Just a thought for myself... - YorkieTalk.com Forums

Marlee · 09-09-2005, 07:44 PM

Hi everyone,
I just have to vent a little. No nothing major, or new. I am just sad today and needed a place to write it down. Today is my son's 7th birthday, or better yet it would have been. I was actully in a store getting somethings for my upcomming trip when I realized the day it was. I remember a time not so long ago I used to count the days, the hours and the minutes since Travin had gone. I realize how diffrent my life would be if he had not left us when he did, and it is hard to think if I had him that I would not have my four younger children. I want to be selfish and have them all, love them all. I know I have him near me, I know he is safe and loved, and I know he thinks of me often. I just wish it were on my terms versus someone else's.

I have heard the many things no parent wants to hear, and I understand the deep loss that I would never wish upon another. Travin left me when he was only 9 weeks old, much to soon, (of course anything before me is to soon.) He has been gone so much longer than he was ever here and at times it feels like a bad dream. Did this really happen to me? I hardly ever share my thought or feeling for him becasue many either do not know what to say, or do not understand. I just needed to vent, to write it down, to make it real for no one else but me.

I miss you my baby, Happy Birthday Travin, I love you today, tomorrow and always.
love
mommy

lily's mom · 09-09-2005, 07:54 PM

Oh man Marlee, I am so very sorry!! I know sorry hardly helps you in anyway, but from the bottom of my heart I am.

Joy · 09-09-2005, 08:00 PM

Marlee, I am a Mom as well and as I read what you wrote my heart went out to you. I have four children and though I have not lost any of them we have come close a couple of times. The love for our children is always alive and continues even if they are not with us. I have a friend that has gone through this same thing. I never knew what to say or how to say it. I wanted to help but there was nothing I could do.. She, like you still thinks of her son daily and still celebrates the life he had though it was short. My thoughts and prayers are with you.. and thank you for sharing this with all of us.

SoCalyorkiLvr · 09-09-2005, 08:44 PM

Marlee~

I could never imagine losing a child and your heartfelt "Happy Birthday" truly touched me as a mother. I am so sorry for your loss.

Happy 7th Birthday Tavin. You have a very special mommy.

Breeze · 09-09-2005, 08:46 PM

Just want to let you know how sorry I am for your loss. Your post brings tears to my eyes.

Happy Birthday to your sweet angel.

Marlee · 09-09-2005, 09:23 PM

Thank you all for your kind replies. I really wasnt out to stir up such emotion. I think in many ways I needed to pour out my feelings for my baby boy... It is a hard lesson learned though. I never look at my children the same and always am carefull not to take them for granted. You never know what tomorrow brings. Give your children a hug and tell them you love them, for tomorrow might be to late.
Thanks again, and I am glad people here are so open and nice. You make burdens much easier to bear.

hugs...
Brandi (aka Marlee)

wendybee · 09-10-2005, 12:29 AM

my heart goes out to you, i have chidren and woud be lost without them.
happy birthday angel

wendy and rosie

shecass · 09-10-2005, 02:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marlee

Hi everyone,
I just have to vent a little. No nothing major, or new. I am just sad today and needed a place to write it down. Today is my son's 7th birthday, or better yet it would have been. I was actully in a store getting somethings for my upcomming trip when I realized the day it was. I remember a time not so long ago I used to count the days, the hours and the minutes since Travin had gone. I realize how diffrent my life would be if he had not left us when he did, and it is hard to think if I had him that I would not have my four younger children. I want to be selfish and have them all, love them all. I know I have him near me, I know he is safe and loved, and I know he thinks of me often. I just wish it were on my terms versus someone else's.

I have heard the many things no parent wants to hear, and I understand the deep loss that I would never wish upon another. Travin left me when he was only 9 weeks old, much to soon, (of course anything before me is to soon.) He has been gone so much longer than he was ever here and at times it feels like a bad dream. Did this really happen to me? I hardly ever share my thought or feeling for him becasue many either do not know what to say, or do not understand. I just needed to vent, to write it down, to make it real for no one else but me.

I miss you my baby, Happy Birthday Travin, I love you today, tomorrow and always.
love
mommy

I'm so sorry for your loss. We just lost our middle son in an accident on the 5th of last month. I don't know that it will ever get any easier no matter how old they were when we lost them. Sam was 26. I'm so glad that you posted this it was wonderful.

My mom lost 2 babies when they were 1 day old, and she has always said there is nothing worse than outliving your children. Unfortunately I now know from experiece and she is most definitely right. It is the most unimagineable(sp) paid that there is. You just can't describe it to someone who has not been through it.

Sorry I will stop now.

We do tend to take the everyday things for granted. Our youngest who is 9 I'm sure gets tired of me hugging on him, kissing him and telling him I love him several times a day.

After Sam's accident I sat down and wrote a letter to him and it made me feel a lot better.

I hope you have a great day. Thanks again for your wonderful post.

red98vett · 09-10-2005, 03:58 AM

Marlee - I have no words to tell you how sorry I am. You've been thru the worst thing ever and I just want to send you a big hug...I can't imagine the devestation you are feeling....he IS still with you - believe that.

txshopper73 · 09-10-2005, 05:52 AM

Oh, Brandi, no one will ever be able to understand the heartache that you've been through. Travin was and is definitely loved. You are in my thoughts and prayers. And as far as venting, I don't think you're venting. You're sharing with your yorkie family something very personal. That's what we're here for. To stand by you and support you through the difficult times.

Annadoodle · 09-10-2005, 06:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marlee

Hi everyone,
I just have to vent a little. No nothing major, or new. I am just sad today and needed a place to write it down. Today is my son's 7th birthday, or better yet it would have been. I was actully in a store getting somethings for my upcomming trip when I realized the day it was. I remember a time not so long ago I used to count the days, the hours and the minutes since Travin had gone. I realize how diffrent my life would be if he had not left us when he did, and it is hard to think if I had him that I would not have my four younger children. I want to be selfish and have them all, love them all. I know I have him near me, I know he is safe and loved, and I know he thinks of me often. I just wish it were on my terms versus someone else's.

I have heard the many things no parent wants to hear, and I understand the deep loss that I would never wish upon another. Travin left me when he was only 9 weeks old, much to soon, (of course anything before me is to soon.) He has been gone so much longer than he was ever here and at times it feels like a bad dream. Did this really happen to me? I hardly ever share my thought or feeling for him becasue many either do not know what to say, or do not understand. I just needed to vent, to write it down, to make it real for no one else but me.

I miss you my baby, Happy Birthday Travin, I love you today, tomorrow and always.
love
mommy

This is so touching..it brings tears to my eyes...

You will always remember your baby boy...and I can't imagine the pain you are in...With each year...school days, high school, graduations,...what may of been for him. Pure Mother's Love you are showing...

I want to believe that everything happens for a reason..but when it comes to your own child...so hard to understand~

Travis is with you...I know that for certain...and you will see that beautiful baby boy one day~

I don't know what to say...but I'm sending special thoughts..and a hug your way~

yorkieangel · 09-10-2005, 06:45 AM

I truly send out my heartfelt sympathy.
My little one would have been 19 next month .Some things fade , but you always have memories that aren't erased.

Marlee · 09-10-2005, 07:05 AM

I think the part that upset me the most is I wasnt prepared. I have always celebrated his birthday in some way. Balloons, a small cake for my husband and myself, just something to acknowledge him and his birthday. When I was writing the check, I actully thought it was like the 4th or something, but not the 9th. The lady at the checkout must have thought something was wrong with me becasue when she told me the date I started crying. Of course I am not going to explian it, I just got my bags and left. I felt so bad, like I had betrayed him for not knowing what day it was.

I know his life and his loss had purpose, even in the short time he was with us. He taught me a lot about myself and my children. He also in many ways gaurnteed the youngest 4 childrens exsistance, for with out his loss I would never have wanted for more. (of course I didnt plan on 4 more either...lol)

I just love him and miss him so. I know for many it is hard to understand, the pain is really incomprehendable, unless you have been through it. It does become more tolerable from year to year, and as I said before in many ways it seems it seems as though he was just a dream I had once. I often wonder what he is doing, or what he would look like. He would have been 7, I probably would have bought him a bike for his birthday, I wonder what color his hair might be, and who he would look like. Sorry I am rambling. I just feel so sad, and also blessed that I did get the chance to have him in my life.

Travin Tanner Jensen was the biggest and most significant person in my life so far, becasue he changed everything about me. I love him and I miss him, every day. I know I will be with him again someday, somehow, ...it just such in the meantime.

Thanks for letting me share/ vent or whatever it is I am doing. It really does help to be able to write about him. For those of you that have also lost children, my heart goes out to you as well, it is a tragidy no matter what age or how they are lost. We as parents should never have had to live though such a loss, the pain is far worse than any I can imagine. For those that have not been through it, I wish for you the blessing of never knowing what it feels like.

thanks agian everyone.
Brandi

babi1542 · 09-10-2005, 07:20 AM

Wow this brought tears to my eyes, I am so sorry! I cannot even begin to feel what you are going through, but my heart goes out to you and your family. In some small way, he is still here with you!

NCyorkie · 09-10-2005, 07:38 AM

Big hugs from me, Romeo and Denero.

09-09-2005, 07:44 PM	#1
Marlee YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Caldwell Idaho Posts: 952	Just a thought for myself... Hi everyone, I just have to vent a little. No nothing major, or new. I am just sad today and needed a place to write it down. Today is my son's 7th birthday, or better yet it would have been. I was actully in a store getting somethings for my upcomming trip when I realized the day it was. I remember a time not so long ago I used to count the days, the hours and the minutes since Travin had gone. I realize how diffrent my life would be if he had not left us when he did, and it is hard to think if I had him that I would not have my four younger children. I want to be selfish and have them all, love them all. I know I have him near me, I know he is safe and loved, and I know he thinks of me often. I just wish it were on my terms versus someone else's. I have heard the many things no parent wants to hear, and I understand the deep loss that I would never wish upon another. Travin left me when he was only 9 weeks old, much to soon, (of course anything before me is to soon.) He has been gone so much longer than he was ever here and at times it feels like a bad dream. Did this really happen to me? I hardly ever share my thought or feeling for him becasue many either do not know what to say, or do not understand. I just needed to vent, to write it down, to make it real for no one else but me. I miss you my baby, Happy Birthday Travin, I love you today, tomorrow and always. love mommy __________________ Marlee Bridget's Mommy Bridget 's Romeo

09-09-2005, 07:54 PM	#2
lily's mom Lily Loves Maximus Donating Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Missouri Posts: 2,633	Oh man Marlee, I am so very sorry!! I know sorry hardly helps you in anyway, but from the bottom of my heart I am. __________________ Lily and Dawn

09-09-2005, 08:46 PM	#5
Breeze Puppy Luv Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 1,807	Just want to let you know how sorry I am for your loss. Your post brings tears to my eyes. Happy Birthday to your sweet angel. __________________ Mommy to Daisy May & Bear

09-09-2005, 09:23 PM	#6
Marlee YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Caldwell Idaho Posts: 952	Thank you all for your kind replies. I really wasnt out to stir up such emotion. I think in many ways I needed to pour out my feelings for my baby boy... It is a hard lesson learned though. I never look at my children the same and always am carefull not to take them for granted. You never know what tomorrow brings. Give your children a hug and tell them you love them, for tomorrow might be to late. Thanks again, and I am glad people here are so open and nice. You make burdens much easier to bear. hugs... Brandi (aka Marlee) __________________ Marlee Bridget's Mommy Bridget 's Romeo

09-10-2005, 03:58 AM	#9
red98vett Yorkie Kisses are the Best! Donating Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Houston TX Posts: 29,947	Marlee - I have no words to tell you how sorry I am. You've been thru the worst thing ever and I just want to send you a big hug...I can't imagine the devestation you are feeling....he IS still with you - believe that. __________________ Villette, Chanel & Cheri.. AKA Spy-Girls (photos here) Click for LABELS Click for CARDS * SAY NO to PET STORES ! www.designsbyvillette.com USING YOUR PHOTOS !

09-09-2005, 08:00 PM	#3
Joy BANNED! Join Date: May 2005 Location: Maine Posts: 2,094	Marlee, I am a Mom as well and as I read what you wrote my heart went out to you. I have four children and though I have not lost any of them we have come close a couple of times. The love for our children is always alive and continues even if they are not with us. I have a friend that has gone through this same thing. I never knew what to say or how to say it. I wanted to help but there was nothing I could do.. She, like you still thinks of her son daily and still celebrates the life he had though it was short. My thoughts and prayers are with you.. and thank you for sharing this with all of us.

09-09-2005, 08:44 PM	#4
SoCalyorkiLvr BANNED! Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 8,246	Marlee~ I could never imagine losing a child and your heartfelt "Happy Birthday" truly touched me as a mother. I am so sorry for your loss. Happy 7th Birthday Tavin. You have a very special mommy.

09-10-2005, 12:29 AM	#7
wendybee BANNED! Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 966	my heart goes out to you, i have chidren and woud be lost without them. happy birthday angel wendy and rosie

09-10-2005, 05:52 AM	#10
txshopper73 Donating YT 14K Club Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Victoria, Texas Posts: 14,162 Blog Entries: 1	Oh, Brandi, no one will ever be able to understand the heartache that you've been through. Travin was and is definitely loved. You are in my thoughts and prayers. And as far as venting, I don't think you're venting. You're sharing with your yorkie family something very personal. That's what we're here for. To stand by you and support you through the difficult times. __________________ As always...JMO (Just My Opinion) Kimberley Gracie, London and Dallas Last edited by txshopper73; 09-10-2005 at 05:54 AM.

09-10-2005, 06:45 AM	#12
yorkieangel Rescue Angel Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: md Posts: 1,530	I truly send out my heartfelt sympathy. My little one would have been 19 next month .Some things fade , but you always have memories that aren't erased. __________________ Yorkieangel

09-10-2005, 07:05 AM	#13
Marlee YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Caldwell Idaho Posts: 952	I think the part that upset me the most is I wasnt prepared. I have always celebrated his birthday in some way. Balloons, a small cake for my husband and myself, just something to acknowledge him and his birthday. When I was writing the check, I actully thought it was like the 4th or something, but not the 9th. The lady at the checkout must have thought something was wrong with me becasue when she told me the date I started crying. Of course I am not going to explian it, I just got my bags and left. I felt so bad, like I had betrayed him for not knowing what day it was. I know his life and his loss had purpose, even in the short time he was with us. He taught me a lot about myself and my children. He also in many ways gaurnteed the youngest 4 childrens exsistance, for with out his loss I would never have wanted for more. (of course I didnt plan on 4 more either...lol) I just love him and miss him so. I know for many it is hard to understand, the pain is really incomprehendable, unless you have been through it. It does become more tolerable from year to year, and as I said before in many ways it seems it seems as though he was just a dream I had once. I often wonder what he is doing, or what he would look like. He would have been 7, I probably would have bought him a bike for his birthday, I wonder what color his hair might be, and who he would look like. Sorry I am rambling. I just feel so sad, and also blessed that I did get the chance to have him in my life. Travin Tanner Jensen was the biggest and most significant person in my life so far, becasue he changed everything about me. I love him and I miss him, every day. I know I will be with him again someday, somehow, ...it just such in the meantime. Thanks for letting me share/ vent or whatever it is I am doing. It really does help to be able to write about him. For those of you that have also lost children, my heart goes out to you as well, it is a tragidy no matter what age or how they are lost. We as parents should never have had to live though such a loss, the pain is far worse than any I can imagine. For those that have not been through it, I wish for you the blessing of never knowing what it feels like. thanks agian everyone. Brandi __________________ Marlee Bridget's Mommy Bridget 's Romeo

09-10-2005, 07:20 AM	#14
babi1542 Double Trouble Donating Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: FLORIDA Posts: 4,658	Wow this brought tears to my eyes, I am so sorry! I cannot even begin to feel what you are going through, but my heart goes out to you and your family. In some small way, he is still here with you! __________________ PEBBLES AND SASHA MY DOGS ARE NOT SPOILED...I'M JUST WELL TRAINED!

09-10-2005, 07:38 AM	#15
NCyorkie Donating Yorkie Yakker Join Date: May 2005 Location: Fayetteville/Sanford, NC Posts: 429	Big hugs from me, Romeo and Denero. __________________ Tonia, Romeo & Denero