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Old 07-25-2008, 07:11 AM   #1
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Angry I am MAD

Since my yougest DD, Olivia, was born it has been a battle and a half with my MIL. She disagrees with anything and everything I do because I am "foreign" (foreign meaning I was born in a state other than Georgia and my family was military so I was -thankfully-exposed to many different types of cultures, beliefs, etc)

Well, I have let most of it slide. She has cut my daughter's hair without my permission, etc.

Well, this is the last straw. I have kept Olivia home for quite a while due to these "differences of opinion". I NEVER prevented her from seeing or talking to Livvy, I just didn't allow her to be around her without me present. Things seemed to get a little better so last night I relented and let Olivia spend the night at MIL's.

She fed my daughter CHICKEN. Now, I know this doesn't sound like the end of the world to most of you, BUT we are vegetarians (for both health and ethical reasons) and feeding a veggie kid meat could make them seriously sick! Olivia didn't want to eat it so she LIED to my daughter and told her it was made out of vegetables like the kind she gets a home. I know for a fact it was not because they were eating at the local cafe and they don't even have those there. Then she told my 5 year old daughter that "Well, I don't care what your mother says."

I am so mad I am in tears.

So now Olivia has diarrhea and is crying because her tummy hurts (that's how I found out about the chicken - I asked her what she ate at Granny's).

I know if I tell DH he will just defend the MIL. No matter that she endangered his daughter's health, no matter that she lied to her, no matter about the blatant disrespect she showed for me directly to our daughter.



You know, I understand that people have different ways of raising children and that things were different when she raised DH, BUT even though she doesn't agree with how I'm raising MY kids, she does have to respect it.

I am just done. I guess its back to supervised visits ONLY for a very long time.
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Old 07-25-2008, 07:20 AM   #2
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I would call her and say you know Olivia is really sick today with diarrhea and whatever else that ails her...Go on and on about how miserable she is and how she must have picked up a bug
Make her feel really good for causing her DGD so much misery...and then say..
oh..wait.. so what did she eat last night???
I would put it back on her!
Some may find this approach mean..but hey..she disrespected your wishes.
Olivia is not her child and she shouldnt go against your wishes. OMG and if she cut her hair..
lol... do you want me to call her???lololol
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Old 07-25-2008, 07:26 AM   #3
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I don't blame you. I would be VERY mad too! Yes, it seems like supervised visits are the only option here, and I would definately bring it up to your husband. This is one of those situations where (for me) I would have to put my foot down and if a HUGE agument was what it too to get him to understand that this is NOT exceptable and NOT something that I could just 'blow off' then sobeit!

Do the unthinkable...send DUG to live with her!
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Old 07-25-2008, 07:28 AM   #4
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I dont blame you I would do the same. I am lucky My Mother in law is very respectful of our wishes when it comes to our Daughter. She always has opinions though and we listen to them then decide what we want to do.
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Old 07-25-2008, 07:28 AM   #5
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I don't blame you. I would be VERY mad

Do the unthinkable...send DUG to live with her!
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Old 07-25-2008, 07:29 AM   #6
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This is the SECOND time she has cut her hair. Livvy's hair grows SLOW and I finally got it down past her shoulders (from the last time MIL had it whacked off) and she went and had it cut off to chin length.

I AM going to call her, but I am going to calm down first. I figure calling and screaming at her won't really accomplish anything.

I understand that grandparents are supposed to let the grandchildren do stuff that their parents won't let them. It's basically an unwritten law of grandparenthood. But to me, that means letting them have candy before dinner or buying them a toy, etc. That does not mean cutting off their hair and feeding them things that they are not supposed to have do to ethical/moral reasons.
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Old 07-25-2008, 07:30 AM   #7
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I am soooo sorry you MIL treats you with such disrespect. MIL can be a pain. I'm a MIL. Never ever suggest anything. I do have a DIL who hates me but that is because we found out she was abusing our son. Well, she's cut him out of our lives now so there aren't any issues. But, man, stick to your guns. The health issues of your daughter override everything else. Joanne
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Old 07-25-2008, 07:32 AM   #8
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I can fully understand what you are going through. I have alot of problems with mine. When my first son was born I let her watch him and when I came to get him she was packing his stuff up to take him to FL w/ her! Since then it's always been supervised visits. I don't let my boys go around her by themselves because she starts asking them questions about me trying to start up crap.
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Old 07-25-2008, 07:33 AM   #9
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Oh, and if all that wasn't bad enough, she called my daughter the "N" word.

Livvy played outside and apparently got really dirty. She told me, "Mommy, Granny called me the N word last night because I got dirty. But its Ok, I told her it was a bad word and she'll go to hell for that!"

So I am mad about that to. That is a VERY ugly and disrespectful word and its use is strictly banned in our home and around our children.
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Old 07-25-2008, 07:35 AM   #10
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oh, I remember the days , been there, done that!! It is so miserable, I truly feel for you!!!
Your right, the husband won't be much help...he doesn't want to be caught in the middle..had many of THOSE discussions too!!
If it was me (and it has been, many, many times) I would just tell her up front...hey, I know you gave her chicken, lied to her and told her you didn't care what I said....so now, she is sick, her system isn't used to this, so thanks much for that.
Also, I would tell her, yes, you raised your children and did a fine job, but this is MY child and I will raise her as I see fit and just as you would not have appreciated someone else telling you how to best do it, neither do I. I would tell her the truth, I don't leave her alone with you for (the long, long list of reasons) and I was hoping we were past that, but apparently not. It won't be taken well, it never is...but she will hear your side and whether she ever admits it or not...some of it will get through. Eventually...you guys might have an okay relationship, I do with mine, but my children are grown. I just wasn't gonna let her push me around and I was determined to raise MY children as I saw fit, not as she did...we just coexisted for many years, sometime peacefully, sometimes not.
Mine started the day my son was born, she didn't care for his name and wanted to call him something else and said she was going to, luckily my husband did tell her that time, "no his name is ...... and that is what he will be called" , but it didn't get better until I started to stand my ground, and then it wasn't that much better, I just felt better about it.
I do wish you all the best, family....ya can't kill 'em, ya just gotta get through it!!
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Old 07-25-2008, 07:36 AM   #11
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I would be very upset as well, but unlike you I think our phone conversation would have ended already LOL. I love my mother in law but I will be honest, I dont think I would be able to contain myself and wait until I was less angry. It was wrong of her to do that and she should know, as well as your hubby. He may not like it and feel the need to defend her but he should know that his daughter is in pain today because of his mother and her actions. He may not side with you and let you know that she was wrong but believe me he realizes it. He is just put in a bad spot when having to choose between his wife and mother. I hope she feels better soon
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Old 07-25-2008, 07:42 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Graleyne View Post
Oh, and if all that wasn't bad enough, she called my daughter the "N" word.

Livvy played outside and apparently got really dirty. She told me, "Mommy, Granny called me the N word last night because I got dirty. But its Ok, I told her it was a bad word and she'll go to hell for that!"

So I am mad about that to. That is a VERY ugly and disrespectful word and its use is strictly banned in our home and around our children.
I am really sorry you have to deal with this...or she thinks it is ok to say things like that.
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Old 07-25-2008, 07:51 AM   #13
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Oh dear! If its not one thing its another. I'm sorry you're having to deal with her on your fabulous Friday. I think this is one of those things that I would absolutely have whatever arguement needed to be had to get the point across. Including going so far as to telling her that it was my way or the highway. I would never cut someone else's childs hair nor would I feed their child something that they had clearly stated was not allowed. I'm sorry that Olivia isn't feeling well today. However, even if she felt GREAT I would still have to have a serious conversation with your husband and HIS mother. I'm very respectful of my elders but respect goes 2 ways and she owes you some.
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Old 07-25-2008, 08:00 AM   #14
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Well, that explains DUG then.
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Old 07-25-2008, 08:02 AM   #15
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My Mother in law has had my Daughters hair cut. She takes my daughter to the stylist when she goes and they both get their hair done. But we have the kind of relationship with her that she knows she can do it. One time they cut it shorter than I like and I just told her and shes careful that they dont do it again. I would be upset though if we didnt have the type of relationship that we have though and she just took it upon herself to do things like that
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