She has finally done it

[IluvLucy]

I raised a son who was diagnosed ADHD and MMH. I went thru hell with diets, additives and preservatives - well, you know the drill.

My side of the family was very supportive, my ex's wasn't. He thought I was exagerrating and refused to give him his meds when he visited, which meant I had to deal with the fallout everytime he came home.

These are YOUR children. She has already raised hers. I understand that your husband has talked to her and that you have, too.

I found that sometimes you have to hurt feelings in order to do what's right for your children. I did, and feel no remorse at all for it.

If you don't want to answer the phone - don't. If she comes over and you don't want to answer the door - don't. Keep your doors locked and if she causes a scene - tell her you're calling your husband, and DO it. Then he'll have to deal with that part of it - LET HIM.

If she whines to everyone else in the family - let her. You can't change that, but YOU will have charge over your children and that's what counts.

I guess what I'm trying to say is do what you have to do and let the chips fall where they may. You're trying to do the right thing and I believe you will succeed.


Good luck.

[flutterby]

I have a soon-to-be MIL just like that but with the yorkies and kitty (bf and I have been together for 5 years)...

My cat constantly acts like he's starving and she screams at me that I don't feed him enough (now mind you, he's 7 months old and close to 12lbs!!!) and she jumps on the opportunity to TAKE CONTROL.

The girls, she does everything she can to make me jealous when she's holding them. If I'm near her she'll do the, "Oh they love me!" thing and blah blah blah.. and again, always tries to be the one to feed them, etc, etc... And then I don't take care of them well enough (and again, I have to remind them that their bowl of food for their dogs is low).... And everytime I go somewhere, if they have a pet department, the girls get "gifts" when I get back. That way me leaving, they know they get toys and treats!

This proves that should I have children, I'll live on the other end of the continent. I try to not let her get to me, but when it goes in one ear and out the other, she starts telling everyone I'm a wh*re and I'm sleeping around... if she starts with her stuff again (she hasn't done that for a few months) it I doubt i'll see her face again...

[Graleyne]

I guess I just get frustrated because I feel like I have no say so in how my kids are raised.

It isn't that she disagrees with the type of diet I would like to feed them, its that I know that she will flat out go against it.

She doesn't have to (and I certainly don't expect her to) AGREE with my parenting style, but she absolutely 100% has to RESPECT it. They are MY children. But she doesn't respect it. She doesn't respect ME.

I am just really tired of it all. It is like everyday it is something else. Everything is a battle and I am TIRED.

I don't feed them the right kind of food. I don't put the right kind of clothes on them. I don't fix their hair the right way. They don't wear the right jacket on the right kind of day. I don't iron their clothes - or if I do then I do it wrong.

I mean honestly, all of this sounds like little things I should be able to just ignore and let go, but I hear it all EVERY SINGLE DAY, and more than once a day.

MOST of the time Mike defends me, but there are times when he just hands me a load of excuses. "She did the same thing with Timmy." Then when I tell him I hope she enjoyed doing it with Timmy because she is done doing it with Olivia, I have to hear that she is old and I just have to overlook her yadda yadda.

I guess I'm just throwing an Aerrica pity party today. I'm just frustrated with everything.

[mojo]

Originally Posted by Graleyne

Mike HAS stepped in and talked to her - numerous times. It doesn't do any good at all.

I'm not trying to be mean to her. I'm not trying to keep anyone away from her. I just want to be respected as their mother and free to parent them MY WAY. Lauren was 5 and Michel was 2 when Mike and I met and I managed to raise them just fine all that time without her input.

Why don't you just tell her in no uncertain terms - you respect me and my parenting, stop harrassing me or you cant be a part of our lives?
Sounds mean, but there is no way I could, or would, live that way!

[Susanbee51]

Originally Posted by Graleyne

I guess I just get frustrated because I feel like I have no say so in how my kids are raised.

It isn't that she disagrees with the type of diet I would like to feed them, its that I know that she will flat out go against it.

She doesn't have to (and I certainly don't expect her to) AGREE with my parenting style, but she absolutely 100% has to RESPECT it. They are MY children. But she doesn't respect it. She doesn't respect ME.

I am just really tired of it all. It is like everyday it is something else. Everything is a battle and I am TIRED.

I don't feed them the right kind of food. I don't put the right kind of clothes on them. I don't fix their hair the right way. They don't wear the right jacket on the right kind of day. I don't iron their clothes - or if I do then I do it wrong.

I mean honestly, all of this sounds like little things I should be able to just ignore and let go, but I hear it all EVERY SINGLE DAY, and more than once a day. Yes it does sound like little things, but those little things can escalate into bigger things. This so reminds me of what I went through so many years ago. The little things for me turned into bigger things as I stated in the previous post, and it did put a wedge in our marriage and eventually we did divorce. If you and your husband love each other, don't let her continue, old or not. How old is she anyway? 80 or 90?

MOST of the time Mike defends me, but there are times when he just hands me a load of excuses. "She did the same thing with Timmy." Then when I tell him I hope she enjoyed doing it with Timmy because she is done doing it with Olivia, I have to hear that she is old and I just have to overlook her yadda yadda.
It is really sad that she has been allowed to continue with her control. And I will remind you, there are no excuses for this type of behaviour. I don't care how old she is. That is just a bunch of bull, "She's old so we have to cater to her, NOT. It seems that your husband really is tired of her control and so to escape from it, it is easier for him to let you deal with her. You shouldn't have to deal with it, since it is his mother. I guess I'm just throwing an Aerrica pity party today. I'm just frustrated with everything.

I am not trying to hijack your thread.

[Graleyne]

Originally Posted by Susanbee51

I am not trying to hijack your thread.

Oh I know you aren't!

The age thing kind of makes me angry as well. She is 68. She is the exact same age as my grandmother. My grandmother still lives her life. She still works, she is intelligent, she has a boyfriend, she goes out dancing, she LIVES.

Carol (MIL), on the other hand, sits and mopes and acts like her life is over.
I try to get her to go out and do things. She isn't sociable. She has no friends. She won't do anything by herself. She just sits there and drives me (and everyone else) crazy.

[mojo]

Originally Posted by flutterby

I have a soon-to-be MIL just like that but with the yorkies and kitty (bf and I have been together for 5 years)...

My cat constantly acts like he's starving and she screams at me that I don't feed him enough (now mind you, he's 7 months old and close to 12lbs!!!) and she jumps on the opportunity to TAKE CONTROL.

The girls, she does everything she can to make me jealous when she's holding them. If I'm near her she'll do the, "Oh they love me!" thing and blah blah blah.. and again, always tries to be the one to feed them, etc, etc... And then I don't take care of them well enough (and again, I have to remind them that their bowl of food for their dogs is low).... And everytime I go somewhere, if they have a pet department, the girls get "gifts" when I get back. That way me leaving, they know they get toys and treats!

This proves that should I have children, I'll live on the other end of the continent. I try to not let her get to me, but when it goes in one ear and out the other, she starts telling everyone I'm a wh*re and I'm sleeping around... if she starts with her stuff again (she hasn't done that for a few months) it I doubt i'll see her face again...

I thought your post was funny at first - a 12 pound yorkie starving; but then calling you a whore - sounds like a nut.

I thought my family was hard to deal with sometimes, now I am feeling very lucky.

Sorry.

[Susanbee51]

Originally Posted by Graleyne

Oh I know you aren't!

The age thing kind of makes me angry as well. She is 68. She is the exact same age as my grandmother. My grandmother still lives her life. She still works, she is intelligent, she has a boyfriend, she goes out dancing, she LIVES.

Carol (MIL), on the other hand, sits and mopes and acts like her life is over.
I try to get her to go out and do things. She isn't sociable. She has no friends. She won't do anything by herself. She just sits there and drives me (and everyone else) crazy.

I am a grandma and I cannot even imagine being a bad one. I have a son in law that I do not like, but he works everyday, supports my daughter and grandkids. I tolerate him because he is her choice. He had two daughters from a previous marriage and I cannot imagine life without them. To me, they are just as much my grandkids as the "blood" ones. I do not do for one and not the other.

It is too bad that there isn't something that she could get involved in. Volunteer work, part-time job, craft classes, something. Community colleges offer non-credit classes, maybe try and get her interested in something like that.

[Susanbee51]

Originally Posted by flutterby

I have a soon-to-be MIL just like that but with the yorkies and kitty (bf and I have been together for 5 years)...

My cat constantly acts like he's starving and she screams at me that I don't feed him enough (now mind you, he's 7 months old and close to 12lbs!!!) and she jumps on the opportunity to TAKE CONTROL.

The girls, she does everything she can to make me jealous when she's holding them. If I'm near her she'll do the, "Oh they love me!" thing and blah blah blah.. and again, always tries to be the one to feed them, etc, etc... And then I don't take care of them well enough (and again, I have to remind them that their bowl of food for their dogs is low).... And everytime I go somewhere, if they have a pet department, the girls get "gifts" when I get back. That way me leaving, they know they get toys and treats!

This proves that should I have children, I'll live on the other end of the continent. I try to not let her get to me, but when it goes in one ear and out the other, she starts telling everyone I'm a wh*re and I'm sleeping around... if she starts with her stuff again (she hasn't done that for a few months) it I doubt i'll see her face again...

And bf does what? You are getting a good eye-opener to what she will be like when you have kids. Unless you put a stop to it right now. I wish you luck. I hope that things with boyfriends mom before you get married. Marriage is hard enough without the added stress of a MIL.

[Graleyne]

Originally Posted by Susanbee51

It is too bad that there isn't something that she could get involved in. Volunteer work, part-time job, craft classes, something. Community colleges offer non-credit classes, maybe try and get her interested in something like that.

There is plenty that she COULD do, she just WON'T.

[Graleyne]

Originally Posted by Susanbee51

And bf does what? You are getting a good eye-opener to what she will be like when you have kids. Unless you put a stop to it right now. I wish you luck. I hope that things with boyfriends mom before you get married. Marriage is hard enough without the added stress of a MIL.

I agree. If you think she is bad with the animals just wait until there is a child involved. That's when mine went from bad to worse and has continued to get worse.

[altigger74]

ah a post near and dear to my heart! It has taken 14 years for my MIL to get over herself. I have learned to now be sweetly sarcastic. When we first were married and had our son, She was babysitting him for an hour for us, I had reluctantly let her since she came up to see him from Florida. Anyway we got back early and caught her packing all of his stuff into her van! She was stealing my son! Yup BIG mistake there! I won't ballistic, I told her I was calling the cops and that she could rot her A** in jail. My hubby was not happy and told that if she forced a choice she would lose. Anyway, it always was, "Jennifer is a city bitch whose a slut and sleeping around", "Jennifer is not taking care of her son and grandson". Whatever. I finally had enough, I told hubby's grandmother (whose was just as bad) to leave my house. I finally started to be sweetly sarcastic with them. They would ALWAYS say, aren't you feeding your son he looks skinny! So I just told them "no it's too expensive to feed him I'll just send him to your house" And the line of me being a city bitch and slut, well I started a riot when a close friend of ours (whose a truck driver and a man) slept on the couch waiting for my hubby to get home from work (who knew he was there) Oh I had a BLAST w/ that one! But I guess I've finally gotten the tough skin and I am ALWAYS on my guard.

[Graleyne]

Oh yes! Mike has a friend (male) who comes by and cuts our grass for me during the summer because Mike works a lot and I wouldn't know how to so much as turn a lawn mower on lol!

She made a comment about it one day and I VERY sarcastically said, "Oh yeah, let me tell you, S and I are one hell of a hot item!" I kid you not she looked at me and very quietly said, "Oh. Well I didn't know there was something going on." I came inside, picked up the phone and called Mike to warn him that his mother would be calling him with the news that I was having an affair and would you believe that old bat made it to her house and on the phone to him before I did?! And she was in MY DRIVEWAY when we had the conversation!

Oh and I'm not a "city bitch" I am just "foreign" because my family was military and "god only knows where I come from". LOL

[tinav]

i don't see how you can stand that type of treatment....i would find a way to set limits to how invasive she is allowed to be...even to the point of how many phone calls per week you will accept from her. you and you family need your own life too.

tina

[Graleyne]

Originally Posted by Graleyne

Oh yes! Mike has a friend (male) who comes by and cuts our grass for me during the summer because Mike works a lot and I wouldn't know how to so much as turn a lawn mower on lol!

She made a comment about it one day and I VERY sarcastically said, "Oh yeah, let me tell you, S and I are one hell of a hot item!" I kid you not she looked at me and very quietly said, "Oh. Well I didn't know there was something going on." I came inside, picked up the phone and called Mike to warn him that his mother would be calling him with the news that I was having an affair and would you believe that old bat made it to her house and on the phone to him before I did?! And she was in MY DRIVEWAY when we had the conversation!

Oh and I'm not a "city bitch" I am just "foreign" because my family was military and "god only knows where I come from". LOL

I would also like to add here that there is absolutely NOTHING going on (nor has there EVER been) between S and I. That would be just gross. It would be like kissing my brother.