under control now. The police get calls, continuously from parents of teenagers asking us to step in and parent their kids when it is too late. Once they hit a certain age....it is too late. If you don't get control when they are young you will not get control later. You just will not. You will be bailing them out of jail, they will be dropping out of school and you will be paying the restitution costs for the criminal damage they cause to property and persons. Some parents think when their kids are young that it is easier to give in then to fight with them, and maybe it is...but in the long run, the repercussions are not worth it. Major regrets... Major embarrassment when you have to ask a cop to try to do the job you didn't. Just sayin'

[Cares4Dogs]

Originally Posted by nana911

Sounds like you are starting to get a handle on this problem. I gotta tell you and everyone else. It doesn't get any better unless you get it under control now. The police get calls, continuously from parents of teenagers asking us to step in and parent their kids when it is too late. Once they hit a certain age....it is too late. If you don't get control when they are young you will not get control later. You just will not. You will be bailing them out of jail, they will be dropping out of school and you will be paying the restitution costs for the criminal damage they cause to property and persons. Some parents think when their kids are young that it is easier to give in then to fight with them, and maybe it is...but in the long run, the repercussions are not worth it. Major regrets... Major embarrassment when you have to ask a cop to try to do the job you didn't. Just sayin'

Nana, my children are some of the best behaved kids in school, out-and-about, and at home. I've raised my oldest to 23 years old and he's a very big help to me. He does get lazy sometimes like all younins do. Same goes for my 15 year old. My little one is very respectful and well behaved...he just loves his momma to do everything for him.

I find it kind of insulting that you said "major embarassment when you have to ask a cop to try to do the job you didnt". ........I havent been a perfect mother, but I'm a d*mn good one. My kids have never ever been involved in any legal trouble or any trouble for that matter. If your speaking in general then you shouldn't quote my post because that means your saying it to me specifically.

[nana911]

Originally Posted by Cares4Dogs

Nana, my children are some of the best behaved kids in school, out-and-about, and at home. I've raised my oldest to 23 years old and he's a very big help to me. He does get lazy sometimes like all younins do. Same goes for my 15 year old. My little one is very respectful and well behaved...he just loves his momma to do everything for him.

I find it kind of insulting that you said "major embarassment when you have to ask a cop to try to do the job you didnt". ........I havent been a perfect mother, but I'm a d*mn good one. My kids have never ever been involved in any legal trouble or any trouble for that matter. If your speaking in general then you shouldn't quote my post because that means your saying it to me specifically.

I posted that as a blanket statement for everyone but quoted you because your description of the behavior of your son was so very classic of the behaviors that some problem kids display. I apologize if you were insulted. I specifically stated that you were getting a handle on it now and it would appear that the behavior of your older children bears out that your method works for you. But you have to admit that in your post you did not balance out any of your description of your son's demanding ways with any of his positives. So, once again I apologize if I didn't read it in the spirit in which it was meant.