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Old 03-09-2005, 03:36 AM   #1
The Royal Mommy
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Unhappy Need some help...

Hi everyone

We are having a problem with Tia and I'd really like your input on it. -- She hates my husband. She's fine around me, around the kids, but if my husband is in the same room as her, she runs and hides.

I'm definitely the main care-taker with the dogs, I feed, wash, play, etc with them throughout the day. (my husband works all day and I stay home) Sandy adores my husband, but Tia starts to shake when she hears his voice. The weird thing about this is that it has been only going on for a week or so..

He's started to feed them their evening meal in hopes that it will help her to know that "good things come from Daddy..."

Tia is so affectionate with me and playful with my children and Sandy, but my husband is beginning to feel like he's giving off a bad person vibe or something. Anyone have any experience with this? Any advice on how to make her feel more comfortable around him? Thanks guys!
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Old 03-09-2005, 04:06 AM   #2
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That sure is weird. I don't have any personal experience with a situation like this. But it seems like you have done a good assessment of the situation - you spend more time with her, so she's probably more comfortable around you. How has she been doing with your husband feeding her?? Maybe have your husband give her some treats too every now and then. I don't know how she well she does when you are not around, but maybe you should leave for an hour or two and leave your husband with her, in hopes of some quality bonding time. It might take a few sessions like this. Those are my thoughts, but again I don't have any first hand experience.
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Old 03-09-2005, 04:13 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bld2751
That sure is weird. I don't have any personal experience with a situation like this. But it seems like you have done a good assessment of the situation - you spend more time with her, so she's probably more comfortable around you. How has she been doing with your husband feeding her?? Maybe have your husband give her some treats too every now and then. I don't know how she well she does when you are not around, but maybe you should leave for an hour or two and leave your husband with her, in hopes of some quality bonding time. It might take a few sessions like this. Those are my thoughts, but again I don't have any first hand experience.

Thanks for the feedback Actually I did leave the house last night to see a movie (in hopes that she would bond with Dave -- also because I needed to get out! LOL) He said she wouldn't play, didn't want anything to do with him and just went to sleep in her crate the entire time I was gone.

When he feeds her, she won't stay in the kitchen with him. I taught her to sit for food and treats and she will sit for him on the command, but not in the same room (you can see from our kitchen to the living room, she'll do the sit command from in the living room!? -- crazy, I know)

It really is a weird thing! Thanks for the input!
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Old 03-09-2005, 04:53 AM   #4
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My maltese did the same thing. I should have nipped it in the bud but I didn't. The resulst were that my malt became very depreessed when I would leave for work and he suffered with seperation anxiety. He would lay on the couch until I came home. Even if my husband was home for the day, Bentley would stay on the couch looking at the door for me to come home. My husband would pick him and carry him outside to potty but Bentley wouldn't potty, he just kind of paniced and would want in so he could run back to the couch. I should have forseen what the results would be but didn't. If I had it to do over again I would have my husband feed him, walk him and paly with him more.
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Old 03-09-2005, 05:08 AM   #5
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Thanks for your input! I am having the same problem with Archie, except it's the other way around...I think Archie hates me. When I am home alone with him, he stopped playing with me, he also stopped running up to the door when I come home. it's like he just doesn't care that I'm here. But he LOVES my boyfriend. At night, he gets into bed next to him and tries to push me out of the way. When they go out for a walk, Archie follows him along and he can go without a leash. When I walk him, he tries to get away. Archie licks his face every morning, and just kind of sniffs me and turns away. Maybe he does have separation anxiety...but I do everything for Archie, and my boyfriend doesn't do any of those things. I'm the one who feeds Archie and does all the necessities for him but my boyfriend is home with him all day.
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Old 03-09-2005, 05:31 AM   #6
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I'm certainly no expert either on dog behaviour but I might suggest a couple of things to try.. Instead of leaving Tia alone with your husband you might try walking Tia together.
This way Tia can come to realize that she is safe with you and your husband..
Also get in the floor and play with her together. or maybe you and your husband can toss one of her favorite toys to each other and maybe she'll join in on the fun play... If it works have your husband to offer her a yummy treat. Doing this a little at a time and not forcing her..
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Old 03-09-2005, 07:23 AM   #7
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I think you're all right here. Although my husband will kill me for telling anyone this .. he really does feel badly that she isn't all about him like Sandy is. This morning after weewee time Tia had her play time on the floor, with me. So, that's probably something I could really work on, involving my husband in the play/activities with me and Tia.

I will try to get him more involved in other "fun" stuff too Thanks SO much for the input guys!!
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Old 03-09-2005, 07:37 AM   #8
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Stewie definitely likes me better than my boyfriend. He follows me around and generally sleeps next to me (or ON me). Maybe this would work for you:

I don't really play "rough" with Stewie like tug-of-war or anythign like that. I'm also a little too lazy to chase him around all the time. When Stewie wants to play like that or be chased, he ignores me and bugs him, because my bf will play that way.

So I guess what I'm suggesting is maybe have Dave do something "special" with her that you don't -- whether it be giving her a certain treat that she can't resist or have him hold her favorite toy and try to coax her into playing while you're not in sight to distract her.

Another thing that woudln't hurt is having Tia sit between you two and maybe hug him or kiss him so she can see that you like him and that if he isnt' hurting you and you're calm, then he won't hurt her and she can be calm. I bet she'll outgrow this eventually.
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Old 03-09-2005, 07:44 AM   #9
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Wow, thanks so much Kristy - that is great advice. I'm copying everything into an e-mail and sending it to Dave at work (he's a closet Yorkie Talker now))

I really appreciate your thoughts, I think that the hugging Dave thing would be a great thing to try - after 6 1/2 years of marriage we aren't as affectionate as we could be (didn't even think to be while on the floor with Tia!)

Also, yes, giving him something that I don't DO with her sounds brilliant as well. I think I'll make him in charge of greenies since they only get those at night anyway! Again, thanks SO much!!
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Old 03-09-2005, 09:12 AM   #10
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Default I have this same problem..

I can really sympathise. I have this same problem but with my maltese. I am her main caretaker as well. She is a year old and we got her when she was 4 1/2 months so already a bit set in her personality. And she is scared of my husband. Loves kids! and tolerates strange women but if a man walks in the room she bolts away or barks and barks at him. My husband hates this too. We have gotton her to the point that she actually enjoys him a lot when he is laying on the couch with a blanket and will cuddle up with him. He had to speak very soft or cutesy to her and offer lots of treats now she jumps right up with him as soon as she sees him lay down. She does not like the deep voice. She has just recently let him pick her up but only is he is sitting. If he is standing up and he tries to pick her up she runs with tail tucked. She will play with him cautiously if he is on the floor laying down. The larger the person or deeper the voice she finds very scary. I really don't know why. It has been a bit heart breaking. My husband is determined to have our yorkie puppy like him and holds her a lot, feeds her breakfast and helps with the potty training chore... hopefully this helps with the bonding.
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Old 03-09-2005, 07:02 PM   #11
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It could be a territorial thing as well, Tia may feel that your husband is invading HER space and HER Mommy. Just like a baby who doesn't want Mommy to leave his side, Tia may feel threatened by your husband a bit and just hasn't warmed up to him... yet. As said above, start with letting your husband giving Tia treats, and try to get him to spend as much time with Tia as possible (maybe without Sandy around), on walks, or let him rub or scratch Tia for a set amount of time each day. The more Tia gets used to your husband, the more she will be willingly to accept him. I think it just takes time!
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Old 03-09-2005, 08:53 PM   #12
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toby isnt afriad of my fiance, but i am deffinatly number one person in his life. As soon as i come home it is, "forget you dad"..... he is deffinatly territorial, he doesnt like anyone to come between him and his mama, which we need to work on, because he is becoming TOO terristoirial
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