moving on and starting over advice please!

[mattymac]

Just wanted to say good luck with everything. I don't have any experience with moving out of state but I'm sure you will have a lot to look forward to.

[Stella's mom]

You are a very strong person dealt a horrible situation but are moving through and past it for a new beginning. Good luck on your move and new life, I know you're gonna be fine....

[Sunnie]

I was originally going to advise you NOT to move too hastily. I was planning to tell you to be strong and get yourself together in a place you are familiar with, THEN do the move. Talking from experience...... BUT I see that you said you have friends in Florida, so I have to say, it probably could work out for you. I moved with 3 kids under the age of 10 shortly after a divorce and it was SO hard. But I moved from a place where I had NO family, to where my family lived so I did have support. I have always been very independent so it was easier for me than for some. I was scared to death of coming to a new place with no job, etc. But I put myself thru college and supported 3 kids on my own and started a whole new life. I do know friends who have divorced and moved as soon as possible because they just couldn't face being in the same place and running into thier ex with someone else. They ended up moving back in worse shape because they just were not ready for it and had no support system inplace. They were basically running away and found out that it wasn't that easy. If they had gotten themselves "healthy" BEFORE moving, they would have been much better off and had the confidence to adjust to the changes. You sound like you are well on your way to that "confident, independent mental health" and I bet you will do just great!
Hugs
Sonya

[ryorkies]

I am so sorry that this has happened to you, but you seem like a very strong person who realizes when it is time to move on and take your life in a different direction. I have gone through some terrible experiences in my young life and experienced tremendous pain and at the time wondered ..." why me? " .... , but as I have matured I realized that each of these experiences were molding and shaping me to be the person I am today.
I wish you luck with your future decisions and I have no doubt that wherever you decide to relocate you will find healing and peace.
Hugs, Janie

[saphire]

I take my hat off to you, you are a very brave young woman. You are coping with your situation and moving on! I wish you the very best, and remember wherever you go , you will always have us.

Take care of your daughter, your yorkie and YOU!

Hugs,
Sheilagh

[Monday]

good luck, hope you find what you are looking for when you move.

Personally, I would prefer to be near family.
When my first husband passed away, I needed my family more than ever.

But I had an awesome solid job here near my family so it was a no brainer.

best wishes for you.

[flgurl69]

Originally Posted by cariblonde

are you a paralegal too?

..

I'm glad to see a fellow YTer moving to the area! I live in the Cape. Good luck on your move and new start in life. If I can be of any help, let me know.

Oh! Here is a link to the Ft Myers/Cape local paper if you need it.

http://www.news-press.com/apps/pbcs.dll/frontpage

the Naples newspaper
http://www.naplesnews.com/

[Angela]

Just wanted to say I am really proud of you, you will not be sorry when all is said and done. You know I have a million paralegal qestions for you.......lol but, I didn't want to have you trying to help me while you handling this. I am ok right now, but it's getting a little harder in school. I have to write a inquirey paper on insanity and they are not really explaining what they are looking for. Like definations we had to do........I gave the book def. but, they wanted where we got it from ( French ) Also, our book is paralegal's in America...........so we always have extra notes about how Louisiana does it different. Have you ever the running joke a LA lawyer makes a killing......our law has so many twisted loop holes. I did register with Westlaw yesterday, I need to figure out how to navigate that site, I am sure it will be a life line in research. Anyway, back to you......Again, I am so happy for you, Just picking up and starting a new life.....imagine how many people would love to be able to do that, but won't get the chance for one reason or another. How old is your son? I bet he will LOVE FL. so much to do!

Angie

[YorkichonBella]

I am very happy that you are making new plans for your life. I wish you the very best. My first husband & I divorced when my daughter was 7. At the time, I didn't know that it would be the best thing for me. Sometimes, things happen for a reason. Keep Faith, be strong, & focus on your Life! Things will get better. It just takes time.

[cariblonde]

Originally Posted by Angela

Just wanted to say I am really proud of you, you will not be sorry when all is said and done. You know I have a million paralegal qestions for you.......lol but, I didn't want to have you trying to help me while you handling this. I am ok right now, but it's getting a little harder in school. I have to write a inquirey paper on insanity and they are not really explaining what they are looking for. Like definations we had to do........I gave the book def. but, they wanted where we got it from ( French ) Also, our book is paralegal's in America...........so we always have extra notes about how Louisiana does it different. Have you ever the running joke a LA lawyer makes a killing......our law has so many twisted loop holes. I did register with Westlaw yesterday, I need to figure out how to navigate that site, I am sure it will be a life line in research. Anyway, back to you......Again, I am so happy for you, Just picking up and starting a new life.....imagine how many people would love to be able to do that, but won't get the chance for one reason or another. How old is your son? I bet he will LOVE FL. so much to do!

Angie

Feel free to ask me anything I will be happy to help if I can My son is 10 btw

[Charlies Angel]

Hugs to you! I don't have any advice for you because I haven't really even started my life and still don't know what I'm doing but when I go through hard times praying is the only thing that gets me through. Also, just have faith and everything will turn out just fine and ask God to give you what you need in life..He'll place you where you need to be.

Good Luck!

[BellieBoo]

i'm glad to hear you're doing well...

i'm in FL too good luck on your job search...

[yorkiesmiles]

Will your husband fight you at all on moving your son to another state?

I hope you have an easy divorce. Decide now about the things that matter to you. I guess if you work in the legal profession you may know a lot & a least know how to find a good attorney & how to work with them.

In my horrid experience there is a couple things I did right and a couple things I wish I would have fought harder for.

So here's a bit of my story - despite the fact that the attorney said it was traditional to do every other holiday, I fought against this because his family never celebrated Christmas then - they did it on a weekend usually around New Year's - so I asked for my daughter every Christmas Eve & Christmas, but offered him 3 hrs on Christmas night to spend with our dd - the attorney said he wouldn't accept it. He totally went for it.

I let him make his request for visitation - he only asked for every other weekend from 2pm Sat to 5 pm Sun. - which he often picked her up late or missed the weekends all together. He was also suppose to have 2 weeks in the summer - not even sure he ever took her for 7 days ever in one yrs time.

What I wish I would have fought for - one friend gave me this advice. Do not let him claim your child every-other-year on his taxes. You'll need the deduction, instead ask for every yr to claim your child or at the most offer him every fifth yr to claim or perhaps in your case every 3rd or 4th yr

Also, if you have any student loans that he helped you obtain to get your education, so that you could contribute to the family, make sure he is also responsible for the pay off of the loans. I made a huge mistake not fighting this for several reasons - I had the big money debt you can get while going to grad school & he had spent the money on other things than my education, because the interest was low. Many mistakes I made there. Also, I had helped him pay off his school loans - he was older than me - we paid them all off & now I am stuck with 10s of thousands of dollars in loans & building horrid interest on it every day.

Decide what you want - don't let your attorney say that isn't the way it's done. I told my attorney, the worst he can do is say no to my request. He gave in to several things that mattered to me.

Also, as long as you have been married you should qualify for spousal support and be able to get part of his retirement account. 10 yrs or more of marriage does help with some of that. Know what your state says about how long you've been married & what other rights you have.

Hugs & prayers for you as you go thru this.

[Monday]

I have never been divorced, but this seems like GREAT advice and things I know I never would have thought of.
People on YT are so smart! And compassionate.
Good Luck to you, Cariblonde.

and Yorkiesmiles, you are the best to help her out so much!
Hugs to you both! Yorkiesmiles and Cariblonde

Originally Posted by yorkiesmiles

Will your husband fight you at all on moving your son to another state?

I hope you have an easy divorce. Decide now about the things that matter to you. I guess if you work in the legal profession you may know a lot & a least know how to find a good attorney & how to work with them.

In my horrid experience there is a couple things I did right and a couple things I wish I would have fought harder for.

So here's a bit of my story - despite the fact that the attorney said it was traditional to do every other holiday, I fought against this because his family never celebrated Christmas then - they did it on a weekend usually around New Year's - so I asked for my daughter every Christmas Eve & Christmas, but offered him 3 hrs on Christmas night to spend with our dd - the attorney said he wouldn't accept it. He totally went for it.

I let him make his request for visitation - he only asked for every other weekend from 2pm Sat to 5 pm Sun. - which he often picked her up late or missed the weekends all together. He was also suppose to have 2 weeks in the summer - not even sure he ever took her for 7 days ever in one yrs time.

What I wish I would have fought for - one friend gave me this advice. Do not let him claim your child every-other-year on his taxes. You'll need the deduction, instead ask for every yr to claim your child or at the most offer him every fifth yr to claim or perhaps in your case every 3rd or 4th yr

Also, if you have any student loans that he helped you obtain to get your education, so that you could contribute to the family, make sure he is also responsible for the pay off of the loans. I made a huge mistake not fighting this for several reasons - I had the big money debt you can get while going to grad school & he had spent the money on other things than my education, because the interest was low. Many mistakes I made there. Also, I had helped him pay off his school loans - he was older than me - we paid them all off & now I am stuck with 10s of thousands of dollars in loans & building horrid interest on it every day.

Decide what you want - don't let your attorney say that isn't the way it's done. I told my attorney, the worst he can do is say no to my request. He gave in to several things that mattered to me.

Also, as long as you have been married you should qualify for spousal support and be able to get part of his retirement account. 10 yrs or more of marriage does help with some of that. Know what your state says about how long you've been married & what other rights you have.

Hugs & prayers for you as you go thru this.

[KitKat]

I don't really have any advice, just wanted to wish you luck!