To those that have lost...

[Cindy_17]

To those that have babies that have crossed rainbows bridge I need a shoulder...We are coming up on a year the end of this month that Jingle passed. I had a horrible time with it, did not leave the house for a week. It has been the toughest thing I have experienced, death is not new to me I have lost many people and frankly animals that I have loved dearly, but when I lost Jingle my world spiraled. We had a very tight bond, he was my baby.

Since getting Presley some weeks after Jingle passed he truly helped with Holly and my pain and grief. Presley and I have a tight bond as well, not the same as what Jingle and I shared but just as special. When Jingle first passed many times I would have swore I saw him out of the corner of my eye, heard his nails clicking the floor, and generally felt his presence, I contributed this to the grief I was overwhelmed with. There has been times that I would get the same feelings through this past year, not all the time just occasionally. For the past week it has been weighing on me hard that it has almost been a year, I have been melancholy and just not myself and I swear I have felt his presence strong. I could have sworn I seen him out of the corner of my eye today doing my hair in the bathroom. Jingle would sit in the bathroom and patiently would wait for me to get finished with shower, make-up, hair, it didn't matter he just wanted to be in there with me. When I turned my head of course nothing was there today, am I the only one this happens to? Have others had the same feelings? A year later it is still tough, I still miss him like crazy, and I will always love him with everything I got.

I really don't mean to sound whiny and hope I am not coming across like that. I am so very blessed to have had him as mine and I am so very blessed to have Presley as I do not know what I would do without that little fuzzy face! Thank you all for letting me lend your ears and shoulders, and I thank God that I know one day I will see his precious face again!

[buddybear]

You are NOT being whiney.

You suffered a tremendous loss. It is expected when you have loved so deeply your grief would be as deep. Give yourself time to grieve especially at the anniversary of his passing.

Hugs,

[Cindy_17]

Thank you, it is tough, he was an absolute doll and loved me as much as I loved him

[teasell]

You're not whiney and it's all part of the grieving process. I lost my husband in 1993 then our precious as they grew old. One thing is they have all three been around me protecting me. I know my husband was with me as he found paperwork for me. I do believe our furbabies protect us. I have this picture in my head of my husband on a porch with our 2 dogs just waiting patiently for me when I pass....Lynne


These thoughts have comforted me for many years and I have my Teasell here now..We love all of them differently God makes sure our hearts are big so we ccan love

[Maximo]

Cindy, I can only begin to imagine how much you miss your precious Jingle, and how your heart must ache for him. I believe he is with you, in your heart, and that is why you are seeing him and hearing him.

When we lost my mom, we all continued to hear things like her making her morning tea and her voice.

It's been a very long time since I've had to say goodbye to a pet. I know when it is Max and Teddy's time, it's going to devastate me. These little ones become such a part of us.

Sending you hugs and love.

[matese]

I know exactly how you feel, I had to let my beautiful Matese go 2 years ago. She was 17 y/o, yes she was 95% blind and the same deaf, but she was healthy, good appetite, slept a lot, played when she was awake. Then one day she wouldn't eat, the 2nd day I got her to eat a tiny bit, then the diarrhea started. I took her to the vet,she was there for 7 days. Each day I visited her, I was getting positive reports she would be coming home. They had her on IV, she lost so much weight, she was a big girl,17 Lbs, every day she was thinner and thinner yet I was told she was improving. On the 7th day I got an early morning call from the tech, she said I have to come and say my good byes Matese had to be put down. I was in shock hearing those words, told the tech she had the wrong dog, said I've been getting positive reports she was coming home. I was numb, screaming and crying. I called a friend told them of the call, screaming I can not do this. Yes, I have had many babies that I had to part with, but Matese was the last of my pack and very very special, our bond was very strong. My friend had to drive me to the vet, I took her out to the car for private time , cuddled her, talked to her, I could see how much pain she was in. I knew I had to let her go. I held her tight against my chest and whispered in her ear she was a good girl and mama loved her while the tech injected her and ended her life. I was beyond devastated. For weeks I could not drive,my mind would go back to that call, to me holding her and her leaving me, I would start crying, I would pull off the road, get control over myself then have to come back home. At home I could hear her nails get caught in the carpet threads, I could hear her breathing when she slept, I would feel something brush against my legs. I cried all the time, the pain in my heart was over whelming, I truly thought I was going to have a heart attack. I swore no more dogs, I could never go through this ever again. My house was so empty.I have had these special little critters called yorkies in my life for 35 years, I didn't know if I could live without another, they say time heals all wounds and I wanted to take that time. For 3 weeks I was in a very dark place, all I did was cry, I kept hearing her breathing, walking, feeling a warmth against my legs. Then I got a cal my my vet, they had just rescued a 2.5 y/o little boy that was surrendered. My vet was having open adoption day in 5 days, when they bought this little boy in for check up she saw him and told the tech, this dog will not make it to adoption day, this is Joan's dog, get her on the phone. Matese had BIG German Shepard ears, and Cody had the same. My vet wanted me to come and see this dog, I gave her all the reasons why I could not / did not want another dog and never a male. She just kept pleading with me to "just come to see him". Out of respect to my vet of 20 + years and to appease her I went, knowing I would NEVER have a male dog due to their marking, I went "just to see him". When I went to the vet the next day, they had him in the lunch room, I sat and watched this little boy prance around greeting all the techs that entered the room. I felt such pity for this little 12 lb baby, who could give away such a precious soul away. The vet came in, picked him up and set him om my lap. As other techs that I have dealt with for years came in and saw this boy on my lap came over to me, hugging me, telling me, everyone that saw him said, this is Joan's dog. Well need I say I took him home, I knew I could give him a good, happy, loving forever home. Truly I did it more for the dog then me. Cody bonded with me immediately, I was scared to get to close to him, but he just melted my heart, who could discard this sweet little boy. Cody helped me heal the loss of my Matese, Cody made my house a home again. I love him with all my heart, but not a day goes by that I do not still cry for my Matese. She will be in my heart forever. Cody is my first boy, and my very special boy, I am blessed to him him in my life. So I know just how you feel on this approaching day. In the last 2 years on the day I had to let my sweet girl go, I do something special with Cody. We take a car ride to a park with trails not too far from where I live,and we walk the trails. This is my special way to honor my Matese, I know she would not want me to forever grieve her loss,and a special day for Cody. I cannot say I do not on cry this special day,but when I see my boy enjoying all the diff smells, the tears stop and my heart is filled with love watching my boy sniff every blade of grass, leaf, twigs and tree stumps. So you are not alone in your grief, there are many here on YT that have gone through over whelming loss of much loved babies.

[Cindy_17]

Originally Posted by teasell

You're not whiney and it's all part of the grieving process. I lost my husband in 1993 then our precious as they grew old. One thing is they have all three been around me protecting me. I know my husband was with me as he found paperwork for me. I do believe our furbabies protect us. I have this picture in my head of my husband on a porch with our 2 dogs just waiting patiently for me when I pass....Lynne


These thoughts have comforted me for many years and I have my Teasell here now..We love all of them differently God makes sure our hearts are big so we ccan love

Thank you for sharing your experience, and what a beautiful thought of your husband and beloved fur babies waiting patiently on the porch - I love that. It's kind of how I think of Jingle, running and playing and keeps checking to see if I'm on my way yet

[Cindy_17]

Originally Posted by Maximo

Cindy, I can only begin to imagine how much you miss your precious Jingle, and how your heart must ache for him. I believe he is with you, in your heart, and that is why you are seeing him and hearing him.

When we lost my mom, we all continued to hear things like her making her morning tea and her voice.

It's been a very long time since I've had to say goodbye to a pet. I know when it is Max and Teddy's time, it's going to devastate me. These little ones become such a part of us.

Sending you hugs and love.

You are so sweet, thank you. I know you loved your Mom very much, she sounds like such a special lady from the things you have shared during our phone conversations. Without a doubt she was and is very proud of you. Death just totally sucks....Jingle was my little rock, my little sunshine, I really wasn't expecting these feelings rushing back on me strong at the anniversary of his passing...one day at at time is what I usually live by, right now I'm taking a minute at a time. Presley has been a live wire today so he has kept me quite busy and that does help, you can't help but to love him and laugh at him regardless of the mood...I thank God for him!

[Cindy_17]

Originally Posted by matese

I know exactly how you feel, I had to let my beautiful Matese go 2 years ago. She was 17 y/o, yes she was 95% blind and the same deaf, but she was healthy, good appetite, slept a lot, played when she was awake. Then one day she wouldn't eat, the 2nd day I got her to eat a tiny bit, then the diarrhea started. I took her to the vet,she was there for 7 days. Each day I visited her, I was getting positive reports she would be coming home. They had her on IV, she lost so much weight, she was a big girl,17 Lbs, every day she was thinner and thinner yet I was told she was improving. On the 7th day I got an early morning call from the tech, she said I have to come and say my good byes Matese had to be put down. I was in shock hearing those words, told the tech she had the wrong dog, said I've been getting positive reports she was coming home. I was numb, screaming and crying. I called a friend told them of the call, screaming I can not do this. Yes, I have had many babies that I had to part with, but Matese was the last of my pack and very very special, our bond was very strong. My friend had to drive me to the vet, I took her out to the car for private time , cuddled her, talked to her, I could see how much pain she was in. I knew I had to let her go. I held her tight against my chest and whispered in her ear she was a good girl and mama loved her while the tech injected her and ended her life. I was beyond devastated. For weeks I could not drive,my mind would go back to that call, to me holding her and her leaving me, I would start crying, I would pull off the road, get control over myself then have to come back home. At home I could hear her nails get caught in the carpet threads, I could hear her breathing when she slept, I would feel something brush against my legs. I cried all the time, the pain in my heart was over whelming, I truly thought I was going to have a heart attack. I swore no more dogs, I could never go through this ever again. My house was so empty.I have had these special little critters called yorkies in my life for 35 years, I didn't know if I could live without another, they say time heals all wounds and I wanted to take that time. For 3 weeks I was in a very dark place, all I did was cry, I kept hearing her breathing, walking, feeling a warmth against my legs. Then I got a cal my my vet, they had just rescued a 2.5 y/o little boy that was surrendered. My vet was having open adoption day in 5 days, when they bought this little boy in for check up she saw him and told the tech, this dog will not make it to adoption day, this is Joan's dog, get her on the phone. Matese had BIG German Shepard ears, and Cody had the same. My vet wanted me to come and see this dog, I gave her all the reasons why I could not / did not want another dog and never a male. She just kept pleading with me to "just come to see him". Out of respect to my vet of 20 + years and to appease her I went, knowing I would NEVER have a male dog due to their marking, I went "just to see him". When I went to the vet the next day, they had him in the lunch room, I sat and watched this little boy prance around greeting all the techs that entered the room. I felt such pity for this little 12 lb baby, who could give away such a precious soul away. The vet came in, picked him up and set him om my lap. As other techs that I have dealt with for years came in and saw this boy on my lap came over to me, hugging me, telling me, everyone that saw him said, this is Joan's dog. Well need I say I took him home, I knew I could give him a good, happy, loving forever home. Truly I did it more for the dog then me. Cody bonded with me immediately, I was scared to get to close to him, but he just melted my heart, who could discard this sweet little boy. Cody helped me heal the loss of my Matese, Cody made my house a home again. I love him with all my heart, but not a day goes by that I do not still cry for my Matese. She will be in my heart forever. Cody is my first boy, and my very special boy, I am blessed to him him in my life. So I know just how you feel on this approaching day. In the last 2 years on the day I had to let my sweet girl go, I do something special with Cody. We take a car ride to a park with trails not too far from where I live,and we walk the trails. This is my special way to honor my Matese, I know she would not want me to forever grieve her loss,and a special day for Cody. I cannot say I do not on cry this special day,but when I see my boy enjoying all the diff smells, the tears stop and my heart is filled with love watching my boy sniff every blade of grass, leaf, twigs and tree stumps. So you are not alone in your grief, there are many here on YT that have gone through over whelming loss of much loved babies.

Oh my you sweet lady, you do know exactly how I feel. I have tears flowing out of my eyes right now. I too got Presley soon after Jingles passing. I struggled hard with the idea of it before I got him, my husband was pushing me hard, at first I was ticked off that he even dare suggest, I felt like he was trying to replace him and that simply wasn't possible. But our little Holly was having such a hard time adjusting, her howling and crying was unbearable to watch. In my mind I was doing it for Holly, but boy was I wrong. Presley came in and took over. He took over our house, our life, our hearts...our grief. It is amazing the love they give, the hearts they can heal, little miracles indeed. Without Presley Holly and I both would probably be in a padded room by now .

I love the idea of doing something special on the day of Jingles passing, thank you for sharing that idea. I was dreading that day so bad and it's fast approaching, the thoughts of doing something in his memory doesn't make it seem as dark now.

I really appreciate you opening up and sharing your experience with me, I know it's hard and I am so sorry for your loss of Matese she was a special little girl, I am so happy for you with Cody, he is a heart mender just like my Presley..again thank you for sharing and encouraging words, it means a lot!

[capt_noonie]

Oh man you guys all have me tearing up!

Yes I do feel that their presence is with us. The funny thing is that Toto and Scrappy's personalities are almost identical, and we always say Toto is Scrappy reincarnated, although they are nearly the same age and it would be impossible. Not only their personality, but the sound of their barks are the same. When we had to put Scrappy down we closed up our shop for a week. We could not deal with it, and of course could not run a business after that either. Scrappy and Uni and whatever dogs we were fostering were a big part of our shop with them being there everyday, so our customers were very understanding with us being closed for a while. My biggest regret still is not holding Scrappy as he passed. I just could not get myself to do it. Whenever I am scared to do something, I force myself to do it, but for some reason I could not do it and I still don't know why I didn't.

[Shicks]

It's been almost 2 years my precious Titan left me @ his 7th birthday. I have framed pictures all over my house. I talk to him everyday. My heart is still broken, but I have my precious Ruger now, which has helped tremendously. It was 13 months after our baby passed before we had Ruger. I really don't know how I made it. I was in a void, nothing much mattered.
Please concentrate on happy times & your baby you have.

[Cindy_17]

Originally Posted by capt_noonie

Oh man you guys all have me tearing up!

Yes I do feel that their presence is with us. The funny thing is that Toto and Scrappy's personalities are almost identical, and we always say Toto is Scrappy reincarnated, although they are nearly the same age and it would be impossible. Not only their personality, but the sound of their barks are the same. When we had to put Scrappy down we closed up our shop for a week. We could not deal with it, and of course could not run a business after that either. Scrappy and Uni and whatever dogs we were fostering were a big part of our shop with them being there everyday, so our customers were very understanding with us being closed for a while. My biggest regret still is not holding Scrappy as he passed. I just could not get myself to do it. Whenever I am scared to do something, I force myself to do it, but for some reason I could not do it and I still don't know why I didn't.

I'm so sorry about Scrappy (love the name), no doubt he knew you loved him, and he knew you were struggling to let him go. Don't carry that burden with you, you were getting through it the best you could, I know he understood.

We run our own business to, I run the holiday end of it so thankfully my busy season was over, my husband runs the landscape management part and for him it was the kickoff to the start of his busy time, bids etc. For me at that point it would not have mattered if it was busy or not, my whole world stopped, like you there is no way I could have dealt with any of it, I was doing good to get a shower the first few days. My husband was wonderful though, he put his grief aside the best he could, and turned everything business wise over to one of our managers and took care of me and Holly for the first week.

Presley is a lot darker than Jingle was and his bark is deeper, but some of the things he does is just like Jingle, Presley is every bit the alpha Jig was, but he is shy with new people and I think it's sweet, he clings to me when new folks are around, Jig was a social butterfly.

[Cindy_17]

Originally Posted by Shicks

It's been almost 2 years my precious Titan left me @ his 7th birthday. I have framed pictures all over my house. I talk to him everyday. My heart is still broken, but I have my precious Ruger now, which has helped tremendously. It was 13 months after our baby passed before we had Ruger. I really don't know how I made it. I was in a void, nothing much mattered.
Please concentrate on happy times & your baby you have.

I'm sorry about Titan, the hurt is unreal when they pass. Being in a void and nothing mattering is perfect terminology for how I felt, it's miserable and a hopeless sinking feeling.

Just talking about Jingle on this thread has helped me, just getting it out to others that understand the depth of love and hurt when going through and knowing your not alone is comforting. I am blessed to have the memories of my little angel and I am blessed to have the silly, loving antics of my precious Presley now.

[capt_noonie]

Originally Posted by Cindy_17

I'm so sorry about Scrappy (love the name), no doubt he knew you loved him, and he knew you were struggling to let him go. Don't carry that burden with you, you were getting through it the best you could, I know he understood.

We run our own business to, I run the holiday end of it so thankfully my busy season was over, my husband runs the landscape management part and for him it was the kickoff to the start of his busy time, bids etc. For me at that point it would not have mattered if it was busy or not, my whole world stopped, like you there is no way I could have dealt with any of it, I was doing good to get a shower the first few days. My husband was wonderful though, he put his grief aside the best he could, and turned everything business wise over to one of our managers and took care of me and Holly for the first week.

Presley is a lot darker than Jingle was and his bark is deeper, but some of the things he does is just like Jingle, Presley is every bit the alpha Jig was, but he is shy with new people and I think it's sweet, he clings to me when new folks are around, Jig was a social butterfly.

Thanks for that. I need to hear it sometimes from someone else bc I feel like I failed him. He was our foster, and he was a tiny little guy. Supposedly he was picked up as a stray, so he was a tough guy that he could even survive out on his own. He also had a bum leg and when we first got him he was so small and weak he couldn't even get up the curb. He got stronger each day and we were even training him to get stronger and at the time he passed he was able to climb three stairs.

[matese]

Originally Posted by capt_noonie

Oh man you guys all have me tearing up!

Yes I do feel that their presence is with us. The funny thing is that Toto and Scrappy's personalities are almost identical, and we always say Toto is Scrappy reincarnated, although they are nearly the same age and it would be impossible. Not only their personality, but the sound of their barks are the same. When we had to put Scrappy down we closed up our shop for a week. We could not deal with it, and of course could not run a business after that either. Scrappy and Uni and whatever dogs we were fostering were a big part of our shop with them being there everyday, so our customers were very understanding with us being closed for a while. My biggest regret still is not holding Scrappy as he passed. I just could not get myself to do it. Whenever I am scared to do something, I force myself to do it, but for some reason I could not do it and I still don't know why I didn't.

Never feel that you failed your boy. Staying with your baby to the very end is very traumatic, it stays with you forever. One of my babies passed while in vet hospital, she passed alone, I was devastated because of this. Another passed while at home, I saw her going into rooms she would never go into unless I was there, she was acting very strange, she was not sick, then I realized I had not seen her for 45 minutes, so I went looking for her, I found her dead in the den, I was heart broken and realized what she had been doing was looking for a place to lie down and die. Another baby passing away alone. In 2005 my 3rd baby had kidney problems, was at the vet hospital for 5 days, early evening the tech called me, suggested I come to see my Schnae, it was not visiting hours, I had a strange feeling as I was driving to the vet. When I got there my sweet baby was huddled in the corner of the crate. The tech told me she had kidney failure and was in much pain, she said you have to make a decision. I took my baby from the crate, cuddled her, kissing, stroking her, she started pulling away from me, she wanted to go back in the crate. I told the tech if she prefers the crate over me she deathly sick. I couldn't let her suffer any more. She was the first baby I was with until the very end. It was very traumatic for me, but, she was held, and loved and did not pass alone as the others did. And the same for my last girl, she was with her mama up to the very end. 2005, 2013 both are as vivid as if it was just yesterday. This is not an easy thing to do or go through. Never feel bad, guilty, or feel that you failed as a mama about your decision. Everyone handles death in diff. ways.