Hubby doesn't want me to go to church - YorkieTalk.com Forums

pepe mint · 10-07-2007, 06:14 AM

when i first met my husband, i had been attending this church for 3 years and LOVED it. he was never big on going to church, but he went with me every sunday for a year. well, when his best friend and him parted ways (he also went to that church...that is how i met hubby) he decided he didn't want to go to that church anymore. this is the church where we got married. well, the pastor called him and tried to tell him that he was sorry about what happened between him and his friend, yadda yadda...and then he said "i'll call you some time and we can get together for lunch or coffee or something." well...that call never came. so hubby thinks the pastor is a liar. well, we quit going to that church. it has been almost a year now since we quit going. my best friend, who has always gone to this church with me, also quit because of this. well, she approached me this past week and asked if i would like to go to church. and we decided we would re-visit the church we loved so much for so long. well, i told hubby about this and he is NOT happy. of course, he is not going with me, but he also will not talk to me this morning because he is so upset that i am going to a church where the pastor "lied" to him. i think he is blowing it a bit out of proportion. I can understand him not wanting to go because he doesn't want to see his ex-best friend, but we are going to a different service. Jason goes to the first service, and we are going to the second. and you know what...i can understand Jim not wanting to go at all. I really can. it's his choice, i would never force anyone to go to any church. i have not said a word to him about not wanting to go. but I want to go. this is the church where i found myself. where i learned to love myself, as well as others. this is the church that helped me through SOOOOOOOOOOO much in my life, including my grandmothers death and a miscarriage...among so many other things. this is my home church. i miss it. i really do. and i need it. i have noticed how much i have changed since i quit going. i hate myself. i don't know how to love anymore. and i just have completely slipped away from my spirituality. I never wanted to do that. but I did.

but he will not talk to me this morning. he is really that upset. i have tried to talk to him about it, but he won't budge.

i just don't know what to do. but I am now going into the bathroom to fix my hair, and then leaving to meet my best friend at church. and I will enjoy it. that is one thing I will NOT let him take from me!!!

MeganS · 10-07-2007, 06:21 AM

I am so sorry that you are going through this. You enjoy yourself today and DON'T let hubby get in the way of that. He does have a right to be upset and not want to go - however YOU have a right to go. Eventually, hubby WILL get over you going to church. Tell him it's your decision to go, just like it's his not to.

Yorkiekids · 10-07-2007, 06:26 AM

I would go to church too if I were you. He'll get over it, and maybe in time if he see's you going he'll change his mind. You might want to talk to the Pastor about why he's not going. I'm sure he has a lot of parishoners, and maybe it just slipped his mind. Maybe the Pastor will come to see him to amend the way he feels, however I wouldn't let anyone keep me from doing something that's so personal and important to me.

pepe mint · 10-07-2007, 06:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yorkiekids

I would go to church too if I were you. He'll get over it, and maybe in time if he see's you going he'll change his mind. You might want to talk to the Pastor about why he's not going. I'm sure he has a lot of parishoners, and maybe it just slipped his mind. Maybe the Pastor will come to see him to amend the way he feels, however I wouldn't let anyone keep me from doing something that's so personal and important to me.

I am planning on talking to the pastor about this. I want to tell him why we were gone for so long. and why my husband refuses to be a part of the church where we were married. I always loved this pastor. but I will admit, I think that money has gotten the best of him and clouded his judgement (LOOOONG story) I do want to talk to him about it all. He needs to know what is going on. And yes, it will be up to him to make things right. I will not suggest it, I will just leave it up to him.

grayxie · 10-07-2007, 06:47 AM

Just go and check it out, if you don't it will be bugging you forever.

nvnvgirl · 10-07-2007, 07:47 AM

Mandee~ I think you should go too, and feel good about it. I can relate to not feeling good about yourself b/c you've somehow lost something that made you feel good about yourself and made you want to be a better person. We all lose our way sometimes and I think that whatever it is that helps you be better, is something you should search out and hang onto when you've found it. I think if you talk to the pastor (and I'm hoping he'll see that he SHOULD def. make the first move toward your dh to make amends), and just give it some time, your dh will lighten up. Right now, he's holding a grudge, and that's not good. You should tell him what the church means to you and how it makes you feel (sometime when he's not so angry over this whole thing), and hopefully, he'll see that even if he chooses not to go back even after the pastor contacts him, at least he won't be taking it out on you and not wanting you to go. I feel for you, sweetie; right now, I suppose he's feeling as if you're choosing "them" over him b/c they offended him and feels like you should be supporting him in his boycott. It's always good to reach out and try to come to a good understanding...sometimes it doesn't work, but it's always worth a try! Good luck.

drawlins27 · 10-07-2007, 09:47 AM

I'm wondering if your wanting to go to this church is really the issue? Would he be this angry about any church or just this particular one? Or could he be angry that you are defying him by going against his wishes? I think that something else is going on to make him so angry that he will not talk to you. Its obvious that you're a happier person going to church and its just not fair to you for him to ask that you stop. Talking to your pastor is a great idea. I hope the two of you are able to work things out.

SevenGirl · 10-07-2007, 09:56 AM

Mandee,
I am glad you are going to church today. I know exactly how you feel about loving your church and how you feel better being there. I do too! I hope you can talk to your pastor and he and your husband can get things straightened out. Sounds like you are walking a fine line trying to keep your husband happy and keep yourself happy. Hopefully you will be able to keep going to church and will continue to feel good about yourself!

Keep us posted.

jp4m2 · 10-07-2007, 10:15 AM

I'm glad your going to church if it means so much to you...if you don't you will fell anger and resentment towards your husband for taking this away from you...

It sounds like your husband feels in some way your betraying him by going....in time you probably will find out the real reason he doesn't want to go, could be unpleasant memories because of the friend and now the pastor...try and not make an issue out of it with him for now....just go and tell him your sorry he feels that way about the church but he is welcome to join you when ever he wants to.....

Buddy-licious · 10-07-2007, 10:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pepe mint

i just don't know what to do. but I am now going into the bathroom to fix my hair, and then leaving to meet my best friend at church. and I will enjoy it. that is one thing I will NOT let him take from me!!!

Let me just say that I do not feel you are wrong in this situation!!!! If you were headed out to a bar or a strip club ....I could see your husband not approving BUT he does not want you to go to CHURCH?!!!!!!! That is very selfish of him!!!! You are not trying to make him go ....you just want to go!!!
I hope and pray that your husband realizes that he is not being fair to you.

I hope you enjoyed the church service this morning!!!!
I am very glad to hear that you stood your ground and went to church!!!!
Keep us posted!!!

pepe mint · 10-07-2007, 10:51 AM

Hi ladies. yes, i went and MANNNNNNNNNNN it was AWESOME! it was really exactly what i needed. and you know what?? hubby is ok!! he has a lot of resentment about that church....it took him many many years to step foot into a church. he finally did, went for a year, and felt he was burned by the pastor. i have visited other churches and he was not upset that i was going. just this one. but now that i am home, and told him how good it felt to go back in there, he has been ok. we have had a great afternoon so far, and even though i don't see him ever going with me, at least he is supporting my decision now.

i didn't realize how much i missed that place!!!

Buddy-licious · 10-07-2007, 11:36 AM

I am so glad you enjoyed it!!!!! I am also glad that your husband is now OK with your going!!! I bet before you know it your husband will be going with you!!!!

jp4m2 · 10-07-2007, 11:39 AM

That's wonderful that you went, give it time and don't pressure your husband, he may come around in his own time and he'll join you

.....

pepe mint · 10-07-2007, 12:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jp4m2

That's wonderful that you went, give it time and don't pressure your husband, he may come around in his own time and he'll join you

.....

oh, i would never pressure him to go. even when he used to go with me, i NEVER asked him to go...he just went on his own, even tho he hadn't gone to church since he was a kid. it's just not like me to pressure someone into going. i will go, and he knows he is welcome to join me any time

SevenGirl · 10-07-2007, 12:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pepe mint

Hi ladies. yes, i went and MANNNNNNNNNNN it was AWESOME! it was really exactly what i needed. and you know what?? hubby is ok!! he has a lot of resentment about that church....it took him many many years to step foot into a church. he finally did, went for a year, and felt he was burned by the pastor. i have visited other churches and he was not upset that i was going. just this one. but now that i am home, and told him how good it felt to go back in there, he has been ok. we have had a great afternoon so far, and even though i don't see him ever going with me, at least he is supporting my decision now.

i didn't realize how much i missed that place!!!

Glad you have a great time and I'm glad you and your husband have had a great afternoon together. I'm sure your friends from church were excited to see you back!

10-07-2007, 06:14 AM	#1
pepe mint YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Franklin, TN Posts: 11,145	Hubby doesn't want me to go to church when i first met my husband, i had been attending this church for 3 years and LOVED it. he was never big on going to church, but he went with me every sunday for a year. well, when his best friend and him parted ways (he also went to that church...that is how i met hubby) he decided he didn't want to go to that church anymore. this is the church where we got married. well, the pastor called him and tried to tell him that he was sorry about what happened between him and his friend, yadda yadda...and then he said "i'll call you some time and we can get together for lunch or coffee or something." well...that call never came. so hubby thinks the pastor is a liar. well, we quit going to that church. it has been almost a year now since we quit going. my best friend, who has always gone to this church with me, also quit because of this. well, she approached me this past week and asked if i would like to go to church. and we decided we would re-visit the church we loved so much for so long. well, i told hubby about this and he is NOT happy. of course, he is not going with me, but he also will not talk to me this morning because he is so upset that i am going to a church where the pastor "lied" to him. i think he is blowing it a bit out of proportion. I can understand him not wanting to go because he doesn't want to see his ex-best friend, but we are going to a different service. Jason goes to the first service, and we are going to the second. and you know what...i can understand Jim not wanting to go at all. I really can. it's his choice, i would never force anyone to go to any church. i have not said a word to him about not wanting to go. but I want to go. this is the church where i found myself. where i learned to love myself, as well as others. this is the church that helped me through SOOOOOOOOOOO much in my life, including my grandmothers death and a miscarriage...among so many other things. this is my home church. i miss it. i really do. and i need it. i have noticed how much i have changed since i quit going. i hate myself. i don't know how to love anymore. and i just have completely slipped away from my spirituality. I never wanted to do that. but I did. but he will not talk to me this morning. he is really that upset. i have tried to talk to him about it, but he won't budge. i just don't know what to do. but I am now going into the bathroom to fix my hair, and then leaving to meet my best friend at church. and I will enjoy it. that is one thing I will NOT let him take from me!!! __________________ Anyone who does not know what soap tastes like has never washed a dog

10-07-2007, 06:21 AM	#2
MeganS Donating YT 7000 Club Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: New Jersey Posts: 12,016 Blog Entries: 1	I am so sorry that you are going through this. You enjoy yourself today and DON'T let hubby get in the way of that. He does have a right to be upset and not want to go - however YOU have a right to go. Eventually, hubby WILL get over you going to church. Tell him it's your decision to go, just like it's his not to. __________________ Megan "I have my dreams, I have made plans." - The Pirate Queen All Gave Some; Some Gave All

10-07-2007, 06:26 AM	#3
Yorkiekids Piper & Sebastian Donating Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: florida Posts: 14,495	I would go to church too if I were you. He'll get over it, and maybe in time if he see's you going he'll change his mind. You might want to talk to the Pastor about why he's not going. I'm sure he has a lot of parishoners, and maybe it just slipped his mind. Maybe the Pastor will come to see him to amend the way he feels, however I wouldn't let anyone keep me from doing something that's so personal and important to me. __________________ Susan, Piper ,Harley & Suiki

10-07-2007, 07:47 AM	#6
nvnvgirl Lovin' to the MAX!! Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Yorkieville Posts: 2,774	Mandee~ I think you should go too, and feel good about it. I can relate to not feeling good about yourself b/c you've somehow lost something that made you feel good about yourself and made you want to be a better person. We all lose our way sometimes and I think that whatever it is that helps you be better, is something you should search out and hang onto when you've found it. I think if you talk to the pastor (and I'm hoping he'll see that he SHOULD def. make the first move toward your dh to make amends), and just give it some time, your dh will lighten up. Right now, he's holding a grudge, and that's not good. You should tell him what the church means to you and how it makes you feel (sometime when he's not so angry over this whole thing), and hopefully, he'll see that even if he chooses not to go back even after the pastor contacts him, at least he won't be taking it out on you and not wanting you to go. I feel for you, sweetie; right now, I suppose he's feeling as if you're choosing "them" over him b/c they offended him and feels like you should be supporting him in his boycott. It's always good to reach out and try to come to a good understanding...sometimes it doesn't work, but it's always worth a try! Good luck. __________________ Seana and Max and Madison too! Come visit me at: celebritydogwatcher.com

10-07-2007, 09:47 AM	#7
drawlins27 Mommy's Lil' Miracle Donating Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Mufreesboro, TN Posts: 1,028	I'm wondering if your wanting to go to this church is really the issue? Would he be this angry about any church or just this particular one? Or could he be angry that you are defying him by going against his wishes? I think that something else is going on to make him so angry that he will not talk to you. Its obvious that you're a happier person going to church and its just not fair to you for him to ask that you stop. Talking to your pastor is a great idea. I hope the two of you are able to work things out. __________________ I LOVE my little Furbutts!

10-07-2007, 06:47 AM	#5
grayxie Donating YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Dresher, PA Posts: 2,779	Just go and check it out, if you don't it will be bugging you forever.

10-07-2007, 09:56 AM	#8
SevenGirl Bella-My Georgia Girl Donating Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Duluth, Georgia Posts: 2,419	Mandee, I am glad you are going to church today. I know exactly how you feel about loving your church and how you feel better being there. I do too! I hope you can talk to your pastor and he and your husband can get things straightened out. Sounds like you are walking a fine line trying to keep your husband happy and keep yourself happy. Hopefully you will be able to keep going to church and will continue to feel good about yourself! Keep us posted. __________________ Elizabeth and Bella Official Members of the CRAZY Club and the PINK Club! Bella 's dressing up!

10-07-2007, 10:15 AM	#9
jp4m2 Love my Boys Donating Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: w/ my boys Posts: 5,056	I'm glad your going to church if it means so much to you...if you don't you will fell anger and resentment towards your husband for taking this away from you... It sounds like your husband feels in some way your betraying him by going....in time you probably will find out the real reason he doesn't want to go, could be unpleasant memories because of the friend and now the pastor...try and not make an issue out of it with him for now....just go and tell him your sorry he feels that way about the church but he is welcome to join you when ever he wants to..... __________________ B.J.mom to : Jake J.J. Jack & Joey, momma misses you..... The joy found in the companionship of a pet is a blessing not given to everyone. The two most powerful words when we’re in struggle: me too..

10-07-2007, 10:51 AM	#11
pepe mint YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Franklin, TN Posts: 11,145	Hi ladies. yes, i went and MANNNNNNNNNNN it was AWESOME! it was really exactly what i needed. and you know what?? hubby is ok!! he has a lot of resentment about that church....it took him many many years to step foot into a church. he finally did, went for a year, and felt he was burned by the pastor. i have visited other churches and he was not upset that i was going. just this one. but now that i am home, and told him how good it felt to go back in there, he has been ok. we have had a great afternoon so far, and even though i don't see him ever going with me, at least he is supporting my decision now. i didn't realize how much i missed that place!!! __________________ Anyone who does not know what soap tastes like has never washed a dog

10-07-2007, 11:36 AM	#12
Buddy-licious Donating YT Addict Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Charlotte,nc Posts: 1,976	I am so glad you enjoyed it!!!!! I am also glad that your husband is now OK with your going!!! I bet before you know it your husband will be going with you!!!! __________________ Rhonda, Buddy-licious and Sammie

10-07-2007, 11:39 AM	#13
jp4m2 Love my Boys Donating Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: w/ my boys Posts: 5,056	That's wonderful that you went, give it time and don't pressure your husband, he may come around in his own time and he'll join you ..... __________________ B.J.mom to : Jake J.J. Jack & Joey, momma misses you..... The joy found in the companionship of a pet is a blessing not given to everyone. The two most powerful words when we’re in struggle: me too..