I need to vent!!

[BamaFan121s]

A few observations...

1) I have to agree...you are much more attractive than the blonde!
2) Honestly, he doesn't really look any more or less thrilled in the pic with her than in the one with you. Just kind of looks the same.
3) Why on Earth would some random chick walk up to some guy to get her picture taken with him and why wouldn't he find that...odd.
4) No offense, but if the two of you are trying to work through some marital issues, maybe the club atmosphere isn't the best place to do that.

I think that your hubby has really done a number on your self esteem. You are far to good to beat yourself up over hi! It seems like either you have some insecurity issues--BUT, in your defense, you could be completely justified in questioning him and the issues the two of you are having, generally speaking.

It's a tough situation all around. I hope things get better and you two are able to work through your issues and find a solution that makes you both happy. OK, well, that makes YOU happy...truly happy!

Hugs.

[celstu1]

You guys are adorable. Ive always loved 'bigger men' myself. More to snuggle with! I think maybe you should talk to hubby about what you guys can do together to help him with his self-esteem. Working out together, taking the babies for walks together, making healthy dinners together. As much as things are good now, there is an underlying problem, he is uncomfortable with himself. It would be different if he was happy with himself at the weight he is at now. But hes not. Working together to help him lose weight would benefit him, his health, and definately your relationship!

[princess chloe]

I agree with Bamafan,,,the club is not the right place when things are wrong in your marriage. Just an opinion,,,maybe you could try a getaway,just the 2 of you.I got married when i was 18,and jealousy was an issue on both sides.When we would go out it would just get worse,and he had no consideration for my feelings.I think he might of done alot of it just to hurt me,and make himself feel like a stud!!! I thought he had to think I was the best to feel like it myself.You are a pretty girl and you need to feel special,isn't it weird how we put that in their hands?? I hope everything goes well for you!!!!

[abaddon248]

We are friends with the photographer and hubby was with him at the bar. so the blonde was basically using my hubby to get a pictures..GRRRR... but hubby should have said no but im passed that.
4) I understand that it wasnt the greatest place to be with the rocky way we have. been But he was doing it for me because he is redneck living and we do all these outdoor things. (which i do enjoy b ut im from nyc so i needed the club thing for once) but it blew up in our faces

however, we have been going through some hard times. His bestfriend now ex bestfriend had us evicted because the landlord is his father. and his fiance is sueing usf or 5,000 for furniture that was a present so that is why we have been so stressed and taking it out on eachother so it was suppose to be a breather from the real world. but we kept on fighting even at the club.

[abaddon248]

Originally Posted by celstu1

You guys are adorable. Ive always loved 'bigger men' myself. More to snuggle with! I think maybe you should talk to hubby about what you guys can do together to help him with his self-esteem. Working out together, taking the babies for walks together, making healthy dinners together. As much as things are good now, there is an underlying problem, he is uncomfortable with himself. It would be different if he was happy with himself at the weight he is at now. But hes not. Working together to help him lose weight would benefit him, his health, and definately your relationship!

thank you for the advice! yup i love the big men too! I will have to talk to him about his weight but im afraid he will feel like I am attacking him about it, instead of trying to help him with his problem of hating himself. I know i can get him into a gym we just need to find money in our budget for it but I know he will do it. he wont even let me see him naked

[abaddon248]

Originally Posted by princess chloe

I agree with Bamafan,,,the club is not the right place when things are wrong in your marriage. Just an opinion,,,maybe you could try a getaway,just the 2 of you.I got married when i was 18,and jealousy was an issue on both sides.When we would go out it would just get worse,and he had no consideration for my feelings.I think he might of done alot of it just to hurt me,and make himself feel like a stud!!! I thought he had to think I was the best to feel like it myself.You are a pretty girl and you need to feel special,isn't it weird how we put that in their hands?? I hope everything goes well for you!!!!

We are going to have to do that. the get away was suppose to be the club but he drank himself silly and we didnt really click. He usually like a puppy dog when we are there and so happy he is with me. but his bestfriend was drinks that night. Jealousy is incredibly a huge factor in our relationship. he thinks im cheating on him 24/7 . I used to go tanning (i stoped was scared of wrinkles lol) He would harass me about the guy that worked there even went as far as saying that in my tanning session I was doing the guy.

[RebelBelle]

I am so happy that ya'll were able to work it out. I personally think he probably just took the picture with the blonde because it would be even MORE uncomforable for him to explain to her WHY he doesn't like having his picture made. He knows that you're his wife and understand his insecurities.

BTW are WAY prettier than the blonde!

[abaddon248]

Hopefully us having the new apartment we are moving in will bring us together. We have to fix it up its really in bad condition because of the tenants that left. So we have to paint and put floors in (landlord is getting us all the things we need so we can make it our home!) so im really excited and hopefully that will bring us together and stop the fights all the time

[celstu1]

How old are you guys? He sounds like he is immature also. Im sure his jealousy stems from his insecurity with himself but its not fair to take it on you. You are not the one who let yourself go like he did. (I didn't mean to sound mean if that did, but its a fact that needs to be faced by him.) You don't need to join a gym to work out. He can do things at home to help himself. Walk outside, get some cheap free weights and use them, lunges and squats, situps, pushups, etc... all these things can be done at home and will help tremendously.

I don't think its fair to you that you need to watch what you say and how you say it in regards to him for fear of him getting mad. The fact of the matter is, he did this to himself and he needs to a) accept it and b) change it. Maybe its time you put your foot down in a mature way and tell him that you want to help him, that you know he does not feel good about himself but you love him as is, you want him to be happy and you will do whatever to help him get to that point, but you will not be insulted and treated with no respect, you will not let him put you down because of HIS faults. Its good to pamper him a little, baby and handhold.. but its also good to use a tough love approach to make him see that he cannot hurt you while he is hurting. Its not fair to you. Especially when his 'pain' is something he can take control of.

I hope I didnt take it too far or read into it too much. I really do think you guys make an adorable couple. I really want him to treat you well. but you shouldn't have to fear talking to him, thats what marriage has to be about.

[BamaFan121s]

Originally Posted by abaddon248

I understand that it wasnt the greatest place to be with the rocky way we have. been But he was doing it for me because he is redneck living and we do all these outdoor things. (which i do enjoy b ut im from nyc so i needed the club thing for once) but it blew up in our faces

Hmmm...was just making an observation and suggestion. I just know that the crowds, environments, focus, etc is different for people when they are in different situations. I guess maybe my perceptions/experiences regarding clubs isn't the same as everyone elses.

Best of luck and try to keep your head up and be positive.

[abaddon248]

Originally Posted by celstu1

How old are you guys? He sounds like he is immature also. Im sure his jealousy stems from his insecurity with himself but its not fair to take it on you. You are not the one who let yourself go like he did. (I didn't mean to sound mean if that did, but its a fact that needs to be faced by him.) You don't need to join a gym to work out. He can do things at home to help himself. Walk outside, get some cheap free weights and use them, lunges and squats, situps, pushups, etc... all these things can be done at home and will help tremendously.

I don't think its fair to you that you need to watch what you say and how you say it in regards to him for fear of him getting mad. The fact of the matter is, he did this to himself and he needs to a) accept it and b) change it. Maybe its time you put your foot down in a mature way and tell him that you want to help him, that you know he does not feel good about himself but you love him as is, you want him to be happy and you will do whatever to help him get to that point, but you will not be insulted and treated with no respect, you will not let him put you down because of HIS faults. Its good to pamper him a little, baby and handhold.. but its also good to use a tough love approach to make him see that he cannot hurt you while he is hurting. Its not fair to you. Especially when his 'pain' is something he can take control of.

I hope I didnt take it too far or read into it too much. I really do think you guys make an adorable couple. I really want him to treat you well. but you shouldn't have to fear talking to him, thats what marriage has to be about.

He is 23 turning 24 in a week ( which gives him more insecurities because he hasnt become anything in the world - iknow this because of when he was drunk that night) And I am 20.

You did not take it too far. It is the advice that I need and wanted. He also has asthma which he hides behind. But i take care of him so much I will wake up in the middle of the night just to give him his nebulizer. He needs to lose the weight or he will die at a young age. I try to feed him healthy stuff but the amount of food he eats doesnt help it. I am really going to have to put my foot down and try to help him with his problems. It is really tearing us apart. I'm tierd of fearing of opening my feelings to him because it will end up in a fight. I'm going to do what you said and I will give ya a update

[Jchirino]

I SOOOOO understand what you are saying and feeling.. My fiance doesn't like pictures either.. Well. last year for his christmas party, I wasn't able to come because we lived 8 hrs away at the time, he went and that same weekend, his company was having a calender shoot so there were all sorts of models at the party as well.. Well, on MYSPACE, while being nosy, I found one of the models pages. In her pictures she has a picture of her and another girl with this guy in the pic. I click it, and BAM, There is my fiance with his arms around 2 girls.. I wanted to die.. I calmed myself down and copied and pasted the picture into an email, and sent him a msg saying "Am I going to come across anymore of these? If so, plese tell me now so I don't bite your head off when I do!!"

He didn't know what to say. He didn't remember taking that picture. Needless to say, I'm still not happy about it because had that of been me with 2 other guys, he probably would've broken up with me or something..

I have to say, they may denie it, but they all have a double standard and I think it's BS. Things should apply to both men and women. We have our issues but at the end of the day, we love eachother enough to work them out.

Anywho...

Things may not be perfect between you two but you need to sit and think if the good out weighs the bad. Things will never be perfect.. Just have to make the best of every situation. Being honest, he doesn't look happy with the blonde at all. He really does look like he is thinking s**t. Why did I agree to take this pic. You are way prettier than the blonde and he is a very lucky man to have you. Hopefull things work out between the two of you.


XOXO

[abaddon248]

Originally Posted by Jchirino

I SOOOOO understand what you are saying and feeling.. My fiance doesn't like pictures either.. Well. last year for his christmas party, I wasn't able to come because we lived 8 hrs away at the time, he went and that same weekend, his company was having a calender shoot so there were all sorts of models at the party as well.. Well, on MYSPACE, while being nosy, I found one of the models pages. In her pictures she has a picture of her and another girl with this guy in the pic. I click it, and BAM, There is my fiance with his arms around 2 girls.. I wanted to die.. I calmed myself down and copied and pasted the picture into an email, and sent him a msg saying "Am I going to come across anymore of these? If so, plese tell me now so I don't bite your head off when I do!!"

He didn't know what to say. He didn't remember taking that picture. Needless to say, I'm still not happy about it because had that of been me with 2 other guys, he probably would've broken up with me or something..

I have to say, they may denie it, but they all have a double standard and I think it's BS. Things should apply to both men and women. We have our issues but at the end of the day, we love eachother enough to work them out.

Anywho...

Things may not be perfect between you two but you need to sit and think if the good out weighs the bad. Things will never be perfect.. Just have to make the best of every situation. Being honest, he doesn't look happy with the blonde at all. He really does look like he is thinking s**t. Why did I agree to take this pic. You are way prettier than the blonde and he is a very lucky man to have you. Hopefull things work out between the two of you.


XOXO

thank you so much for understanding!! ... because he would have giving me hell and even prolly divorce me if I had taken a picture with someone else and have them holding me and holding them!

[princess chloe]

Originally Posted by abaddon248

We are going to have to do that. the get away was suppose to be the club but he drank himself silly and we didnt really click. He usually like a puppy dog when we are there and so happy he is with me. but his bestfriend was drinks that night. Jealousy is incredibly a huge factor in our relationship. he thinks im cheating on him 24/7 . I used to go tanning (i stoped was scared of wrinkles lol) He would harass me about the guy that worked there even went as far as saying that in my tanning session I was doing the guy.

Whoa,he sounds like my X! The jealousy anyway! I would get accused of "doing everyone"!!!!! Even pregnant,,my Dr.,,,,the ultrasound guy,,,whoever walked by me! That was really wearing on me!! After 3 kids and10 years,,I was so over it ! Needles to say I left. I really hope things can work out for you,,just don't compromise your self respect or self worth,,,you have to realize that your worth more.And I hear you saying I do this for him and I do that,,,what does he do? Just dont lose yourself in a relationship,if you always try pleasing someone else,,the only one that isn't pleased is you!! Good Luck

[abaddon248]

he doesnt do anything honestly. When im sick he gives me the excuse he cant sympathize because he has asthma and it is way worse than what im going through. I fell in love with a different guy. I dont know what it is that he has going in his head but it needs to stop. He has changed for me and it has become great and then its just another fall out. we are on the right track right now and hopefully there will be no fights.

I just find it funny that he is insecure that im doing everyone or anything ! and his reason is because he doesnt please me ?!. I'm like maybe if you did regularly you wouldnt have those thoughts. ( I have never cheated and never will, I dont care if its months and months of dry spells I will never do that to him )