My Baby, Buster, is Gone...

[Springie]

My heart is broken.

I thought that talking to fellow Yorkie lovers would help.

Buster, my little 4 lb. baby, would have been 5 at the beginning of November. He was happy, healthy, and spoiled rotten. I was his mama and he followed me everywhere. I can still hear the click of his little claws as he follows me from room to room. He loved to cuddle, and he sat in my lap as I worked every day. He loved to go "night-night" with me and he had my husband "wrapped around his tiny paw". He slept curled around my neck like a scarf. When he was playing, his growl sounded like an "angry squirrel" or a "swarm of angry bees". He would wait for me on top of the couch and wag his tail, show his front teeth and snort at me with excitement when I'd walk in the door.

My children adored him. He saw my 11 year old daughter as somewhat annoying, but he still tolerated and loved her. My 13 year old son has Aspereger's syndrome, and we originally got Buster to help him with empathy. Buster did his job and so much more. He brought our family together.

I am physically sick (like someone has punched me in the stomach) and wracked with guilt. I can't stop crying.

Friday night, we offered to puppy-sit my brother's puppy. I knew Buster would be jealous, so I had them come early so that I could work with Buster and make sure that everything would be ok.

Well, it wasn't. Buster nipped at the puppy while I was holding him, and I reflexively threw my hand out to push Buster back. Buster was in mid air, jumping at the time. He fell down and twisted so that he landed on his head on the hardwood floor. I think he broke his neck. All I can see over and over again in my mind is him convulsing and then lifeless.

I fell horrible. He trusted me. I was his mommy. I loved him SO MUCH. I held him and kissed him everyday. How could the last thing he saw from me be a terrible scolding?

I don't know how I'm going to recover from this. I don't know if I could ever get another dog, but I can't bear the empty hole in this family, either. I'm afraid to get another Yorkie, ever, since they are so fragile. What if I did something like that again?

All I can do is cry. I don't want another puppy. I just want my precious baby back!

[lisaly]

I'm truly sorry for your tragic loss of Buster. It was a horrible accident, one that you didn't mean to happen, and Buster knows that. Another baby won't bring Buster back, but he/she will help to mend the hole in your family's hearts. Buster forever will remain a soft spot in your heart filled with infinite love.

[yorkietalkjilly]

What a tragedy! I'm so sorry this happened to your little Buster and know you wish you could go back in time and undo everything. I wish there were something wise and inspiring to say right now but there isn't. The pain of losing your little baby is just so terrible that nothing is going to console you or help right now. Grieve the loss of Buster and accept that it was an accident and that you are not to blame for what happened. With time, life will get better and you will heal and always love your Buster. I just pray that your healing and pain are lessened soon so you can smile again and begin to look forward to loving again. God bless you.

[Connie]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss of Buster. So heartbreaking and sad. I send sincere and heartfelt sympathy to you and your family. God bless the memory of precious Buster.

[impish]

Oh my dear my heart aches for you as I read your post. I know this love you speak of and the devastation of losing that special pet.

Please know that love is not about one moment in time, nor was your bond with Buster. Your love for him did not change in the moment of the accident, and neither did his. The bond you have had was too strong for that.

Accidents happen. And life has a beginning and an end. And part of life is loving. And we take the joy of the life and cherish it. And we honor it by loving again.

Please make sure to provide yourself with self-care. Please allow yourself to grieve and yet allow yourself to be human.

Plant a tree or do something significant in honor of Buster and what was clearly a joyous life with you.

And thank you for another reminder that we should all hold our pups a little closer tonight and cherish the time we have, the reminder that accidents happen.

God bless you and please allow yourself to love another pup again.

[intilis]

I'm so very sorry for the loss of Buster. Please try not to blame yourself, hard as that may be. I do know how you feel, as something very similar happened to me with my beloved Tink. It took me a long time to (sort of) forgive myself. I've since come to realize that all of the second guessing & "if only I did this or that" can never change what was an ACCIDENT that could have happened to anyone. I can only tell myself and believe that it was Gods will. I hope you can take comfort in knowing that you gave Buster a wonderful life, and I'm sure he knew how loved he was. Rest in peace sweet Buster.

You sound like a great yorkie Mom, I hope that in time you are able to open your heart to another little one.

[rubymoon2072]

I am very sorry for your loss and more so for the tragic events that you are left to replay in your mind. I wish I could offer more than prayers to you at this time. I send many for you to heal a bit. Please don't blame yourself, Buster knows it was a most horrible accident and you never meant him a minute of harm. Again I am very sorry for your loss. May Buster RIP.

[kjc]

I am so very sorry for your loss. I feel your pain through your words, how very sad. Buster would not want to see you so unhappy. He'll be in your heart forever, and you will meet again, in time. RIP Buster.

[Bellabean]

I am so sorry for your tragic loss!

[Mistymillar]

Such a very sad story, a tragic accident. I am so sorry for your loss.

[lynzy420]

Oh my God, I am truly truly sorry. I know that there are no words to help you right now, I know that the mind movies playing over and over in your head seem they will never stop...but they will honey they really will. This is a tragic accident, nothing more and nothing less, please please keep posting here, post all you feel, don't let this guilt consume you and take the sweet memories of your little Buster.

Remember Buster the way he was, remember all the sweet things he did, remember how he brought your family together, remember Buster for all the right reasons, the way Buster would want you to.

I am so sorry, very sorry this has happened to you, I have no answers but I want you to know everyone here understands your pain and we are all here for you to listen and help you through this. I'm so sorry.

[yorkiefan_]

Oh my God, this is so horrible to read. Terrible accidents are just going to happen in life, and there is no turning the arrow of time backwards to fix them. I wish I even knew what to say; I remember the guilt my brother carried when he accidentally suffocated our pug in his sleep with the blanket. But he is an awesome person and you sound like you are too. Accidents, sometime with tragic consequences, happen to the best of us. Hugs to you, and please, cry all day if need be because you need to get that sadness out and not bottle it in when losing such a beloved family member. It's supposed to hurt this bad to lose someone you truly love.

[netters272]

I too lost my Ana to a tragedy... I could not stop thinking about those last moment.. I ate, drank, slept them...

That was a month ago... and although the days are better... sometimes the images come back

YOU did protect your little buster... YOU did love him... ANd you did lose him to an ACCIDENT...

He loves your now as he loved you then... he just loves you a bit further away...
But he will await the time when he can jump in your arms and tell you that you were loved... and he was protected...

I pray for comfort... MUCH MUCH comfort..

jnet

[Springie]

Thanks so much for all of your kind words. You have all helped me more than you will ever know. It is just good to know that I am not alone.

I did get another dog pretty quickly after the accident. I just couldn't bear the enormous hole left in our house by our little Buster. I decided to adopt from a local "high-kill" shelter in our area. I just felt like saving another dog's life would help me to feel that Buster's death wasn't in vain.

So, we ended up adopting a little long-haired Chihuahua. We named him Oliver (after Oliver Twist- since he's an orphan). He's a little bigger/sturdier than Buster was and he took to me right away. It has been a challenge to get him to "come out of his shell". His family put him in the shelter after their house burned down, and I don't know what he has been through. He also came with a bad case of kennel cough- and we're working on that with antibiotics and antihistamines (I've been to the vet 3 times since I got him). He's very different than Buster, but very sweet and smart. I still miss Buster every single day and wish I could bring him back, but Oliver is helping my heart to heal.

http://i97.photobucket.com/albums/l2...psff52bca0.jpg

He wants my attention while I'm working...*grin*

http://i97.photobucket.com/albums/l2...ps2967a86e.jpg

[Springie]

I forgot to mention...I *do* plan to get another Yorkie someday. Yorkies are so incredibly special and I adore them so much! I'll definitely keep you posted!