How long does the grieving process take?

[Leigh22]

I lost Buttons January 29th of this year. One week after my 22 birthday (Jan. 22). Its been 5 months and its not as bad as the day of and the day after his death, but every few days it is. Most of the time I content with just telling friends or coworkers a story about him, but every 3-4 days, at night, I breakdown. I'm not saying I'm ready to forget him... He was 14 when he died, so I had him 2/3's of my life. I just want the pain associated with his memory to stop. Please help me.

I have absolutely no regrets about the time I spent with him. My parents got a divorce a month after we got him. I'm an only child and until Buttons was 5 we moved around a lot. I went to a private school in another town and I wasn't great at making new friends, so he was all I had. And I would challenge any dog owner to say they spent more time with their dog then I spent with Buttons. I spent more time in one year just playing and hanging out alone with Buttons then most owners and dogs have together in their entire lives. We had activities only he and I would do. I see my life up until the day I lost him as just a series of things we would do together. When I was younger, I rode him around in my bike basket. A few years later I got a golf cart and in the evenings he and I would go for rides; he'd sit on the seat beside me. At thirteen, got a motorcycle and he hated to hear it crank up because he knew I wouldn't take him because it was too dangerous. At fifteen I got my license and he went with me everywhere, family and friend's homes, the mall, I'd taken him as far as an hour away to find new parks and new smells for him to enjoy. I lived at home and commuted to college and even though my social life was more active, my friends that came to my house were never surprised when I would stop whatever we were doing because it was dusk and time to take Buttons for a walk.
I can point to the time in my life when I had him and say "I was happy then", it's a shame I didn't know it at the time.

[AbbysMom08]

I'm sorry I don't have an answer for you.
I know the pain of losing a furbaby. I lost my precious little Kayla last July and I still have rare moments when I break down and cry. (Like right now).
Whenever I read a post about someone losing their furbaby, I find myself back in July of last year when I lost her. It is still so fresh and vivid in my mind. Like you I had her for almost 14 years. She brought so much joy to my life. She was the light of my life. I don't have children so she was my "child". She was tiny (the runt of the litter) and such a princess.

She lost her sight about 2 years before she died and our bond became even stronger. I still to this day, miss her so very much. I can talk to people about her now without breaking down but like I said I still have my moments.

I'm really sorry, this didn't answer your question, but know that I am right there with you on this.

[Leigh22]

Thank you

[AbbysMom08]

If you ever need someone to talk to, you can PM me.

[cynsir]

I can't tell you how long the greiving process lasts. I just lost my 14 month old baby boy, Max on June 1st. I had him as soon as he came out of his momma. Everyday I think of how much I loved that little boy and how much I miss him. There is no general time period of how long grief lasts.

Why don't you PM me and we can talk.

[AbbysMom08]

Originally Posted by cynsir

I can't tell you how long the greiving process lasts. I just lost my 14 month old baby boy, Max on June 1st. I had him as soon as he came out of his momma. Everyday I think of how much I loved that little boy and how much I miss him. There is no general time period of how long grief lasts.

Why don't you PM me and we can talk.

Cindy, I am so sorry for your loss.
It is so very hard to lose one of our "babies".
Keeping you in my prayers.

[Lexi Rae]

im so sorry sweeetie, im crying right now just thinking about it..
may god help you heal your broken heart..

[ARCHIE]

Cindy just take one day at a time. It's just like loosing your best friend
or a family member you see every day. When they are no longer there
you miss them. Instead of thinking of the sad side think of the good times
the two of you had together. The funny things he did that made you
laugh and I bet you will laugh again thinking of them. Memories are
wonderful. Only you can recall them whenever you feel sad and remember
all the wonderful times the two of you spent together. You baby
would not want you to be sad he would want you to go out and have
fun and remember only the good times.
In time your broken heart will heal, I promise.

Hugs,

[AddieLove]

I think the grieving process is different for everyone.
When I lost my first pup, who was 14, I didn't cry that hard when we went to the vet to put her to sleep but my mom did. BUT my mom got over it more quickly than me. I cried a lot over a long period of time.
Every time I came home for a visit and would look at the couch, I would cry because that was where Moxie had spent most of her time.

It took me about half a year to get over my pup where I wouldn't randomly cry from seeing her things.
I thought about getting another pup many times, but I would always tear up because I thought no pup could be as great as mine had been.

Even after half a year, I would still tear up if I started thinking about her and memories with her.

The best solution for me was getting another pup to love but taking my time to do it. I got Addie about four years after Moxie died. I didn't want to rush into the process of getting another pup because I didn't want to regret the decision or resent the new pup and compare every little thing between the new one and Moxie.
Since I've had Addie, I haven't cried about Moxie, but I still think about her now and then. They're usually happy memories, but sometimes I think about things I wish I had done differently and swear to do better with Addie.
Addie doesn't replace Moxie, but she does add to my happy memories, and I think that's important.

[PiePiper]

I know how much you're hurting right now. When we lose one of these babies they leave a gaping hole in your heart. You think that you'll never going to be able to move forward without your baby. I lost my Chipper after 13 years and I cried for weeks. I think I was so down because I not only lost my lttle boy but nothing in my life was the same anymore. My 4 children are grown and gone, my DH is medically disabled at 54 and home all the time now. The only thing that was the same was my happy little Chipper. It wasn't until I decided to get another Yorkie did I start to move past the grieving. I've had Piper for a year now and she makes me very happy. I haven't forgotten my little Chipper but now I'm able to smile when I think of him. He'll always have a piece of my heart but there's still lots of love left for Piper. Maybe some day you'll be ready to open your heart to another baby.

[chandracz]

Originally Posted by Leigh22

I lost Buttons January 29th of this year. One week after my 22 birthday (Jan. 22). Its been 5 months and its not as bad as the day of and the day after his death, but every few days it is. Most of the time I content with just telling friends or coworkers a story about him, but every 3-4 days, at night, I breakdown. I'm not saying I'm ready to forget him... He was 14 when he died, so I had him 2/3's of my life. I just want the pain associated with his memory to stop. Please help me.

I have absolutely no regrets about the time I spent with him. My parents got a divorce a month after we got him. I'm an only child and until Buttons was 5 we moved around a lot. I went to a private school in another town and I wasn't great at making new friends, so he was all I had. And I would challenge any dog owner to say they spent more time with their dog then I spent with Buttons. I spent more time in one year just playing and hanging out alone with Buttons then most owners and dogs have together in their entire lives. We had activities only he and I would do. I see my life up until the day I lost him as just a series of things we would do together. When I was younger, I rode him around in my bike basket. A few years later I got a golf cart and in the evenings he and I would go for rides; he'd sit on the seat beside me. At thirteen, got a motorcycle and he hated to hear it crank up because he knew I wouldn't take him because it was too dangerous. At fifteen I got my license and he went with me everywhere, family and friend's homes, the mall, I'd taken him as far as an hour away to find new parks and new smells for him to enjoy. I lived at home and commuted to college and even though my social life was more active, my friends that came to my house were never surprised when I would stop whatever we were doing because it was dusk and time to take Buttons for a walk.
I can point to the time in my life when I had him and say "I was happy then", it's a shame I didn't know it at the time.

How would you feel about getting another baby and starting new memories? I know you MAY have feelings like you are replacing your previous baby (because that's how I felt when I lost my last one) however, if you change up your thinking and don't look at it as REPLACING buttons rather honoring his memory and keeping his spirit alive through another baby by doing some of the very same fun things that you did with him, I think that might help. That's how I was able to get another baby. I now have Bailey. Bailey and Candy's personality were so very different but I honor her spirit by doing the things she loved to do! I'm also honoring Bailey's spirit (because it's so different) and loving him at the very same time. Time heals all wounds, but unfortunately we can't put a date stamp on it. All we can do is try and heal with it and hold our memories close. I pray you find comfort in whatever method you choose!
Hugs!

[Leigh22]

Originally Posted by AddieLove

The best solution for me was getting another pup to love but taking my time to do it. I got Addie about four years after Moxie died. I didn't want to rush into the process of getting another pup because I didn't want to regret the decision or resent the new pup and compare every little thing between the new one and Moxie.

My mother thought that getting me another dog 2 months after Buttons died would help me get over him faster. But I do the same thing you worried about doing, I compare them. Ziggy's great and of course I love him, but every once and a while he'll do something (like cutting his eyes at me when he's annoyed) and its such a shock, reminds me so much of Buttons. It hurts more than helps sometimes. When we first got him, 8weeks, he was so little and depended on me so much, and all I saw was NOT BUTTONS. I would break down and cry sooo much when he first came.
Ziggy is turning out to be NOTHING like Buttons. Buttons was laid back and ready to do anything with me. Ziggy is more independent. What do you expect when you get an Aquarius? Here's something cool about Ziggy though, he was born on my birthday. I like to think that when I picked Buttons up and we blew out my candles, Ziggy was being born, my new little partner. Maybe that's what Buttons was wishing for when we blew out the candles.

[chandracz]

That's the attitude you have to have, when you say "I like to think that when I picked Buttons up and we blew out my candles, Ziggy was being born, my new little partner. Maybe that's what Buttons was wishing for when we blew out the candles." I'm sure Buttons was always a comfort to you, so why should he stop being one to you now just because he's not in physical form? You said yourself "Buttons was laid back". He would not have minded you taking on a new love for a new dog and he wouldn't want you comparing him constantly to another dog either. He's want you to continue to embrace life and honor his laid back spirit!

[Leigh22]

Originally Posted by chandracz

You said yourself "Buttons was laid back". He would not have minded you taking on a new love for a new dog and he wouldn't want you comparing him constantly to another dog either. He's want you to continue to embrace life and honor his laid back spirit!

HAHA!!! He was laid back around ME. He hated other dogs. We always said if he had another 20 pounds on him he would be the terror of the neighborhood. He was funny- if I ever picked him up to show him another dog, he would turn his head and refuse to acknowledge it. If I moved him to make the dog be in his line of vision, he'd turn his head again and absolutely refuse to look at it. If Buttons was still around when we got Ziggy, I don't think Buttons would have killed him, but he definitely would have put the fear of God in him! So yeah, not only would he want me to compare him to another dog, but he would have to win every comparison, and always be #1. "I was an only child and he was an only dog."

[miabellaamoure]

I'm sorry for your sadness about losing Buttons but, maybe it might be helpful to write all your memories of you & Buttons down in a journal. It could be a way of redirecting your grief to remembering all of your good times with Buttons and accepting his time to leave you.

From just the few things you've posted about your bicycle trips & blowing out candles...I've enjoyed reading those precious memories of yours & Buttons!

Each dog has a different personality & connection with it's owner so, it's understandable that what you had with Buttons will be different with what you have with Ziggy. Each of my girls has a completely different personality. My first, Bella is like your Buttons an I know I, too will probably grieve much more when she leaves for somewhere over that .

I'll keep you in my thoughts for your grief to heal and your heart to find comfort in all of your memories with Buttons!

Take care!