Does the feelings of Guilt ever go away? - Page 2 - YorkieTalk.com Forums

ilovelouie · 09-08-2006, 05:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ARCHIE

Please stop feeling guilty. Your not replacing Max! You will always have him close to your heart and I am sure he would not want you to feel sad all the time. Enjoy your new puppy. You have a wonderful hubby who only wants to
make you happy again. This little one needs you and you need him. Enjoy and have a wonderful life together.

I so agree with this....Max will always be in your heart and right now he is probobly so happy that you have this little one to maybe ease your pain....Just try and think of it as a little gift to you from Max and just love and enjoy your new baby. Good luck sweetie and God Bless! I would love to see some pics of your new baby too if your up to it.

SnowWa · 09-08-2006, 05:33 PM

No - you are not replacing Max. You are just learning to love another dog.

I still feel heartbroken about putting the favorite-dog-of-my-life to sleep last October. But I was left with my other dog and now we have our little Yorkie....and I still miss Dutchess just as much and always will. It has nothing whatsoever to do with my having another dog.

I am 66 - and I still love and miss the dogs I had when I was a child...I remember them so well.

I believe I have probably had 10 or 12 dogs during my lifetime -- and numerous other pets that I loved also.

**** I think you are doing yourself a grave injustice if you limit the amount of love that you can ever feel - be thankful that we have the ability to love and love and love again.

My most sincere feeling is that it is because we loved so much that we feel such pain. I know a lot of people that are afraid to love again - be it a child, a husband, or a pet. And, I think sometimes we do feel some guilt or feel like we are trying to replace what we've lost. But - we're not. We can never replace something that we loved. We will always love and miss them. But there is a lot of room in our hearts to love a lot of things.... be thankful we are this way and enjoy your new little pup. He's entitled to all the love he can get - just like your other dog was.

I tell my children that when I die and (if I go to heaven) -- I hope all my pets are there. There will be a lot of them. Wouldn't it be nice to see them all again!

***** Couldn't help but also think - that if everyone felt the way you do - none of us could ever have more than one dog in our life. This is not a good thing! I lost my first dog when I was six years old - I can't imagine never having another one after that. I have had so many wonderful pets during my life. And - they were all special....some a little more - no doubt about that!

Make room and come up with a lot of love for that new little puppy you have. Before long - you won't be able to imagine life without him.

Carol Jean

kitty · 09-08-2006, 05:41 PM

Don't feel guilty please. I understand how it feels that is why I waited 5yrs to get another cocker when my beloved Raven died. I just couldn't get another one to replace her. I did however get another dog just not a cocker. I felt guilty a little but soon I fell in love with the puppy and went on with my life. I hope everything gets better for you.

Lila · 09-08-2006, 07:45 PM

Perhaps these will help

MASTER, this is Thy Servant. He is rising eight weeks old.
He is mainly Head and Tummy. His legs are uncontrolled.
But Thou hast forgiven his ugliness, and settled him on Thy knee . . .
Art Thou content with Thy Servant? He is very comfy with Thee.
Master, behold a Sinner? He hath done grievous wrong.
He hath defiled Thy Premises through being kept in too long.
Wherefore his nose has been rubbed in the dirt, and his self-respect has been bruiséd.
Master, pardon Thy Sinner, and see he is properly looséd.
Master—again Thy Sinner! This that was once Thy Shoe,
He hath found and taken and carried aside, as fitting matter to chew.
Now there is neither blacking nor tongue, and the Housemaid has us in tow.
Master, remember Thy Servant is young, and tell her to let him go!
Master, extol Thy Servant! He hath met a most Worthy Foe!
There has been fighting all over the Shop—and into the Shop also!
Till cruel umbrellas parted the strife (or I might have been choking him yet).
But Thy Servant has had the Time of his Life—and now shall we call on the vet?
Master, behold Thy Servant! Strange children came to play,
And because they fought to caress him, Thy Servant wentedst away.
But now that the Little Beasts have gone, he has returned to see
(Brushed—with his Sunday collar on—) what they left over from tea.
Master, pity Thy Servant! He is deaf and three parts blind,
He cannot catch Thy Commandments. He cannot read Thy Mind.
Oh, leave him not in his loneliness; nor make him that kitten’s scorn.
He has had none other God than Thee since the year that he was born!
Lord, look down on Thy Servant! Bad things have come to pass,
There is no heat in the midday sun nor health in the wayside grass.
His bones are full of an old disease—his torments run and increase.
Lord, make haste with Thy Lightnings and grant him a, quick release

The Power of the Dog

There is sorrow enough in the natural way
From men and women to fill our day;
And when we are certain of sorrow in store,
Why do we always arrange for more?
Brothers and sisters, I bid you beware
Of giving your heart to a dog to tear.

Buy a pup and your money will buy
Love unflinching that cannot lie--
Perfect passion and worship fed
By a kick in the ribs or a pat on the head.
Nevertheless it is hardly fair
To risk your heart to a dog to tear.

When the fourteen years which Nature permits
Are closing in asthma, or tumour, or fits,
And the vet's unspoken prescription runs
To lethal chambers or loaded guns,
Then you will find--it's your own affair--
But ... you've given your heart to a dog to tear.

When the body that lived at your single will,
With its whimper of welcome, is stilled (how still!)
When the spirit that answered your every mood
Is gone--wherever it goes--for good,
You will discover how much you care,
And will give your heart to a dog to tear.

We've sorrow enough in the natural way,
When it comes to burying Christian clay.
Our loves are not given, but only lent,
At compound interest of cent per cent.
Though it is not always the case, I believe,
That the longer we've kept 'em, the more do we grieve:
For, when debts are payable, right or wrong,
A short-term loan is as bad as a long--
So why in--Heaven (before we are there)
Should we give our hearts to a dog to tear?

Rudyard Kipling

chattiesmom · 09-08-2006, 08:04 PM

I don't have a lot of fancy words. I can say very simply that sometimes we have to make very hard decisions that cannot be reversed. We make those decisions using the best information we have at the time. Hind sight is always better and it is human nature to "second guess" decisions that we have made in the past. What If's are a demon waiting to devour us. The guilt will ONLY go away if YOU let it go. You made the very best decision you could with the information you had at the time. And you made those decisions with all the love and compassion that a Mom posesses.

I had to make that same heart-breaking decision two weeks ago. I am riding in the same boat with you on a very dark and stormy sea of emotions -- guilt, anger, hurt and more sorrow that one human should have to feel -- sending you hugs

rox626 · 09-08-2006, 08:17 PM

I hope after you read all these posts, that you are feeling better about the whole situation. Your Max wouldn't want you to feel guilty and who knows...maybe he picked Bailey out and sent him to you.

Maybe you compare Bailey to Max but before long his individuality will emerge and you will love him just as much. Maybe your husband brought him home before you thought you were ready, but things happen for a reason and I think Bailey will go a long way to make you feel better. After all, it's pretty hard to feel bad when you're playing with a yorkie puppy.

Take a look at this website:

http://www.raymonddog.com/

Raymond was 12 years old when Ullrica had to put him to sleep. He had a bad heart too. She loved him so much and I don't cry easily but cried when I read that he was gone. I was so happy when she got Little Teddy. Raymond calls him his apprentice and it's almost like Raymond is still there with them, coaching Little Teddy along. Just a little while ago, she added little Freddy to her family. I hope you enjoy the website and please vote for it as she requests. That's her tribute to Raymond, who brought her so much joy.

Lacy's Mom · 09-08-2006, 09:06 PM

Don't waste time feeling guilty. Why are you punishing yourself? Max knows your heart and knows that it is big enough to love him and another Yorkie. I got another Yorkie very soon after Lacy's passing and it really helped a lot to bring back happiness in my life. I never once felt guilty or worried about what people thought (just really sad and depressed). Reading all of these posts I wonder if it was because Lacy was a girl and the new pup was a boy so I didn't feel like I was trying to replace her (but I now have added two more girls). I think you have a very kind husband and it's he who I would worry about hurting by not being appreciative of his wonderful gift. If you continue to have problems dealing with Max's death, seek some grief counseling because I am sure it is affecting your life in other ways too.

09-08-2006, 05:33 PM	#17
SnowWa YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: USA Posts: 2,992	No - you are not replacing Max. You are just learning to love another dog. I still feel heartbroken about putting the favorite-dog-of-my-life to sleep last October. But I was left with my other dog and now we have our little Yorkie....and I still miss Dutchess just as much and always will. It has nothing whatsoever to do with my having another dog. I am 66 - and I still love and miss the dogs I had when I was a child...I remember them so well. I believe I have probably had 10 or 12 dogs during my lifetime -- and numerous other pets that I loved also. ** I think you are doing yourself a grave injustice if you limit the amount of love that you can ever feel - be thankful that we have the ability to love and love and love again. My most sincere feeling is that it is because we loved so much that we feel such pain. I know a lot of people that are afraid to love again - be it a child, a husband, or a pet. And, I think sometimes we do feel some guilt or feel like we are trying to replace what we've lost. But - we're not. We can never replace something that we loved. We will always love and miss them. But there is a lot of room in our hearts to love a lot of things.... be thankful we are this way and enjoy your new little pup. He's entitled to all the love he can get - just like your other dog was. I tell my children that when I die and (if I go to heaven) -- I hope all my pets are there. There will be a lot of them. Wouldn't it be nice to see them all again! *** Couldn't help but also think - that if everyone felt the way you do - none of us could ever have more than one dog in our life. This is not a good thing! I lost my first dog when I was six years old - I can't imagine never having another one after that. I have had so many wonderful pets during my life. And - they were all special....some a little more - no doubt about that! Make room and come up with a lot of love for that new little puppy you have. Before long - you won't be able to imagine life without him. Carol Jean __________________ http://tinypic.com/ipxhmb.jpg A Yorkie is worth a thousand words.

09-08-2006, 05:41 PM	#18
kitty My Best Friend Donating Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: oklahoma Posts: 2,258	Don't feel guilty please. I understand how it feels that is why I waited 5yrs to get another cocker when my beloved Raven died. I just couldn't get another one to replace her. I did however get another dog just not a cocker. I felt guilty a little but soon I fell in love with the puppy and went on with my life. I hope everything gets better for you. __________________ Support our Troops :

09-08-2006, 07:45 PM	#19
Lila Yorkie Yakker Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Ontario Posts: 70	'Master' and 'The Power of the Dog' by Rudyard Kipling Perhaps these will help MASTER, this is Thy Servant. He is rising eight weeks old. He is mainly Head and Tummy. His legs are uncontrolled. But Thou hast forgiven his ugliness, and settled him on Thy knee . . . Art Thou content with Thy Servant? He is very comfy with Thee. Master, behold a Sinner? He hath done grievous wrong. He hath defiled Thy Premises through being kept in too long. Wherefore his nose has been rubbed in the dirt, and his self-respect has been bruiséd. Master, pardon Thy Sinner, and see he is properly looséd. Master—again Thy Sinner! This that was once Thy Shoe, He hath found and taken and carried aside, as fitting matter to chew. Now there is neither blacking nor tongue, and the Housemaid has us in tow. Master, remember Thy Servant is young, and tell her to let him go! Master, extol Thy Servant! He hath met a most Worthy Foe! There has been fighting all over the Shop—and into the Shop also! Till cruel umbrellas parted the strife (or I might have been choking him yet). But Thy Servant has had the Time of his Life—and now shall we call on the vet? Master, behold Thy Servant! Strange children came to play, And because they fought to caress him, Thy Servant wentedst away. But now that the Little Beasts have gone, he has returned to see (Brushed—with his Sunday collar on—) what they left over from tea. Master, pity Thy Servant! He is deaf and three parts blind, He cannot catch Thy Commandments. He cannot read Thy Mind. Oh, leave him not in his loneliness; nor make him that kitten’s scorn. He has had none other God than Thee since the year that he was born! Lord, look down on Thy Servant! Bad things have come to pass, There is no heat in the midday sun nor health in the wayside grass. His bones are full of an old disease—his torments run and increase. Lord, make haste with Thy Lightnings and grant him a, quick release The Power of the Dog There is sorrow enough in the natural way From men and women to fill our day; And when we are certain of sorrow in store, Why do we always arrange for more? Brothers and sisters, I bid you beware Of giving your heart to a dog to tear. Buy a pup and your money will buy Love unflinching that cannot lie-- Perfect passion and worship fed By a kick in the ribs or a pat on the head. Nevertheless it is hardly fair To risk your heart to a dog to tear. When the fourteen years which Nature permits Are closing in asthma, or tumour, or fits, And the vet's unspoken prescription runs To lethal chambers or loaded guns, Then you will find--it's your own affair-- But ... you've given your heart to a dog to tear. When the body that lived at your single will, With its whimper of welcome, is stilled (how still!) When the spirit that answered your every mood Is gone--wherever it goes--for good, You will discover how much you care, And will give your heart to a dog to tear. We've sorrow enough in the natural way, When it comes to burying Christian clay. Our loves are not given, but only lent, At compound interest of cent per cent. Though it is not always the case, I believe, That the longer we've kept 'em, the more do we grieve: For, when debts are payable, right or wrong, A short-term loan is as bad as a long-- So why in--Heaven (before we are there) Should we give our hearts to a dog to tear? Rudyard Kipling

09-08-2006, 08:04 PM	#20
chattiesmom Donating YT 10K Club Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Alabama Posts: 17,674	I don't have a lot of fancy words. I can say very simply that sometimes we have to make very hard decisions that cannot be reversed. We make those decisions using the best information we have at the time. Hind sight is always better and it is human nature to "second guess" decisions that we have made in the past. What If's are a demon waiting to devour us. The guilt will ONLY go away if YOU let it go. You made the very best decision you could with the information you had at the time. And you made those decisions with all the love and compassion that a Mom posesses. I had to make that same heart-breaking decision two weeks ago. I am riding in the same boat with you on a very dark and stormy sea of emotions -- guilt, anger, hurt and more sorrow that one human should have to feel -- sending you hugs __________________ Silk Step-In Harnesses www.foxypups.etsy.com

09-08-2006, 08:17 PM	#21
rox626 YT Addict Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: New Jersey Posts: 328	I hope after you read all these posts, that you are feeling better about the whole situation. Your Max wouldn't want you to feel guilty and who knows...maybe he picked Bailey out and sent him to you. Maybe you compare Bailey to Max but before long his individuality will emerge and you will love him just as much. Maybe your husband brought him home before you thought you were ready, but things happen for a reason and I think Bailey will go a long way to make you feel better. After all, it's pretty hard to feel bad when you're playing with a yorkie puppy. Take a look at this website: http://www.raymonddog.com/ Raymond was 12 years old when Ullrica had to put him to sleep. He had a bad heart too. She loved him so much and I don't cry easily but cried when I read that he was gone. I was so happy when she got Little Teddy. Raymond calls him his apprentice and it's almost like Raymond is still there with them, coaching Little Teddy along. Just a little while ago, she added little Freddy to her family. I hope you enjoy the website and please vote for it as she requests. That's her tribute to Raymond, who brought her so much joy.

09-08-2006, 09:06 PM	#22
Lacy's Mom YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: El Paso, Texas Posts: 3,065	Don't waste time feeling guilty. Why are you punishing yourself? Max knows your heart and knows that it is big enough to love him and another Yorkie. I got another Yorkie very soon after Lacy's passing and it really helped a lot to bring back happiness in my life. I never once felt guilty or worried about what people thought (just really sad and depressed). Reading all of these posts I wonder if it was because Lacy was a girl and the new pup was a boy so I didn't feel like I was trying to replace her (but I now have added two more girls). I think you have a very kind husband and it's he who I would worry about hurting by not being appreciative of his wonderful gift. If you continue to have problems dealing with Max's death, seek some grief counseling because I am sure it is affecting your life in other ways too.