My Natalie Is With The Angels....

[cmgny42]

Dena,
Your tribute to Natalie was just beautiful--thank you for sharing it with us. All of the pictures show how special she was.

Colleen

[kathrynS]

Dena, That was so beautiful. I'm hugging Romeo and bawling like a baby. She was just so presious. Again I am so sorry.

[GinosMommy]

Dena, that was BEAUTIFUL. I cried so hard through the whole thing.

(((((huge hugs))))))

Stacy

[Mom2BabyNatalie]

Thanks, as ALWAYS, for the kindess of each and every one of you... it seems it's never-ending...

I've resolved to just visiting Natalie's thread once a day - which is still tough... so please know that your words and prayers are getting through - even if I don't respond individually....

I've taken some time today, to view some other threads here on YT - respond to a few where I felt I could be of some use to someone.... and reflected on a few others which brought tears to my eyes yet again...

One thread mentioned how her baby was being a little "obnoxious" in that she CONSTANTLY wanted held, loved, snuggled.... and I thought to myself... "Oh to have it so bad!!! What I wouldn't give to have that... " - - - and missing Natalie, still.... I looked down.... and realized, I DO have that! ..... There was my faithful little shadow!

Gracie has been following me around PLEADING for my attention for days.... not understanding.... and my not understanding WHY she wouldn't just GO AWAY!!!

I felt bad then.... but worse now.... because as awful as I've been since Natalie passed - in just not being there for ANYONE else.... there was my little Emily Grace.... at my heels.... just wanting to love!!

There are other dogs in the house.... Cessy... and the big dogs.... but they all have their "favorites".... Natalie and Gracie are MY BABIES... and shame on me for denying her....

So.... I FINALLY picked her up..... in seconds, she was sound asleep... perfectly content..... THIS, was all she wanted...

(you can see I'm still in my pj's... sorry 'bout that)

I think we're getting there...

[laurenr]

Dena,
I had to wait a while after I saw the video of precious Natalie. I just could not stop crying. Your tribute to her was as beautiful as the love you had for this amazing little girl. As you say, she was so very much more than "just a dog"; that is why you grieve for her so. Right now, Mango has just run into the room carrying Nat's little LamieDoodle in her mouth, like she has since the day she received it, and it's made my cry all over again, thinking of your Angel. Treasure your memories of her Dena; they are what will make you heal.
Much love,
Lauren

[kalina82]

Dena,

I'm still so sorry about Natalie. Everyone can tell by your recent posts that you are still in so much pain from her passing. But i'm glad Gracie is there to remind you that you are still loved and needed and you need to go on. Those pictures are proof.

[mtzisgodmother]

i am so saddened for you.... i don't even know what else to say hunny....

[elmoluv02]

my prayers are with you ...she is at peace...and looking over you...from above...
-with lots of love from me and tiff

[GinosMommy]

Dena, how sweet those pics are of Gracie. She needs her mommy, just as your daughter does. As much as you are hurting, you will have a new grandbaby to love very soon. See, as Natalie headed into heaven, you will have another "skin" baby sent to you from God. Its the circle of life. congrats new Grandma (again) to be!

[SladesMommy]

Dena,

I am so sorry for the loss of your baby Natalie. SHe was such a precious little thing.

sorry I haven't offered condolences sooner, but I never check this section.


RIP baby natalie.. run free..

[cmgny42]

Hi Dena,
That Gracie is just precious and seems so comforted to be in your arms. I am so glad you have her.

Colleen

[babi1542]

I am just now seeing this, Dena I am so so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you. That was a beautiful tribute to Natalie, may God give you the peace that you so need now.

[Izzy Princess]

Oh Dena I, too, am just now seeing this and I am deeply sadened by the loss of our dear baby Natalie. I remember you always posting about her and I thought she was getting better. Your tribute to Natalie was moving and so touching...I can't stop crying...Natalie was your baby but she was also one of YTs own. We share in your mourning and loss. Hugs my friend.

[MeganS]

Dena, I'm so shocked and saddened to see this thread. I'm so, so sorry for everything you have gone through. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Little Natalie is waiting at the Bridge for you.

Love,
Megan

[Oscar's Mom]

Originally Posted by Mom2BabyNatalie

I feel like such a fool.....

Of course, it's normal, and expected - to be saddened by the loss of a pet... or anything we love..... Gosh, a job - a relationship - any part of our lives that we no longer get to share....

But never, could I ever fathom that my heart would ache with such intensity...

My roommate is a nurse... so in my recent "haze", I didn't think much about it when she drug me back to the hospital yesterday.... I figured she knew what she was doing... come to find out, my appointment was with a Psychotherapist ... (though I should have known the influence of her mother, a psych nurse, had some involvement!)

Anyway.... after a couple hours of my tears, ranting and echoed ad-lib's of how "FINE" I was.... evidently she felt I'd be best served with a script for Cymbalta..... Good Lord! Am I THAT crazed with the loss of my little Natalie?? That I can't even FUNCTION without medication???? <<sigh>> Clearly.... I am....

Ironically, without my ever mentioning it to anyone, I received a very touching PM just this morning, from a caring YT member who told me that maybe going to the doctor for something to "help me cope" would be a good idea... and could be a welcome source of comfort in getting through.

After that, I suppose I began to feel a little less embarassed in "needing" it... (so I want to thank that member, so very much...)

I still have the hives - though I think they are beginning to subside.... I slept some last night, I'm sure with some assistance of the medications... and about 3am this morning, I was able to put away the rest of Natalie's things...

I keep telling myself to "Get a grip!! - - She was a DOG!!" - - - but she wasn't JUST a dog to me.... would it be sad to say that she was my BEST FRIEND??? I mean, what does that say for my life?? That a DOG was the best friend I had???

But she was even more than that.... she was my baby..... and we fought so hard together to make her well..... I thought we were almost there!!

All these other little furfaces running around here.... jumping up for me to hold them.... trying so desperately to get my attention...... and I just CAN'T give it!! Poor Gracie... and Cessy.... and even the big dogs.... I know they're probably going through something too - and they don't understand why I'm not able to be close to them..... and maybe I'm horrible.... but I just can't bear to touch them..... I just don't have anything left to give!

It's been four days..... it feels like only hours ago, I lost her...

Am I being histrionic?? Maybe....

My daughter called last night... to tell me that she's giving my only grandson (who just turned a year old on Christmas day, the day I lost Natalie) - a new baby sister or brother.......... I couldn't get excited for her.... and I'm sure I hurt her because of it....

She's an exceptional mom and I know she and her husband are thrilled with the news. I am happy for her.... I feel horrible for not being able to show her...

I'm a fairly intelligent person... I know the "stages" of grief and what must be in order to get past it... I'm aware of the reality of the day to day and how one must, if even forcibly, take the time they need to experience each and every emotion that comes... and then finally, tuck the memories into a safe place inside you - - and go on...

I know all this.... and try to abide.... yet when you are the one experiencing it... there is such a substantiated need to dismiss intelligence .... and just curl up and cry....

Here is my memorial video to my girl....

It's a little small on the page, but if you click on the box in the video player, like the screen-shot posted below, it will bring it up in a larger screen for viewing...

The words of the music I chose, just pours out what my heart is feeling... I hope that by sharing this with so many who have cared for her, I will be one step closer to letting go of the pain of losing my precious Natalie and rejoicing in the knowledge that she is no longer holding on to the weakness and struggles that embodied her vivacious and oh so loving soul...

http://uncutvideo.aol.com/users/mom2...f1fb94?index=0

Oh Dena...The video was beautiful! The tears, they flowed, and flowed. God loved you enough that He trusted you with Natalie, even for a short time, He trusted you...now He knew when He gave her to you, He would take her back...but He also knew that you would be strong enough to bear her leaving. If God knew that, it is so. So please, as unbearable as the pain is right now, reach way down inside yourself and grab hold to His Mercy and His Grace that will sustain you and get you through this. Look into those other little faces and see how much they need you. They are hurting too in a way that we cannot know...they loved little Natalie too. If you can, just reach out and hold them...I bet your pain will begin to become less and less and they return your love. They need their momma right now and you need them. And a new grandchild...how wonderful is that! I too have a new grandson due in April and the impending joy is just overwhelming...please let yourself feel that joy again. Take care of YOU...whatever you have to do, take care of YOU. Please take comfort that life here is fleeting, it is but a vapor...but God loves us so much that He would place in our lives things to make us happy...tho we lose those we love, He has promised a place that there will be no sorrow, no sickness and no death...and there, if we believe, we will be re-united with those we love. They wait for us there...in that place we call Heaven...please take comfort in that Dena. But for now, there are people and fur babies here that NEED you...the love they have for you cannot be measured...please let that love heal your broken heart so that you can love again. We are praying for you!!!