I need my YT family cuz mine has made me mad and upset!!

[4doggiemama]

My heart really goes out to you. I watched my dh be nearly left out of his parent's will because he has been a great provider. His brother inherited the farm, cattle, equipment, 2 houses--he's never had to borrow a penny in his life. It was all worth lots and lots of money. My heart nearly broke as I watched my dh feel worthless, like his parents didn't love him; that they held it against him that he didn't remain on the farm. He was determined, though, that he was not going to alienate his brother. We don't have much to do with them now, but they still are on talking terms. It doesn't matter what age you are but it hurts when you feel second best. The ultimate gift you give yourself is not let it destroy you. My guess is that it will be an ongoing fight for you to not let it get the best of you. Accept that fact and fight a good fight against anger and hate. In closing I must say that I have great admiration for my dh.

[xxmxaxrxyxx]

My dad knows my attitude and his advice has to be one of the best...he said no matter what people say or do...if you hold it inside or let the resentment get the best of you..it only affects you not them...it will tear you up while they are out not giving a care in the world about it...so its best to just let things go...because obviously it doesn't mean anything to them so why kill yourself over it...

and i know i am far from reaching getting to the point of letting things go but as i sit and think back on what he has taught me i can see where he is coming from...so day by day I am slowly letting things go...there are somethings we can't control...hope that helps a little...

[tatertot15]

Originally Posted by xxmxaxrxyxx

if you don't mind me asking are what nationality are you? reason why i am asking because me being Asian...that sounds a lot like asian culture and what our parents put us through and the things they say...sorry for going off topic...it is because as i read your post i brings back a lot of memories with what i went through with my family and the words are like deja vu! hehe

I am white....I've had a decent life, I can say my parents have never beat me and i've had opportunities in my life that others havent but when I am put down it is like not having those opportunities. And just like when my Grandma died my sister got first pick of things for her house even though I was getting ready to move out and needed those things....but my sister got them....and she got memorabilia of my grandma when I didnt. I'm always second in line for everything....I know i'm the youngest but at this age (almost 24) age shouldnt be an issue anymore. It makes no sense. I try my best not to let it bother me but it does....I cant help it.

[tatertot15]

I am grateful for everything i've had in my life and sometimes the things I wasnt able to have because it has made me the person I am. I like who I am on the inside and who I have become with my husband....he brings out the best in me. And when I got Bandit my parents said I was stupid because I couldnt take care of a dog....well bandit lives better than me I think, he has everything he could dream of and more. And most of all he has love in his life. I know my parents love me but they just dont know how to treat me as an adult and they try to tell me what to do even though I am not in there house anymore. I would have been moved out right after my wedding but my Grandma developed Cancer and then died in November so I stayed to help my mom and kind of take care of her. And this is how she repays me. I will not let this stop me from talking to them or anyone in my family because family is important but I will learn how to space myself from this dissapointment. I will not let my future children see how this feels, if they treat my kids different then I will speak my mind and if they dont change then we just wont be around as much but my kids will know there grandparents and aunt and uncle. I know what its like to be kept from one side of a family and I will not put my kids through that either.

[spr377]

It sounds like you are a very nice, and sensitive person. I'm sure it does suck, to be treated as second best. I think the advice about making a nice life for you and your husband and only visiting once in awhile with your family, was a good. Things aren't going to change....you either have to resign yourself to it, or remove yourself from it. You will be a stronger person for all of this, and will treat your own children fairly!

[Betty'sMom]

Be proud of your independence and making it on your own. Many times, the weaker ones in the family get the help...it's almost like you are being punished for trying to do the right thing...believe me... I know that for a fact!

[Tiggerwit]

I hear ya and I feel for ya but sometimes, unfortunately, that's just how life is. It sucks and I don't agree with it, but as you've probably figured out, this is how it's always going to be, unless something drastic happens to change it. Question now is, what are you going to do about it? Life is what you make of it and only you can make or break your own happiness. It's very unfortunate that your family treats you that way, but by now you should be able to recognize it for what it is and try not to take it too personally. It's your choice to allow it to hurt you and frustrate you and make you miserable or it's your choice to realize your sister needs an butt whooping she's never going to get and shrug it off to another one of her antics.

You should be very proud of yourself that you are able to accomplish things on your own and of everything that you already have accomplished. Be proud of that fact. Piss on anyone who tells you that you can't do something or puts you down. Fact is, as you've already proven, you can do anything you set your mind to. If you want to go back to school, do it. Get financial aid or whatever. You can do it. Think of yourself and your hubby and future children and put them and yourself first.

Frankly, I'm quite proud of you from what you've said and I think you are doing a grand job of making it under the circumstances. Be proud.

p.s. I think you and hubby need a home of your own. Good luck honey

[Tiggerwit]

Originally Posted by spr377

It sounds like you are a very nice, and sensitive person. I'm sure it does suck, to be treated as second best. I think the advice about making a nice life for you and your husband and only visiting once in awhile with your family, was a good. Things aren't going to change....you either have to resign yourself to it, or remove yourself from it. You will be a stronger person for all of this, and will treat your own children fairly!

[xxmxaxrxyxx]

Originally Posted by tatertot15

I am white....I've had a decent life, I can say my parents have never beat me and i've had opportunities in my life that others havent but when I am put down it is like not having those opportunities. And just like when my Grandma died my sister got first pick of things for her house even though I was getting ready to move out and needed those things....but my sister got them....and she got memorabilia of my grandma when I didnt. I'm always second in line for everything....I know i'm the youngest but at this age (almost 24) age shouldnt be an issue anymore. It makes no sense. I try my best not to let it bother me but it does....I cant help it.

wow I hope things get better for you...my dad once told me that there is no point stressing over what we have no control because that only makes us suffer...not the other party that we are stressing over...because they most likely don't care or don't realize what they are doing...and they go on living while we are hurting...

[tatertot15]

Thank you everyone for being here for me and letting me vent. I love my family even though they do the things they do. But because of what happened today I may have missed a huge opportunity for a job change, what happened got to me today and I broke down....there was a job opening at my work and I may have missed my chance at it. I'll find out tomorrow. I dont know what I would do without you all by my side and understanding me when I need you to. I plan on taking all your advice and try to make my life even better and showing everyone they were wrong about me and that I am worth something to somebody. Although I know I am worth alot to my husband I want to prove it in the work world also. I am so happy I am finally in my own place and out of that house....I was losing my sanity at there house.

[xxmxaxrxyxx]

aww sounds like you are feeling a lot better now...that's a good thing!

[MeganS]

I don't know what to say, but I'm sending you big hugs and I'll keep you in my prayers. I hope things seriously pick up for you soon.

Just remind yourself that YOU are independant and you can support yourself, so you don't NEED to be in debt to anyone, like your sister does (not meant to attack your sister, but you know what I mean).

[tanksmom]

I can understand always being second best to someone, but Im an only child! My Mother actually choose a friend of mine to love/like better. I know that sounds wrong but my Dad agrees and my Mom will even admit it when drunk. Ive found disconnecting from my Mother and making my own family, including replacement parents and grandparents, have done me a world of good.
We dont get to pick the family were born into but you can pick the family you love.

[C C Kent]

I'm a little surprised that there are so many that have had the same experiences. I'm the younger brother and I grew up in the shadow of my brother, the genius. I'm not being facetious....he's actually a freaking genius. How did I get so lucky? Every time he took a test it was off the charts for intelligence. Does that mean he can take care of himself? No, he can do quantum physics but hold a job? that's really hard. I have reached a point where I can chuckle about this, even when I'm paying for the call from a federal inmate. I love my brother, he didn't ask to be the smartest imbecile I know. My parents did the best they knew how. Did they hurt my feelings...sure, they're not perfect either. I finally figured out that resentment was a burden I was simply not able to carry, and with my children I get another chance at the relationship I wanted.

Limit your contact and lower your expectations, it does get better!

[Mayas Mommy]

I just seen your Post ..... so sorry you have Family drama ....

You know .... you need to be proud of yourself and your Hubby .... what you own is yours and NOT paid for by Mom and Dad .... YOU and Hubby own it .... because you worked your butt off for it .....

I do know it sucks that they treat your sister different then you .... ....

Big HUGS to you .....