Do you think its weird? - YorkieTalk.com Forums

celstu1 · 01-17-2008, 10:02 AM

Im 31 and single. No kids, no boyfriend, no previous divorces nothing. I was in a relationship from age 19 to age 28 that did not pan out. I was engaged to him and owned a house with him and when we split, I bought my own townhouse. I have a decent job (career) and get to travel a bit, dress nicely and Im VERY independant.

Recently EVERYONE around me is getting married, or having kids. I realize we are at that age that its going to happen. I feel like I am the only one who is not moving forward in that direction in my life. Im going back to college in a week and then I plan on going to cosmotology school, then opening my own business. I have lots of pesonal goals, career goals and I am generally happy on my own.

I am selfish in that I dont want to give up my freedom, independance and I dont want to take someone elses opinions and feelings into consideration at this point in my life. I know marriage is not the right thing for me at this point... but is that weird? Should I want marriage? Kids? at this point in my life shouldnt I know?

Sometimes I feel good about my life and sometimes I feel like something is not right and that people look at me as if there is something wrong with me, something fundimentally unmarriageable about me!

There is nothing wrong with me... i swear! Well I mean, Im smart, motivated, funny, know how to have a good time, attractive, etc... so its not that. Im also very mentally stable, sometimes I think people wonder if there is something wrong with my mental state of health! HAHA Im very down to earth and I dont freak out... I have no abnormal fears or dependancy issues.. Im just me. Just this average normal girl. I dont feel 31. I have a hard time believing I am in my 30s at all. I dont look 31 at all.

I guess its just me being selfish that I am not ready to give up my 'freedom' yet and I meet a lot of insecure guys and with how independant I am the LAST thing I need is an insecure guy who needs to know my every step! I just havent met 'the one' I guess. I thought I did... but he didnt feel the same. I feel like im divorced, I went through a divorce pratically... yet its not acknowledged like that.

Sorry rambling... anything at all ladies? gents??

SladesMommy · 01-17-2008, 10:10 AM

As long as its what you want, I dont' think its weird or being selfish at all. Society shouldn't dictate when you get married or have kids.

Some people just decide earlier or later in life. Heck, I have several friends that don't have any desire to get married or have kids ever, while I have always known that was what I wanted to do and as soon as possible. I think everyone is different.

Superstarkba · 01-17-2008, 10:14 AM

Your doing great!!! Marriage isn't for everyone, nor is kids. As long as you are having fun in life, and you are doing things that you want do to I don't see any problem with that.

I want to see myself in 4 years to have my own place, and def not be married.

Mybabyboymax · 01-17-2008, 10:18 AM

I dont think your weird at all, in fact to me you sound like you have a great head on your shoulders and are doing great! If you are not ready for all that then your not ready. If you never want the kids and marriage then that is your choice...nothing weird about it to me. you know what you want and your taking steps to get to it...actually great not weird

oh and your not old

patty58 · 01-17-2008, 10:18 AM

I think you are a very wise lady. Some people would do what is "right" in other peoples eyes. But what is right for one person is not right for another. You seem to be very happy until you start listening to other people. You sound like you know in your heart what is right for you. Some day that may change and maybe it won't but I admire you. You go girl. Fulfill the dreams that YOU have and don't listen to the dreams other people may have for you.

~Yorkie~Mommy~ · 01-17-2008, 10:19 AM

I think if you are COMPLETLY HAPPY in life and don't see a void in your life I say you are doing fine....your furbutts are YOUR KIDS!!

Ponyup · 01-17-2008, 10:26 AM

Do what makes you happy & you sound like you are happy. Someday you may meet the right guy that compliments you & when you do then that'll be it. But no one can put a time frame on it, you can't hurry love as they say. I knew I was ready to get married when I was 20.5 years old, it just hit me & i happened to be lucky enough to find the guy. If it hasn't hit you yet that's okay. Who cares what everyone else does or thinks. I've been married 5 years & everyones on my case to have kids, I'm not ready to have kids yet & I have to be ready cause I'm the one that'll have to live with them not someone else. So don't rush into things you don't really want because you think you are supposed to, you won't be happy. Everyone's time frame is different no worries.

KathyinCali · 01-17-2008, 11:25 AM

When the right person comes along at the right time, nothing you just wrote about will matter. Congratulations on going back to college!

Tammyh · 01-17-2008, 11:37 AM

No you're not wierd

. We're all different, some people grow up and the only thing they want is to be married, some people feel they never want to be married. You sound like maybe you're somewhere in the middle. Live your live the way you want but keep yourself open to the right person who could potentially walk into your life one day. If you meet the right person you may find that you do want to be concerned for that persons feelings and opinions. Bottom line, don't worry about what others think and live your life for yourself and know that you're completely normal

cj_michi · 01-17-2008, 11:42 AM

I don't see any problem in not being married yet. I have aunts that are way older and never got married not because they did have a chance but bc they say it wasn't for them. On the other hand I've been married since I was 20 (I'm know 24) and everyone's questions is when are we having kids.

I don't want kids for a while (yes hubby is in agreement). I would like to be able to stay home with my children and right now that is not possible so no kids for now. Just bc I'm married doesn't mean I need to have children. And just because you're in ur 30's doesn't mean u need to be married. As long as u are happy with your status and now that later on you won't regret your decision I don't see anything wrong with that. The time will come for you to take that step.

celstu1 · 01-17-2008, 12:04 PM

yeah, you guys are right.... Ya know... I have a hard time remembering that I KNOW myself and what I want. When I was with my ex I was HAPPY too... even w/o marriage, things went downhill when I started to listen to others say how it was weird we were together 9 years w/o getting married, so then I thought 'well we better get married' I felt pressure everywhere i turned, people making me feel insecure about my relationship 'well if he hasn't married you by now he doesn't love you, trust me.' so I listened and harped and my once happy relationship went downhill FAST! Then it was over... I didnt even FEEL the NEED to get married until I was being pressured by everyone else who said it was WRONG! WEIRD! GGGRRRRRR I need to listen to myself only... I have a hard time doing that. Sometimes I feel like I need to get away from here... away from everyone around me and start over elsewhere.

somewhere where people dont look at marriage as the be all of happiness and fulfilled life! Know what I mean?

Yorkiedaze · 01-17-2008, 02:57 PM

Marriage is not for everyone, neither is having kids. Life is very short, so do what "you" want as long as it makes you happy and not harming anyone or anything. If ever Mr. Right does come into your life, you WILL know it.

If your not meant to have a significant other, then don't look for one simply because someone put a guilt trip on you.

BabyFidgette · 01-17-2008, 04:52 PM

I feel exactly the same right now! I'm 31, single, been engaged, but never been married, have no children, and own my own house (with my cousin). I'm so set in my ways right now that the perfect man has to sweep me off my feet before I budge. LOL

celstu1 · 01-17-2008, 05:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BabyFidgette

I feel exactly the same right now! I'm 31, single, been engaged, but never been married, have no children, and own my own house (with my cousin). I'm so set in my ways right now that the perfect man has to sweep me off my feet before I budge. LOL

Me too girl!!!

He better be the best man for me!!

kdlmon · 01-17-2008, 08:22 PM

So what is right for YOU. I am 30, married with no kids. We've been married for 4 years and people are starting to put on the pressure about having kids. At first I stressed about it and worried that I hadn't had my first kid before 30! Then I realized that I should have kids when it is right for my husband and me.

01-17-2008, 10:02 AM	#1
celstu1 Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 10,534	Do you think its weird? Im 31 and single. No kids, no boyfriend, no previous divorces nothing. I was in a relationship from age 19 to age 28 that did not pan out. I was engaged to him and owned a house with him and when we split, I bought my own townhouse. I have a decent job (career) and get to travel a bit, dress nicely and Im VERY independant. Recently EVERYONE around me is getting married, or having kids. I realize we are at that age that its going to happen. I feel like I am the only one who is not moving forward in that direction in my life. Im going back to college in a week and then I plan on going to cosmotology school, then opening my own business. I have lots of pesonal goals, career goals and I am generally happy on my own. I am selfish in that I dont want to give up my freedom, independance and I dont want to take someone elses opinions and feelings into consideration at this point in my life. I know marriage is not the right thing for me at this point... but is that weird? Should I want marriage? Kids? at this point in my life shouldnt I know? Sometimes I feel good about my life and sometimes I feel like something is not right and that people look at me as if there is something wrong with me, something fundimentally unmarriageable about me! There is nothing wrong with me... i swear! Well I mean, Im smart, motivated, funny, know how to have a good time, attractive, etc... so its not that. Im also very mentally stable, sometimes I think people wonder if there is something wrong with my mental state of health! HAHA Im very down to earth and I dont freak out... I have no abnormal fears or dependancy issues.. Im just me. Just this average normal girl. I dont feel 31. I have a hard time believing I am in my 30s at all. I dont look 31 at all. I guess its just me being selfish that I am not ready to give up my 'freedom' yet and I meet a lot of insecure guys and with how independant I am the LAST thing I need is an insecure guy who needs to know my every step! I just havent met 'the one' I guess. I thought I did... but he didnt feel the same. I feel like im divorced, I went through a divorce pratically... yet its not acknowledged like that. Sorry rambling... anything at all ladies? gents?? __________________ “Petting, scratching, and cuddling a dog could be as soothing to the mind and heart as deep meditation and almost as good for the soul as prayer.” ― Dean Koontz

01-17-2008, 10:10 AM	#2
SladesMommy Donating YT 4000 Club Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: ATX Posts: 4,513	As long as its what you want, I dont' think its weird or being selfish at all. Society shouldn't dictate when you get married or have kids. Some people just decide earlier or later in life. Heck, I have several friends that don't have any desire to get married or have kids ever, while I have always known that was what I wanted to do and as soon as possible. I think everyone is different. __________________ GIGANTIC DOG CLOTHES SALE!!! <--- CLlCK!

01-17-2008, 10:18 AM	#4
Mybabyboymax Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: NYC Posts: 1,859	I dont think your weird at all, in fact to me you sound like you have a great head on your shoulders and are doing great! If you are not ready for all that then your not ready. If you never want the kids and marriage then that is your choice...nothing weird about it to me. you know what you want and your taking steps to get to it...actually great not weird oh and your not old __________________ Its SummerTime!

01-17-2008, 10:18 AM	#5
patty58 Donating YT 5000 Club Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: texas Posts: 5,272	I think you are a very wise lady. Some people would do what is "right" in other peoples eyes. But what is right for one person is not right for another. You seem to be very happy until you start listening to other people. You sound like you know in your heart what is right for you. Some day that may change and maybe it won't but I admire you. You go girl. Fulfill the dreams that YOU have and don't listen to the dreams other people may have for you. __________________ Decide To Make It A Good Day

01-17-2008, 10:19 AM	#6
~Yorkie~Mommy~ Donating YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Louisiana Posts: 3,933	I think if you are COMPLETLY HAPPY in life and don't see a void in your life I say you are doing fine....your furbutts are YOUR KIDS!! __________________ ~Christina~ Our human baby girl is HERE!! Luvin' My Prince Bailey Bailey's Dogster Page Bailey 's Gracie

01-17-2008, 10:14 AM	#3
Superstarkba Aubrey's Mom Donating Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: Georgia Posts: 9,369	Your doing great!!! Marriage isn't for everyone, nor is kids. As long as you are having fun in life, and you are doing things that you want do to I don't see any problem with that. I want to see myself in 4 years to have my own place, and def not be married.

01-17-2008, 10:26 AM	#7
Ponyup YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Northern Indiana Posts: 1,252	Do what makes you happy & you sound like you are happy. Someday you may meet the right guy that compliments you & when you do then that'll be it. But no one can put a time frame on it, you can't hurry love as they say. I knew I was ready to get married when I was 20.5 years old, it just hit me & i happened to be lucky enough to find the guy. If it hasn't hit you yet that's okay. Who cares what everyone else does or thinks. I've been married 5 years & everyones on my case to have kids, I'm not ready to have kids yet & I have to be ready cause I'm the one that'll have to live with them not someone else. So don't rush into things you don't really want because you think you are supposed to, you won't be happy. Everyone's time frame is different no worries. __________________ Ponyup Mom to LOGAN

01-17-2008, 11:25 AM	#8
KathyinCali Love My Li'l Lucy Donating Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Southern California Posts: 6,700	When the right person comes along at the right time, nothing you just wrote about will matter. Congratulations on going back to college! __________________ Kathy and Lil' Lucy and Jammies Rest in Peace my Sweet Buster

01-17-2008, 11:37 AM	#9
Tammyh YT Addict Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Washington Posts: 399	No you're not wierd . We're all different, some people grow up and the only thing they want is to be married, some people feel they never want to be married. You sound like maybe you're somewhere in the middle. Live your live the way you want but keep yourself open to the right person who could potentially walk into your life one day. If you meet the right person you may find that you do want to be concerned for that persons feelings and opinions. Bottom line, don't worry about what others think and live your life for yourself and know that you're completely normal __________________ Bella & Lucee's Momma

01-17-2008, 11:42 AM	#10
cj_michi Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Pasadena, TX Posts: 238	I don't see any problem in not being married yet. I have aunts that are way older and never got married not because they did have a chance but bc they say it wasn't for them. On the other hand I've been married since I was 20 (I'm know 24) and everyone's questions is when are we having kids. I don't want kids for a while (yes hubby is in agreement). I would like to be able to stay home with my children and right now that is not possible so no kids for now. Just bc I'm married doesn't mean I need to have children. And just because you're in ur 30's doesn't mean u need to be married. As long as u are happy with your status and now that later on you won't regret your decision I don't see anything wrong with that. The time will come for you to take that step. __________________ Michi & Max - Official member of The Little Gentleman's Club Last edited by cj_michi; 01-17-2008 at 11:44 AM.

01-17-2008, 12:04 PM	#11
celstu1 Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 10,534	yeah, you guys are right.... Ya know... I have a hard time remembering that I KNOW myself and what I want. When I was with my ex I was HAPPY too... even w/o marriage, things went downhill when I started to listen to others say how it was weird we were together 9 years w/o getting married, so then I thought 'well we better get married' I felt pressure everywhere i turned, people making me feel insecure about my relationship 'well if he hasn't married you by now he doesn't love you, trust me.' so I listened and harped and my once happy relationship went downhill FAST! Then it was over... I didnt even FEEL the NEED to get married until I was being pressured by everyone else who said it was WRONG! WEIRD! GGGRRRRRR I need to listen to myself only... I have a hard time doing that. Sometimes I feel like I need to get away from here... away from everyone around me and start over elsewhere. somewhere where people dont look at marriage as the be all of happiness and fulfilled life! Know what I mean? __________________ “Petting, scratching, and cuddling a dog could be as soothing to the mind and heart as deep meditation and almost as good for the soul as prayer.” ― Dean Koontz

01-17-2008, 02:57 PM	#12
Yorkiedaze My hairy-legged girls Donating Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: lompoc, ca. Posts: 12,228	Marriage is not for everyone, neither is having kids. Life is very short, so do what "you" want as long as it makes you happy and not harming anyone or anything. If ever Mr. Right does come into your life, you WILL know it. If your not meant to have a significant other, then don't look for one simply because someone put a guilt trip on you.

01-17-2008, 04:52 PM	#13
BabyFidgette Learn Yorkie CPR! Donating Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: New Jersey Posts: 6,855	I feel exactly the same right now! I'm 31, single, been engaged, but never been married, have no children, and own my own house (with my cousin). I'm so set in my ways right now that the perfect man has to sweep me off my feet before I budge. LOL __________________ Nicole & Baby "The more men I meet, the more I love my Yorkie!"

01-17-2008, 08:22 PM	#15
kdlmon ☺Cooper☺ Donating Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Bay Area, California Posts: 775	So what is right for YOU. I am 30, married with no kids. We've been married for 4 years and people are starting to put on the pressure about having kids. At first I stressed about it and worried that I hadn't had my first kid before 30! Then I realized that I should have kids when it is right for my husband and me.