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Old 10-24-2005, 11:26 AM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lexi Rae
the god saying was kinda just an expression...fate is the thing....
I didn't mean to offend you. Sorry if my advice was lacking for you... I really just wanted to help. Good luck to you!
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Old 10-24-2005, 11:49 AM   #17
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no, no ,no , you didnt affend me at all. i need to hear it and i will take it in.
all of it... thankyou for your advise.. really. please smack me and wake me up.
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Old 10-24-2005, 12:05 PM   #18
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I am a total sap and love stories like this. If it was drugs that was causing the problems and he's not doing them anymore- things could work out. However, (and I say this as the child of a nasty divorce) go slowly and never become "the other woman." Believe me, you will create so much hurt and drama in an already awful situation. Make sure that he realizes that you can only be friends until his marriage is over- legally. Please don't make the situation a bad one for his children. If you end up with your x in the future, his children will remember everything you've done- good or bad- and that will shape not only your relationship with them, but also their relationship with their father. Why was he brought back into your life? To test you? Maybe. Because you two were meant to be together? Maybe. Only time will tell, but don't let your lust for him get in the way of seeing who he is. Maybe he has changed and is a wonderful person, but you need to take this slowly so that you can see if you love him because of your past together or if you are in love with each other because you're meant to be. Good luck, and I hope everything goes well.
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Old 10-24-2005, 12:07 PM   #19
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Oh boy... well all I can say is.. most likely no matter what we all post you will probably see him anyway... I can tell from your post and what you say ,that it is killing you and most of us end up finding out the hard way even though we know it is wrong.
All i can say is... if he has changed then why is he still married and going after you.... Just because you are not the one he is doing it to doesn't mean he has changed... Same wrong different victim
I was wondering how come he wasn't still in love with you BEFORE he was living with his Mom. It was only AFTER he wasn't getting along with his wife anymore???????

Just my observations and no harm inteneded... Best of Luck.. been there done that ...over and over
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Old 10-24-2005, 12:29 PM   #20
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I usually don't even read these off topic posts, hope I am not intruding.

I am older and wiser but still a romantic at heart.

If I were you I would try to separate two completely different issues. One...he is married. Two...he is attracted to you.

He needs to deal with the first issue before you can even "talk" about the two of you. The last thing you want to do is get in the middle of his stuff. even if it worked out, you would carry that with you.

Tell him to figure out what is best for him and call you once his life is in order. Don't be his excuse.

Sorry if that sounds harsh. There are many couples that get back together and even remarry. It could happen for you some day too. Best wishes
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Old 10-24-2005, 12:30 PM   #21
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he said he never stopped loving me...he didnt know my situation or anything like that until the other day... as a matter of fact, he heard i went the other way.(gay).. my town is very small so they talk.anyway, im going to listen this time..you know, a year ago i was living with a man for 4 years who said he was getting divorced and never did and i threw him out on his but, so i know for fact what the deal is ... been there, done that,., i was very hurt with that one tooooo.... i lost myself twice in a row...im pretty strong now, i think,
im just emotionally a wreck.. i know what i can and cannot do...i just need support from you guys cause i have no one else to talk to about this who dont know me or him....
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Old 10-24-2005, 02:29 PM   #22
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Default One other Thing

I'm older but a hopeless romantic too and I've been thinking of this all
afternoon. One other thing I would like to point out is that you said it
takes two in a divorce and you are correct and you have corrected what
you didn't like in yourself. Do you really think he has?? He's going through
a SECOND divorce if you are getting the true story. Remember any addict
drinking or drugs can not admit they have a problem and even if you have
proof he is divorced I would make sure he has gone through a 12 step
program before I would give my precious life to him again. The more you
talk to him , the more he will need your shoulder to cry on and then you
know whats going to happen. Every time you feel like talking with him, get
on YT and we'll talk you out of it. Also in the meantime get yourself as
busy with other things as you can possibly be. I will get off my soap box
but if women can't help women, who else can.
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Old 10-24-2005, 02:44 PM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lexi Rae
he said he never stopped loving me...he didnt know my situation or anything like that until the other day... as a matter of fact, he heard i went the other way.(gay).. my town is very small so they talk.anyway, im going to listen this time..you know, a year ago i was living with a man for 4 years who said he was getting divorced and never did and i threw him out on his but, so i know for fact what the deal is ... been there, done that,., i was very hurt with that one tooooo.... i lost myself twice in a row...im pretty strong now, i think,
im just emotionally a wreck.. i know what i can and cannot do...i just need support from you guys cause i have no one else to talk to about this who dont know me or him....
I truly Understand
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Old 10-24-2005, 09:56 PM   #24
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Quote:
Every time you feel like talking with him, get on YT and we'll talk you out of it
RIGHT!

And if that's not enough, go see someone, a therapist or a priest, who can help you hold on to yourself
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Old 10-24-2005, 10:00 PM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lexi Rae
,,,, he IS MARRIED!!!!!!.

hmmm....couldn't have said it better m'seff.

step aWAY from the married man. do not pass go. do not collect $200.00.
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Old 10-24-2005, 11:38 PM   #26
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I am not one for putting my nose into other's love life, but I have a few thing's to say. I am a hopeless romantic, I alway's want to see the good in people and their situation's, and I believe everything happen's for a reason. With that said...RUN FOR THE DOOR!
God probably put you back in touch with him to be a friend to his mother. To help you understand that you made the right choices. Plus, to make you stronger. Think of this..Love is never..Hurtful, mean, or vengeful.
So good luck....
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Old 10-25-2005, 04:18 AM   #27
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thanks for all your advise, but im actually going to listen to all of you.
last nite he called me, we spoke for 45minutes and the conversation just was pitiful..i told him he needs help with dealing with his problems, not drugs.
his whole life and i just got sick of hearing it... he will never change. he still has this cocky attitude...italian macho man i know best attitude.. i just think i was thinking toooooo far ahead of myself... we are just friends and will remain that way..if he needs to talk, i told him i'll listen.. it was so funny cause we even started to argue, like old times. i almost slammed the phone down on him, but he laughed, and i said to myself, what the hell was i thinking. somethings never change...i still feel bad for him, but my life has to go on....
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Old 10-25-2005, 05:58 AM   #28
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Girl...I am VERY close with my ex...he still loves me and I him.... My ex never remarried and IS available.....but we could NOT live together - We tried and it just never worked -

Your EX is married - he needs to stay in his relationship before he thinks about anything with you... and YOU need to think about him doing this - and what will happen if you DID get together...then you and HE have problems - who is he going to turn to then ?
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Old 10-25-2005, 06:05 AM   #29
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hi vilette, your right, my mind is already made up to stay away...
and i will stay away....i dont ever want to get hurt like i did before.
im too good for him. i have everything i need now. he's the one who went under and is now drowning,emotionally, psysically, and financially. what comes around goes around....
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Old 10-25-2005, 11:00 AM   #30
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lexi Rae
if he needs to talk, i told him i'll listen..
In my world that is buttin in on his wife - it should be HER he talks to, NOT you.
And if needs help from an outsider, it should be a friend or a therapist, NOT an ex which is emotionally entangled in different ways.

Tell him to deal with his own problems, you are not his therapist. If he wants to be your friend, tell him it's ok, but that you need consent from his wife, so you'll call her and talk to her and ask her if it is ok.
Remember what you do to her is something that could be done to you.
Would you think it was allright for your husband to talk to an ex about his problems? I think not...
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