Later in life children...what's your opinion?

[KELLYLYNN]

I was 36 when i was pregnant and just turned 37 when i had Micah, he is now 7 months old, and a handful, i love him to death, God sent me an angel... he's perfect, but i wish i did this in my 20's not 30's....

[Tammyh]

Originally Posted by tjdmom

IMO there are a lot of people saying it's selfish and in a way, I agree. Although noone really knows how long they will live, you could die when you're 20 so I have mixed feelings about that subject. And besides, is it any less selfish to bring kids into this world without a father or to have families falling apart as easily as they do nowadays? How is that any different? How many people are against Nick Nolte having a baby but have no problem with artificial insemination or having kids with different fathers out of wedlock? Really, I have mixed feelings about it all but don't see how one could have a problem with Nick Nolte being so old but not with artificial insemination or divorce or unwed mothers etc. ? Just my two cents.

You've made an excellent point. How many people on this site spoke of artificial insemination and everyone thinks that's just great, "you go girl". So I guess it's empowering for a single woman to adopt or decide to get pregnant artificially becuase she's an "independant strong woman". So she can raise her child with no father at all. That's MUCH more selfish to bring a child into the world with no father figure at all then to bring a child into the world thinking that POSSIBLY the child might lose their father when they're a teenager or young adult and who knows, just maybe he'll live to be close to 100 which would put the child in his 30's. At least the child had the benefit of having a father. I think it's very important for children to be brought up with both a mother and a father. Don't get me wrong, if a single woman decides to have a child on her own, it's none of my business. I just don't like the hypocracy.

[Mardelin]

What it all boils down to is that each person has to make their own decision. In the case of Mr Nolte and his family situation, well we really don't know, what has promted the decision to have his family late in life.

I myself was a product of an unwed mother...talk about a stigma in the forties.....But, I lacked nothing in life.......as for being well adjusted, well most that know me think I'm rather a nut case.......

So, though we may be entitled to our opinions, we don't pay their bills.

[chachi]

I think that is too old. My Husband and I had our Daughter at 35 and now we are going on 43 and worry about being older and raising her. There is a 16 yr age gap between our oldest to youngest child

[celstu1]

I hope its ok to have them later in life bc at my rate of getting married and having them it won't be til Im 40something! Im going to be 31 next month and not a prospect in sight... and personally I feel WAY too young right now to have kids... so it will be later in life for me! I think if you have a means of supporting them and you WANT them then any age is fine at have kids. Although I don't think its necessarily a GREAT thing to have them if you are older and have health problems that may cut your life expectancy down by years & years.

[celstu1]

Originally Posted by drawlins27

Same here, I'm 32 and I haven't gotten married yet because I haven't met "the one" and I don't want to settle just for the sake of getting married. But I do want children and I know that I can't wait forever. I've considered artificial insemination as well and even talked to my doctor about it and taken the required medical tests. I've decided to give it a few more years but its definitely an option for me. Nice to know I'm not alone!

Me and at least one other of my girlfriends are with you both!!!

[drawlins27]

Originally Posted by Tammyh

You've made an excellent point. How many people on this site spoke of artificial insemination and everyone thinks that's just great, "you go girl". So I guess it's empowering for a single woman to adopt or decide to get pregnant artificially becuase she's an "independant strong woman". So she can raise her child with no father at all. That's MUCH more selfish to bring a child into the world with no father figure at all then to bring a child into the world thinking that POSSIBLY the child might lose their father when they're a teenager or young adult and who knows, just maybe he'll live to be close to 100 which would put the child in his 30's. At least the child had the benefit of having a father. I think it's very important for children to be brought up with both a mother and a father. Don't get me wrong, if a single woman decides to have a child on her own, it's none of my business. I just don't like the hypocracy.

But you have children already so its easy for you to have this opinion. I could get married tomorrow if I wanted to. Would it be okay to have a child then?

I don't see the hypocrisy. You're assuming that a single woman who has a child through artificial insemination will never get married thus leaving the child without a father figure. The vast majority of women who choose this method do hope to get married one day but don't want to live a life of regret.

This is a good article about how many single women are now going this route:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8284173/

[Tammyh]

Originally Posted by drawlins27

But you have children already so its easy for you to have this opinion. I could get married tomorrow if I wanted to. Would it be okay to have a child then?

I don't see the hypocrisy. You're assuming that a single woman who has a child through artificial insemination will never get married thus leaving the child without a father figure. The vast majority of women who choose this method do hope to get married one day but don't want to live a life of regret.

This is a good article about how many single women are now going this route:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8284173/

First of all I would never suggest getting married to someone you don't love just to have a child, big mistake!

Also, who's to say the younger mother who had the child with the older man will not remarry? What's the difference? Actually, at 66 years of age there's a good chance the father will be around for 20 years which would cover the child rearing years. I'm heading to Santa Barbara in 2 weeks for my Grandpas 90th Birthday, go Grandpa!
I don't see why me having children already has anything to do with it. If a single woman is ready to have a child and uses adoption or artificial insemination to do so then great, I don't have a problem with that. In addition if a woman chooses to have a child with an older man who may or may not be there for the child rearing years, I don't have a problem with that either. Why is ok for one but not the other? That's what I have a problem with. You're not likely to see a 66 year old woman choosing to have a baby, she probably can't physically and I doubt that an adoption agency would allow her to adopt. So the scenario we're all talking about is an older man/younger woman. Why is it OK for a single woman to have a child but not a married woman with an older husband? Both could potentially leave the child without a father, one could get married, the other could remarry.
That's the hypocracy.

[Bizzymammabee]

Originally Posted by Tammyh

First of all I would never suggest getting married to someone you don't love just to have a child, big mistake!

Also, who's to say the younger mother who had the child with the older man will not remarry? What's the difference? Actually, at 66 years of age there's a good chance the father will be around for 20 years which would cover the child rearing years. I'm heading to Santa Barbara in 2 weeks for my Grandpas 90th Birthday, go Grandpa!
I don't see why me having children already has anything to do with it. If a single woman is ready to have a child and uses adoption or artificial insemination to do so then great, I don't have a problem with that. In addition if a woman chooses to have a child with an older man who may or may not be there for the child rearing years, I don't have a problem with that either. Why is ok for one but not the other? That's what I have a problem with. You're not likely to see a 66 year old woman choosing to have a baby, she probably can't physically and I doubt that an adoption agency would allow her to adopt. So the scenario we're all talking about is an older man/younger woman. Why is it OK for a single woman to have a child but not a married woman with an older husband? Both could potentially leave the child without a father, one could get married, the other could remarry.
That's the hypocracy.

There was recently a woman that is 67 that gave birth to a chid as well...I found that to be damn selfish too. Two years ago there was a 55 year old that had a baby as well. She lied about her age and went to another country to have Invitro done so she could have her baby. I don't care if your a man or a woman. I think once you enter into the realm of being in your late 40's and onwards it's not only risky health wise but it's selfish.

Any and every situation can leave a child without a parent but to have children when you are so much older puts you one step closer to that inevitability.


For all of you on here that have children...honestly you know what the challenge has been energy wise as you have gotten older and had more children. I know I totally felt a difference in my energy level as I got older and had my other children. I don't care how young you feel your body has it's time line and it deteroriates as we get older.

[crystalsmom]

I might add to the last post that the patience I needed when my children were young would not be there as you grow older.

This is MHO that if a woman puts aside having a child to further her career and she has one naturally or infetro later , once that child is here it should come first in every way shape and form over career or she should not have that child.

[Tammyh]

Originally Posted by Bizzymammabee

There was recently a woman that is 67 that gave birth to a chid as well...I found that to be damn selfish too. Two years ago there was a 55 year old that had a baby as well. She lied about her age and went to another country to have Invitro done so she could have her baby. I don't care if your a man or a woman. I think once you enter into the realm of being in your late 40's and onwards it's not only risky health wise but it's selfish.

Any and every situation can leave a child without a parent but to have children when you are so much older puts you one step closer to that inevitability.


For all of you on here that have children...honestly you know what the challenge has been energy wise as you have gotten older and had more children. I know I totally felt a difference in my energy level as I got older and had my other children. I don't care how young you feel your body has it's time line and it deteroriates as we get older.

Are you still saying that if the husband of the 30 year old is over 50 she shouldn't be able to have a child? Again, it's OK for a single 30 year old to have a child but not a married 30 year old if her spouse is over a certain age? I'm not clear on your position with this scenario.

If both parents are older and there is a good chance the child will be left without ANY parents at all, I would agree that it would be selfish. But you have to admit, this scenario would be fairly rare. You mentioned 2 women above, did the 67 year old plan the pregnancy or was it a big "Holly Crap!"? I can't even imagine wanting a child at this age! As far as the woman who deceived, yes that was selfish and definitely risky for both her and the baby. I will agree with you that when it comes to a woman giving birth, after a certain age with the risks to the baby and to the mother, she's taking a risk which I would consider selfish.

[crystalsmom]

Originally Posted by crystalsmom

I might add to the last post that the patience I needed when my children were young would not be there as you grow older.

This is MHO that if a woman puts aside having a child to further her career and she has one naturally or' in vitro' later , once that child is here it should come first in every way shape and form over career or she should not have that child.

had to correct my typo so you would know what I was talking about.

[tjdmom]

Not sure I agree with the thought that you are less able to care for a child as you get older. I think it depends on each individual. I had my 1st at 29 and my second at 38 and I think I have a lot more patience and value the little things in life so much more as I get older. I think I would've been a much worse parent if I had had kids when I was 18. Actually, I raised my younger siblings when my mom died at age 37 (see, we never do know) and I regret many mistakes I made way back then. Understandably maybe but I wish I could've know then what I know now and it would've made for a much better life for my sisters and brother.

Again, everyone is different and I guess we all need to make our own decisions....

[crystalsmom]

Gosh, don't we all wish"If we only knew then what we know now"

I had my first at 23, second at 24, third at 26. and 4th at 28. I could never have started at 18, it would have been a kid raising kids. My hubby and I love children and we wanted to have a large family but we stopped at four.

[SladesMommy]

That would make you 50 with a 10 year old, it's just not right. I don't care how "young" you feel.

I can tell you from people I know who have older parents that it's embarassing to have a mom or dad who people will think is your grandparent. It's also hard to have an older mom or dad who doesn't have the energy to play with you or relate to what's happening in this day and age.

I also believe it's just plain cruel to have a baby if you're going to be close to 70's or later when he/she is in college. Heck, you'll be lucky to be alive when they finish high school if you have any kind of health problems in your family. It's extremely selfish to wait till later in life to have your kids. My children(12 and 10) worry about me dying and I'm in my 30's...could you imagine how they'd feel if I was closer to 60???

I'm 23 and my mom is 68. Not once was I ever embarrassed by people who thought she was my gradma. In fact most people now think she is at least 10 yrs younger than she really was.

My mom ALWAYS had the energy to play with me. ANd more importantly I think she had tons more patience than most young parents do. Because she was older she wasn't "work, work, work" constantly like many young parents are. We always lived a slow, unrushed, easy going life. Mom was old enough to know that one mistake or slipup wasnt' the end of the world. She had the wisdom that comes with age.

Of course i do worry about her passing before I have my own kids, but never, ever, ever would I wish I had a different mom or that things would have been different.