Wording...

[chachi]

Originally Posted by tammys

I understand what you're saying, but even though she was absolutely right, and knew her stuff, why was it said in a way that stung?

I imagine it was b/c she knows how bad it is for that tiny baby to leave her mom and littermates so early, and she probably got that feeling of, "I CAN'T BELIEVE SOME PEOPLE DO THIS!!"

But those feelings could still be voiced without leaving a sting. That's easy for me to say, b/c at the present moment I am not irritated (just dog tired - actually puppy tired! ). We are human and sometimes our moods just take over. Maybe if we all step back and try to see the other's person's position it would be smoother.

You are also right about taking it personally. If we don't take it to heart, then it wouldn't hurt - but that's easier said than done for some of us.

That was exactly why it was probably said they way it was. The point though was I didnt know anything about socialization puppies go through or how to select a good breeder but I did after her posts and so did anyone else who read the thread.

[nanahas3]

I love this section and I love reading what the breeders have to say here. I was one of those nieve people when I first got my Laddy who thought breeding would be lots of fun. That was until I found YT and saw how much hard work and anguish goes with it. I for one if I ask a question don't expect anyone to sugar coat their answer. Yes I have gotten my feelings hurt a few times but when I stepped back and looked at it I thought well I asked and I got the answer so get over it self. We are all adults here and if we have spent any time at all reading posts, then we know there are going to be answers that sometimes seem harsh. If we don't want those then we should not post questions. JMHO

[Sugar's Mom]

Originally Posted by tammys

I have read so much of this today, my head is swimming.


I know what you mean about making premature judgements, but I didn't have to be on here more than a day to read replies that could have been worded with more thought, empathy, and compassion.

After reading those, my thought was not, "Wow, that person really knows her stuff, and is being so helpful." It was, "Wow, that person was rude."

I also did not need to be here long to see that there were very knowledgeable, helpful people on here. But sometimes that knowledge was drowned out by judgment and rudeness. It's just those few negative ones that stick out, b/c they tend to be hurtful and insulting.


I'm not talking about sugar-coating things; but there needs to be an awareness that someone might feel attacked or judged b/c of the tone of the reply. Then what good had been achieved? You might feel better b/c you got it off your chest, but who was really helped? Not the person who needed it.

It's so hard to decipher that tone through writing though...that's the reason we should take the extra step to make sure it comes across as supportive and helpful. The facts absolutely must be shared, but the OP shouldn't be made to feel badly. They should be thinking, "I am so glad to be on this board, and get so much help and advice." They shouldn't feel attacked or scared to post something.

I am also not defending all OP's. I have read some that literally make me shake my head in disbelief. I feel badly for the person/dog/situation, and would love to make it better if I could. But I know that anger will not help anyone. Like I said before, many of you know how these exasperating situations can end. I imagine that this knowlege and possible memories make you want to just smack someone silly! But it doesn't work. Educating others without judgment will go a long way in improving bad situations, and possibly worse outcomes.


I am one of the few people I know (not patting myself on the back, but like you said, just calling a duck a duck) that goes out of her way to make sure she does not hurt people's feelings. Because I tend to be overly sensitive, I make sure I don't make someone else feel badly.

So, when I see someone being curt or rude, it bothers me. It is the middle of the night, and I have rambled enough and feel like my posts keep repeating themselves. I would love to put this to rest, and have everyone be happy. I realize I may be living in a fantasy land, but I can dream....actually, I will go do that now.

'night.

Tammy, when a person has been up day and night for about 7 days, losing one litter entirely and almost losing the mama and babies in another litter and having to do round the clock 15 minutes checks to make sure you are not losing mama makes a person rude sometimes that might have otherwise been compassionate. Then to get on here and see the ignorance of some people. I guess I am trying to say, it is hard enough for someone expereinced to breed and go thru things much less someone that doesn't have a clue but has a male and female dog so they would like to "breed".

[tammys]

Originally Posted by nanahas3

I love this section and I love reading what the breeders have to say here. I was one of those nieve people when I first got my Laddy who thought breeding would be lots of fun. That was until I found YT and saw how much hard work and anguish goes with it. I for one if I ask a question don't expect anyone to sugar coat their answer. Yes I have gotten my feelings hurt a few times but when I stepped back and looked at it I thought well I asked and I got the answer so get over it self. We are all adults here and if we have spent any time at all reading posts, then we know there are going to be answers that sometimes seem harsh. If we don't want those then we should not post questions. JMHO

I think that's what is happening.

[Princessangela3]

This is me and my opinion... I wish BEFORE I had purchased Bella I would have joined YT. I was taken by a broker and bought a dog who was registered (I didnt know it was ACA and not AKC). I am one of those people who let my yorkie "accidently" breed, meaning I believe it was MY FAULT for NOT spaying her and I should have spayed her a lot sooner but didnt and I take responsibility for my actions. I know I made a mistake and dont let my feelings be hurt by professional breeders saying I shouldnt have been so irresposible, because it is the truth which is why it stings, having to admit I made a mistake. Once I got past the sting the professional breeders are the greatest.

Yes I do believe I have to start somewhere but BEFORE I start I need to take responsibility for my actions, for my dog, and I as a new breeder I need to research BEFORE my dog becomes pregnant. I cannot have hurt feelings because professional breeders are frustrated that I as a newbie was ignorant in obtaining the correct info BEFORE I allowed her to breed. I know how dogs get pregnant and if I put my female in the situation to get pregnant then it is my fault not an accident.

Before Bella became pregnant I did not think it would be all that hard to have a pregnant dog and puppies. I am ashamed to have been soooooo ignorant!!!! Bellas pregnancy was EASY no issues but I worried about her. MY maternal instincts kicked in and I worried alot. I believed I was completely researched for the whelp...well I was panicked on the phone at 2am to a professional breeeder because I didnt know what the bubble was. Luckily the professional breeder walked me through until the pup was born. Had I done all this the right way I would have experienced a birth with a mentor and known what was going on was normal. Now I have LITTLE sleep, a momma with mastitis and 5 puppies that I worry about daily, not to mention the draining bank account.

I think if you look back through posts were people asked for help one of the professional breeders stepped up to the plate and helped, even in the middle of the night. They are not being paid or benefited for the wealth of information they give out to us freely.

I think I as an accidental breeder I will swallow my pride take the sting admit my fault and move on from there. I have had NO issues with the professional breeders. I will also say without Mardelin I could not have done this!

[topknot]

It does get tiring time after time to see what some people are doing and so we do get a bit harsh. That just shows we care and we can't sugar coat it. It is important to be honest. I would have never wanted anyone to have sugar coated it for me years ago when I started. I might not have learned so much and how to do things the right way.

[tammys]

Originally Posted by Sugar's Mom

Tammy, when a person has been up day and night for about 7 days, losing one litter entirely and almost losing the mama and babies in another litter and having to do round the clock 15 minutes checks to make sure you are not losing mama makes a person rude sometimes that might have otherwise been compassionate. Then to get on here and see the ignorance of some people. I guess I am trying to say, it is hard enough for someone expereinced to breed and go thru things much less someone that doesn't have a clue but has a male and female dog so they would like to "breed".

And for breeders to get on her after going through all that, is commendable.

That's why I said this:
and she probably got that feeling of, "I CAN'T BELIEVE SOME PEOPLE DO THIS!!" That would be totally understandable.

It's just sad that someone comes on here possibly not knowing what's going on in the life of that person, and gets slammed. But...that is life, and we have to deal with that every day.

I still stand by the fact that no matter how mad, sad, etc. I feel, I still try to be nice to people. But like I said earlier, most people don't hold in their feelings. - I know it's healthier to let it out, so some people on here must be really healthy.


It looks like most people will accept negativity if it comes with good information. Those of us who don't like it, can deal with it, leave, etc. Sad, but that's life. We don't have to agree, but we will have to accept it.

It just comes with the territory of forums, and unfortunately we have to take the good with the bad. A wealth of information, with occasional disrespect, however warranented or acceptable some may think it is.

Now, can someone please close this? It's getting kind of old, and I think everything has been said. LOL

[Mardelin]

Originally Posted by Princessangela3

This is me and my opinion... I wish BEFORE I had purchased Bella I would have joined YT. I was taken by a broker and bought a dog who was registered (I didnt know it was ACA and not AKC). I am one of those people who let my yorkie "accidently" breed, meaning I believe it was MY FAULT for NOT spaying her and I should have spayed her a lot sooner but didnt and I take responsibility for my actions. I know I made a mistake and dont let my feelings be hurt by professional breeders saying I shouldnt have been so irresposible, because it is the truth which is why it stings, having to admit I made a mistake. Once I got past the sting the professional breeders are the greatest.

Yes I do believe I have to start somewhere but BEFORE I start I need to take responsibility for my actions, for my dog, and I as a new breeder I need to research BEFORE my dog becomes pregnant. I cannot have hurt feelings because professional breeders are frustrated that I as a newbie was ignorant in obtaining the correct info BEFORE I allowed her to breed. I know how dogs get pregnant and if I put my female in the situation to get pregnant then it is my fault not an accident.

Before Bella became pregnant I did not think it would be all that hard to have a pregnant dog and puppies. I am ashamed to have been soooooo ignorant!!!! Bellas pregnancy was EASY no issues but I worried about her. MY maternal instincts kicked in and I worried alot. I believed I was completely researched for the whelp...well I was panicked on the phone at 2am to a professional breeeder because I didnt know what the bubble was. Luckily the professional breeder walked me through until the pup was born. Had I done all this the right way I would have experienced a birth with a mentor and known what was going on was normal. Now I have LITTLE sleep, a momma with mastitis and 5 puppies that I worry about daily, not to mention the draining bank account.

I think if you look back through posts were people asked for help one of the professional breeders stepped up to the plate and helped, even in the middle of the night. They are not being paid or benefited for the wealth of information they give out to us freely.

I think I as an accidental breeder I will swallow my pride take the sting admit my fault and move on from there. I have had NO issues with the professional breeders. I will also say without Mardelin I could not have done this!

Yes, you could have. You did your studing and prepared yourself the whelp.
Even with my first whelp and I was prepared having assisted my mentor in several whelps. I was too chicken to do it on my own. So, I packed my suitcase, my girls' and with my girl in my arms showed up on my mentor's door step on my girl's first due date. I told her that you entrusted me with this gorgeous Champion bitch and I'm not taking her life in my hands. So, we stay here until she whelps and we did. She whelped on her last due date.

Just for your Info with each subsequent whelp I still contact my mentor for reassurance.

[topknot]

Originally Posted by Princessangela3

This is me and my opinion... I wish BEFORE I had purchased Bella I would have joined YT. I was taken by a broker and bought a dog who was registered (I didnt know it was ACA and not AKC). I am one of those people who let my yorkie "accidently" breed, meaning I believe it was MY FAULT for NOT spaying her and I should have spayed her a lot sooner but didnt and I take responsibility for my actions. I know I made a mistake and dont let my feelings be hurt by professional breeders saying I shouldnt have been so irresposible, because it is the truth which is why it stings, having to admit I made a mistake. Once I got past the sting the professional breeders are the greatest.

Yes I do believe I have to start somewhere but BEFORE I start I need to take responsibility for my actions, for my dog, and I as a new breeder I need to research BEFORE my dog becomes pregnant. I cannot have hurt feelings because professional breeders are frustrated that I as a newbie was ignorant in obtaining the correct info BEFORE I allowed her to breed. I know how dogs get pregnant and if I put my female in the situation to get pregnant then it is my fault not an accident.

Before Bella became pregnant I did not think it would be all that hard to have a pregnant dog and puppies. I am ashamed to have been soooooo ignorant!!!! Bellas pregnancy was EASY no issues but I worried about her. MY maternal instincts kicked in and I worried alot. I believed I was completely researched for the whelp...well I was panicked on the phone at 2am to a professional breeeder because I didnt know what the bubble was. Luckily the professional breeder walked me through until the pup was born. Had I done all this the right way I would have experienced a birth with a mentor and known what was going on was normal. Now I have LITTLE sleep, a momma with mastitis and 5 puppies that I worry about daily, not to mention the draining bank account.

I think if you look back through posts were people asked for help one of the professional breeders stepped up to the plate and helped, even in the middle of the night. They are not being paid or benefited for the wealth of information they give out to us freely.

I think I as an accidental breeder I will swallow my pride take the sting admit my fault and move on from there. I have had NO issues with the professional breeders. I will also say without Mardelin I could not have done this!

Ahhhh.. what a good post and kudos to you Mardelin! You did good. We all get scared, even with the experience that we have. It always scares me to death when one of my whelps. This is one reason I do not breed often. I get way too scared knowing what could happen and could loose my girl. They are my babies first and I love them dearly.

[Amazing Yorkies]

Originally Posted by Princessangela3

This is me and my opinion... I wish BEFORE I had purchased Bella I would have joined YT. I was taken by a broker and bought a dog who was registered (I didnt know it was ACA and not AKC). I am one of those people who let my yorkie "accidently" breed, meaning I believe it was MY FAULT for NOT spaying her and I should have spayed her a lot sooner but didnt and I take responsibility for my actions. I know I made a mistake and dont let my feelings be hurt by professional breeders saying I shouldnt have been so irresposible, because it is the truth which is why it stings, having to admit I made a mistake. Once I got past the sting the professional breeders are the greatest.

Yes I do believe I have to start somewhere but BEFORE I start I need to take responsibility for my actions, for my dog, and I as a new breeder I need to research BEFORE my dog becomes pregnant. I cannot have hurt feelings because professional breeders are frustrated that I as a newbie was ignorant in obtaining the correct info BEFORE I allowed her to breed. I know how dogs get pregnant and if I put my female in the situation to get pregnant then it is my fault not an accident.

Before Bella became pregnant I did not think it would be all that hard to have a pregnant dog and puppies. I am ashamed to have been soooooo ignorant!!!! Bellas pregnancy was EASY no issues but I worried about her. MY maternal instincts kicked in and I worried alot. I believed I was completely researched for the whelp...well I was panicked on the phone at 2am to a professional breeeder because I didnt know what the bubble was. Luckily the professional breeder walked me through until the pup was born. Had I done all this the right way I would have experienced a birth with a mentor and known what was going on was normal. Now I have LITTLE sleep, a momma with mastitis and 5 puppies that I worry about daily, not to mention the draining bank account.

I think if you look back through posts were people asked for help one of the professional breeders stepped up to the plate and helped, even in the middle of the night. They are not being paid or benefited for the wealth of information they give out to us freely.

I think I as an accidental breeder I will swallow my pride take the sting admit my fault and move on from there. I have had NO issues with the professional breeders. I will also say without Mardelin I could not have done this!

What a great post!

Every one of us would help in an emergency or a scared newbie whelping for the 1st time. However, the outlandish questions on some threads make me tear my hair out. I usually just stay away from them, instead of risk getting banned. The "Oh.. we forgot and he bred his mother, is it OK?" (and the fool anwer of "it's done by Show breeders all the time... WRONG!!) or the "un-neutered rescue bred like 50 times, but innocent ignorance didn't stop him after the 1st time" or the brother and sister that bred, or the 1 1/2 lb bred female, oh, and the one.. "I love my male and he is georgous, so how do I go about using him for stud?" I just want to cry.. or scream. Just what do you want me to say... I've worked for 14 yrs. to do my best for the breed, and reading about such things or risking the lives of these precious dogs breaks my heart!
I bought a library of books, talked to breeders, paid for several 1 hour appts with 3 different Vets for months just asking questions. Went to Dog Shows, Got online, researched, and learned everything I could before I even decided on Showing or Breeding. I've now 14 yrs of experience, and I am always willing to help when there is need. But a Bitch bred on 6/18 has plenty of time to call her Vet. Will it hurt the female being bred so many times... Maybe. Common sense... probably. She had read some, or she wouldn't have asked not to be judged harshly. I guess "Congratulations on the upcoming litter" is what she wanted to hear. She may have had her feelings hurt, but you bet she can call on any of us in time of need and we'll help!

[Brooklynn]

I want to commend the poster about her mistake and knowing it and for contacting Mardelin!! Kudos to both of you

I will say this...I won't sugar coat anything! I'm blunt, everyone here knows this and if you want my answer expect it to be as said "blunt"
But I hardly ever post here anymore because I get tired of the same ole, same ole....if anyone needs help I'm available in PM's and I've had many do that because I hardly ever come to this section much anymore.

Donna Bird

[Sugar's Mom]

Originally Posted by Amazing Yorkies

What a great post!

Every one of us would help in an emergency or a scared newbie whelping for the 1st time. However, the outlandish questions on some threads make me tear my hair out. I usually just stay away from them, instead of risk getting banned. The "Oh.. we forgot and he bred his mother, is it OK?" (and the fool anwer of "it's done by Show breeders all the time... WRONG!!) or the "un-neutered rescue bred like 50 times, but innocent ignorance didn't stop him after the 1st time" or the brother and sister that bred, or the 1 1/2 lb bred female, oh, and the one.. "I love my male and he is georgous, so how do I go about using him for stud?" I just want to cry.. or scream. Just what do you want me to say... I've worked for 14 yrs. to do my best for the breed, and reading about such things or risking the lives of these precious dogs breaks my heart!
I bought a library of books, talked to breeders, paid for several 1 hour appts with 3 different Vets for months just asking questions. Went to Dog Shows, Got online, researched, and learned everything I could before I even decided on Showing or Breeding. I've now 14 yrs of experience, and I am always willing to help when there is need. But a Bitch bred on 6/18 has plenty of time to call her Vet. Will it hurt the female being bred so many times... Maybe. Common sense... probably. She had read some, or she wouldn't have asked not to be judged harshly. I guess "Congratulations on the upcoming litter" is what she wanted to hear. She may have had her feelings hurt, but you bet she can call on any of us in time of need and we'll help!

I.m glad you posted this. It's exactly what I wanted to say but knew I would get attacked over it. So hats off to you deb for putting into words what so many of us are feeling about these episodes.

[tammys]

Originally Posted by Amazing Yorkies

What a great post!

Every one of us would help in an emergency or a scared newbie whelping for the 1st time. However, the outlandish questions on some threads make me tear my hair out. I usually just stay away from them, instead of risk getting banned. The "Oh.. we forgot and he bred his mother, is it OK?" (and the fool anwer of "it's done by Show breeders all the time... WRONG!!) or the "un-neutered rescue bred like 50 times, but innocent ignorance didn't stop him after the 1st time" or the brother and sister that bred, or the 1 1/2 lb bred female, oh, and the one.. "I love my male and he is georgous, so how do I go about using him for stud?" I just want to cry.. or scream. Just what do you want me to say... I've worked for 14 yrs. to do my best for the breed, and reading about such things or risking the lives of these precious dogs breaks my heart!
I bought a library of books, talked to breeders, paid for several 1 hour appts with 3 different Vets for months just asking questions. Went to Dog Shows, Got online, researched, and learned everything I could before I even decided on Showing or Breeding. I've now 14 yrs of experience, and I am always willing to help when there is need. But a Bitch bred on 6/18 has plenty of time to call her Vet. Will it hurt the female being bred so many times... Maybe. Common sense... probably. She had read some, or she wouldn't have asked not to be judged harshly. I guess "Congratulations on the upcoming litter" is what she wanted to hear. She may have had her feelings hurt, but you bet she can call on any of us in time of need and we'll help!

Great points and very well said!

[nanahas3]

I wanted to say this also I to get upset when I see posts where someone has lost a yorkie due to an accident or one has been injured due to an accident and you get the mean "how dare you" posts. These are truly accidents and they happen, to me those are the rude posts. But for a breeder to give their honest opinion to a poster who says they "tied 50 times" I do not feel like they were rude at all. I was flabberghasted that this person would even call that an accident. Even a lay person such as myself knows the danger for both male and female in that situation. Once maybe can be excused but 50 times no. I COMMEND THE BREEDERS HERE FOR BEING AS NICE AS THEY WERE.

[tammys]

Originally Posted by nanahas3

I wanted to say this also I to get upset when I see posts where someone has lost a yorkie due to an accident or one has been injured due to an accident and you get the mean "how dare you" posts. These are truly accidents and they happen, to me those are the rude posts. But for a breeder to give their honest opinion to a poster who says they "tied 50 times" I do not feel like they were rude at all. I was flabberghasted that this person would even call that an accident. Even a lay person such as myself knows the danger for both male and female in that situation. Once maybe can be excused but 50 times no. I COMMEND THE BREEDERS HERE FOR BEING AS NICE AS THEY WERE.

I think you're right. This was a situation that I expected more negative feelings being thrown out rudely. Points were made, but I think, overall, they were done well.