I'm So Sad - YorkieTalk.com Forums

JCarlson2004 · 11-29-2005, 09:44 AM

I feel terrible because I was so mean to my hubby, Jim, the day of my mother's burial. As most of you know, I lost my little Yorkie princess, Katie Lyn, the day before my mother passed away 2 weeks ago. So I've been grieving for my beloved mother, as well as my precious little girl. Well on the day of the burial, I came home from the cemetary and went back to my parent's house. Jim told me that he was going out to run a few errands. Well, that errand was to go buy me something ... he spent $1,400 on an adorable 4 month old female Yorkie pup. He put one of Katie's custom made sweaters (that said "Mommy's Girl" on it) on the little pup and brought her to my dad's house as a gift for me to try and cheer me up. Instead of being happy, I blew up and screamed at him. I told him that he was trying to "replace" my Katie and that it was never going to happen. I also screamed at him to take Katie's sweater off "that dog". I didn't even touch the puppy and I made him return her, which he did and he got his money back.

But now I feel AWFUL because I know Jim was only trying to make me happy. I've apologized so many times and he keeps telling me that it's ok, not to worry about it and he only wants me to be happy. Now I feel even worse for being so mean to him because all he has ever wanted was for me to be happy. He's such a great guy and he does EVERYTHING for me. He treats me like I'm a piece of fragile glass. And how do I repay his kindness? I scream at him and hurt his feelings. I feel like a terrible person.

Our Maltese, Codie Lee, suffers from severe seperation anxiety and the only "cure" was when we got Katie for him as a sister. He seperation anxiety was TOTALLY gone and he was happy and care free. Now that she's gone, Codie has once again started to exhibit early signs of seperation anxiety. So I know in my heart that I must get another dog because Codie desperately needs the companionship during the day. But my problem is that my heart is broken over my Katie. How can I move on and get another dog? I feel like I'm betraying her memory. What should I do? If I wait too long, Codie will suffer and may even have to be medicated (according to my vet) but I do NOT want to medicate my dog. Codie really suffers bad ... he even hurts himself by biting his tail or paw until it bleeds. I can't stand to see him suffer like that all over again. He doesn't deserve it -- he's such a sweet and gentle little boy.

Please tell me what you think I should do. Should I put my feelings aside and get another Yorkie for Codie's said? Jim thinks that the new dog will help me heal. But I'm not so sure.

Am I being selfish? As a good pet owner, I should put Codie's needs and feelings before my own.

red98vett · 11-29-2005, 09:53 AM

Sweetie...you could never ever replace Katie - When we get another to love we are honoring the loss of a loved one - not substituting them with a new version...each yorkie is special in their own way and there will never be another Katie for you - but there COULD be another to help heal the voids in your heart...

You've lost your mom...that in itself was horrible - but to lose your yorkie also is such a double whammy....and I'm still so so sorry for your losses.

Katie would want you to love another yorkie - you are a good mom and she wouldn't want you sad.....and I agree...Codie is grieving also and I think a new puppy would really help him -

Your husband sounds wonderful and he knows how devestated you were over your mom and the loss of your little Katie - He'll be fine but I worry more about YOU.

I think a puppy is a wonderful idea....I honestly do.

PlatinumYorkies · 11-29-2005, 09:56 AM

I don't know what good I can do...WHen, I lost my Peke when I was 18, I went out and got 2 lizzards(ms) It wasn't the same. I wish I wouls have gotten another puppy. So, I think it might help you and Codie...No, you aren't trying to replace Katie, I think as you make that decision you might see that...

Kenzies Grandma · 11-29-2005, 09:56 AM

I'm so sorry Jennifer for the terrible losses you've suffered. I can't tell you what I think you should do, that is for you to decide. I can tell you though that my new little Gypsy has made a tremendous difference to me. I lost my little silky x girl in August. She was 12 1/2 yrs. old and I missed her so much I was actually sick. Gypsy will never replace Tori, that would be impossible because Tori still does and always will have her own special place in my heart. But I learned very quickly that we always have enough love to go around and Gypsy found her own special place very quickly. The love she gives me every day makes it much less painful dealing with the absence of Tori.
I hope this helps you in some way and I know that you will never be sorry if you get another little furbabie.

Kathy, Tango and Gypsy
p.s. Tango is much happier since I brought Gypsy home too, he missed his sister Tori so much.

MeganS · 11-29-2005, 10:10 AM

Oh Jen, I'm so sorry. It's never easy. I know how much it hurts, but I think a puppy is a wonderful idea. I know Katie would want it, she'd be happy. You have enough love in you to keep loving Katie, and to share your love with a new puppy. I also think a new puppy would help Codie. He lost his sister, one of his best friends. Your husband sounds so sweet, he knows you didn't mean anything. He understands you're just hurt, I'm sure he's hurting too. I think you should follow your heart, and do what you feel is right. Good luck, Jen. And know we're always here for you.

Zeus' Mom · 11-29-2005, 10:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MeganS

Oh Jen, I'm so sorry. It's never easy. I know how much it hurts, but I think a puppy is a wonderful idea. I know Katie would want it, she'd be happy. You have enough love in you to keep loving Katie, and to share your love with a new puppy. I also think a new puppy would help Codie. He lost his sister, one of his best friends. Your husband sounds so sweet, he knows you didn't mean anything. He understands you're just hurt, I'm sure he's hurting too. I think you should follow your heart, and do what you feel is right. Good luck, Jen. And know we're always here for you.

Megan is so wise beyond her years! I couldn't agree more. I know it will be hard at first, but I am sure you will find that you are able to love your new puppy and continue to love Katie. Our yorkies love us beyond words and all they want is for us to be happy. I know Katie would want that for you.

Lexi Rae · 11-29-2005, 10:14 AM

jen i think what ever decision you make will be the right one...i know your gonna go for it...so just take that leap sweetie...you will be ok.. promise

rrosenberry · 11-29-2005, 10:16 AM

Oh, what a sweet husband you must have, Everyone should be so lucky, I'm sure he understands exactly where you were coming from, and knows it was the pain and hurt that came out.
I Know how you feel about getting another dog, I've been there, and you do think that your not doing Katie justice and not honoring her memory,, BUT you will always miss her ,and grieve for her, but it might just take a little of the pain away,,, and eventually you will grow to love the new pup, in a whole new and special way,, but Never the same as Katie.. I'd consider it, for you and for Codie.

JCarlson2004 · 11-29-2005, 10:16 AM

Thank you all for your kind replies. Jim wants to take me tonight to Quality Canine to look at some pups. He said the other little pup that he returned may still be available to buy. So maybe we'll stop by there tonight if we have some time after work. He said I can ever get 2 pups if I want .... LOL

Maybe I'll take him up on that offer hehehehe

I told him I'll go look but I'll only take a puppy if it "calls" to me the way Codie and Katie did. When I saw them, it was love at first sight.

I'm also interested in maybe adopting a puppy mill rescue Yorkie. I've been browsing Pet Finder so far to see what is available.

Lexi Rae · 11-29-2005, 10:18 AM

jen the pup that jim brought home to you is the one...

JCarlson2004 · 11-29-2005, 10:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lexi Rae

jen the pup that jim brought home to you is the one...

That's what Jim keeps telling me lol

MeganS · 11-29-2005, 10:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lexi Rae

jen the pup that jim brought home to you is the one...

I think so too

Sophie'smom · 11-29-2005, 10:25 AM

I am very sorry for your loss. I lost my Candie (toy poodle) a year ago. I was devastated. I couldn't sleep and all I did was cry. I just new I had to have another companion but I had the same guilty feeling about getting another pup. My husband called around and found my Sophie for me. When they put her in my arms I had to have her. There will never be another dog that could replace Candie. Sophie has added a different energy to our home. We still talk about Candie all the time and all the funny things she did. We tell Sophie sometimes you act just like your sister. We still miss her desperatly but dealing with a puppy doesn't give you much time to let your mind dwell on the sad things. I hope my story has helped you and if you ever need to talk I am here.

JCarlson2004 · 11-29-2005, 10:26 AM

The hard part is that I feel so guilty when I cry and grieve over Katie because I lost my mother the very next day. My sister was over my apartment and we were looking through photo albums and came across some pictures of Katie. Well I started to cry and my sister said in a round about way that I should cry about mom and not about "some dog". Needless to say Jim IMMEDIATELY came to my defense in a polite way before I even had a chance to open my mouth lol

But now I really do feel bad when I cry over Katie. I know you all can understand what I'm feeling because we don't view our dogs are "dogs" or "pets" -- we view them as children and family members. So when I cry for my little Katie, I'm crying because I lost a child (not a "pet"). I guess people like my sister, who aren't animal lovers, will never understand how I feel.

dhudson4 · 11-29-2005, 10:27 AM

I am sorry for you losses.

You are so blessed to have someone by your side to help you through this difficult time. No one can tell you how to feel or greave but I think that you were probably more upset seeing the sweater on the puppy, than at the fact your husband bought the actual puppy. You know once someone has a special place in out hearts NO ONE can EVER take their place.

My advice to people is do what is best for you, because only you have the answer to your happiness.

Continue to be blessed.

11-29-2005, 09:44 AM	#1
JCarlson2004 Mommy To 3 Poochies Donating Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: New York Posts: 8,287	I'm So Sad I feel terrible because I was so mean to my hubby, Jim, the day of my mother's burial. As most of you know, I lost my little Yorkie princess, Katie Lyn, the day before my mother passed away 2 weeks ago. So I've been grieving for my beloved mother, as well as my precious little girl. Well on the day of the burial, I came home from the cemetary and went back to my parent's house. Jim told me that he was going out to run a few errands. Well, that errand was to go buy me something ... he spent $1,400 on an adorable 4 month old female Yorkie pup. He put one of Katie's custom made sweaters (that said "Mommy's Girl" on it) on the little pup and brought her to my dad's house as a gift for me to try and cheer me up. Instead of being happy, I blew up and screamed at him. I told him that he was trying to "replace" my Katie and that it was never going to happen. I also screamed at him to take Katie's sweater off "that dog". I didn't even touch the puppy and I made him return her, which he did and he got his money back. But now I feel AWFUL because I know Jim was only trying to make me happy. I've apologized so many times and he keeps telling me that it's ok, not to worry about it and he only wants me to be happy. Now I feel even worse for being so mean to him because all he has ever wanted was for me to be happy. He's such a great guy and he does EVERYTHING for me. He treats me like I'm a piece of fragile glass. And how do I repay his kindness? I scream at him and hurt his feelings. I feel like a terrible person. Our Maltese, Codie Lee, suffers from severe seperation anxiety and the only "cure" was when we got Katie for him as a sister. He seperation anxiety was TOTALLY gone and he was happy and care free. Now that she's gone, Codie has once again started to exhibit early signs of seperation anxiety. So I know in my heart that I must get another dog because Codie desperately needs the companionship during the day. But my problem is that my heart is broken over my Katie. How can I move on and get another dog? I feel like I'm betraying her memory. What should I do? If I wait too long, Codie will suffer and may even have to be medicated (according to my vet) but I do NOT want to medicate my dog. Codie really suffers bad ... he even hurts himself by biting his tail or paw until it bleeds. I can't stand to see him suffer like that all over again. He doesn't deserve it -- he's such a sweet and gentle little boy. Please tell me what you think I should do. Should I put my feelings aside and get another Yorkie for Codie's said? Jim thinks that the new dog will help me heal. But I'm not so sure. Am I being selfish? As a good pet owner, I should put Codie's needs and feelings before my own. __________________ Mommy Loves Codie, Tia & Baby Cali RIP My Precious Katie - I Love You

11-29-2005, 09:53 AM	#2
red98vett Yorkie Kisses are the Best! Donating Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Houston TX Posts: 33,590 Blog Entries: 1	Sweetie...you could never ever replace Katie - When we get another to love we are honoring the loss of a loved one - not substituting them with a new version...each yorkie is special in their own way and there will never be another Katie for you - but there COULD be another to help heal the voids in your heart... You've lost your mom...that in itself was horrible - but to lose your yorkie also is such a double whammy....and I'm still so so sorry for your losses. Katie would want you to love another yorkie - you are a good mom and she wouldn't want you sad.....and I agree...Codie is grieving also and I think a new puppy would really help him - Your husband sounds wonderful and he knows how devestated you were over your mom and the loss of your little Katie - He'll be fine but I worry more about YOU. I think a puppy is a wonderful idea....I honestly do. __________________ Villette, Chanel & Cheri www.DesignsByVillette.net Custom Address Labels and Note Cards using YOUR Photos! Just Click HERE!

11-29-2005, 09:56 AM	#3
PlatinumYorkies Monte, Mone't's Joy! Donating Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: MD Posts: 3,009	I don't know what good I can do...WHen, I lost my Peke when I was 18, I went out and got 2 lizzards(ms) It wasn't the same. I wish I wouls have gotten another puppy. So, I think it might help you and Codie...No, you aren't trying to replace Katie, I think as you make that decision you might see that... __________________ "Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."!! **Mone't Mom 2 Monte**

11-29-2005, 10:10 AM	#5
MeganS Donating YT 7000 Club Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: New Jersey Posts: 12,016 Blog Entries: 1	Oh Jen, I'm so sorry. It's never easy. I know how much it hurts, but I think a puppy is a wonderful idea. I know Katie would want it, she'd be happy. You have enough love in you to keep loving Katie, and to share your love with a new puppy. I also think a new puppy would help Codie. He lost his sister, one of his best friends. Your husband sounds so sweet, he knows you didn't mean anything. He understands you're just hurt, I'm sure he's hurting too. I think you should follow your heart, and do what you feel is right. Good luck, Jen. And know we're always here for you. __________________ Megan "I have my dreams, I have made plans." - The Pirate Queen All Gave Some; Some Gave All

11-29-2005, 10:14 AM	#7
Lexi Rae Gina, (Lexi's Mommy) Donating Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: LONG ISLAND,NY Posts: 10,455	jen i think what ever decision you make will be the right one...i know your gonna go for it...so just take that leap sweetie...you will be ok.. promise __________________ Gina & Lexi CLICK HERE for our Photo Album ...

11-29-2005, 09:56 AM	#4
Kenzies Grandma YT Addict Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: AB, Canada Posts: 387	I'm so sorry Jennifer for the terrible losses you've suffered. I can't tell you what I think you should do, that is for you to decide. I can tell you though that my new little Gypsy has made a tremendous difference to me. I lost my little silky x girl in August. She was 12 1/2 yrs. old and I missed her so much I was actually sick. Gypsy will never replace Tori, that would be impossible because Tori still does and always will have her own special place in my heart. But I learned very quickly that we always have enough love to go around and Gypsy found her own special place very quickly. The love she gives me every day makes it much less painful dealing with the absence of Tori. I hope this helps you in some way and I know that you will never be sorry if you get another little furbabie. Kathy, Tango and Gypsy p.s. Tango is much happier since I brought Gypsy home too, he missed his sister Tori so much.

11-29-2005, 10:16 AM	#8
rrosenberry & Bailey & Bella Donating Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Ohio Posts: 8,164	Oh, what a sweet husband you must have, Everyone should be so lucky, I'm sure he understands exactly where you were coming from, and knows it was the pain and hurt that came out. I Know how you feel about getting another dog, I've been there, and you do think that your not doing Katie justice and not honoring her memory,, BUT you will always miss her ,and grieve for her, but it might just take a little of the pain away,,, and eventually you will grow to love the new pup, in a whole new and special way,, but Never the same as Katie.. I'd consider it, for you and for Codie. __________________ Rhonda, Bailey, Josie and my angel Bella Rue' "Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened." ~Anatole France~

11-29-2005, 10:18 AM	#10
Lexi Rae Gina, (Lexi's Mommy) Donating Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: LONG ISLAND,NY Posts: 10,455	jen the pup that jim brought home to you is the one... __________________ Gina & Lexi CLICK HERE for our Photo Album ...

11-29-2005, 10:25 AM	#13
Sophie'smom Donating YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Kentucky Posts: 3,282	I am very sorry for your loss. I lost my Candie (toy poodle) a year ago. I was devastated. I couldn't sleep and all I did was cry. I just new I had to have another companion but I had the same guilty feeling about getting another pup. My husband called around and found my Sophie for me. When they put her in my arms I had to have her. There will never be another dog that could replace Candie. Sophie has added a different energy to our home. We still talk about Candie all the time and all the funny things she did. We tell Sophie sometimes you act just like your sister. We still miss her desperatly but dealing with a puppy doesn't give you much time to let your mind dwell on the sad things. I hope my story has helped you and if you ever need to talk I am here.

11-29-2005, 10:26 AM	#14
JCarlson2004 Mommy To 3 Poochies Donating Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: New York Posts: 8,287	The hard part is that I feel so guilty when I cry and grieve over Katie because I lost my mother the very next day. My sister was over my apartment and we were looking through photo albums and came across some pictures of Katie. Well I started to cry and my sister said in a round about way that I should cry about mom and not about "some dog". Needless to say Jim IMMEDIATELY came to my defense in a polite way before I even had a chance to open my mouth lol But now I really do feel bad when I cry over Katie. I know you all can understand what I'm feeling because we don't view our dogs are "dogs" or "pets" -- we view them as children and family members. So when I cry for my little Katie, I'm crying because I lost a child (not a "pet"). I guess people like my sister, who aren't animal lovers, will never understand how I feel. __________________ Mommy Loves Codie, Tia & Baby Cali RIP My Precious Katie - I Love You

11-29-2005, 10:27 AM	#15
dhudson4 Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: May 2005 Location: Baltimore Posts: 217	I am sorry for you losses. You are so blessed to have someone by your side to help you through this difficult time. No one can tell you how to feel or greave but I think that you were probably more upset seeing the sweater on the puppy, than at the fact your husband bought the actual puppy. You know once someone has a special place in out hearts NO ONE can EVER take their place. My advice to people is do what is best for you, because only you have the answer to your happiness. Continue to be blessed.