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11-21-2009, 04:25 AM | #1 |
YT Addict Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Shelby Twp, MI
Posts: 278
| Terrified of men My ex-BF used to hit JoJo when he was angry with him and I broke up with him when JoJo was around 5 months old. He is 14 months old now and to this day he is terrified of all men, except for my dad whom he adores (he got used to him by living with him for a couple months while I was in a moving transition). It also helps that my dad spoils him rotten. But every other man he is scared of. He will bark at them and then hide behind my legs...it breaks my heart. If the man approaches him while he's in my arms he'll let them pet him and even lick them, but if I put him back down on the floor he still will not go near them willingly, just runs right back behind me cowering. I've even noticed that he barks at men in other cars when I'm driving, but never at women. Is he scarred for life? I don't know what to do to make him feel safe around men.
__________________ Mommy to JoJo, my heart and soul!!! |
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11-21-2009, 05:13 AM | #2 |
Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: upstate ny
Posts: 5,847
| Maybe you could have some male friends come over and get him used to trusting men more. I would have them just ignore him but throw a little treat down here and there while he's chatting with you. You could do this at doggie parks too or meet ups. I think most people would be happy to help you. He needs to have more positive associations with men or this could become much worse. Shame on your ex and good for you on ditching him! |
11-21-2009, 05:48 AM | #3 |
LoveMy2 Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: East Tennessee
Posts: 4,060
| tdjmom has some great advice. I have seen this similar situation with children. If they are taken from an abusive home at a young age, there is a lot of work to be done so that they can trust again. I'm glad he has you! I would try to correct this as soon as possible. His distrust with males could become an aggression issue later. |
11-21-2009, 03:58 PM | #4 |
YT Addict Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Shelby Twp, MI
Posts: 278
| The treat idea is good, I'll have to remember that. Come to think of it, I think I saw that technique on that show It's Me or The Dog. I'll start working with him and hope that he starts trusting men again soon!
__________________ Mommy to JoJo, my heart and soul!!! |
11-21-2009, 05:26 PM | #5 | |
LoveMy2 Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: East Tennessee
Posts: 4,060
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11-21-2009, 08:26 PM | #6 |
Yorkie Yakker Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 36
| OMG!!! What in the world!!! I would have kicked your ex bf from here to kingdom come!! 5mo is soooo young. Not that an older dog should be hit. He is tiny and growing!!! I am sorry I am so upset. It just crushes me! If I were your pup I would be barking at men too! You are going to have to get him around males that you are comfortable with that are willing to show love and affection to him. Hopefully he will come around. We picked up my lab, that my parents have now, when she was 6 months who was an outside dog and was horribly abused. She is skiddish to this day and is constantly seeking affection. We love her, pet her, play with her, and she is still scared to death. She is now 9 years old. |
11-21-2009, 08:36 PM | #7 |
Donating YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Jersey Shore
Posts: 3,370
| I have rescues, two of which were abused. My vet told me that when the abuse occures as a puppy that it is imprinted in them, but that if it had happened as an adult that they can get over it. I'm not sure if I totally agree with that. One of mine was really abused as a pup. It did take a very long time. I'm talking over 4 yrs. but finanally now, we've gotten her to the point of where she will slowly approach a stranger without cowering or peeing. She is still very cautious with men, but much better then she was. Now our other one is 21 months and we've had him over a year now and he was in a neglectful situation. He is still a challenge. Very fearful. I hope it works out for you. Patience and a lot of love help but it take a long time to get over the effects. I personally thing someone needs to smack on that ex boyfriend of yours a little and I'd be very a happy to accomandate. Elaine |
11-21-2009, 08:39 PM | #8 | |
Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Toronto
Posts: 2,042
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11-22-2009, 12:29 AM | #9 |
YT Addict Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Shelby Twp, MI
Posts: 278
| Thanks everyone. I realize it'll probably take a long time, but I'm going to continue to work with him. I love him so much...I hate to see him afraid of anyone. As far as my EX, JoJo was actually my birthday gift from him. I got him at 8 weeks old, and that's when our relationship problems began. He constantly told me that if I didn't show my dog who's boss then he'll never be trained properly...and in his book "hitting" was the way to go. We were constantly fighting because he told me I "coddled" and "babied" him. Well, for crying out loud, he WAS a baby!! He started hitting my baby from the first week we had him and it broke my heart. It started with a tap on the butt, but it got worse and worse. One day he hit him so hard JoJo yelped in pain and ran under the table shaking so bad! He shook for almost an hour!! On that very day I literally packed all my belongings while the EX was at work and took JoJo and checked into a motel, without knowing where I was going to go. I ended up moving into an apartment within a couple days luckily, with absolutely no furniture in the beginning, but at least JoJo was safe! Anyway, that's the back story...sorry for rambling!
__________________ Mommy to JoJo, my heart and soul!!! |
11-22-2009, 09:56 AM | #10 |
YorkieTalk Newbie! Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: United States
Posts: 6
| Our Rat Terrier, Ripley, is afraid of woman with long dark blond hair and men in tool belts. (The woman I got him from had long dark blond hair, if that tells you anything.) We have been working with him with regard to fear issues for quite a while and are making great progress. The tool belt issue was easiest. We had three different friends come in wearing tool belts at different times. They came into the living room and sat on the floor and talked with us, ignoring Ripley and giving him the chance to smell them. They continued to ignore him as he approached and made initial contact. After contact, they talked him gently, and turned attention back to us. As he became more interested and less nervous, they would scratch his chest. We provided treats, in Rip's view, for them to give to him. No matter how long it took, they stayed on the floor until Ripley was comfortable enough to put feet upon them and didn't run when they moved or repositioned. When he was that confident, they moved to the couch and started again. With this approach, we have gotten Ripley to the point where he is fine, unless a man in a toolbelt takes something from said belt quickly. Then he still will run and hide. However, he no longer sees the person as an immediate threat. You might try something similar with male friends who are willing to help. I wish you luck and wish your ex all the karma he has collected. |
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