Dealing with my Mother.

[Bhikku]

Hear hear, Kingston...I think you said it all, and a lot more politely than I would have.

My suggestions/opinion:

1) Move out of the house and pay your own way, then you get to do whatever you want. My best friend is 22 and living on his own working minimum wage as a barista. He's been financially independent since he was 16. It can be done if you're willing to work for it.

2) Have your dog boarded while you're gone on your two-week Hawaiian vacation, so your mother doesn't have to deal with your responsibility.

3) Your mother is not obligated to perpare your dog "a nice meal." It's not her dog, as you've repeatedly stated. You want the dog pampered? Put it in doggy day care while you're at work. Otherwise, you have no room to complain.

4) Your comment about having "five mothers" was pretty rude and immature. Your mother may think you're a bit of a control freak/bitch too, but I highly doubt she goes around telling all her acquaintances and friends about it.

Mothers don't live forever, and whether you realize it or not, she'll always be in your corner for as long as she lives. I think you should think your relationship over a bit before trashing the person who gave you life all over a public forum.

[YorkieLover9]

Originally Posted by Bhikku

Hear hear, Kingston...I think you said it all, and a lot more politely than I would have.

My suggestions/opinion:

1) Move out of the house and pay your own way, then you get to do whatever you want. My best friend is 22 and living on his own working minimum wage as a barista. He's been financially independent since he was 16. It can be done if you're willing to work for it.

2) Have your dog boarded while you're gone on your two-week Hawaiian vacation, so your mother doesn't have to deal with your responsibility.

3) Your mother is not obligated to perpare your dog "a nice meal." It's not her dog, as you've repeatedly stated. You want the dog pampered? Put it in doggy day care while you're at work. Otherwise, you have no room to complain.

4) Your comment about having "five mothers" was pretty rude and immature. Your mother may think you're a bit of a control freak/bitch too, but I highly doubt she goes around telling all her acquaintances and friends about it.

Mothers don't live forever, and whether you realize it or not, she'll always be in your corner for as long as she lives. I think you should think your relationship over a bit before trashing the person who gave you life all over a public forum.

I applaud you - very well said!! Thank you.

[heatherlee143]

Originally Posted by laurenmarie

natural choice, yes. And she is a control freak, which bothers me.

I showed her the website regarding nutro and their death and illness problems with dogs. She said to find another dry food. Basically, she doesn't care what bella is on as long as she is on dry food (perhaps shes too lazy to put together a nice meal for the dog and rather throw dry food in a bowl instead, she also says she hates the smell-- regardless if bella likes it or not).

What dry food do you suggest i start her on? We will be doing a slow transition to the dry food, so no problems there.

I want something that has small bites, so any suggestions will definitely help.

i feed my mia amore halo dog food . . Ellen degeneres endorses it!! It is human grade food. Mia loves it!! I food her veggies and chicken too though. The halo is just always available for her when she wants it. You can buy it online at petco or specialty dog stores. They also have supplements to mix in the dogs food which i do also.

[heatherlee143]

WOW . . . some people clearly have too much time on their hands. This is way off topic. Just give the girl the information she needs, not all the bs. Some of you people get way off topic. Clearly, she cares about her dog. She is upset. Who wouldn't be if their dog was practically being poisoned . . Shame on all the people who gang up on others. Didn't your mothers with whom you respect sooooo much ever tell you that if you had nothing nice to say, not to say it at all? I guess not.

Maybe, administrators should consider making a new discussion topic called "Bad Day" or "Complainers" something along those lines so negativeness can go some place else. The last thing this poor girl needs is to have more stress.



PEACE

[LilMissy]

First things first...you shouldn't have called your Mother a bitch. She can't be that bad because she still allows you to live under her roof (whether you pay $ or not).

BUT, I do agree with you that she is wrong for wanting to switch your dogs food. That is not her decision to make. I think the smell of the food bothering her is being dramatic. If switching the food is the only option, then it is up to YOU to decide what to switch to, not her. She could just plug her nose and set out the food for her. Giving your dog a different food then what you would like her to have is wrong. IMO, it's the same as you leaving your newborn baby in her care, and her giving it cows milk rather than the formula you normally feed. Because of this, I would not trust her to care for your dog. I think that you should find alternate care. She isn't obligated to watch your dog, and obviously isn't all that willing if she is making things so difficult.

Good Luck with whatever you decide. Just remember, the two most important things in any relationship are COMMUNICATION and RESPECT.

[TeresaM]

Originally Posted by LaurenMarie

I'm 22, I am not young and I wish to call my mother a bitch for her disrespect towards me, when I have nothing but respected her in regards with MY dog in OUR house (do you know if I help pay the bills, the mortgage? I think not, so before you open your 'matured' trap, I suggest you know a little more than uh... absolutely nothing).

sigh, legal age is 18, 22 is still young. But physical age has nothing to do with maturity. I know many 8 to 15 year olds that have more maturity then you are portraying here.

Originally Posted by LaurenMarie

Secondly, DonnaRod is correct, perhaps I may not call my mother a bitch to her face, but doing here so is hurting no ones feelings.

You may not be saying it with words to your mom, but trust me, she knows how you feel. You can't cover over that harsh a feeling, your face, eyes, body language will show it.

Originally Posted by yorkiemomto4

Col 3:20...Children,obey your parents in all things: for this is wellpleasing unto the Lord.

Colossians 3:21 also says; Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

Although her attitude towards her mom and some of her responses on this thread lead me to believe she has a lot of growing up yet to do, I do understand and share her frustration with her mom’s attitude about the way she is usurping the OP’s position as owner/guardian of Bella

Originally Posted by heatherlee143

WOW . . . some people clearly have too much time on their hands. This is way off topic.

It's not off topic, it was in her original post. If the OP puts it in their post then it is part of the topic. Off Topic refers to a subject brought up by another poster that was not in the OP'ers post.

Originally Posted by heatherlee143

Just give the girl the information she needs, not all the bs. Some of you people get way off topic. Clearly, she cares about her dog. She is upset. Who wouldn't be if their dog was practically being poisoned . . Shame on all the people who gang up on others. Didn't your mothers with whom you respect sooooo much ever tell you that if you had nothing nice to say, not to say it at all? I guess not.

Now does that advice go for only other people, or does it go for you too? Because what you are saying here would be seen by many as "not nice".

To the OP, I will say again, I share your frustration with how your mom is going about this. Some very good advice has been given and you have replied that you both are working towards an acceptable solution. Not only will Bella benefit by this, hopefully you both can build off of this experience towards a better relationship. Although you took defensively some of the comments made about your attitude towards your mom, I hope that you can take a step back and see that many of them were made to help you see how those feelings are just as destructive to your continued growth and well being. You will go a long way into becoming the kind of person you want to be by learn from every experience and realize there is much knowledge to be gain from other people and their point of views. There is always something to be learned, to grow in, at any age, if you are open to it when it comes to you.

[heatherlee143]

Originally Posted by teresam

sigh, legal age is 18, 22 is still young. But physical age has nothing to do with maturity. I know many 8 to 15 year olds that have more maturity then you are portraying here.



you may not be saying it with words to your mom, but trust me, she knows how you feel. You can't cover over that harsh a feeling, your face, eyes, body language will show it.



colossians 3:21 also says; fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

Although her attitude towards her mom and some of her responses on this thread lead me to believe she has a lot of growing up yet to do, i do understand and share her frustration with her mom’s attitude about the way she is usurping the op’s position as owner/guardian of bella



it's not off topic, it was in her original post. If the op puts it in their post then it is part of the topic. Off topic refers to a subject brought up by another poster that was not in the op'ers post.



now does that advice go for only other people, or does it go for you too? Because what you are saying here would be seen by many as "not nice".

to the op, i will say again, i share your frustration with how your mom is going about this. Some very good advice has been given and you have replied that you both are working towards an acceptable solution. Not only will bella benefit by this, hopefully you both can build off of this experience towards a better relationship. Although you took defensively some of the comments made about your attitude towards your mom, i hope that you can take a step back and see that many of them were made to help you see how those feelings are just as destructive to your continued growth and well being. You will go a long way into becoming the kind of person you want to be by learn from every experience and realize there is much knowledge to be gain from other people and their point of views. There is always something to be learned, to grow in, at any age, if you are open to it when it comes to you.

Give her the information she needs, it is very simple!!!! Yes, it is way off topic when the discussion stops being about what is best for the dog. Remember this is TorkieTalk.com.

[ralphier]

The title of her post is "dealing With My Mother" and the last line of her post asked everyone..."What should I tell my mother? Am I in the right or in the wrong?"

[heatherlee143]

Originally Posted by ralphier

The title of her post is "dealing With My Mother" and the last line of her post asked everyone..."What should I tell my mother? Am I in the right or in the wrong?"

I don't see where it says SHOULD OR SHOULDN'T I CALL MY MOTHER A B****???

Can you show me???

[kingston_james]

Heather, I see what you are saying, but people are reacting to her reaction on how she treats her mother... know what I mean?? She wants her mom to respect her and her dog, yet she shows her mother absolutely no respect herself.

Hard to feel for a kid like that

P.S. This whole topic is off-topic

[LilMissy]

I don't see where it says SHOULD OR SHOULDN'T I CALL MY MOTHER A B****???

Can you show me???

I think when someone posts a message, we are allowed to reply on all aspects of the post aren't we? If I were to say, "I fed my dog chocolate yesterday, and then we went to the store to buy dogfood...but I wasn't really sure what kind to buy. Could you tell me what is the best food?" Wouldn't you warn me that chocolate is really bad for dogs? And then maybe tell me what food I should buy? Or would you just ignore that part of the post because it wasn't a part of the question I was asking?

I'm hoping that you would warn me about the chocolate...

[kingston_james]

Originally Posted by LilMissy

I think when someone posts a message, we are allowed to reply on all aspects of the post aren't we? If I were to say, "I fed my dog chocolate yesterday, and then we went to the store to buy dogfood...but I wasn't really sure what kind to buy. Could you tell me what is the best food?" Wouldn't you warn me that chocolate is really bad for dogs? And then maybe tell me what food I should buy? Or would you just ignore that part of the post because it wasn't a part of the question I was asking?

I'm hoping that you would warn me about the chocolate...

You said that perfectly

[yorkie_mama22]

If I was living with my mom right now I could afford trips like that also but since I decided to be an adult and have my own family and home I don't go on these trips, I go on trips where I can BRING my dog with me, if I can't bring my dog I find someone who will follow my rules for MY dog while I am away, if you can't find someone and you can afford a trip to hawaii which I know are expensive maybe you should of saved some money for boarding. I find this very offensive.

I am 22 years old, I have a dog too and yes as a teen I didn't get along with my mom but now living on my own I would never call my mom any bad names, no matter what thats your MOM. Mine worked her butt off for us kids and we took advantage of it. If your mom is helping take care of your dog for you a few times a week this is her dog too. It's in your household maybe you bought it but this dog is hers too. Maybe it does make her sick, maybe shes just what you called her, who knows. Coming from another young adult shame on you for bashing your mom, she HELPS YOU take care of your dog, its her house, maybe you help pay that doesn't mean you have a say, your under your parents roof, you don't like the rules get your own place. A bachlor apartment shouldn't cost that much. Once your on your own you'll realize what it is like and once you have children like me you will see how it feels to call your parents rude names and how it hurts, I couldnt imagine my daughter saying that about me, that would hurt so bad.

[PrincessDiana]

I don't think how the OP feels about her mother is ANY of your business, no matter how much it offends you. I'm sure she does not care how you feel, how you would treat your mother, or how you think she should treat her mother. To be completely honest, neither do I. I am not saying this to be rude, but this is completely ridiculous! This question was about the treatment of her YORKIE, not her mom. Let me remind you all that this a forum about Yorkies. This thread has gotten way out of hand, as it always does.

I hope admin closes this soon.

[jenn1381]

While I don't agree with the name calling, especially when it comes to your mom, I CAN relate to the OP's problem.

I am 27 and I still live at home. The reason I still live here is I have spent the past 5 years helping my mom take care of her mom, who suffered from Alzheimer's disease, and then later, cancer. Eventually, I decided to go back to school, and while I still worked my way through that (and paid rent and various other bills), it became necessary for me to be here. My grandma sadly passed away this summer, so I'm no longer here for her... I'm here to get back on my feet financially after graduating.

My mom and I definitely don't see eye to eye, and I worry about things that will come up when I get my puppy, if I am still here. She's excited about me getting a dog, and wants to help. But, I remember with our first dog, she fed him wayyyy too many treats and a lot of people food. We both agree on the no people food rule, but the treat rule I am not so sure of! So we'll have to see and work it out between us. I'll probably end up keeping a container that I will put a few treats in for each day, and when it's gone, it's gone!

In the end, it's her house and I will need to compromise. Even though I help with the mortgage and a lot of the bills, the house is not in my name. One day soon I'll have free reign and will be able to raise my dog exactly the way I want, but until then I will have to learn how to bend a bit... as much as I'll hate it!

Oh, and by the way.. I disagree that you can always tell that its a young person from a brash or confrontational post... come visit me where I work and I will show you some rude people, and they are all over 40 years old.