[Marlee]

Hi everyone,
I just have to vent a little. No nothing major, or new. I am just sad today and needed a place to write it down. Today is my son's 7th birthday, or better yet it would have been. I was actully in a store getting somethings for my upcomming trip when I realized the day it was. I remember a time not so long ago I used to count the days, the hours and the minutes since Travin had gone. I realize how diffrent my life would be if he had not left us when he did, and it is hard to think if I had him that I would not have my four younger children. I want to be selfish and have them all, love them all. I know I have him near me, I know he is safe and loved, and I know he thinks of me often. I just wish it were on my terms versus someone else's.

I have heard the many things no parent wants to hear, and I understand the deep loss that I would never wish upon another. Travin left me when he was only 9 weeks old, much to soon, (of course anything before me is to soon.) He has been gone so much longer than he was ever here and at times it feels like a bad dream. Did this really happen to me? I hardly ever share my thought or feeling for him becasue many either do not know what to say, or do not understand. I just needed to vent, to write it down, to make it real for no one else but me.

I miss you my baby, Happy Birthday Travin, I love you today, tomorrow and always.
love
mommy