I just checked my husband into rehab

[newmommy]

Originally Posted by sweetr72

Someone gave this to me when my common law went into rehab..I read it all the time..its so true..

What Addicts Do

I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fulfilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.

My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered a sociopath. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.

My behavior cannot and will not change until I make a decision to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.

And until I make that decision, I will hurt you again and again and again.

Stop being surprised.

I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.

Anonymous
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Addict’s Plea

You can't make me clean. I know it is what you want for me to be, but until I want it - I won't be. You can't love me clean ...because until I learn to love myself, I won't be.

I know you must wonder how can I learn to love myself when I am caught up in a lifestyle of self-hatred and self-destruction. I can learn from my own experience ... I can learn from the things that happen to me along the path of my own mistakes. I can learn by being allowed to suffer the consequences of my choices. Life has a funny way of teaching us the lessons we need learn.

I know it devastates you to watch me hurting myself. I know you want to jump in and save me. This helps ease your pain, but I don't think you understand just how damaging it is to me. You see, although I look and sound like your loved one, Me, “the person” .. is locked away deep down inside my being. What you see before you is an addict ruled and reigned by my addiction. The main focus of an addict is to feed the addiction. I feed my addiction enough ... please don't help me.

The only way for the person in me to get free is to be free .. to fall as far as I need to go in order to find the strength to fight back and break free.

How can I, or will I, ever be able to get clean? The same way I gave myself over to my addiction is the same way I can give myself over to my recovery: BY MYSELF!

By allowing me to reach “rock bottom” you move over and allow me to find my own way back .. It is in the fight to break free that I will find myself .. it is in the fight that I learn to love myself .. the more I love myself, the more I will do to better myself.

I am aware that when I use I am playing Russian Roulette with my life. I know this, but that is a chance we take when we use. The addict in me is willing to take that chance in the name of getting high.

Rock bottom is but a circumstance away. I can't get in if you are blocking the entrance ...

Please for the sake of the person in me .. move out of the way .. and let me fall as far down as I have to in order to reach the bottom .. and pray for me that when I do hit .. that is not with the impact that leaves me for dead (I know that is your greatest fear), but if it comes to that .. be sure to tell my story so that others might learn and live.

Passion - Recovering Addict
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Setting Personal Boundaries - protecting self

"The purpose of having boundaries is to protect and take care of ourselves. We need to be able to tell other people when they are acting in ways that are not acceptable to us. A first step is starting to know that we have a right to protect and defend ourselves. That we have not only the right, but the duty to take responsibility for how we allow others to treat us."

"It is important to state our feelings out loud, and to precede the feeling with "I feel." (When we say, "I am angry, I'm hurt, etc." we are stating that the feeling is who we are. Emotions do not define us, they are a form of internal communication that help us to understand ourselves. They are a vital part of our being - as a component of the whole.) This is owning the feeling. It is important to do for ourselves. By stating the feeling out loud we are affirming that we have a right to [our] feelings. We are affirming it to ourselves - and taking responsibility for owning ourselves and our reality. Whether the other person can hear us and understand us is not as important as hearing ourselves and understanding that we have a right to our feelings. It is vitally important to own our own voice. To own our right to speak up for ourselves."

"Setting boundaries is not a more sophisticated way of manipulation - although some people will say they are setting boundaries, when in fact they are attempting to manipulate. The difference between setting a boundary in a healthy way and manipulating is: when we set a boundary we let go of the outcome."

"It is impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone who has no boundaries; with someone who cannot communicate directly and honestly. Learning how to set boundaries is a necessary step in learning to be a friend to ourselves. It is our responsibility to take care of ourselves - to protect ourselves when it is necessary. It is impossible to learn to be Loving to ourselves without owning our self - and owning our rights and responsibilities as co-creators of our lives."
by Robert Burney
http://www.joy2meu.com
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After Awhile

After awhile you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul and you learn that love doesn't mean possession and company doesn't mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead with the grace of an adult not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build your roads today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have ways of falling down in mid-flight.

After awhile you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much so you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure that you really are strong and you really do have worth and you learn and you learn.....

Veronica Shoffstall

thank you. this is unreal. puts a new perspective on things. and i cannot stop crying.

[newmommy]

Originally Posted by sweetr72

Print it off and keep it close..its easy to forget and handy to have around you at all times hun..

Dawn

im printing it out as we speak

[sweetr72]

Originally Posted by newmommy

im printing it out as we speak

I have read it a million times and it still amazes me and makes me cry..

[Bombers Mom]

Hi - I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through. All I can say is to get yourself to an Al-anon meeting and keep going. There is incredible help and support there for you. Good luck.


Leslie

[AVERYxo]

i hope you have a better day today!! keep your head up and stay positive-it will all work out for the best-just takes time!! xoxo. ive been praying for you guys. <3

[newmommy]

thanks again everyone

[Gizmo's Mom]

Your posts brought back a lot of memories, every word is true. To bottom out can be the end but it can also be the beginning for a lot of us. Dang that post stirred my heart. As he starts his recovery the guilt will be there..always will. There is a real chance for your husband, but sadly you can't be the one to fix him. That's when you'll know he's feeling again. I thank God everyday for finding me salvagable. Oh I did loose everything and everyone years ago and your husband will be hearing many stories of this..it's up to him what he does with it. I have great hope for your family, this could be a great beginning for you. Hang on sweetie "it's always darkest before the dawn".

[Buddy-licious]

Just thinking about you!!! Praying things are going to get much better in your life!

[newmommy]

Originally Posted by Gizmo's Mom

Your posts brought back a lot of memories, every word is true. To bottom out can be the end but it can also be the beginning for a lot of us. Dang that post stirred my heart. As he starts his recovery the guilt will be there..always will. There is a real chance for your husband, but sadly you can't be the one to fix him. That's when you'll know he's feeling again. I thank God everyday for finding me salvagable. Oh I did loose everything and everyone years ago and your husband will be hearing many stories of this..it's up to him what he does with it. I have great hope for your family, this could be a great beginning for you. Hang on sweetie "it's always darkest before the dawn".

thank you.

[ellie81]

Praying for you and your hubby

[patty58]

Just checking in to see how you are today. You and your family are still in my prayers. Hand in there honey.

[Connie]

Thinking of you and praying. Sending hugs to you!

[Nikki+2]

How are you doing today? You get to see your hubby on Monday right?

[Kamen]

Now I am not an expert when it comes to this kind of stuff, because I have never really dealt with it personally or with someone I loved. My brother-in-law used to be addicted to Pain Killers, but that was ages ago and I was pretty young.

But on the hindsight of things I do watch a lot of the show Intervention on A&E and hopefully just from that I can help you out a bit. You say you have known about his problem for quite some time correct? It wasn't just like one day you stumbled in and saw him using and said "That's it! You are going in to rehab!" right? Well in most cases from people being around a user the first thing they need to do besides helping the person realize they have a problem and need to seek help is to seek help for themselves. You have more than likely been emotionally scared by this whole ordeal struggling with not only him, but yourself as well knowing that you enabled him to do this.

Also, I am unsure as to how old your children are, but they are a lot smarter then some may think when it comes down to this kind of stuff. If you believe they do not know what is going on chances are pretty high that they do. They just don't understand it. It would be good for you and your children to seek individual and group therapy to help fix yourselves while your husband works on finding out the reasons why he started using in the first place so he can get better. I can only imagine what you are going through and I truly hope things work out for the best for you and your family. If you ever need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on, we are here for you.

[IluvLucy]

I'm slowing down for the night and have you on my mind. I hope today has been better for you and your children.

Still praying for you all................