Has anyone figured out why?

[FoxxysMom]

Why is it that when people ask for advice on dog care or info and you give it to them, they never want the info? I have people ask me stuff and when I explain what they probably don't want to hear even with site references, they never take the advice or get upset.
My sister in law has a gorgeous white snauzer and I love her to pieces. When I first met her, my sister in law said she was going to breed her. :-( at this point I knew nothing about all the things needed before agood breeder would breed but I knew enough to know she wouldnt do it and only saw dollar signs. I asked her really? You're going to breed her? Who is your vet? She told me that she has to FIND her one. She had already had het for months. OMG.
I tried to explain to her that its a lot to it but nevertheless she knew enough to know she needed a black male to mate with her and bought one but by the grace of God the male dog is uninterested in her when she is in heat.
This isn't the only case but I was just wondering, why do people seek advice then when its not what they want to hear they get defensive or dismiss it.
I can't imagine anyone having a dog and not loving it Soooo much that they would never do anything that wasn't in their best interest.
Ok..hopping off my soapbox now. Lol.

[chattiesmom]

Often, when people "ask for advice" they are really asking for approval and/or support for things they already are doing, believe to be true, or want to happen.

When they encounter advice that is contrary to what they want to hear, it makes them feel violated - especially if that advice isn't given in a nurturig manner. As frustrating as it is, I find it much better to bite my tounge and go that extra mile to try to give suggestions and advice in a non threatening manner which will not offend the receiver. Sometimes that is nearly impossible.

[Teresa Ford]

[QUOTE=chattiesmom;3733532]Often, when people "ask for advice" they are really asking for approval and/or support for things they already are doing, believe to be true, or want to happen.

When they encounter advice that is contrary to what they want to hear, it makes them feel violated - especially if that advice isn't given in a nurturig manner. As frustrating as it is, I find it much better to bite my tounge and go that extra mile to try to give suggestions and advice in a non threatening manner which will not offend the receiver. Sometimes that is nearly impossible.[/QUOTE

so very true

[KazzyK810]

Originally Posted by chattiesmom

Often, when people "ask for advice" they are really asking for approval and/or support for things they already are doing, believe to be true, or want to happen.

so often true

And at other times it seems like they are taking a vote/tally of responses in order to make their decision because they aren't confident in their own thoughts/choices.

[BabyGirl Rosie]

Originally Posted by chattiesmom

Often, when people "ask for advice" they are really asking for approval and/or support for things they already are doing, believe to be true, or want to happen.

When they encounter advice that is contrary to what they want to hear, it makes them feel violated - especially if that advice isn't given in a nurturig manner. As frustrating as it is, I find it much better to bite my tounge and go that extra mile to try to give suggestions and advice in a non threatening manner which will not offend the receiver. Sometimes that is nearly impossible.

And that sums it up in a nutshell!

[capt_noonie]

Yup! So many times this has happened. If you don't want to take my advice THEN DON'T ASK ME!!!

[BabyGirl Rosie]

Originally Posted by capt_noonie

Yup! So many times this has happened. If you don't want to take my advice THEN DON'T ASK ME!!!

For sure! Why they can't understand that they will see different opinions blows my mind!

[deonk1]

I agree... I don't know how many people have told me that I have an absolutely well mannered dog (he better be considering amount of time and $$ spent on agility training), then they ask me for training advice, and I set it out soooo clearly, and offer to come over and show them (something that would cost a lot of $$ if they hired a real trainer) yet they just do it their way, and complain about how ill behaved the dog is...

I've learned to give the advice and walk away... I no longer get emotionally involved, it was a VERY hard thing to learn

[FoxxysMom]

Thanks for answering guys. I always give advice in a positive way but sometimes I just want to say nothing but when its important I know I should answer. They don't take the advice so I've spent all that time talking for nothing. Some even want me to research their question for them then tell them what I found. I'm thinking....the answer I just gave you came from research. Lol.
Now I see I'm not alone in how I'm feeling. So sad for the furbabies. Why can't I just take them all hone with me. Ooh yeah, DH would flip. Ha

[Evenflo09]

Originally Posted by chattiesmom

Often, when people "ask for advice" they are really asking for approval and/or support for things they already are doing, believe to be true, or want to happen.

When they encounter advice that is contrary to what they want to hear, it makes them feel violated - especially if that advice isn't given in a nurturig manner. As frustrating as it is, I find it much better to bite my tounge and go that extra mile to try to give suggestions and advice in a non threatening manner which will not offend the receiver. Sometimes that is nearly impossible.

WELL SAID! I too believe this is why people act this way! They already have their opinion set, they r just looking for validation. When they don't get their ideas reinforced, nice or not, they r all offended. Sorry, but like another poster said, if you don't want my advice, don't ask. Any reasonable, intelligent person should know that opinons and advice are going to differ from their own SOMETIMES, and accept that their own beliefs CAN be wrong ones at times. Since this doesn't seem to happen much, I try to give polite, unoffending advice for the sake of the pet.

[TeddyGrahams]

Well, you also have to understand that in the same breath some people don't /have/ to take your advice just because they asked for it. If I ask someone for advice I'm trying to get another perspective, it might not be enough to sway my decision but getting to hear it is enough to consider. It sucks when people get offended when I don't take their advice, but advice is perspective not really asking the other person to decide for me. If that makes sense.

In your case you were giving good advice, that ultimately would do good, but not all advice is such.

Just my two cents

[capt_noonie]

Originally Posted by TeddyGrahams

Well, you also have to understand that in the same breath some people don't /have/ to take your advice just because they asked for it. If I ask someone for advice I'm trying to get another perspective, it might not be enough to sway my decision but getting to hear it is enough to consider. It sucks when people get offended when I don't take their advice, but advice is perspective not really asking the other person to decide for me. If that makes sense.

In your case you were giving good advice, that ultimately would do good, but not all advice is such.

Just my two cents

I think what most here are frustrated with is us giving good sound advice, and people not listening. Like my baby is vomiting what should I do? We say vet, then they come back days later, oh he's ok. Or I want to breed my dog, good idea? Or does this website that sells 10 different breeds look like a good place for me to get my new micro mini teacup? That kind of stuff.

However, I do know what you mean when you actually want a different perspective, and you yourself are already somewhat knowledgeable about the subject. For example, just today, I asked bf what size drill bit I should use for this project I'm working on. He says this one, then I say no I like this one better. I asked bc I thought he would know more than I do, but it turns out he doesn't.

[concretegurl]

I ask for advice and do the opposite of the advice sometimes-I just want perspective from another angle.

However when someone asks for advice and then proceeds with stupidity...don't offer advice to them anymore you are wasting your words, time, and brain power in the thought process.

Why did she want to breed a black schnauzer to a white schnauzer only in the mini's do you get whites frm blacks and that's from tradition line breeding crossing back to black is asinine, as I've been told.
Whites are black without pigment...

[OwnedByJezebel]

The thing that always make me roll my eyes: Someone asks for advice, and, of course, others do just that. Then someone pops up and call the first responders "judgmental," only because they really don't agree with the advice that has been given.

The ironic thing, though, is in order for them them to determine that the previous posters are judgmental, it requires them to pass judgment themselves!

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Call me judgmental and I''ll wear it proudly. If you ask me for advice, you are asking me what the right thing is to do. Very simple. After that, if you accuse me of being judgmental, then you are only saying that my opinion is only valid if my opinion agrees with yours. So if agree with you, I can voice my opinion, if I disagree with you, I should shut my mouth.

Accusing someone of being judgmental is only a way of trying to silence someone of voicing their opinion, while in turn being judgmental yourself!

[OwnedByJezebel]

Sorry, double post.