[Springie]

My heart is broken.

I thought that talking to fellow Yorkie lovers would help.

Buster, my little 4 lb. baby, would have been 5 at the beginning of November. He was happy, healthy, and spoiled rotten. I was his mama and he followed me everywhere. I can still hear the click of his little claws as he follows me from room to room. He loved to cuddle, and he sat in my lap as I worked every day. He loved to go "night-night" with me and he had my husband "wrapped around his tiny paw". He slept curled around my neck like a scarf. When he was playing, his growl sounded like an "angry squirrel" or a "swarm of angry bees". He would wait for me on top of the couch and wag his tail, show his front teeth and snort at me with excitement when I'd walk in the door.

My children adored him. He saw my 11 year old daughter as somewhat annoying, but he still tolerated and loved her. My 13 year old son has Aspereger's syndrome, and we originally got Buster to help him with empathy. Buster did his job and so much more. He brought our family together.

I am physically sick (like someone has punched me in the stomach) and wracked with guilt. I can't stop crying.

Friday night, we offered to puppy-sit my brother's puppy. I knew Buster would be jealous, so I had them come early so that I could work with Buster and make sure that everything would be ok.

Well, it wasn't. Buster nipped at the puppy while I was holding him, and I reflexively threw my hand out to push Buster back. Buster was in mid air, jumping at the time. He fell down and twisted so that he landed on his head on the hardwood floor. I think he broke his neck. All I can see over and over again in my mind is him convulsing and then lifeless.

I fell horrible. He trusted me. I was his mommy. I loved him SO MUCH. I held him and kissed him everyday. How could the last thing he saw from me be a terrible scolding?

I don't know how I'm going to recover from this. I don't know if I could ever get another dog, but I can't bear the empty hole in this family, either. I'm afraid to get another Yorkie, ever, since they are so fragile. What if I did something like that again?

All I can do is cry. I don't want another puppy. I just want my precious baby back!