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Old 11-20-2009, 11:43 AM   #1
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Default Please please pray for Missy :(

My life has turned upside down since last night. I was in the kitchen cooking for the furbutts a new batch of food, when I noticed that Missy, my 13yo shih tzu was lying in the middle of the living room, breathing very heavily, in a huge pool of her own urine! That's the last time I remember my world the way it used to be....

It was around 11pm. I threw a coat on top of my pj's and rushed her to the nearest emergency clinic. By the time i got there her gums were all white, she had very low heart beat, she was panting even heavier, and I was told she could be going into shock. They told me that they need to keep her overnight to stabilize her, and do some tests to find out what it is that's doing this to her! Gave me her collar and sweater and told me to pay a deposit of $3000 and go home! Well, I paid the deposit but didn't go home until they told me that she is in ICU, a bit stablized, and they are doing tests on her and they will call me as soon as they know anytihng. I would have stayed there all night, but I was worried sick for Sushi and Mr.Big that were all alone at home. So I went back home.

About an hour later they emerg vet called me. He told me that so far they have done some preliminary tests and they can tell it's the heart that's failing, and her lungs are filled with fluids, and basically she is drowning. she was diagnosed with an early stage heart murmur a few months ago but the vet had decided to just monitor ir for now. She is also in early stages of kidney failure.

The emerg vet told me that they have to give her this medication to control the situation. It is going to be hard on her kidneys, but if thay don't she won't make it through the night. I gave them the go ahead. then they had to ask me the most difficult question of all: If she stops breathing, should we resuccitate her or should we let her go?!!.... I don't know how much you guys can relate to being in that position, but it felt like they were ripping my heart out of my chest. I asked the vet what he would do if it was his own dog. He told me it would be the humane thing to let her go if it gets to that point. Because she would immensely suffer if they get on her and try and bring her back, and even if they manage to do that (which would be very unlikely that she would in fact come back), that might give her another few weeks of misery. Not a good quality life that you would want for your loved one. So I told him if he thinks that's the right thing to do, then let her go in peace.

Please please don't judge me for having said that. At that point all I could think of was making sure she doesn't suffer. Oh god, please forgive me if I made a mistake.

The vet told me that he's not too certain that she will make it through the night. But he will call me if anytihng happens. He told me to be "prepared".All night I was sitting in bed with Sushi and Biggie, holding her collar in my hand and begging begging begging god to give her strength, to bring her back home to me, to give me a bit more time with her, so I could hold her tighter and longer in my arms, to spoil her even more than before, and to make her chicken which she goes absolutely crazy over.

I got a call early this morning that she made it. She is far from being perfect, still in ICU, still very dependant on the oxygen tent, but at least she's alert. They even told me she is being very affectionate and super cute, and making the staff melf for her.

A cardiolgist is seeing her this afternoon.(another $1000, yikes!). And then she will decide if it's ok for me to see her, or if the excitement would put too much strain on her weak little heart. It's up to the cardiologist to decide if and when she can come home. But they said maybe tomorrow afternoon, if that.

All I can do right now is sit her at work, with my cellphone right in front of me, and pretend that I'm actually getting some work done. Everytime the phone rings i almost wanna faint.

Since I came home last night without missy, Sushi has been a total pain. She's very jittery and irritable. She comes and curls herself up on my lap, stares at me and gives out these little whimpers every now and then. i'm sure she is picking up on something, she's very sensitive.

I apologize for the super lengthy post, I just had to get it off my chest. I can't sleep, i can't eat, and surprisingly I can't even cry. I constantly feel this lump in my throat that just doesn't wanna come out. I know she is not going to be with me forever, but all I can ask for is just a little more time.
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Old 11-20-2009, 11:51 AM   #2
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I'm so sorry your baby is so sick. I was in a very similar situation years ago when my cocker spaniel of 11 years developed congestive heart failure. I still remember agonizing over my decisions and praying for guidance. I absolutely believe you're making the best decision possible for Missy. You would not want her to suffer even for a minute if you could prevent it. I know how hard this time is for you. Follow your heart and your faith - they won't let you down. Sending big hugs to you and Missy.
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Old 11-20-2009, 11:53 AM   #3
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I am so sorry, I will keep her in my prayers. I had to make that decision with my pom in February. She was 12 and had Cushing's Disease and liver and heart disease. SHe did well for quite awhile on the heart medicine after her initial episode and I so hope that is the case with Missy. In February me dtr called and said Maya was breathing really strange so I rushed home and ran her to my vet, they took her in and put her in an oxygen tent and gave her IV meds to take some fluids off her and told me to call in 1 1.2 hours. They called me and said she had stopped breathing and restarted her heart on her own and that I should come back if I wanted to see her. It was the hardest thing I had to do to tell them if she stopped again before I got there to let her go. When I got there she had stopped again and my vet was in the back with her and they had me come in there and she was on a surgical table with a oxygen cone on her face and she was trying to come back again, her eyes were non responsive so I held her for awhile and then we let her go peacefully. So I think it is good that Missy has responded to treatment and if they can stabilize her there are so many treatments for the heart that can give them added time. My heart goes out to you and please keep us posted.
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Old 11-20-2009, 11:55 AM   #4
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I will keep her in my thoughts and prayers ((hugs))
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Old 11-20-2009, 11:55 AM   #5
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I am so sorry Missy is so sick. Personally I agree with the doctor when
he said he would choose not to ressesitate. I would have made the same decision.
If it's God's will to want Missy by his side then that's what it should be.
I know how hard this is for you. I had to put two beloved pet's down
myself and it was the hardest thing I have ever done.
I am glad she seems to be alittle bit better today. The last thing we
all want to see is our baby's suffering so keep that in mind when the
time comes that she is no longer suffering. I feel so bad for your
other dogs who seem to be feeling her absence at this time. They moarn
just like we do. At least we understand what is going on they don't.
You really have your hands full. Take one hour at a time.
If she can have some quality at life then I hope she comes home if not
remember she is no longer suffering and free of pain.
Get well Missy,


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Old 11-20-2009, 11:58 AM   #6
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The cardiologist has seen her now. They feel that she needs to stay another 2-3 days in the hospital cuz her lungs are not functioning properly on their own. They told me if she makes it out of the hospital this time, she will have another 4-5 months tops, and that's a GEBEROUS estimate.
So basically they just handed me a death sentence for my princess, my pride and joy.... oh god, pleaseplease let it be just a bad bad dream!!!
i'm just struggling for fords right now. My brain is numb. Can't say much.
The only thing I can think of and hope for is a second opinion, by my own vet that I have respected and trusted for years and years. I'm going to see missy in the hospital right after work (they said it's ok to see her now) and then srtaight to my vet.
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Old 11-20-2009, 12:23 PM   #7
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Keeping you all in my prayers!!!
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Old 11-20-2009, 12:25 PM   #8
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Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
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Old 11-20-2009, 12:27 PM   #9
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I am so sorry to hear about Missy. I agree with your doctor about not resusitating her if she stops breathing. That is the hardest thing and most loving thing to do. Knowing she might have a tough time if you do otherwise. Losing a pup is very tramatic and you feel the loss for quite awhile. But she won't be suffering anymore. Good luck with everything and we are sending hugs and prayers your way.

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Old 11-20-2009, 12:40 PM   #10
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I am so very sorry that you are going thru this. I will be keeping you and Missy in my thoughts and prayers. It is one of the most hardest decisions to make to say goodbye. It is also one of the most selfless acts of love we can show. I had to make this decision 2x for each of my 12 and 13 year cats. Hugs to you and Missy.
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Old 11-20-2009, 12:44 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sushidoodidoo View Post
The cardiologist has seen her now. They feel that she needs to stay another 2-3 days in the hospital cuz her lungs are not functioning properly on their own. They told me if she makes it out of the hospital this time, she will have another 4-5 months tops, and that's a GEBEROUS estimate.
So basically they just handed me a death sentence for my princess, my pride and joy.... oh god, pleaseplease let it be just a bad bad dream!!!
i'm just struggling for fords right now. My brain is numb. Can't say much.
The only thing I can think of and hope for is a second opinion, by my own vet that I have respected and trusted for years and years. I'm going to see missy in the hospital right after work (they said it's ok to see her now) and then srtaight to my vet.
Keep us updated...I feel for you. I dread the day that I have to be in your shoes.
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Old 11-20-2009, 12:45 PM   #12
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I am so sorry to hear that your baby is having such a hard time. My little baby is not out of the woods yet so I am going through some of the same things that you are right now. My little girl might have a bad defect and need very expensive surgery. I will do what I have to to get her that surgery.

Just pray.. thats what i have been doing. lots of praying.

i will keep you in mine tonight..
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Old 11-20-2009, 06:17 PM   #13
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Hi you wonderful YT'ers.

I just got home from the emergency clinic and logged in. It is sooooo hearwarming to read your posts and feel your warm hugs and prayes. I live on my own, with my furbabies, in a city faaaaar away from my family. Even my boyfreind lives in another city (he's on a flight over as we speak). You guys have no idea how much it means to me to have you with me on this. Seriously, I cannot believe the amount of support i'm getting. I'm so glad I posted this thread and decided to share this with a bunch of poeple that I haven't even met. Believe me, I'm not the "sharing" type. I'm the "superwoman" that is supposedly "strong" enough to deal with everything on her own with no help. Bit believe me, this is crushing me to pieces and I'm soooo glad I changed my ways at least this once. I will be forever grateful to you guys for being there for me. Maybe Ishoud just revisit my ways altogether. Maybe I need to reach out more.

For all of you guys, please go and hug every single one of your furbabies right now, and squeeze them and tell them how much you love them, and how much they have enriched your lives in so many levels. I did just that tonight when I had Missy in my arms.

Ok, and here's the update: went to the hospital. They put me in a room with her, told me that the vet will be back in 15 minutes to discuss. I held Missy so tight, and baby talked in her ears, told her how much I love her, and how much of a good girl she is. She wassuch an angel, but she looked soooo weak and dazed out it broke my heart :'( Then the vet came in. She basically explained my options: 1. Putting her to sleep right now. 2. Putting her on this medicated IV for the next three days to try and drain the lungs as much as possible and then send her home on Monday. She told me that will cost me another few thousand, and it still doesn't mean that she will make it. She told me that I should expect a "call" any minute, because this treatment is going to help the lungs, but will be VERY hard on the kidneys. and with her pre-existing kidney failure, chances are.....

I told her that I have to give Missy another chance. I just HAVE to. I know money will come back one way or another but nothing can ever bring Missy back to me. BUT, I told her that if at any time it gets to the point that she gives up, then I'm still firm on my DNR decision. (I'm still praying to god to forgive me if that's not the right decision, but I just can't see my baby suffer, she is the best dog that can ever be,and she deseves the best).

I left her there and they started the treatment. This may very well be the last time I ever saw her alert (the vet was not so sure that her little kidneys will endure) and leaving that room was the hardest thing I have ever done, but she had to go back to her little oxygen tent. They told me that she is everyone's fave in the ICU section, she is just soooo sweet, and soooo eager to please everyone that goes over to say hi. Oh my little baby princess, you are the best! NO other dog will ever be like you...EVER!

Words cannot describe how hearbroken I am right now. I just want her to pull throuh this sooooooooooooooo bad. I want to bring her home on Monday after the three day treatment is over. I want her to be home with her mommy and sibblings and her favorite bed when the "unmentionable" happens. And I want her to go in peace, with a smile on her face, while I whisper in her ears that I love her more that she will ever know!

Ok, better go feed Biggie and Sushi. Then I will take a shower, and as soon as my bf gets in, we're going back to the clinic. I CANNOT stand staying at home knowing my baby is there.
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Old 11-20-2009, 06:26 PM   #14
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I'm sitting here crying while reading your latest update. Misty, my yorkie, is on my lap and as soon as a tear hit her, she was up in my face licking away the tears. I know how hard it is to make the decision for DNR but it is the best for Missy. If God wants her, then she should go. I know when my male cocker spaniel developed cancer, he let me know when it was time to go and that was a tough thing to do. But I do know both Mork and my Max are up at the Rainbow Bridge running around and having a blast. I do know that I will see them again someday.

We send hugs and prayers to you and Missy.

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Old 11-20-2009, 06:37 PM   #15
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Words cannot say how sorry I am to hear that you and your furkid Missy are going through this my heart aches for you.
Harley and I are sending big hugs your way and lots of prayers
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