neighbor advice

[natalienicole]

ok sorry but i was just reading the threadon the site comments etc about imature teenagers posting on yt. And i realized i have this problem only in real life. my neighbor a 13-15 year old girl lives with her grandparents. and to make a long story short i felt sorry for her at first and fixed her hair once for a miss contest at the fair etc. and now she wont leave me alone. shes always coming over here til real late at night waking my daughter up with the doorbell etc and shes not even 3 she needs to sleep.
she used to come over all the time and when she came into the house she would eat my food etc and complain about what i was watching on tv etc and i tried to be nice but its getting to the point i dont let her in anymore. heck most of the time i dont even answer the door. or i make hubby if hes here answer and tell her im not home. i thought she would get the point but apparently not. i think she spies on me as well. she doesnt get along with the neighbors that live accross the st from me and the guy came to the door one day to tell me that hubby left my car lights on and i had the phone with me cuz i was getting ready to call someone so i took it out with me to turn my lights off thanked the guy and he was real nice about it. anyways before i could even get back to my front door my phone was ringing it was my neighbor girl wanting to know why i had answered the door, what the guy had wanted, and she told me not to answer the door next time when she can over.
I cant even go outside anymore without worrying she will see me and come over. and when she does she babies my little girl and sits there and tries to play with her and so now its getting hard to keep her away when my daughter is hollering for her every time she comes to teh door.
and just about a month ago she came over with some school order form thing like red wheel and wanted me to order some stuff and i looked threw the books etc and picked out some stuff that looked good and told her that if she would tell me how much these items would cost tomorow id prolly order them or something after i talked to hubby since he has to pay for it and i wanted to ask him which he would prefer to get. well she didnt come back the next day and i just figured ok guess she didnt want me to order anything. well the other day she came over with some stuff that i technically didnt order considering i never paid for anything nor did she ever come back by to see for sure what i wanted and wanted me to pay for them. and i was like ok til i noticed that one of the items isnt even anything i picked out apparently she must have just guessed and put me down for soemthing cuz i said id order and never asked me what i wanted. anyways thank goodness my huby wasnt home cuz he had all the money so i told her to come back by later. well hubby is really mad he hates this little girl anyways cuz of more things this would be a book if i got into it all if it isnt already so he refuses to pay for something i didnt order. i just need a polite way to get rid of her. i dont want to be unneighborly. but im running out of options here.

[my2boyz]

It sounds to me like she's reaching out to you for something. We raised many teenage foster daughters and I can assure you that when they come to you they need you but may not know how to let you know it or may be afraid to ask. Please don't push her away too quickly...she may need you right now and you could possibly make a difference in her life. Maybe you need to set some bounderies with her but please don't just push her aside.

[natalienicole]

then what i am supposed to do? ive been living in this house since the end of last june. and its gotten to where i barely go outside now after she gets home from school. shes corupting my not even 3 year old daughter. and ive tried being nice but i dont know what else to do. my hubby and everyone calls her my little stalker cuz she comes over and cuz of the guy accross the st thing. and i dont know how to find out what it is she wants from me. im not that old myself and definately not ready to adopt a 13-15 year old which is what i feel i do everytime she comes over here.

[my2boyz]

Maybe she just wants you to be her friend. Sometimes if you listen with your heart you'll hear more than you can with your ears but you have to want to. Set some bounderies with her, let her know it's o.k. to come over but explain that you need some time with just your family too...let her know when it's o.k. to call and when it's too late, let her know your daughter takes naps and you don't want to upset her schedule...things like that. Include her in playtime or a movie or a cook out or something...maybe she just needs some one on one girl time. Talk with her Grandmother if you need to...maybe she can help set some bounderies that will be agreeable with all of you.

[lolabella]

Have you tried talking to her very nicely?
Children are not always good at reading "signs" because they are not socially developed. If you push her away emphatically, you can hurt her self esteem. Clearly she doesn't have a mother figure to connect with and she sees you as an older sister. Talk to her. Tell her that while you enjoy her company, you have things to attend to. You have a baby that needs to sleep in order to grow. Tell her she can visit you every other day for an hour or something. Take control firmly but gently.
Also she could be bored because she may have no hobby. Perhaps you could talk to her guardians about keeping her occupied somehow. A musical instrument or a craft would help. Or afterschool activities.
I realize that it seems like too much effort for someone you are not related to, but this little girl doesn't seem to know any better. She has connected with you for one reason or other. It could really hurt her in the long run if you snap at her for her behavior. Of course, this is just my opinion.
Good luck.

[natalienicole]

yea i understand that and im one of the last to want to hurt someone, but i think thats my down fall, because i let her get away with a lot. like she brought her ferrett over here once and it broke into my birds cage and when i say broke i mean broke the cage was wired shut and it attacked my parrott and had it down at the bottom of its cage and was trying to kill it i had to get hubby to get her ferrett off of my poor zepher it hurt him bad to he was missing feathers for a long time after that.
but anyways weve tried telling her to give her boundaries such as do not bring your petsdoes anywa to my house ferretts included and she still anyways she brings them over and turns them lose in my house they knock over glassses and poop on my floors. its just so many things and not only that shes almost got me in trouble before to like once she came over and i was going to the store which is in the next town over and she wanted to get in and go with me and i told her she had to ask her grandma first and she argued with me foreever before i finally made her and her grandma couldnt beleive she was just gonna leave town with me without telling her and i told her grandma that i thought she should ask first cuz i know i wouldnt want my kid leaving town without telling me.
ive tried being nice i took her out to practice volley ball once at the ball park in town they have a volley ball net and she wasnt even interested after we got there she just wanted us to cruise and blair music in my car and kept begging to drive which i would never allow her to do. s
he was driving her grandmas van arround one night really late me and my daughter had just got home and there was a rotwiller running lose arround town so i turned charlie lose my pitbull lab mix hoping the rotwiller woouldnt come in our yard cuz he was chasing my car. and she popped over that hill in her grandmas minivan cruisng arround blariing he radio and spinning her tires and throwing gravel and my daughter went screaming bloody murder all the way to the house cuz it scared her so bad and that girl about hit that poor rotwiller that was on the side of the road i was like oh my god i took daughter inside and went back out to my car to carry more stuff in and she parked in the her drive way looked at me waved got back in and continued to do it again. i went inside adn daughter was still screaming cuz you could her the van and its music all the way in the house. it was awful. needless to say this child is imature and im afraid the help she needs is beyond my control. i dont know how to get threw to this girl and do it nicely. she has friends, she goes places with them and their are kids over there to play regularly so i cant imagine im the only one who will talk to her.