[Cirlonde]

My husband and I had to have our nine-year-old toy poodle, Zach, put to sleep just this past June because he had congestive heart failure. We tried everything and spared no expense, but the vet just couldn't get the fluid off his lungs and he was only suffering. I'm not sure if it was a good thing or not, but I was about an hour away at my own doctor's appointment when the vet called to ask if she could put him to sleep. A part of me is glad that I wasn't there to see him while he was suffering; we just went and held him after he was cleaned up. Although I had had many "outside" dogs in the past, Zach was the first dog that belonged to me. He was a gift for my sweet sixteen! It was incredibly hard to lose him.

For me, getting another dog (my Yorkie) was the biggest help. I just couldn't stand the empty apartment; I was dreading coming home and would find excuses to work late or take longer at the grocery store just so I wouldn't have to walk through my own front door. I just felt like there was this dog-shaped hole in my life that was begging to be filled. I don't know if I would ever want another silver poodle, because I probably would have those feelings of "you just can't be like Zach". However, Chloe is so very different in so many ways that I've never felt like she couldn't measure up.

The hardest thing for me with Chloe was the worry. Even after having her for two months, I still have nightmares about terrible things happening to her. And until her first vet visit I just couldn't let her get too close to me...I didn't want to fall in love and then learn she was in poor health or something. However, things are getting better and while I still cry when I think about Zach and how I'll never get to see him again, I don't feel the same devastation that I felt at first.

So...it does get easier!
-C