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02-20-2012, 09:30 PM | #1 |
I♥ my girls Luma+Rosie Donating Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: Aggieland, TX
Posts: 3,359
| Pledging to make a change in myself. Starting now. Rant ahead. Please don't bash me for "trying to get attention". I promise this is mostly therapeutical for myself to get this all out. I just turned 20 two days ago. I'm 5'4, and I weigh probably 210 pounds. In high school I started out around 150, was on the dance team, was in musicals, competitive show choir, and danced at a studio. Most importantly, I was a vegan. I did not eat a BITE of ANY animal product from 2006-2010. After graduation I left home and went to college out of town. I began eating meat and dairy again. I didn't have any exercise at all. Freshman 15 became freshman 50. I was really sick my freshman year of college and failed out of the university. I was very depressed in general. I came back home, and my parents were so unsupportive. They rubbed it in my face that I failed at school. My father became physically abusive with me. I moved out, then I spent this past summer vacationing with my boyfriend. Ate what I pleased. I took my life into my own hands. I moved to Texas, I am now living in an apartment with my boyfriend and 4 other roommates, all of which are very fit and active and have pretty girls over all the time who are healthy and gorgeous. My self-esteem has flatlined. I've felt so miserable about myself I didn't even realize it until I just had a breakdown. My body is different and I'm just now seeing how bad it is. My FACE looks different. That's what got me the most. So I want to make a change...in the past I was horrible about dieting. Never stuck to it. I'm going to firstly make use of the free gym this apartment has, secondly I will join a Zumba class as that will hopefully reignite the spark in my heart for dance. I'll never be the girl jogging for 5 miles through the park, but I need to improve my health, especially because I'm bringing a new puppy into my life and I want to give her the best life possible, and that isn't gonna happen sitting around on the couch. My friend died last night at age 18, and it has been so hard on me and I want to LIVE for her, I want to live every day to it's fullest. I can't keep wasting my life away... If you've stuck with me this far, please leave ANY words of encouragement you have for me. Any advice. I need it. I want to hold myself to this promise. I'll be updating with progress either on this thread or maybe on the blog feature of YT.
__________________ Carmen, mama to Luma & my little angel in Heaven, Rosie. |
Welcome Guest! | |
02-20-2012, 09:43 PM | #2 |
Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: USA
Posts: 954
| I am not exactly sure what to say except that - I wanted to reach out to you. To tell you that you are not alone. That I have been "there" in different ways. That life does get better. That the things that feel like the end of the world right now, won't feel that way down the road, so please remember this. That the journey of life can be difficult. That you CAN change your weight and your self esteem. That you shouldn't be too hard on yourself. That you should embrace wanting something different. That you shouldn't compare yourself to others and you should do what's right for you. That there are other people to reach out to. That you can PM me if you ever need to chat, online or on the phone. That I'm happy you are chosing to honor life and I'm sorry for the loss of your friend, and the support of your family. n. |
02-20-2012, 09:45 PM | #3 |
I♥ my girls Luma+Rosie Donating Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: Aggieland, TX
Posts: 3,359
| I would really like to delete this post, is that possible? I decided to put it in a blog instead so it's more for me. But thank you for your support.
__________________ Carmen, mama to Luma & my little angel in Heaven, Rosie. |
02-20-2012, 10:54 PM | #4 |
I♥PeekTinkySaph&Finny Donating Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 18,866
| So sorry about the passing of your friend.... very sad... Wishing you much luck with your new goals, although you should just do it for yourself... doing it for your new Yorkie is fine by me.... Hugs...
__________________ Kat Chloe Lizzy PeekABooTinkerbell SapphireInfinity |
02-20-2012, 11:06 PM | #5 |
Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Southern California
Posts: 1,233
| I think the only way to have a post deleted is to contact the administration. You are not alone is your desire to change. And you can do this. Do it for yourself. That is an ok goal too. So sorry about your friend. I too lost one of my best friends this year. Best wishes to you.
__________________ Lynn and Copper |
02-20-2012, 11:12 PM | #6 |
YT Addict Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Florida
Posts: 316
| Sorry for the loss of your friend. I think it is wonderful that you want to get healthy and wish you much success. I hear Zumba is lots of fun. |
02-21-2012, 04:04 AM | #7 |
Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: Central Ohio
Posts: 76
| Believe in yourself!!!! Picture how you'll look and more importantly how you'll feel! You'll get there!!! Take one day at a time...... good luck!! |
02-21-2012, 04:38 AM | #8 |
YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Winnipeg, MB, Canada
Posts: 1,795
| I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. Moving on your own without the support of family is incredibly difficult, I wish you success in your goals. This place is great for support and encouragement, if you ever want a friend to chat to, feel free to PM me. Sometimes you just need an unbiased friend who can listen.
__________________ Kendra Harley, you were the light in my life, rest peacefully my love! |
02-21-2012, 04:42 AM | #9 |
Ultimate Banner! Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: US
Posts: 6,122
| I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. (((hug))) As for the rest...I just want to say "You can do it!!!!" I too struggle with the same thing and the same feelings. It is a true battle. I think getting into the dance exercise is a great idea for you. Good luck!! You can request that this thread be closed if you'd like. Just hit the "report" triangle and say you want it closed. I don't think they can delete it, but you can ask.
__________________ Bitsy loves Sophia and Peyton |
02-21-2012, 05:20 AM | #10 |
Donating YT 18K Club Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Yorkie Zoo
Posts: 34,152
| Good luck on your journey..... I hope you keep this thread open so others who frequent this forum who could stand to drop a bit of weight () could all support each other in making better food and fitness choices!
__________________ Lisa, Mom to Curri Bee Vindi Loo Tikka Masala Sugar Baby |
02-21-2012, 08:53 AM | #11 |
Our Blessings R Many Donating Member | Hi Carmeow, First I want to say we are happy to see you have joined YT and know you are going to love being a member here. I am so sorry about your friend. The hardest part in this ole life is when loosing a loved one. I try to reinforce in my mind now that we are up in age and so many we have known are being called back to the Lord, the only consulation is that we belong to HIM first and we each are a gift in this life time to one another. God is so wonderful in giving us those that are brought into our lives, I do believe HE has had HIS HAND in the many friendships in our life time. Prayers for your heart to feel HIS LOVE surrounding you and also your friends Family. This is not only a wonderful site for the joy of sharing about our furloves but also it is to be for one another. It is nice to have the many forums that YT offers enabling us all to do this. I read your profile and see you play piano, along with many wonderful interests. Please know you are Beautiful, believe in yourself and any goal you set you will accomplish. It is what is in our hearts that count. God will help you loose the pounds you so desire and from what I hear that Zumba class is a lot of fun. I would love to take a class of that but time don't allow me to do so, I think you will really enjoy it. Please know there is so many wonderful folks here, many here that lift us up in kindness and prayers so we can get through those tough times that come our way. You mentioned you had your 20th Birthday a couple days ago, remember how special your Birthday is, God chose you to be here and HE LOVES YOU. Hugs from us both, Patti and Jack |
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