How long does the grieving process take?

[Leigh22]

Originally Posted by miabellaamoure

I'm sorry for your sadness about losing Buttons but, maybe it might be helpful to write all your memories of you & Buttons down in a journal. It could be a way of redirecting your grief to remembering all of your good times with Buttons and accepting his time to leave you.

From just the few things you've posted about your bicycle trips & blowing out candles...I've enjoyed reading those precious memories of yours & Buttons!

That sounds like a good idea. Maybe dictate to someone else and have them write it down, (I'm less likely to work myself into a tizzy if I know someone else is there). I really have enjoyed talking about him on here. It talk about him with my mom and my bf all the time. There's really something about writing it on here that seems to be helping. Maybe its the kind words and encouragement all of you have given me . I really do appreciate it. I was worried to post on here because I didn't want someone to tell me, "5 months? He was just a dog get over it". I realize this probably would never happen on YT, but someone actually did tell me this. It's nice having this place to come to when I needed help and advice through this situation. GREATEST SUPPORT GROUP EVER. I really do appreciate the support you guys have given me. And Cynsir, I couldn't imagine what you have been going through these past few weeks losing Max when he was so young. I really do wish you all the best.

I know I should only think about the good times we shared, there were a lot of them. When Mom and I talk about things he did when he was little or his routine he got into when he got older (He slept with Mom and if she wasn't in bed, with the covers pulled back for him at 10PM- well he'd let you know he wasn't happy.) So its great when I talk about it with someone else, but sitting on my bed, going through an old picture album, though the memories are great, I can't help but remember that its not going to be like that anymore.

I am trying to move on. I was stuck in grieving mode for a while at the beginning of the year. I lost Buttons Jan 29. We lost our Manx, Percy, February 26. (He was only 3 and it was such a shock. He had -to be technical- Feline Lower Urinary Tract Infection, which is hardly ever deadly, very common actually. We took him to the vet Tuesday and we took him back there Thursday because he didn't improve. Well he died during anesthesia, probably before my Mom even got out to her car.) I lost my Grandma Ruby March 3. (She had been bed-bound for about 2 years and she had Alzheimer's for her last 6 years. I'd not going to open that can of worms right now though. She was a very loved woman, 10 kids, 17 grandchildren and 12 great-grands, so far.)

When we did get Ziggy 2 months after I lost buttons and 3 weeks after my Grandma passed, well it was too much for me to handle. I try to push the bad thoughts away now though. I have a job to do now; raising Ziggy is no easy task. So I throw myself into that. I give him all the love and attention that was once reserved for Buttons and I dote on him constantly.

Sorry this ended up being so long, and I don't mean to depress anyone with this. It just feels good to finally get it out and know that you guys have been in this situation too and you care what happens to me and Ziggy both.

[Faerie54]

I got my Aussie boy Jack during the finish of a bad marriage. Jack, his older Border brother McKennitt and I had to be on the run for some time as hubby was not a nice fellow. I jokingly said I'd traded a bad marriage for a great dog and it was certainly the truth. Our difficult times bonded the three of us as I can't say I'd have survived without them to care for. Jack was especially devoted as Cattle dogs frequently are. He slept by my side for his whole life.
We went to Britain and cross country together. My life centered around growing healthy and creating safe surroundings for the three of us.
Jack died last August 5th at little under 9 years of age. Mckennitt searched the Blazer for Jack upon my return home and then grew increasingly depressed. He had helped "raise" Jack and they were my "partners in grime."
He gradually stopped eating, playing and vet said to get him a puppy. Into the story came little Mr. Darcy, but by then McKennitt showed no interest. On January 28th I sang him "to sleep" reminding him to race after Jack in heaven. McKennitt would have been 14 on 12th May.
I only just recently created a little shrine for the 2 boys with pictures, leashes, bandanas etc. I still am not ready to look at Jacks "final" photographs.
I'm lucky to have supportive dog living friends who remind me that grief is normal and that they were "MY children." I still tear up when a herding dog is on TV or passes by. I still HAVE to recant stories about both.
It's OK to cry.
I dearly love Mr. Darcy although the early puppy stage with McKennitt so sick was not easy. The clownish cheerful nature Mr. Darcy displayed probably helped more than I realized in the early days of loss. It's as though Yorkies seem to know they're here to cheer us along.
I'm sorry I've gone long here. Just realize that what is normal for you is unique to you. Acquiring another pup may, or may not ease the sadness. I think each beloved pet steals a tiny fragment of our heart and it simply is what it is. I guess that, however extensive the grief, it's better to endure than to not experience the love of a devoted creature in your life.
Sincerely, Rebecca and Mr. Darcy
McKennitt and Jack are in Mr. Darcys album

[miabellaamoure]

Originally Posted by Faerie54

I got my Aussie boy Jack during the finish of a bad marriage. Jack, his older Border brother McKennitt and I had to be on the run for some time as hubby was not a nice fellow. I jokingly said I'd traded a bad marriage for a great dog and it was certainly the truth. Our difficult times bonded the three of us as I can't say I'd have survived without them to care for. Jack was especially devoted as Cattle dogs frequently are. He slept by my side for his whole life.
We went to Britain and cross country together. My life centered around growing healthy and creating safe surroundings for the three of us.
Jack died last August 5th at little under 9 years of age. Mckennitt searched the Blazer for Jack upon my return home and then grew increasingly depressed. He had helped "raise" Jack and they were my "partners in grime."
He gradually stopped eating, playing and vet said to get him a puppy. Into the story came little Mr. Darcy, but by then McKennitt showed no interest. On January 28th I sang him "to sleep" reminding him to race after Jack in heaven. McKennitt would have been 14 on 12th May.
I only just recently created a little shrine for the 2 boys with pictures, leashes, bandanas etc. I still am not ready to look at Jacks "final" photographs.
I'm lucky to have supportive dog living friends who remind me that grief is normal and that they were "MY children." I still tear up when a herding dog is on TV or passes by. I still HAVE to recant stories about both.
It's OK to cry.
I dearly love Mr. Darcy although the early puppy stage with McKennitt so sick was not easy. The clownish cheerful nature Mr. Darcy displayed probably helped more than I realized in the early days of loss. It's as though Yorkies seem to know they're here to cheer us along.
I'm sorry I've gone long here. Just realize that what is normal for you is unique to you. Acquiring another pup may, or may not ease the sadness. I think each beloved pet steals a tiny fragment of our heart and it simply is what it is. I guess that, however extensive the grief, it's better to endure than to not experience the love of a devoted creature in your life.
Sincerely, Rebecca and Mr. Darcy
McKennitt and Jack are in Mr. Darcys album

I got my Bella about the same time in my life like you were getting your Aussie, Jack. I can attest to what a dog can do for your life when you need something good for a change!

Bella has been all that and a bag of chips...hahaha!

Thank you for sharing your story & pic's of your babies..it made me cry (good tears, tho')!

[Faerie54]

Originally Posted by miabellaamoure

I got my Bella about the same time in my life like you were getting your Aussie, Jack. I can attest to what a dog can do for your life when you need something good for a change!

Bella has been all that and a bag of chips...hahaha!

Thank you for sharing your story & pic's of your babies..it made me cry (good tears, tho')!

FOR BELLA'S MOMMY
I read the stories of loss and I'm relieved we have this community to share with. Outside comments from those lacking the experience of loving and sacrificing for a creature (e.g. "just a dog....get another....") make me shudder. I cannot EVEN read those notice areas about cruelty and abuses of these dear Yorkies.
We are fortunate to have this wondrous circle of friends, educational tools and good advice don't you think?!!!
Thank you for writing
Rebecca & Mr. Darcy

[AddieLove]

Originally Posted by Leigh22

My mother thought that getting me another dog 2 months after Buttons died would help me get over him faster. But I do the same thing you worried about doing, I compare them. Ziggy's great and of course I love him, but every once and a while he'll do something (like cutting his eyes at me when he's annoyed) and its such a shock, reminds me so much of Buttons. It hurts more than helps sometimes. When we first got him, 8weeks, he was so little and depended on me so much, and all I saw was NOT BUTTONS. I would break down and cry sooo much when he first came.
Ziggy is turning out to be NOTHING like Buttons. Buttons was laid back and ready to do anything with me. Ziggy is more independent. What do you expect when you get an Aquarius? Here's something cool about Ziggy though, he was born on my birthday. I like to think that when I picked Buttons up and we blew out my candles, Ziggy was being born, my new little partner. Maybe that's what Buttons was wishing for when we blew out the candles.

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. It really is one of those things that just takes acceptance, patience and time to get over.

I absolutely love your thinking regarding Buttons and the candles.

[Faerie54]

Originally Posted by AddieLove

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. It really is one of those things that just takes acceptance, patience and time to get over.

I absolutely love your thinking regarding Buttons and the candles.

Connecting and trying to appreciate new life, growing old and the learning processes along the way is difficult when it comes to letting go.
The comment from Addie's mom is so real.
The day I sent McKennitt home to be with Jack was Mr. Darcy's 10 month birth date. I tried to remember the blessing in that new life.
Think on what Bailey's momma said too. Our pups only want us to be happy, and to continue to love. I think that's a testament to the love we gave and received from them.
As Bella's mom said, consider a journal. Perhaps you could jot down not only the "missing you" thoughts but also the unique joys occuring now..... When Mr. Darcy stretches out with his legs behind him, it's exactly as Jack used to lay out on the front room carpet. I look at Mr. Darcy and smile, sometimes with a bittersweet tug. I try to remind myself that maybe that mannerism is Jack's way of saying "We're all here in some way.....we're all a part of you mommy."

[YorkieShadow]

How long does the grieving process take? I dont think it really ever goes away. It gets easier as the time goes by but I think at a blink of an eye its back again. little things certin words just brings it all back from time to time. I have lost many pets through my life time. and Lossing my Minnie has been the hardest for me. I think it was because she was with me 24/7. I lost her at age 4 1/2 .....Jan 9. 2009

[Mom2Layla]

You were exactly the same age that my DD was when we got our Layla. I often wonder how my kids will do when it comes Layla's time. If Layla lives to 14, which I do hope so, my DD will be 22. Our whole family is so attached to her and loves her so much. We will be grieving just as you are.

I feel for you. The loss of a pet is no different in my eyes than the loss of any other family member or friend. But time does heal all wounds and for some that time may be short and for some that time may be longer. Nothing wrong with grieving as long as you don't let it stop you from living. You know Buttons would not have wanted that.

Also come to your YT family when you need to talk.

[angelakc]

I am so sorry for your loss... I lost my childhood dog... and not a day goes by I dont miss him. I can say it does get easier though... I still miss him but now I remember all the good times I spent with him.

[wemple2]

I don't think there really is an end to the grieving process...I still to this day grieve for Spencer and it's been 5 years. Granted I don't break down and cry for no apparent reason any more...but I think of him often and still say good night to him in my prayers each and every night. Getting Winston was in addition to, not a replacement for Spencer...they are as different as night and day...and I love them both for their own quirkiness'. So, cherish the memories and make room for new...your heart is big enough to love them both, enjoy the time you have with Ziggy...as these are the moments you will cherish as memories in the future.

[Avenging_Angel]

Originally Posted by leigh22

i lost buttons january 29th of this year. One week after my 22 birthday (jan. 22). Its been 5 months and its not as bad as the day of and the day after his death, but every few days it is. Most of the time i content with just telling friends or coworkers a story about him, but every 3-4 days, at night, i breakdown. I'm not saying i'm ready to forget him... He was 14 when he died, so i had him 2/3's of my life. I just want the pain associated with his memory to stop. Please help me.

I have absolutely no regrets about the time i spent with him. My parents got a divorce a month after we got him. I'm an only child and until buttons was 5 we moved around a lot. I went to a private school in another town and i wasn't great at making new friends, so he was all i had. And i would challenge any dog owner to say they spent more time with their dog then i spent with buttons. I spent more time in one year just playing and hanging out alone with buttons then most owners and dogs have together in their entire lives. We had activities only he and i would do. I see my life up until the day i lost him as just a series of things we would do together. When i was younger, i rode him around in my bike basket. A few years later i got a golf cart and in the evenings he and i would go for rides; he'd sit on the seat beside me. At thirteen, got a motorcycle and he hated to hear it crank up because he knew i wouldn't take him because it was too dangerous. At fifteen i got my license and he went with me everywhere, family and friend's homes, the mall, i'd taken him as far as an hour away to find new parks and new smells for him to enjoy. I lived at home and commuted to college and even though my social life was more active, my friends that came to my house were never surprised when i would stop whatever we were doing because it was dusk and time to take buttons for a walk.
I can point to the time in my life when i had him and say "i was happy then", it's a shame i didn't know it at the time.

honey it will take a couple of years. My anjalique has been gone a year & i still cry. It's not as bad now when i talk about her the hurting tears are turning to precious memories & smiles. It will for you too, just give it some time.
Love & prayers,
never lucky, always blessed.
Avenging angel
wanda

[yorkie_mama22]

It will be one month for me on the 13th that my sweet baby left me. I seem to keep busy most days but the pain is still there just as strong, I find myself breaking down very often and crying. I miss her SO much and I only had her such a short time. I wonder why God took her away from me, WHY?? It's so hard and so painful I lost my best friend, my companion, my love, my everything. She ment so much to me and I am so lost without her. It's even harder to watch my 3 year old cry for her and call her. Just today she sat in her bedroom yelling STORMY, STORMY COME BACK PLEASE STORMY I LOVE YOU. It breaks my heart so much I can't do anything to make her come back

Sorry to go on so much, but if you ever need to talk let me know I am always up for listening and sharing stories.

[Avenging_Angel]

Originally Posted by yorkie_mama22

it will be one month for me on the 13th that my sweet baby left me. I seem to keep busy most days but the pain is still there just as strong, i find myself breaking down very often and crying. I miss her so much and i only had her such a short time. I wonder why god took her away from me, why?? it's so hard and so painful i lost my best friend, my companion, my love, my everything. She ment so much to me and i am so lost without her. It's even harder to watch my 3 year old cry for her and call her. Just today she sat in her bedroom yelling stormy, stormy come back please stormy i love you. It breaks my heart so much i can't do anything to make her come back

sorry to go on so much, but if you ever need to talk let me know i am always up for listening and sharing stories.

i lost my baby a year ago & i still cry even tho i have another beautiful little rescue yorkie. It takes quite a while. But before you know it when you think about your baby the pain & tears & hurt that you feel now will turn to precious memories & you will smile. Hang in there i'm praying for you,
never lucky, always blessed,
wanda

[Cirlonde]

My husband and I had to have our nine-year-old toy poodle, Zach, put to sleep just this past June because he had congestive heart failure. We tried everything and spared no expense, but the vet just couldn't get the fluid off his lungs and he was only suffering. I'm not sure if it was a good thing or not, but I was about an hour away at my own doctor's appointment when the vet called to ask if she could put him to sleep. A part of me is glad that I wasn't there to see him while he was suffering; we just went and held him after he was cleaned up. Although I had had many "outside" dogs in the past, Zach was the first dog that belonged to me. He was a gift for my sweet sixteen! It was incredibly hard to lose him.

For me, getting another dog (my Yorkie) was the biggest help. I just couldn't stand the empty apartment; I was dreading coming home and would find excuses to work late or take longer at the grocery store just so I wouldn't have to walk through my own front door. I just felt like there was this dog-shaped hole in my life that was begging to be filled. I don't know if I would ever want another silver poodle, because I probably would have those feelings of "you just can't be like Zach". However, Chloe is so very different in so many ways that I've never felt like she couldn't measure up.

The hardest thing for me with Chloe was the worry. Even after having her for two months, I still have nightmares about terrible things happening to her. And until her first vet visit I just couldn't let her get too close to me...I didn't want to fall in love and then learn she was in poor health or something. However, things are getting better and while I still cry when I think about Zach and how I'll never get to see him again, I don't feel the same devastation that I felt at first.

So...it does get easier!
-C

[littlewhip]

I lost my sweet jasper the day after thanks giving this yr I cryed non stop for days, I still have bad days, I do have his little paw print in a frame on my head board, I say a pray to him every night, It does help, Im very sorry for your loss and all of us who have lost our beloved pets, My problem is i always think to myself, if i could only have him back one more day and i replay that day over & over again, I guess thats normal and we all grive in diffrent ways.
its a pain that will never go away, Our hearts have been broken